By  Tfie  Author  of  Tfie 
J)iaryofMy  Honeymoon 


HOLIES  BOOK  CO, 


333S, 


-:• 


THE  INDISCRETION 
OF  LADY  USHER 


BY  THE  SAME  AUTHOR 


THE 
DIARY  OF  MY   HONEYMOON 

$1.20  net.     Postage,  10  cents 

"  The  book  is  powerful,  sensational  and 
appalling." 

—  Chicago  Tribune. 

A  woman  of  mind  and  heart  who  sets  out 
to  unburden  her  soul  upon  intimate  things 
is  bound  to  touch  upon  happenings,  and  to 
describe  emotions,  which  are  seldom  the 
subject  of  writing  at  all ;  but  whatever  may 
be  said  of  the  views  and  opinions  of  the 
anonymous  author  (a  famous  English- 
woman well  known  in  America),  the  Diary 
is  a  work  of  intense  and  throbbing  human- 
ity, the  moral  of  which  is  sound  throughout 
and  plain  to  see. 

THE  MACAULAY  COMPANY 

15  WEST  38TH   STREET,     NEW  YORK 


THE  ^INDISCRETION 
OF  LADY  USHER 


BY 
THE  AUTHOR  OF  "THE  DIARY  OF  MY  HONEYMOON1 


NEW  YORK 

THE  MACAULAY  COMPANY 
19*3 


COPYRIGHT,  1913,  BY 
THE  MACAULAY  COMPANY 


FOREWORD 

OF  the  human  actions  set  forth  in  this  volume  each 
of  you  readers  must  be  his  own  judge.  They  are  ac- 
tual occurrences ;  and  the  characters  with  whom  you 
will  become  acquainted  are  real  people.  Many  of  you 
will  have  known  them  before.  From  necessity,  as  in 
the  forerunner  of  this  novel,  "  The  Diary  of  My  Hon- 
eymoon," the  men  and  women  who  figure  here  move 
through  these  pages  under  aliases;  and  the  geography 
of  the  story  has  been  changed  slightly  in  order  to 
conceal  the  identity  of  the  actors  in  this  all  too  com- 
mon drama  of  every-day  life. 

Old  Mrs.  Grundy  has  long  pointed  her  condemn- 
ing finger  at  our  own  divorce  statutes  as  being  a 
menace  to  the  very  institution  of  marriage.  And 
now  we  Americans  are  suddenly  brought  face  to  face 
with  less  of  scorn  —  yes,  and  with  even  something 
like  adulation.  At  last  social  critics  the  world  over 
are  beginning  to  find  in  our  various  Renos  a  modicum 
of  good.  Over  night  almost  the  conscience  of  the 
world  has  assumed  a  new  shape.  Witness,  for  ex- 
ample, the  present  hue  and  cry  in  England  over  the 
question  of  divorce.  It  has  already  grown  into  a 
public  clamor. 

We  venture  to  put  forth  the  opinion  that  among 
those  who  read  this  book  there  will  be  not  one  but 
recalls,  somewhere  in  the  wonderful,  comprehensive 
archives  of  his  experience  of  the  relations  of  men 
and  women,  at  least  one  unfortunate  couple  to  whom 
marriage  has  become  an  intolerable  bond.  Perhaps 

5 


2136478 


6  FOREWORD 

one  of  the  parties  harbors,  and  justly,  a  passionate  re- 
sentment against  the  other,  and  yet  finds  no  solution, 
no  escape  from  a  situation  as  tragic  as  it  is  pitiable. 

Some  think  marriage  a  social  necessity,  but  not  nec- 
essarily a  real  union.  Too  late  the  scales  fall  from 
the  eyes  of  these  unhappy  individuals,  and  they  gaze, 
disillusioned,  upon  the  wreck  of  two  human  lives. 
For  such  crises,  should  there  be  no  relief? 

Whatever  conclusions  you  may  draw  from  an  ex- 
amination of  this  particular  working-out  of  world- 
old  forces  as  set  forth  in  this  story,  we  know  that  if 
the  telling  turns  your  attention  to  the  pressing  ne- 
cessity of  special  education  and  fitness  for  the  mar- 
riage state,  the  anonymous  author  of  this  book  will 
feel  that  her  work  has  not  been  in  vain. 

THE  PUBLISHERS. 


THE    INDISCRETION    OF 
LADY    USHER 


June  yd. 

WHAT  a  gap  in  my  diary!  And  what  happenings 
to  note,  if  only  I  had  been  industrious !  I  wonder 
if  it  happens  to  many  women  to  be  married  twice 
before  they  are  twenty!  And  I  wonder  whether  I 
shall  go  on  growing  older  at  the  rate  I  have  main- 
tained since  that  morning,  three  years  and  a  few  weeks 
ago,  when  I  passed  my  seventeenth  birthday  at  the 
dear  old  place,  with  my  dogs  and  my  horses  and  dear 
old  Kelly  and  Miss  Trood ! 

Looking  back,  that  awful  time  when  I  was  the  wife 
of  Sir  Lionel  Eberhard  seems  like  a  nightmare.  I 
can't  believe  that  it  was  I  who  went  through  all  that 
terrible  time,  first  in  Paris,  and  then  on  the  Riviera. 

Was  it  really  I,  or  was  it  somebody  else,  who  went 
through  all  those  dreadful  experiences,  and  came  out 
of  them  like  a  person  who  has  had  bad  dreams  ? 

And  then  afterwards !  I  wish  I  had  kept  up  my 
diary,  because  it  is  interesting  and  queer  to  read  later, 
and  to  see  what  one  felt  at  the  time  it  was  all  happen- 
ing. But  I  was  so  ill  when  I  was  first  left  a  widow, 
and  then,  when  I  got  better,  I  felt  such  a  sick,  shud- 
dery  disgust  at  it  all  that  I  used  to  feel,  when  I  took 
up  my  locked  book  and  my  pen  to  write  again,  as  if 
the  horror  recalled  by  the  diary  was  too  much  for  me. 

7 


8       THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER 

And  so  I  dropped  it,  and  just  shut  my  eyes  to  what 
I  had  gone  through  as  well  as  I  could,  and  let  Gerald 
tell  me  what  to  do. 

What  a  troublous  time  that  was,  when  I  first  came 
back  to  England,  and  how  strange  it  seemed  to  be 
treated  by  my  own  people  as  if  I  had  suddenly  become 
a  person  of  importance ! 

Dear  old  papa  it  was  who  let  me  see  the  first  what 
a  different  position  I  held,  as  a  rich  widow,  from  that 
I  had  been  in  when  I  left  England,  the  timid  and 
frightened  and  wretched  wife  of  a  middle-aged  man 
I  didn't  care  for. 

I  remember  that  it  was  half  funny  and  half  painful 
to  see  the  way  papa  looked  at  me  when  he  met  me 
at  the  station,  and  how  civil  he  was,  and  how  careful 
of  me,  and  it  seemed  so  strange,  when  he  used  to  be 
only  just  good-humored  and  affectionate,  to  see  him 
treat  me  as  if  I  were  a  princess ! 

And  then  I  understood. 

And  it  hurt ! 

Only  I  loved  him  all  the  same.  For  after  all,  when 
I  thought  it  over,  it  was  just  what  I  might  have  ex- 
pected. He  married  me  (or  rather,  he  let  mamma 
marry  me)  to  Sir  Lionel  Eberhard  because  he  believes 
that  there  is  nothing  on  earth  so  good  as  to  have  lots 
of  money.  So  that,  when  I  became  possessor  of 
money  to  do  what  I  liked  with,  he  was  overwhelmed, 
and  felt  as  if  it  couldn't  really  be  me,  little  me,  that 
he  had  always  looked  upon  as  a  mere  child,  to  be 
treated  as  a  baby. 

Mamma  was  quite  different.  She  was  radiant,  ef- 
fervescent, almost  overwhelming.  For  once  she  and 
papa  were  together  that  day.  The  idea  of  seeing  a 
member  of  their  family  who  had  a  big  bank  balance 
was  so  novel,  and  so  dazzling,  that  it  even  reconciled 


THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER       9 

them  for  the  time,  for  they  did  not  want,  either  of 
them,  that  the  other  should  see  me  first. 

So  I  was  nearly  torn  to  pieces  and  hugged  to 
death,  when  they  met  me  at  Charing  Cross  and 
took  me  with  them  to  Brook  Street,  where  I  was 
to  have  been  given  the  spare  room,  which  is  a  beau- 
tiful big  room.  Only  I  begged  that  I  might  have  the 
little  room  up  at  the  top  which  I  had  always  had  be- 
fore. 

Of  course,  mamma  made  no  secret  of  the  way  in 
which  she  regarded  my  widowhood.  She  looked 
upon  it  as  a  splendid  thing,  and  a  triumph  for  her, 
and  papa  had  to  stop  her,  a  little  shocked,  when  she 
began  to  take  to  herself  the  credit  of  my  independent 
position,  and  then  passed  on  to  expressions  of  ad- 
miration at  my  mourning. 

"  Where  did  you  get  those  lovely  dresses,  dear  ?  " 
she  said,  as  she  caressed  me  enthusiastically.  "  Of 
course,  we  fair  people  always  look  well  in  black,  but 
yours  is  quite  too  delicious  black,  and  I  don't  think 
I  ever  saw  you  look  so  well  before." 

"  I  had  them  made  in  Paris,"  I  answered,  "  and 
sent  down  to  me." 

"  I  suppose  they  cost  an  awful  lot.  But  then,  of 
course,  that  doesn't  matter  to  you  now!  Oh  dear, 
what  a  splendid  thing  it  is  for  you,  child,  to  have 
plenty  of  money,  and  to  be  independent  for  life! 
Now  you  see,  my  dear,  what  you  wouldn't  acknowl- 
edge before,  that  what  I  did  for  you  was  all  for  the 
best." 

Papa  began  to  fidget,  and  to  look  at  her  askance, 
as  if  wondering  what  she  was  going  to  say  next. 
And,  indeed,  it  did  occur  to  me  to  suggest  that  the 
things  that  had  happened  could  scarcely  have  been 
arranged  by  her  too,  as  she  seemed  to  imply. 


10      THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER 

"  Of  course,  she  knows  we  did  our  best  for  her," 
put  in  papa  quickly,  "  and  equally,  of  course,  we 
are  not  responsible  for  the  misfortunes  which  she 
has  experienced  so  soon,  in  the  —  the  loss  of  her  hus- 
band, and  all  that." 

"  Of  course  not,"  said  mamma  rather  sharply. 
"  And  now  tell  me,  darling,  where  we  shall  pass 
the  summer.  Of  course,  you  will  have  to  be  very 
quiet.  The  dear  old  place  is  let,  you  know,  or  we 
could  have  gone  down  there.  Of  course,  you  can't 
remain  in  town  for  the  season ! "  And  she  sighed 
regretfully.  "  But  I  don't  mind  giving  that  up.  I'll 
go  with  you  wherever  you  like." 

She  was  so  effusively  affectionate,  and  appeared 
so  happy  in  my  return,  that  I  didn't  like  to  tell  her 
what  I  was  going  to  do.  But  when  she  pressed  me 
I  had  to. 

"  I'm  going  to  spend  the  summer  with  Miss  Trood 
and  dear  old  Kelly  at  a  cottage  in  North  Wales,  right 
in  the  country,"  I  said.  "  And  I  certainly  should 
never  think  of  taking  you  away  from  your  darling 
London  during  the  season." 

Mamma  looked  disappointed.  So  did  papa.  But  he 
recovered  himself  the  first. 

"  Capital  notion !  "  he  cried  robustly.  "  You  can 
be  out  of  all  the  racket.  I  envy  you.  And  look  here : 
I  shall  hire  a  yacht.  Old  Langbourne  wants  to  let 
his,  I  know  —  and  you  and  I  can  go  on  a  cruise  to- 
gether. We  might  do  the  Cowes  week.  It  won't  be 
too  early  for  your  mourning,  will  it  ?  You're  not  sup- 
posed to  mourn  as  long  at  sea  as  on  land,  you  know." 

I  shook  my  head,  and  mamma  cut  in  quickly : 

"  Of  course,  the  child  doesn't  want  to  do  anything 
of  that  kind.  She  wants  to  be  quiet.  It  wouldn't  do 
to  be  seen  at  Cowes." 


THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER      11 

"  She  needn't  be  seen  any  more  than  she  likes.  I'd 
do  all  the  showing." 

"  Oh,  absurd !  She  doesn't  even  like  the  sea. 
You'd  much  rather  stay  in  Wales  by  yourself,  and 
just  have  me  down,  and  your  cousin  Harriet  Usher, 
and  one  or  two  other  intimate  friends,  just  at  the 
week-ends,  wouldn't  you  ?  " 

"  I'm  afraid  you  wouldn't  care  about  it,  Mamma, 
for  the  cottage  is  a  real  cottage,  just  a  laborer's  done 
up,  and  there  isn't  any  hotel  near  where  you  could 
put  up,"  I  explained  rather  hurriedly,  for  I  felt  that 
it  looked  inhospitable  on  my  part. 

The  truth  was  that  I  still  felt  enough  resentment 
at  the  way  in  which  I  had  been  left  to  shift  for  my- 
self in  the  midst  of  my  awful  difficulties  to  make  me 
feel  that  I  would  rather  be  left  all  by  myself  for  a 
little  while,  till  the  wounds  had  healed. 

Nice  as  papa  and  mamma  both  were  to  me,  and  glad 
as  I  was  to  be  with  them  again,  I  could  not  at  once 
forget. 

And  yet  I  was  sorry  to  disappoint  them,  and  to 
see  how  disappointed  they  both  looked,  and  how  un- 
easy they  both  seemed  to  grow  before  the  evening  was 
over.  And  presently  I  found  that  each  of  them 
wanted  to  see  me  alone  before  the  other. 

Of  course,  mamma,  being  cleverer  than  papa,  man- 
aged it. 

She  took  me  upstairs  into  her  own  room  after  din- 
ner, and  asked  me  whether  I  could  lend  her  five  hun- 
dred pounds. 

"  It  is  for  necessary  things  entirely,"  she  said  con- 
vincingly, "  to  pay  off  loans  and  release  important 
securities.  Can  you  manage  it,  dear  ?  " 

"I  think  so,"  I  said.  "I  shall  have  to  ask  Mr. 
Calstock.  He  does  everything  for  me." 


12     THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER 

Mamma  looked  vexed. 

"  I  shouldn't  trust  any  lawyer  too  far,"  she  said. 
"  We  women  can  manage  our  own  business  much 
better  than  they  can.  Of  course,  I'm  not  saying  a 
word  against  Mr.  Calstock.  His  firm  has  done  your 
father's  business  for  years.  At  the  same  time,  it  is 
better  to  keep  one's  affairs  in  one's  own  hands  if 
possible." 

"  There  is  a  great  deal  too  much  for  one  woman 
to  do  alone,"  I  explained  humbly.  "  I  had  no  idea 
what  a  lot  there  is  to  be  done  in  such  a  position  as 
I  am  in.  I  really  couldn't,  ignorant  as  I  am,  manage 
it  at  all  by  myself." 

"  Of  course  not.  But,  as  I  say,  don't  trust  any 
man  too  far.  These  lawyers  want  looking  after." 

I  laughed  to  myself  afterwards  at  the  idea  that 
I  could  supervise  Mr.  Calstock's  supervision  of  my 
affairs,  but  to  mamma  I  only  said  that  I  knew  I  could 
trust  the  man  she  and  papa  trusted,  and  that,  if  I 
could  not,  it  would  be  all  the  same,  as  for  me  to  do 
everything  myself  was  impossible. 

I  got  away  as  well  as  I  could,  as  I  didn't  want  to 
be  asked  any  more  questions  about  Mr.  Calstock; 
but  as  soon  as  I  got  downstairs,  papa  took  me  out 
on  the  balcony,  and  asked  me  whether  I  would  agree 
to  hire  Lord  Langbourne's  yacht  for  the  season,  as 
he  couldn't  afford  it  himself,  but  would  like  a  cruise 
above  all  things. 

"  It  would  give  me  a  little  rest  from  the  worries  I 
have  to  put  up  with  ashore,"  he  said. 

Of  course,  I  agreed  to  hire  the  yacht,  and  asked  how 
much  it  would  cost. 

"  Oh,  a  mere  nothing,"  said  papa.  "  A  couple  of 
thousand,  or  three  thousand  at  the  outside,  would 
pay  for  everything.  Almost  everything,"  he  added 


THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER      13 

thoughtfully,  as  I  promised  to  get  that  sum  for  him. 
"  Perhaps,  though,  you'd  better  make  it  four  thou- 
sand while  you're  about  it.  Then  there  will  be  a  bal- 
ance left,  for  incidental  expenses." 

I  agreed  at  once,  but  it  really  seemed  to  me  to  be 
a  great  deal  of  money. 

Both  papa  and  mamma  were  very  sweet  to  me  that 
night,  and  said  what  a  joy  it  was  to  them  to  have 
me  back  again. 

Before  papa,  who  was  staying  at  the  Carlton  Ho- 
tel, went  away,  he  asked  whether  my  mother  had  been 
trying  to  borrow  money  of  me,  and  when  I  hesitated, 
he  said  it  was  scandalous,  and  that  I  had  better  con- 
sult Mr.  Calstock  before  I  lent  her  any  more,  as  she 
only  wasted  whatever  she  got. 

But  then,  when  papa  had  gone,  mamma  said  much 
the  same  thing  to  me  about  papa,  and  though  I 
couldn't  help  laughing  a  little  when  I  was  by  myself, 
I  didn't  like  it. 

It  did  seem  as  if  they  thought  more  of  the  money 
than  of  me! 

I  was  quite  uncomfortable  when  I  saw  Mr.  Cal- 
stock, as  I  had  to  do  next  day,  and  I  watched  his 
face  as  I  asked  for  the  large  sums  of  money  I  wanted. 
But  he  asked  no  questions,  and  was  very  dry  and 
quiet,  only  pointing  out  to  me  that  even  my  large 
income  would  have  to  be  carefully  managed,  and  ad- 
vising me  to  keep  strict  account  of  my  expenditure. 

I  got  the  money,  and  gave  it  to  papa  and  mamma, 
and  then  I  went  away  to  Wales.  It  was  dreadful, 
but  I  was  quite  glad  to  get  away,  for  they  quarreled 
about  me,  and  each  seemed  suspicious  of  the  other, 
so  that  it  was  a  relief  to  be  alone  with  old  Miss  Trood 
and  dear  Kelly,  who  both  cried  a  great  deal  over 
me,  and  used  to  look  at  me  in  a  comical  way  as  I  sat 


14      THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER 

in  my  black  dress  in  the  cottage  window.  And 
neither  of  the  silly  old  things  would  take  any  view  but 
that  I  must  be  heart-broken,  and  they  would  carefully 
avoid  mentioning  Sir  Lionel's  name  for  fear  of  giv- 
ing me  pain. 

On  the  whole,  though  I  was  rather  bored  some- 
times, I  enjoyed  my  holiday,  and  I  stayed  on  in  the 
mountains  till  late  in  the  autumn,  not  wholly  because 
I  liked  it,  but  partly  because  I  dreaded  what  would 
happen  to  me  when  I  got  away. 

Both  papa  and  mamma  came  to  see  me  now  and 
then,  but  papa  got  dreadfully  low-spirited  at  the 
loneliness  of  the  place,  and  because  there  was  no 
place  where  he  could  play  billiards  and  nobody  to 
play  bridge  with.  Mamma  got  cross  when  she  came, 
and  really  the  accommodation  the  place  afforded  was 
not  quite  what  she  had  been  used  to.  I  gave  up  my 
bedroom  to  her,  but  she  couldn't  get  used  to  stooping 
when  she  went  to  the  dressing-table,  which  was  in  a 
little  dormer  window ;  and  she  complained  that  the 
looking-glass  made  her  look  blue  and  all  over  spots. 

Mr.  Calstock  had  to  come  down  to  see  me  on  busi- 
ness a  good  many  times,  and  I  used  to  look  forward 
to  his  visits  as  I  had  never  done  to  any  before  from 
any  one.  He  was  always  very  dry,  very  quiet,  very 
intent  on  business,  and  nothing  else.  But  he  gave 
me  a  sense  of  peace  and  confidence  and  security  which 
nobody  else  did,  so  that  I  always  felt  restless  and 
miserable  for  quite  a  week  after  he  had  gone  away. 

And  then  one  day  —  we  were  walking  along  the 
seashore,  and  he  had  his  bag  in  his  hand,  for  he  was 
going  back  to  town  —  there  came  a  moment  when  we 
both  forgot  to  act,  and  —  the  truth  came  out. 

I  never,  never  felt  so  happy  in  all  my  life  before,  al- 


THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER     15 

though  I  knew,  without  any  questions  on  the  subject, 
how  angry  papa  and  mamma  would  be ! 

We  kept  our  secret  all  through  that  winter,  and 
he  never  said  a  word  when  I  used  to  ask  him  for 
the  money  first  papa  and  then  mamma  wanted. 

But  in  the  spring  the  truth  had  to  be  told,  and  then 
there  was  a  terrible  scene  with  both  of  them. 

I'd  rather  not  remember  all  they  said,  though  I 
cried  and  laughed  about  it  afterwards. 

But  it  ended  in  our  being  married  quietly,  without 
any  of  our  relations  to  see  us,  and  then  there  came 
a  great  change,  and  both  papa  and  mamma  grew  civil. 

Papa,  who  had  talked  about  changing  his  lawyer, 
gave  up  the  idea,  while  mamma  took  quite  a  fancy 
to  Gerald,  and  said  what  a  fine,  intellectual  face  he 
had. 

But  I  think  he  was  a  little  more  intellectual  than 
she  cared  for  him  to  be,  for  he  at  once,  when  we 
were  married,  put  a  stop  to  the  presents  I  had  been 
making,  and  insisted  that  papa  and  mamma  should 
each  be  content  with  what  they  both  at  different  times 
and  in  different  ways  called  "  a  paltry  thousand  a 
year." 

As  for  me,  I  was  so  happy  that  these  little  irrita- 
tions scarcely  troubled  me.  I  loved  Gerald  with  all 
my  heart,  and  I  was  happy.  He  took  a  house  in 
Curzon  Street,  and  we  have  been  there  all  the  sum- 
mer, ever  since  that  short  trip  abroad  —  only  two 
weeks  —  which  was  all  that  he  could  spare  from  his 
work. 

Work,  work!  I  sometimes  ask  him  why  he  works 
so  hard,  when,  if  he  liked,  he  could  "  take  it  easy  " 
on  what  I  have  got.  But  he  is  too  proud  to  do  that, 
and  he's  ambitious  besides,  both  for  himself  and  for 


16     THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER 

me,  and  he  is  not  content  to  be  the  rich  Lady  Ce- 
cilia's husband. 

I  shouldn't  like  him  to  be. 

But  still,  it  is  hard  to  have  him  away  so  much,  at 
the  office  all  day,  and  shut  up  in  his  study  half  the 
night,  and  working  at  his  cases  on  Sunday  too!  I 
should  like  to  have  him  more  to  myself,  although  I 
love  him  so  much  that  I  would  rather  have  him  on  his 
terms,  and  see  him  as  little  as  I  do,  than  have  mar- 
ried any  other  man  in  the  world. 

I  think  papa  and  mamma  are  both  a  little  afraid 
of  him  —  certainly  papa  is.  For  they  haven't  been 
here  very  often  in  the  month  that  has  passed  since 
we  came  back  from  our  honeymoon,  and  the  other 
old  friends  who  have  been  to  see  me  I  don't  care 
very  much  about. 

It  was  a  real  pleasure  to  me  to-day  when  Harriet 
Usher  called. 

I  don't  think  anything  that  has  happened  has 
brought  home  to  me  so  strongly  the  change  my  two 
marriages  have  made  in  me  as  this  visit  of  Harriet's. 

I  remember  when  I  was  a  girl,  at  Fouroaks,  she 
used  to  seem  to  me  a  dreadful  person.  Now  I  am 
glad  to  have  her. 

And  yet  there  is  something  almost  uncanny  about 
her  still,  with  her  transparent  white  skin,  with  the 
pink  color  that  conies  and  goes  so  easily  in  her 
cheeks.  I  am  quite  sure  her  hair  used  to  be  red,  and 
that  Jack  used  to  laugh  at  her  and  call  her  "  carrots." 
But  now  it  is  quite  a  pretty  shade,  like  a  woman  in 
an  Italian  picture.  But  she  does  everything  too  well 
to  be  accused  of  anything  so  horrid  as  dyeing  her 
hair  or  making  up  her  face.  But  the  freckles  have 
disappeared,  and  I  should  like  to  know  how  it  came 
about,  only  I  think  it  might  be  indiscreet  to  ask. 


THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER     17 

She  never  used  to  like  me,  and  I  hated  her,  but 
to-day  I  was  sorry  for  her,  even  while  I  sat  looking 
at  her  and  thinking  what  an  attractive,  graceful  woman 
she  is,  and  how  exquisitely  she  dresses.  She  looked 
like  a  beautiful  snake  in  that  shot  green  dress,  with 
the  shimmering  beads  and  the  double  row  of  pearls 
round  her  neck. 

She  seems  to  be  unhappily  married,  and,  as  she 
said,  I  can  sympathize,  having  gone  through  as  much 
myself.  She  is  going  to  take  me  to  Hurlingham  with 
her  to-morrow. 

Dear  Gerald  was  pleased,  when  he  came  home  to 
dinner,  to  hear  that  one  of  my  cousins  had  called 
on  me,  and  that  I  should  have  some  one  to  go  about 
with. 

And  yet  I  can't  help  an  odd  sort  of  feeling — I 
haven't  the  least  idea  why  —  that  if  he  knew  Harriet, 
he  wouldn't  be  quite  so  pleased  at  my  knowing  her 
and  at  the  idea  of  my  going  about  with  her. 

Why  do  I  feel  like  this?  I  don't  quite  know  my- 
self. 


CURZON  STREET, 

June  6th. 

I  HAVE  had  a  lovely  day,  and  a  most  exciting,  inter- 
esting one.  Yesterday  I  was  feeling  rather  lonely, 
and  Gerald  was  very  kind  when  he  came  home  in  the 
evening,  and  said  how  sorry  he  was  not  to  be  able 
to  go  about  with  me.  And  he  reminded  me  that  I 
should  have  my  cousin  to-day,  and  hoped  we  should 
have  what  the  Americans  call  "  a  good  time." 

He  has  some  very  important  work  on  hand  now,  so 
that  he  has  only  time  to  dine  and  to  sit  with  me  in 
the  drawing-room  for  half  an  hour  while  he  has  a 
cup  of  coffee  and  a  cigarette,  and  then  he  shuts  him- 
self up  all  the  evening  over  his  work.  It  does  seem  too 
bad  that  he  can't  be  free  when  he  leaves  the  office, 
but  must  bring  the  work  home  with  him.  I  believe 
his  father  leaves  it  all  to  him,  and  Gerald  is  too  much 
interested  in  it  to  make  any  complaint.  But  it  isn't 
fair. 

This  morning  I  had  scarcely  finished  my  work  with 
my  birds  and  my  flowers  and  Mrs.  Joynes,  the  house- 
keeper, and  looked  through  my  dresses  with  Lindsay, 
before  it  was  half-past  one,  and  Harriet  was  an- 
nounced. 

I  felt  at  once,  as  soon  as  I  saw  her,  that  my  best 
efforts  at  looking  nice  would  be  thrown  into  the  shade. 
Harriet  was  looking  lovely.  She  was  dressed  in  some 
sort  of  pink  stuff,  so  pale  that  in  some  lights  it  looked 
white,  with  a  big  eighteenth-century  hat  trimmed  with 
heaps  of  little  white  plumes  and  one  big  rose. 

18 


THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER     19 

I  had  thought  my  own  dress,  which  was  heliotrope 
foulard,  was  rather  pretty,  but  Harriet  made  me  look 
quite  dowdy. 

On  the  other  hand,  she  looked  rather  dismayed, 
and  said  she  ought  to  have  arranged  better  about 
colors ;  she  was  afraid  my  dress  would  "  kill "  hers. 

I  laughed  at  her. 

"  Yours  is  not  likely  to  be  killed  by  anybody's, 
Harriet,"  I  said.  "  In  the  papers  your  dresses  are 
always  mentioned.  '  Lady  Usher  looked  lovely  in 
pale  blue.'  '  Among  the  most  beautiful  costumes  was 
that  of  Lady  Usher.'  It  makes  me  quite  jealous !  " 

Harriet  laughed,  and  then  she  sighed. 

"  I  confess  I  do  take  an  interest  in  dress,"  she 
said.  "  But  one  must  have  something,  you  know ! 
And  it's  not  as  if  I  had  married  the  man  of  my  choice, 
as  you've  been  able  to  do ! " 

I  knew  that  Harriet  had  been  married  to  Sir  John 
Usher  when  she  was  very  young,  and  that  he  was  a 
rich  tradesman  who  had  been  made  a  baronet  for 
something  or  other  connected  with  politics. 

I  was  very  sorry  for  her,  for  there  was  about  her  a 
strange,  interesting  look,  as  if  she  were  haunted  and 
secretly  unhappy,  in  spite  of  her  having  so  much 
that  makes  life  pleasant.  I  remembered  one  thing 
which  ought,  I  thought,  to  make  up  for  a  great  deal. 

"  Well,  at  least  you  have  your  two  children,  haven't 
you  ?  "  I  said. 

She  sighed  again  and  shook  her  head. 

"  I  don't  feel  as  if  they  were  mine  at  all,"  she  said. 
"  They  are  educated  on  a  *  system/  and  I  scarcely  see 
anything  of  them,  so  I  always  feel  that  they  are  his 
children,  and  not  mine." 

"  That's  very  hard,"  I  said. 

Harriet  looked  down.    It  was  a  habit  of  hers  to 


20     THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER 

drop  her  eyelids,  and  she  looked  very  beautiful  like 
that,  with  the  long  black  lashes  lying  on  her  cheeks. 

"  I  don't  want  to  grumble,  dear,"  she  said  softly. 
"  I  have  a  great  many  of  the  things  that  go  to  make 
life  happy,  but  there's  one  thing  wanting.  You,  after 
your  unhappy  first  marriage,  know  what  that  is. 
Children  are  all  very  well,  but  they  don't  make  up  for 
the  lack  of  the  one  thing.  I  dare  say  other  people 
would  call  me  dreadfully  sentimental.  Sir  John  would, 
I  know,  and  he  would  sneer  at  me,  if  he  were  to  hear 
me  say  so.  But  you  will  keep  my  confidence,  and  I 
tell  you  there  is  only  one  thing  that  makes  life  worth 
living,  and  that  is  love."  As  she  uttered  the  word, 
very  softly,  with  her  eyes  down,  it  struck  me  suddenly 
what  a  seductive  woman  she  must  be  to  men,  and  how 
very  hard  it  must  be  for  her  to  have  to  do  without 
the  one  thing  she  knew  how  to  value.  "  In  my  posi- 
tion," she  added,  with  another  soft  little  sigh,  "  one 
can't  love,  and  one  mustn't  love.  And  life  is  very 
empty  without  that  one  thing." 

I  drew  nearer  to  her,  with  the  tears  in  my  own 
eyes. 

"  Is  Sir  John  unkind  to  you,  or  —  unfaithful  ?  "  I 
said,  dropping  my  voice  to  a  whisper. 

She  shook  her  head  wearily. 

"  He  is  not  unkind,"  she  said,  "  in  the  way  that 
the  world  reckons  unkindness.  He  lets  me  do  as  I 
like,  as  long  as  I  don't  interfere  with  him  and  with 
his  arrangements.  As  for  the  other  thing,  really  I 
don't  know  one  way  or  the  other.  He  won't  come 
up  to  town  for  the  season,  because  he  is  so  immersed 
in  his  agricultural  interests  —  cows,  sheep,  pigs,  tur- 
nips :  his  hobby  is  to  be  a  farmer.  And  as  he  is  very 
conscientious  in  his  attention  to  his  business  too,  you 
may  imagine  how  much  time  or  interest  he  can  give 


THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER     21 

to  poor  me.    I  am  the  figurehead  at  his  dinner-table 

—  nothing  more." 

"Oh,  Harriet,  I  know.  You  f eel  —  starved !"  I 
said  gently. 

She  looked  up  quickly  with  those  wonderful  hazel 
eyes  of  hers,  and  said : 

"  Yes.     That's  it  exactly." 

"  And  you  can't  feel  any  interest  in  the  things  he 
likes?" 

"  How  can  I  ?  I  do  go  round  the  farms,  and  try 
to  look  as  if  I  liked  it.  But  emphatically  I  don't.  I 
like  polo,  not  plowing;  and  tennis  interests  me  more 
than  turnip-cutting.  As  for  his  business,  I  do  go  up 
to  the  shops  sometimes  —  twenty-two  of  them,  dear, 
full  of  the  nicest  things !  But  one  can't  get  excited 
about  the  number  of  gross  of  chairs  that  are  sold  in 
a  year,  now  can  one  ?  Besides,  he  doesn't  want  me  to. 
He  prefers  to  keep  me  away.  So  he  won't  take  a 
house  in  town,  but  motors  backwards  and  forwards 
between  Shire  Place,  in  Berkshire,  where  we  live,  and 

—  the  shop.     I  believe  he  sleeps  over  it  when  he  stays 
in  town.     But,  of  course,"  she  added,  with  a  little 
frown  and  a  sort  of  veiled  look  which  might  mean 
anything,  "  I  don't  know." 

Luncheon  was  announced  and  we  went  into  the 
dining-room,  and  an  hour  later  we  started  in  the  new 
motor-car  which  Gerald  and  I  chose  together  last 
week. 

As  we  drove  along  Harriet  became  still  more  con- 
fidential, and  said  to  me: 

"  Do  you  know,  dear,  I  think  it  was  so  splendid  of 
you  to  marry  the  man  you  loved,  as  you've  done,  in 
spite  of  everybody !  " 

I  frowned  a  little.  I  do  hate  the  way  all  my  friends 
talk,  as  if  I  had  condescended  immensely  in  marrying 


22     THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER 

a  man  as  good  and  as  clever,  and  as  well  bred  and 
all  right  in  every  way  as  Gerald. 

"  Why  shouldn't  I  ?  "  I  said  quickly. 

She  saw  she  had  made  a  mistake,  and  she  answered 
quickly : 

"  Why  not  indeed  ?  That  is  what  I  said  when  Aunt 
Vi  spoke  of  it  in  quite  a  martyr-like  tone.  Mr.  Cal- 
stock  is  a  gentleman,  and  very  clever.  I  know  some- 
thing about  him,  for  he  has  done  business  for  Sir 
John,  who  can't  say  enough  about  him;  says  he  is 
quite  the  shrewdest  lawyer  of  the  day,  and  bound  to 
get  on." 

"  He  has  got  on,"  I  said  quietly. 

"  Yes,  of  course  he  has.  When  he  married  you, 
Cecilia,  he  made  an  excellent  forward  step." 

And  Harriet  smiled  at  me  archly,  while  I  blushed. 

"  Have  you  met  my  husband,  then  ?  "  I  asked. 

"  No,  never.  But  Sir  John  was  talking  about  him 
only  yesterday,  and  saying  how  very  clever  he  is." 

I  was  pleased  to  hear  this,  in  one  way,  though  I 
hated  the  sort  of  condescension  which  everybody  con- 
spires to  show  over  my  marriage.  It  is  so  absurd, 
when  nobody  saw  anything  wrong  in  marrying  me 
to  Sir  Lionel,  although  they  would  have  held  up  their 
hands  in  horror  at  the  idea  of  marriage  with  a  man 
of  his  stamp  if  he  had  not  been  so  rich. 

Money,  money,  money!  How  all  our  life  seems 
to  hinge  upon  that!  I  wonder  if  it  was  always  so, 
and  if  good  looks,  and  brains,  and  breeding,  and 
honorable  conduct  were  always  nothing  compared  to 
a  big  balance  at  the  bank! 

When  we  reached  Hurlingham,  where  I  had  never 
been  before,  we  found  that  the  polo  match  we  had 
gone  to  see  had  not  yet  begun ;  but  the  time  didn't 
hang  heavy  on  our  hands,  for  Harriet  was  surrounded, 


THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER     23 

almost  at  once,  by  a  bevy  of  young  men,  with  just  one 
or  two  ladies  among  them. 

The  ladies  were  all  like  caricatures  of  her.  When 
I  told  Gerald  that  to-night  he  laughed  very  much,  but 
it  is  true,  for  all  that. 

They  were  all  dressed  in  much  the  same  way,  and 
their  hair  and  complexion  and  walk  were  all  very 
like  hers.  Only  in  her  case  she  had  been  clever 
enough  to  stop  at  just  the  right  point;  while  they  had 
all  gone  on.  So,  while  her  dress  was  tight  but  al- 
lowed her  to  walk  without  waggling,  theirs  was 
tighter  and  they  —  waggled.  And  while  she  had  a 
complexion  of  cream,  they  had  one  of  chalk.  And 
so  on. 

As  for  the  men,  some  of  them  were  awfully  nice. 

Two  of  them  stayed  with  us  all  the  afternoon,  and 
took  us  to  have  tea  and  ices  and  delicious  little  sand- 
wiches that  made  me  feel  quite  hungry.  By  the  by, 
I  must  get  over  that,  for  it  makes  me  feel  that  I'm 
not  yet  quite  as  grown  up  as  one  ought  to  be  when 
one  has  been  married  twice!  I'm  sure  Miss  Trood 
would  say  it  isn't  "  lady-like  "  to  be  hungry. 

Lord  Hugh  Hawkhurst,  one  of  the  two,  is  really 
one  of  the  handsomest  men  I  have  ever  seen:  tall, 
fair,  broad-shouldered,  and  blue  eyes.  He  looks  just 
like  a  great  big  boy,  only  that  he  isn't  clumsy  or  awk- 
ward. I  liked  him  at  once,  and  his  simple,  straight- 
forward, easy  manners. 

The  other  man  who  wouldn't  go  away  from  us  was 
Sir  Arnold  Banbury,  a  dear  little  fellow  not  as  tall 
as  I  am,  but  full  of  fun,  and  most  anxious  for  us  to 
enjoy  ourselves  and  see  everything  beautifully. 

They  were  with  us  so  constantly,  and  talked  so 
much,  that  really  I  couldn't  follow  the  match  as  care- 
fully as  I  should  have  liked  to  do.  But  it  was  lovely 


all  the  same,  and  when  Harriet  asked  me  if  I  would 
go  with  her  to  Ranelagh  next  week  to  see  a  still  bet- 
ter match,  I  was  delighted. 

And  Sir  Arnold  and  Lord  Hugh  arranged  to  meet 
us  there,  and  we  sauntered  back  slowly  towards  the 
car  when  it  was  time  to  start  for  the  return  home. 

I  knew  Harriet  had  to  go  back  to  Shire  Place  to- 
night, so  I  asked  her  to  dine  with  us.  But  she  could 
not  stay  in  town  so  late,  as  she  had  to  be  home  in 
time  for  dinner.  She  would  not  even  let  me  drive  her 
back  to  the  station,  but  asked  Lord  Hawkhurst  to  get 
a  taxicab  for  her,  as  she  had  to  go  a  little  out  of  her 
way  to  make  some  small  purchases. 

So  those  two  walked  on  together  a  little  ahead  of 
Sir  Arnold  and  me. 

Sir  Arnold,  who  was  very  nice  and  very  amiable, 
asked  if  he  might  call  on  me  to  show  me  some  old 
lace  he  had  bought  for  his  mother,  which  he  wanted 
my  opinion  upon. 

I  told  him  I  had  no  "  day "  as  yet,  but  I  said  we 
were  always  in  on  Sunday,  as  my  husband  never  got  a 
week-end. 

"  Awful  hard  luck !  "  said  Sir  Arnold  sympathetic- 
ally. "  And  it's  hard  on  you  too,  isn't  it  ?  " 

"  Oh,  well,  I've  got  to  make  the  best  of  it.  And 
it  really  doesn't  matter  to  me,  because  I  don't  have 
to  work  hard,  as  he  does." 

"  He'll  have  to  let  you  take  week-ends  without 
him,"  suggested  Sir  Arnold. 

"  Oh,  no.     I  shouldn't  enjoy  myself  a  bit." 

"  That's  very  sweet  of  you,"  said  he,  "  never  to 
enjoy  yourself  without  your  husband!  It's  more,  I 
am  much  afraid,  than  the  majority  of  wives  could 
say." 

He  seemed  to  speak  quite  frankly,  but  I  felt  my- 


THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER     25 

self  blushing,  for  I  had  certainly  been  enjoying  my- 
self this  afternoon,  without  Gerald. 

But,  of  course,  I  knew  better  than  to  blunder  into 
any  explanation. 

In  the  meantime  we  had  been  walking  very  slowly, 
and  Harriet  and  Lord  Hugh  had  disappeared.  I 
looked  about  me  for  them. 

"Are  you  looking  for  Lady  Usher?"  asked  Sir 
Arnold.  "  She's  all  right.  You  may  be  sure  Hawk- 
hurst  will  look  after  her." 

There  was  just  enough  significance  in  the  way  he 
said  this  for  me  to  see  more  clearly  when  we  did  come 
up  with  the  other  two.  I  caught  a  look  on  Lord 
Hugh's  face,  when  he  met  Harriet's  eyes,  which  made 
me  wonder  what  Sir  John  would  say  if  he  were  to  see 
them.  And  while  we  were  waiting  for  her  taxicab, 
and  Sir  Arnold  was  speaking  to  me,  I  distinctly  heard 
the  word  "  darling  "  uttered  by  Lord  Hugh  while  he 
was  talking  to  her. 

I  felt  so  uncomfortable  that  I  am  sure  Sir  Arnold 
must  have  noticed  the  change  in  my  manner.  But 
there  was  not  much  time  for  comments  of  any  sort, 
for  people  were  going  away  and  we  had  to  separate. 

Harriet  drove  off  by  herself,  with  a  last  look  at 
Lord  Hugh  and  a  last  hand-shake  for  him ;  and  he 
got  into  another  taxi  the  moment  after,  while  Sir 
Arnold  put  me  in  my  car  and  reminded  me  that  he 
should  hope  to  see  me  at  Ranelagh  next  week. 

I  felt  rather  uneasy  all  the  way  home. 

Of  course,  I  am  not  such  a  child  now  as  not  to 
know  that  a  lovely  woman  like  Harriet,  married  to 
a  husband  whom  she  does  not  care  for,  is  sure  to  flirt 
with  some  one  else.  But  yet  I  don't  like  to  seem  to 
help  her  to  meet  the  other  man ! 

When  once  those  few  words  from  Sir  Arnold  had 


opened  my  eyes,  I  recognized  at  once  the  fact  that 
Harriet  and  Lord  Hugh  were  carrying  on  a  very 
brisk  flirtation  indeed.  She  was  very  pathetic  at 
luncheon  and  afterwards  about  the  impossibility  of 
her  loving  or  being  loved;  but  I  am  quite  sure  she 
would  not  tell  Lord  Hugh  that  it  is  impossible! 

And  then  when  I  got  home  I  had  another  shock. 

At  dinner  I  told  Gerald  all  about  the  afternoon, 
and  the  polo,  and  about  the  people  I  had  met.  When 
I  came  to  the  name  of  Lord  Hugh  Hawkhurst  he 
looked  across  at  me  and  frowned  slightly. 

"  That  sweep !  "  he  said  shortly. 

I  was  taken  aback. 

"  Do  you  know  him  ?  And  don't  you  like  him  ?  " 
I  asked. 

"  I  don't  know  him  personally,  but  I  know  all 
about  him.  Everybody  does,"  said  he. 

I  was  astounded. 

"  Isn't  he  all  right,  then  ?  "  I  asked,  rather  alarmed 
about  Harriet. 

"  He's  more  decidedly  all  wrong  than  almost  any 
man  I  know  of,"  my  husband  said  shortly.  "  He's 
been  co-respondent  in  a  particularly  scandalous  di- 
vorce suit,  for  one  thing.  And  there  are  other  things 
against  him  too.  I  hope  Lady  Usher  is  not  going  to 
introduce  people  of  that  sort  to  you." 

"  I  scarcely  said  ten  words  to  him,"  I  answered. 

This  was  quite  true,  for,  indeed,  Lord  Hugh  had 
devoted  himself  chiefly  to  Harriet.  But  I  felt  un- 
easily that,  although  I  was  telling  the  exact  truth,  I 
was  suppressing  something  which  would  have  made 
my  husband  take  a  very  serious  view  of  my  inter- 
course with  Harriet. 

For  a  little  while  I  went  on  eating,  without  saying 
anything  more. 

I  was  thinking  the  thing  out.    I  was  very  sorry 


THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER     27 

for  Harriet,  and  I  could  make  allowance  for  her,  as 
a  man  can't  do.  I  know  what  it  is  to  be  married 
to  a  man  one  can't  care  for,  and,  remembering  the 
very,  very  narrow  escape  I  had  myself  from  the  same 
sort  of  danger  that  now  appears  to  threaten  her,  I 
felt  my  whole  heart  go  out  to  her  in  her  loneliness 
and  her  peril. 

I  asked  myself  whether  I  might  dare  to  say  more 
to  Gerald  on  the  subject,  but,  reflecting  that  he  had 
done  business  for  Sir  John  Usher,  Harriet's  husband, 
I  decided  that  it  would  be  a  breach  of  faith  on  my 
part  for  me  to  say  any  more.  I  made  up  my  mind, 
however,  that  I  would  warn  Harriet  of  her  danger 
on  the  first  opportunity. 

Presently  I  found  Gerald  looking  at  me  gravely 
and  I  thought  rather  curiously  through  his  glasses. 

"  And  who  were  the  other  people  you  met  to-day?  " 
he  asked. 

"  Oh,  some  of  them  I  don't  remember  the  names 
of.  But  there  was  one  other  man  whom  I  talked  a 
great  deal  to.  I  wonder  whether  he  is  a  dreadful  per- 
son too!  His  name  is  Banbury,  Sir  Arnold  Banbury. 
Do  you  know  anything  about  him  ?  " 

My  husband  shook  his  head. 

"  He  has  managed  to  keep  out  of  the  courts  so  far, 
at  least,"  he  said,  with  what  seemed  to  me  rather 
grim  humor.  "  And  what  is  he  like  ?  " 

"  Oh,  he  is  a  dear,  merry  little  man,  quite  young,  I 
should  think,  and  rather  short  and  small,  but  very 
nice.  However,  you  needn't  be  jealous." 

Gerald  smiled. 

"  It  wouldn't  do  for  me  to  be  jealous,"  he  said.  "  I 
should  make  myself  so  very,  very  disagreeable." 

"  I  believe  you  would,  Gerald,"  I  said,  as  we  got 
up  and  he  put  his  arm  round  me  as  we  stood  at  the 
door.  "  And  so,  if  you  don't  want  to  be  jealous,  you 


28     THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER 

must  always  be  nice  to  me,  and  not  treat  me  as  Sir 
John  Usher  treats  poor  Harriet." 

He  held  me  away  from  him,  and  looked  down  at 
me  in  surprise. 

"  Does  she  complain  of  him  ?  "  he  asked  shortly. 

"  Oh,  no.  But  one  knows  that  they  are  not  very 
well  suited  to  each  other.  She  married  him  when 
she  was  only  just  out,  and  he  is  a  tradesman,  with 
his  mind  in  his  business  and  his  heart  in  his  short- 
horns and  sheep." 

"  He  is  a  very  decent  fellow,"  said  he  shortly. 
"And  I  can't  think  that  a  woman  would  have  much 
to  complain  of  with  him." 

"  Harriet  doesn't  complain,"  I  said  quickly. 

"  She  flirts,  apparently,"  said  my  husband. 

I  felt  my  eyelids  quivering.  Gerald  is  too  clever 
to  be  easily  misled.  I  don't  think  I  wanted  to  de- 
ceive him  about  Harriet,  but  I  certainly  did  not  want 
him  to  know  that  she  was  flirting  with  Lord  Hugh. 
It  seems  to  me  it  would  be  like  a  betrayal. 

"  You  know,  Gerald,"  I  said  gently,  "  that  a  very 
pretty  woman,  like  my  cousin,  must  always  attract  ad- 
miration. That's  not  her  fault,  is  it  ?  " 

He  smiled  down  at  me  kindly,  and  took  me  by  the 
elbow. 

"  I  don't  say  that  it  is/'  he  said.  "  But  look  here. 
Take  the  first  opportunity  you  get  of  quickly  advis- 
ing your  cousin  not  to  have  anything  to  do  with  Lord 
Hugh  Hawkhurst.  He's  not  a  man  to  be  trusted  by 
any  woman." 

I  looked  up,  puzzled. 

"  Are  you  sure,  Gerald  ?  "  I  asked.  "  Lord  Hugh 
doesn't  look  like  that  sort  of  man ! " 

"  No,"  said  my  husband  dryly.     "  They  never  do." 

I  said  no  more  about  it,  and  I  shall  certainly  give 
Harriet  a  very  strong  warning  indeed. 


June  gth. 

I  AM  afraid  I  made  rather  a  mess  of  it  yesterday, 
when  I  saw  Harriet  again.  She  came  early,  looking 
radiantly  pretty,  as  usual,  and  not  a  bit  like  the  mother 
of  two  children  who  must  be  eight  and  nine  years  old 
by  this  time. 

I  had  scarcely  kissed  her  before  she  held  me  away 
and  said : 

"Well,  did  you  get  my  letter?" 

I  laughed. 

"  If  you  call  that  a  letter,  I  did,"  I  said,  as  I  took 
out  of  my  bag  the  scrawl  of  about  ten  words  which 
I  had  got  by  the  first  post  in  the  morning. 

"  My  dear  child,  you  mustn't  mind.  I  really  have 
no  time  to  write  long  letters.  It  is  as  much  as  I  can 
do  to  scribble  half  a  dozen  words  on  a  postcard.  You 
ought  to  consider  yourself  honored  by  getting  a  com- 
munication from  me  in  an  envelope." 

"  Well,  I'm  glad  you've  come,  at  any  rate." 

"Really?" 

"  Yes,  indeed.  You  know  I  hate  London.  It's  so 
dreary  to  go  about  all  by  oneself." 

"  Why  don't  you  go  about  with  Aunt  Vi  ?  " 

"  Mamma !  Oh,  so  I  do.  But,  of  course,  she  can't 
come  always." 

I  couldn't  tell  her  that  Gerald  doesn't  approve  of 
my  seeing  too  much  of  mamma,  because,  as  he  says, 
she  leads  me  into  extravagance.  He  doesn't  forbid 
it,  but  his  mouth  takes  that  curious  straight  look  when 
she  goes  out  with  me  more  than  once  a  week. 

29 


30     THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER 

Of  course,  I  could  if  I  liked,  and  so  I  should  if  I 
hadn't  always  that  uncomfortable  feeling,  when  I  am 
with  mamma,  that  she  is  unhappy  because  she  has  so 
many  bills  to  pay,  and  that  whatever  one  does  for 
her  is  always  less  than  she  thinks  one  ought  to  do. 

But  I  have  put  all  my  affairs  into  Gerald's  hands, 
and  though  I  do  help  her  as  much  as  ever  I  can,  and 
always  pretend  the  money  has  gone  on  things  for 
myself,  he  guesses  and  is  displeased,  and  that  makes 
me  miserable  and  ashamed,  for  mamma  and  myself 
too! 

Harriet  asked  me  how  I  enjoyed  myself  at  Hur- 
lingham,  and  I  told  her  it  was  splendid,  and  what 
Jack  used  to  call  "  ripping." 

She  laughed. 

"  Poor  old  Jack !  "  she  said.  "  Have  you  heard  that 
he's  going  to  be  married  to  a  rich  widow?  Soap,  or 
something  of  that  sort,  I  think.  It's  really  dreadful 
what  things  one  has  got  to  marry  into  nowadays !  I 
into  chairs  and  tables,  and  you  into  money-lending, 
and  now  poor  old  Jack!  I  used  to  think,  you  know, 
Cis,  that  you  would  have  married  Jack  as  soon  as  you 
were  free ! " 

I  shook  my  head.  A  little  while  ago  the  mention 
of  his  name  would  still  have  been  painful  to  me,  but 
now  I  am  happily  married  I  don't  mind. 

"  I'm  very  glad  I  didn't,"  I  said  quietly. 

She  looked  at  me  carefully  from  under  those  long 
eyelashes  of  hers  as  she  leaned  back  in  her  chair. 

"  He  always  used  to  talk  as  if  he  was  really  fond 
of  you,"  she  said.  "  And  he  is  quite  a  dear ! " 

"  Oh,  yes,  I  used  to  like  him  very  much.  But  you 
know,  Harriet,  one  can't  go  on  liking  a  person  when 
one  has  found  out  that  that  person  is  not  to  be 
trusted." 


31 

She  nodded  her  head  appreciatively. 

"Of  course  not.  The  very  essence  of  love  is  — • 
discretion,"  she  said. 

I  grew  red.  I  had  not  meant  that.  Jack  had  been 
rather  too  discreet.  I  suddenly  remembered  the  cau- 
tion I  had  to  give  her  about  Lord  Hugh.  This  seemed, 
I  thought,  a  favorable  moment  for  making  an  allusion 
to  it.  But  it  was  wonderful  how  much  harder  it  was 
to  utter  a  warning  of  that  sort  than  I  had  thought  it 
would  be.  However,  after  what  Gerald  had  said 
about  Lord  Hugh,  it  had  to  be  done. 

"  It's  not  a  matter  of  discretion,"  I  said,  speaking 
rather  hurriedly  and  breathing  very  fast.  "  Discre- 
tion means  just  hiding  things.  But  one  can't  love  a 
person  without  reserve  unless  one  feels  that  person  to 
be  honorable  and  —  well,  in  fact,  worth  loving.  Can 
one?" 

Harriet's  eyes  seemed  to  close  up  till  they  were 
just  two  slits.  But  she  could  see  out  of  them  quite 
well. 

"  I  really  don't  know,"  she  said.  "  Perhaps  you 
and  I  don't  mean  quite  the  same  thing  by  the  word 
love." 

"  I'm  sure  we  don't,"  I  said  quickly.  "  With  me 
it  must  be  —  everything." 

Harriet  bent  slowly  forward,  and  then  drooped 
her  head. 

"  Lucky  girl !  "  she  said  softly. 

She  was  gentle,  not  indignant,  as  I  had  thought  per- 
haps she  might  be.  For,  after  all,  I  am  a  good 
deal  younger  than  she  is,  and  she  could  see  that  I 
was  "  preaching."  I  slid  down  on  my  knees  beside 
her. 

"  Harriet,"  I  whispered  quickly,  "  I  want  to  say 
something  to  you.  Don't  be  angry  with  me,  but  I 


32     THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER 

must  say  it.  I  couldn't  help  seeing  something  at  Hur- 
lingham  the  other  day — " 

She  started  slightly. 

"What  do  you  mean?" 

I  hurried  on: 

"  That  Lord  Hugh  Hawkhurst  is  trying  to  flirt 
with  you." 

A  sort  of  spasm  seemed  to  make  her  mouth  twitch, 
then  she  sat  very  still. 

"  What  makes  you  think  so  ?  "  she  asked. 

"  Why,  I  —  I  heard  him  call  you  '  darling.'  I 
couldn't  help  it.  And  —  oh,  Harriet,  I  saw  the  look 
you  gave  him,  as  well  as  the  look  he  gave  you ! " 

She  laughed  softly. 

"  Well,  what  of  that,  child  ?  You  are  too  absurd ! 
How  do  you  measure  looks  ?  "  she  said. 

Still,  she  was  not  cross,  so  I  slid  my  hand  into 
hers,  and  went  on: 

"  Look  here,  of  course  I  know  it  does  sound  like 
impertinence  for  me  to  talk  to  you  like  this.  But 
I  have  to,  because  of  something  I've  heard." 

"  What's  that  ? "  asked  Harriet,  speaking  quickly 
for  the  first  time. 

"  Well,  it's  about  Lord  Hugh.  I've  been  told  such 
dreadful  things  about  him,  Harriet.  They  say  — 
though  I  admit  it's  hard  to  believe  it  when  he's  so 
nice,  but  I've  been  told  he  is  really  quite  a  dreadful 
person,  that  he's  altogether  dishonorable  and  un- 
principled." 

She  was  breathing  rather  quickly,  but  for  a  mo- 
ment she  just  played  with  her  long  chain.  Then  she 
said  lazily : 

"  Aunt  Vi  told  you  that,  I  suppose  ?  "  I  didn't  an- 
swer, and  she  went  on :  "  And,  of  course,  it  was  she 
who  told  you  to  tell  me  this  stuff.  Well,  it's  all  non- 


THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER     33 

sense.  I've  known  Hugh  for  ever  so  long.  And  he's 
the  most  absolutely  reliable  man  I've  ever  met." 

"  Of  course,  you  think  so.  But  really  it  comes  to 
this,  that  I  can't  go  to  Ranelagh  with  you  on  Satur- 
day if  you  are  going  to  meet  him  there." 

Harriet's  hands  suddenly  fell  down  at  her  sides,  and 
her  face  became  quite  white.  I  was  sorry  and 
ashamed,  and  I  clung  to  her,  and  begged  her  not  to 
be  angry  with  me.  For  a  few  minutes  she  did  not 
move,  did  not  even  seem  to  notice  my  hands  holding 
her.  She  stared  out  before  her  with  the  same  fixed 
look,  her  cheeks  pale,  her  mouth  trembling,  breath- 
ing heavily. 

Then  she  threw  me  off  and  burst  into  tears. 

I  sat  back  on  a  cushion  and  watched  her,  wonder- 
ing whether  I  had  done  good  or  harm. 

At  last  she  dashed  away  her  tears  and  sprang  up. 
Instinctively  she  made  straight  for  the  nearest  mirror, 
a  little  oval  one  which  stood  on  a  side-table,  and, 
stooping  down  before  it,  she  dried  her  eyes  very  care- 
fully, and  rearranged  her  hair  and  her  hat. 

"  Harriet,"  I  said  in  a  silly,  meek  little  voice,  like 
a  schoolgirl's,  "  what  are  you  going  to  do  ?  " 

She  turned  upon  me.  But  it  was  characteristic  of 
her  that,  although  her  great  gray-green  eyes  were 
burning,  and  her  face  still  livid  and  drawn,  she  did 
not  raise  her  voice,  she  did  not  move  quickly.  She 
only  said,  drawing  deep  breaths  between  every  two 
or  three  words: 

"What  am  I  going  to  do?  I'm  going  away.  I 
can't  stay  with  you,  Cecilia,  to  be  insulted.  I'm  quite 
sure  you  have  been  persuaded  by  your  mother  to 
speak  to  me  like  this,  and  that  you  are  doing  it  be- 
cause she  told  you  to.  But  really  I  think  it  is  more 
than  ought  to  be  expected  of  me,  to  submit  to  be  lee- 


34     THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER 

tured  as  to  my  conduct  by  a  child  scarcely  nine- 
teen." 

I  was  going  to  protest.  It  seemed  to  me  that  when 
one  has  been  married  twice  one  ought  to  be  considered 
quite  out  of  one's  childhood,  no  matter  how  young 
one  is.  But  she  seemed  to  guess  what  I  was  going 
to  say,  and  she  stopped  me. 

"  Yes,  I  know  you  have  been  a  wife,  and  then  a 
widow,  and  that  now  you  are  a  wife  again.  But 
now  that  you  are  happily  married,  you  forget  what 
you  felt  when  you  were  the  wife  of  Sir  Lionel  Eber- 
hard." 

"  Oh,  no,  I  don't.  I  don't  indeed,  and  that's  why  I 
am  so  sorry  for  you." 

"  Sorry  for  me,  are  you  ?  "  She  sprang  at  me,  in 
that  lithe,  graceful  way  of  hers,  which  always  re- 
minds me  of  some  sort  of  handsome  wild  animal,  and 
then  she  took  my  hands  in  hers  and,  recovering  herself 
a  little,  said: 

"  I  dare  say  it's  all  true,  Cis.  I  dare  say  you  and 
Aunt  Vi  know  more  than  I  do  about  Lord  Hugh.  But 
just  consider  my  position!  I  have  no  friend  whom  I 
can  confide  in  —  at  least,  I  had  none  till  you  came  back. 
I  don't  want  more  than  one  friend,  and  I  don't  care 
whether  that  one  is  man  or  woman.  Now  you  are 
here  I  can  do  without  any  other  confidant.  But  till 
you  came,  I  did  want  some  one,  and  —  and  so  it  came 
about  that  I  flirted  a  little  —  perhaps,  with  poor  dear 
Hugh.  However,  there's  an  end  of  it  now.  As  long 
as  you'll  go  about  with  me,  and  let  me  come  up  and 
see  you  and  tell  you  all  my  troubles,  I  shan't  want  any 
more  sympathy  from  anybody." 

She  kissed  me  so  affectionately  that  I  was  quite 
touched,  though  it  seemed  rather  a  sudden  sort  of  con- 
version. 


THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER     35 

However,  I  hope  it  is  genuine,  for  it's  very  nice  to 
have  her  with  me,  although  we  don't  see  things  al- 
ways in  the  same  way. 

We  had  a  lovely  day's  shopping  this  afternoon, 
and  then  she  got  into  a  taxi  to  drive  to  Paddington. 

Just  as  she  got  into  it  she  asked  me  to  write  her 
a  letter  that  she  could  show  to  Sir  John,  to  let  him 
see  that  she  had  been  spending  the  day  with  me. 

I  looked  astonished,  and  she  laughed  and  said: 

"  It's  all  Aunt  Vi's  fault.  She's  been  saying  the 
unkindest  things.  And  Sir  John  is  very  disagree- 
able about  it.  But  when  he  knows  I've  been  with 
you  he  will  be  satisfied.  You  won't  forget  ?  " 

"  All  right,"  I  said. 

I  thought  it  a  little  odd,  but,  on  the  other  hand,  I 
was  glad  that  she  could  find  the  distraction  she  wanted 
in  such  an  innocent  way  as  shopping  with  me. 

But  when  I  was  driving  home,  after  leaving  a  little 
parcel  for  poor  old  Miss  Trood  at  her  lodgings  in 
Gower  Street,  I  came  through  Piccadilly.  There  was 
a  cab  stopping  at  the  door  of  Prince's  Restaurant, 
and  I  am  almost  sure  that  I  recognized  Lord  Hugh 
Hawkhurst  getting  out  of  it. 

But  I  do  wish  the  lady  he  was  handing  out  hadn't 
been  wearing  a  hat  so  like  the  one  Harriet  wore  this 
afternoon ! 


CURZON  STREET, 

June  1 4th. 

POOR  Gerald  has  had  to  go  to  bed  with  a  bad  head- 
ache, and  what  looks  terribly  like  a  touch  of  influenza ! 
So  I  am  writing  this  quietly  in  my  boudoir  now  that 
he  has  gone  off  to  sleep,  and  I  am  feeling  a  guilty 
wretch ! 

And  yet  it  certainly  wasn't  my  fault. 

When  I  got  Harriet's  letter  yesterday  reminding 
me  of  the  Ranelagh  appointment,  I  read  it  aloud  to 
Gerald,  and  he  nodded  and  said  he  hoped  I  should 
have  a  good  time. 

So  he  evidently  did  not  think  there  would  be  any 
harm  in  my  going,  and  I  was  very  glad,  for  I  enjoyed 
myself  very  much  at  Hurlingham,  and  the  match  to- 
day was  expected  to  be  an  exciting  one. 

I  was  hoping  against  hope  that  Lord  Hugh  would 
not  be  there,  or,  at  least,  that  he  would  not  devote 
himself  to  Harriet  as  he  had  done  before.  But  things 
turned  out  very  differently  from  what  I  had  im- 
agined. 

We  met  him  and  Sir  Arnold  almost  as  soon  as  we 
got  to  the  club,  but  it  was  Sir  Arnold  who  talked  to 
Harriet,  and  Lord  Hugh  to  me ! 

I  was  very  glad  indeed,  as  it  seemed  to  me  to  dis- 
pose of  the  rumors  and  of  my  doubts  about  him  and 
Harriet. 

On  the  other  hand,  I  felt  rather  uncomfortable, 
wondering  what  Gerald  would  say  if  he  were  to  hear 

36 


THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER     37 

that  I  had  talked  so  much  to  a  man  of  whom  he  dis- 
approved. 

However,  he  certainly  could  not  have  objected  to 
anything  Lord  Hugh  said  to  me,  and  he  certainly  is 
one  of  the  nicest,  as  well  as  one  of  the  handsomest, 
men  I  have  ever  met. 

Every  now  and  then  he  would  catch  Harriet's  eye, 
and  there  would  be  a  sort  of  silent  message  exchanged 
between  the  two.  But  the  two  scarcely  exchanged 
more  than  a  dozen  words  until  quite  the  end  of  the 
day,  when  she  snapped  at  him  so  decidedly  as  he 
helped  her  into  the  car  with  me  that  I  could  not  help 
thinking  it  was  more  like  the  manner  of  a  wife  to  a 
husband  than  of  a  lady  to  an  acquaintance. 

I  wish  I  could  tell  Gerald  all  about  it.  Of  course, 
there  is  really  nothing  much  to  tell ;  but  I  have  a  sort 
of  feeling  that  I  am  on  ground  that  I  don't  know  the 
nature  of,  and  that  I  should  be  glad  of  some  one's 
arm  to  lean  on  to  help  me  over  it. 

On  the  other  hand,  Gerald's  way  of  disposing  of 
difficulties  is  so  very  short  and  sharp  that  I  am  afraid, 
if  I  were  to  say  all  the  things  I  should  have  to  say, 
trifling  as  they  are,  he  would  forbid  me  to  have  Har- 
riet here  again,  or,  at  least,  that  he  would  think  things 
of  her  which  I  am  sure  are  not  true.  And  he  is  too 
ill  to  be  troubled  to-night. 

And  I  am  sorry  for  her,  very  sorry.  Now  that  I 
am  happy  myself  I  can  feel  so  much  for  women  who 
are  going  through  the  purgatory  I  went  through  be- 
fore! 


CURZON  STREET, 

June  i6th. 

THANK  Heaven,  my  dear  Gerald  is  better,  and  thinks 
it  is  not  the  "  flu  "  after  all,  but  only  an  ordinary  cold. 
I  wish  he  didn't  look  so  pale  and  worn,  and  that  old 
Mr.  Calstock  would  find  out  some  way  of  relieving 
him  of  the  pressure  of  overwork. 

Mamma  came  to  luncheon  to-day,  all  feathery  light- 
ness and  fluttering  high  spirits,  as  usual.  I  had  no 
idea  that  she  had  anything  on  her  mind,  for  she  rattled 
away  about  her  visit  to  her  dressmaker,  and  about  the 
dinner  she  was  at  last  night,  and  a  hundred  other 
things,  and  it  was  not  till  she  was  going  away,  after 
we  had  had  tea  together  in  my  boudoir,  that  she  sud- 
denly stopped  half-way  to  the  door  to  say: 

"  By  the  way,  Cis,  I  hope  you  won't  let  that  im- 
possible Lord  Hugh  Hawkhurst  flirt  with  you,  dear ! 
Really,  I'm  not  censorious,  as  you  know,  but  he  really 
is  quite  too  dreadful !  " 

I  was  amazed.  I  hadn't  even  mentioned  him  to 
her. 

"  I've  only  met  him  twice,"  I  said. 

She  turned  to  give  me  a  glance  over  her  shoulder. 

"Oh,  yes,  with  Harriet,  I  suppose?" 

"  Yes.  And  if  you  want  to  warn  anybody  about 
him,  you  had  better  warn  her"  I  said,  rather  nettled. 
"  It  is  she  who  flirts  with  him,  not  I." 

Mamma  laughed,  and  shrugged  her  shoulders  in  that 
pretty  French  way  she  has. 

"  My  dear  Cis,"  she  said,  "  Harriet  can  take  care 
of  herself.  What  she  does  is  her  own  affair.  But 

38 


THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER     39 

she  has  no  right  to  make  use  of  you  in  the  way  she's 
doing." 

"  To  make  use  of  me ! "  I  echoed,  aghast. 

Mamma  nodded. 

"  Yes.  Sir  John  has  heard  rumors ;  whether  he 
knows  who  it  is  I  don't  know,  but  he  is  certainly  in- 
clined to  be  angry  about  her  conduct.  If  he  should 
find  out  anything,  there  would  be  a  scandal.  These 
tradesmen  love  an  advertisement,  and  they  don't  care 
how  they  get  it.  The  differences  which  we  should 
keep  to  ourselves,  which  we  do  keep  to  ourselves, 
they  must  always  make  haste  to  drag  into  the  law 
courts." 

I  was  greatly  shocked. 

"  I'm  sure  there  can't  be  anything  wrong,"  I  said. 
"  If  Sir  John  is  so  jealous,  why  doesn't  he  try  harder 
to  please  his  wife?  " 

"  Oh,  well,  Harriet  is  not  the  sort  of  woman  whom 
it's  easy  to  please  —  for  long  together,"  mamma  said. 
"  I  suppose  she  and  Lord  Hugh  get  on  together  much 
better  than  she  and  Sir  John  do,  and  it's  a  great 
pity  he  can't  leave  her  to  do  as  she  likes.  But  these 
men  who  have  made  money  and  then  married  women 
belonging  to  a  class  above  them  can  never  under- 
stand that  there  must  be  something  in  old  associa- 
tions." 

It  seemed  strange  to  hear  mamma  talking  like  that, 
after  the  lectures  she  used  to  treat  me  to  about  my 
duty  to  Sir  Lionel! 

She  trotted  off  after  that,  without  letting  me  have 
time  to  ask  the  questions  I  wanted  answered. 

But  I've  quite  made  up  my  mind  that  I  won't  be 
made  use  of  again  by  Harriet,  to  help  her  to  deceive 
her  husband  and  to  see  Lord  Hugh  without  his  know- 
ing anything  about  it! 


CURZON  STREET, 

June  30th. 

WHAT  a  long,  dull  time  it  seems  since  I  had  any- 
thing to  write  in  my  diary!  Day  after  day  has  been 
just  the  same  for  a  fortnight.  Gerald  is  better,  that 
is  one  good  thing.  But  he  has  to  take  great  care  of 
himself,  and  I  have  grown  quite  clever  in  persuading 
him  to  leave  off  work  at  twelve  instead  of  one,  so  that 
he  can  get  a  longer  night's  rest. 

Mamma  I  have  seen  twice,  and  Gerald's  people 
once.  I  suppose  his  mother  is  really  all  right,  only 
she  is  fearfully  prim,  with  a  sort  of  primness  I  have 
never  seen  before.  She  glares  at  me  as  if  she  dis- 
approved of  me,  and  is  very  stiff.  The  old  gentleman 
I  rather  like,  because,  I  suppose,  I  can  see  that  he  likes 
me. 

But  that  evening  when  they  are  to  come  to  dinner 
with  papa  and  mamma  and  us  will  be  a  funny  enter- 
tainment ! 

I  have  refused  all  Harriet's  invitations,  and  she 
hasn't  been  once  to  see  me  since  Ranelagh.  I  sup- 
pose she  hasn't  dared ! 

And  all  the  time  I  feel  rather  wicked,  as  if  I  had 
condemned  her  unheard.  For  mamma  isn't  always 
quite  to  be  trusted  in  what  she  says,  and  perhaps  I  am 
doing  poor  Harriet  injustice  after  all. 

To-day  Lady  Langbourne  called  upon  me,  and  in- 
vited me  to  her  house  at  Cowes  for  the  end  of  July 
and  the  beginning  of  August,  to  include  the  Cowes 
week.  She  said  it  was  Harriet  who  asked  her  to  get 

40 


THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER      41 

me  to  come,  as  she  is  going  too.  I  felt  so  self -re- 
proachful ! 

I  said  I  must  ask  Gerald  if  I  could  come,  but  that 
I  should  love  it. 

And  to-night  Gerald  told  me  to  accept,  and  I  have 
written. 

I  wonder  whether  Harriet  will  be  there,  and,  if  so, 
what  she  will  say  to  me ! 


COWES, 

July  i$th. 

WHAT  a  heavenly  day !  And  what  a  sweet  old  house ! 
And  how  delightful  everything  has  been  except  hav- 
ing to  say  good-by  to  poor  Gerald,  and  to  leave  him 
grinding  away  in  town  while  I  am  enjoying  myself ! 

I  found  Harriet  here  among  lots  of  other  people, 
and  she  kissed  me  effusively,  and  said  how  delighted 
she  was  to  see  me  again.  Not  a  word  of  reproach 
for  my  not  having  accepted  any  of  her  invitations  to 
go  shopping  with  her,  and  to  polo  matches  and  the 
theater ! 

It  is  rather  odd,  but  as  I  was  dreading  what  she 
might  have  to  say,  and  how  she  might  look,  I  am 
thankful  that  all  has  passed  off  so  well. 

This  is  quite  the  sweetest  old  house  I  ever  stayed 
in,  nicer  even  than  my  dear  old  Fouroaks,  which  al- 
ways looks  as  if  more  money  ought  to  be  spent  on  it 
to  keep  it  in  proper  repair. 

I  have  got  a  lovely  room,  a  long  way  up,  but  with 
a  view  of  the  water  and  the  yachts  which  is  well  worth 
a  climb. 

Lady  Langbourne  made  ever  so  many  apologies  for 
putting  me  on  the  second  floor,  but  Princess  Adele 
and  the  Duchess  of  Newport  are  both  here,  and  with 
the  other  guests  there  is  pressure  upon  such  a  house 
as  this,  which  was  never  meant  to  accommodate  a  lot 
of  people. 

A  long  corridor  runs  from  end  to  end  of  the  house, 
and  at  right  angles  to  it  at  each  end  is  another  cor- 
ridor, which  goes  the  length  of  each  wing. 


THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER     43 

Harriet's  room  is  a  little  further  down,  on  the  op- 
posite side,  with  an  outlook  over  the  garden,  which 
is  poor  compared  to  mine.  I  like  the  big  lawn  in 
front  between  the  house  and  the  road ;  it  is  better  than 
just  the  sea,  for  the  soft  green  between  is  restful  to 
the  eyes.  It  was  lovely  to  sit  there  after  dinner  in  the 
twilight,  but  a  little  embarrassing  when  the  trippers, 
who  swarm  here  already,  would  persist  in  stopping, 
in  flocks,  to  stare  at  us  through  the  railings,  as  if  we 
were  wild  animals  waiting  to  be  fed  with  buns  on 
sticks ! 

Lady  Langbourne  says  she  is  quite  used,  by  this 
time,  to  comments  upon  her  personal  appearance 
which  are  the  reverse  of  flattering!  She  says,  when 
she  hears  the  words  "  the  old  girl,"  she  always  tries  to 
be  deaf! 

I  don't  know,  by  the  bye,  how  any  one  can  say  un- 
flattering things  about  her,  for  she  really  is  a  very 
pretty  old  lady,  and  would  look  better  still  if  only 
she  didn't  wear  such  an  obvious  wig!  I  wonder  if 
her  hair  was  really  that  flaxen  color  when  she  was 
young !  It  looks  like  a  baby's ! 

There  are  some  very  odd  people  here,  and  some 
very  nice  ones. 

Princess  Adele  is  quite  nice,  only  so  deaf  that  con- 
versation with  her  is  carried  on  chiefly  in  pantomime. 
She  speaks  a  mixture  of  French,  English,  and  German, 
and  some  of  the  things  she  says  are  very  startling  in- 
deed, only  as  she  never  seems  to  know  that  she  is  say- 
ing anything  surprising  we  all  have  to  appear  un- 
moved. 

The  Duchess  of  Newport  talks  more  slang  than  any- 
body I  ever  heard.  But  she  is  a  jolly  old  thing,  and 
I  like  her. 

Letty  Langbourne,  Lady  Langbourne's  daughter-in- 


44     THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER 

law,  is  the  most  audacious  person  I  ever  met.  She 
doesn't  care  what  she  says  or  what  she  does,  and  she 
will  put  on  overalls  and  climb  out  on  the  jib-boom 
of  her  yacht  to  do  anything  that  has  to  be  done. 

She  says  she  has  the  advantage  over  pretty  women 
that  she  never  need  care  how  she  looks,  as  she  can't 
look  anything  but  ugly.  That  isn't  quite  true,  but 
she  has  little  light  eyes  and  large  ears  that  stand  out, 
and  a  quantity  of  short,  fluffy,  fair  hair.  She  is  never 
here  unless  her  husband,  Geoffrey  Langbourne,  is 
away. 

Harriet  says  she  has  had  more  men  in  love  with 
her  than  any  pretty  woman  in  England,  and  she  says 
if  she  hadn't  been  a  lady  she  would  have  had  a  very 
adventurous  career  indeed.  Only  Harriet  doesn't  put 
it  like  that,  but  makes  it  sound  rather  shocking. 

I  wish  she  hadn't  said  that  to  me,  because  I  should 
like  to  like  Letty  Langbourne;  she  is  so  merry,  and 
enjoys  life  so  much. 

I  can  see  Lady  Langbourne  doesn't  like  her,  and 
when  I  asked  Harriet  why,  she  told  me  it  was  be- 
cause Lady  Langbourne  meant  her  son  Geoffrey  to 
marry  some  one  else,  and  that  Letty's  being  here  keeps 
Geoffrey  away. 

It  does  seem  difficult  to  understand,  when  every- 
body else  likes  her  so  muchl 


COWES, 

July  i6th. 

I  HAVE  had  a  horrid,  worrying  day.  Sitting  here  in 
my  room  at  night,  with  the  window  open,  and  the 
lovely  cool  breeze  coming  in  from  the  sea,  I  feel  a 
little  calmer  and  easier,  but  I  have  been  terribly  vexed 
to-day. 

We  began  beautifully,  for  Letty  Langbourne  and  I 
and  one  or  two  of  the  men  went  out  in  her  yacht  and 
had  a  lovely  sail.  I  don't  think  I  should  care  to  trust 
myself  with  Letty  if  there  were  a  stiff  breeze  blowing, 
for  I  think  her  seamanship,  that  she  is  so  proud  of,  is 
not  much  like  the  real  thing.  I  think  these  fine  ladies 
—  that's  what  I  must  call  them  —  are  rather  super- 
ficial, for  one  of  the  men  told  me  that  the  Duchess  of 
Newport,  who  talks  the  slang  of  the  stable-yard  as 
fluently  as  any  groom,  only  just  knows  one  end  of  a 
horse  from  the  other. 

But  perhaps  it  isn't  true! 

It's  very  amusing  to  hear  these  little  bits  of  gossip 
about  the  other  women,  as  I  do  all  day  long;  but  I 
wonder  what  the  gossip  is  that  they  exchange  about 
me! 

When  we  got  back  to  luncheon  I  had  a  most  horrid 
shock.  For  as  we  came  up  the  garden  through  the 
gate  at  the  side  among  the  shrubs,  the  first  two  people 
I  caught  sight  of  were  Harriet  —  and  Lord  Hugh ! 
They  were  sitting  under  an  umbrella-tent  on  the  lawn, 
talking  very  earnestly.  Harriet  looks  nicer  than  ever 
in  her  plain  navy  serge,  with  a  gorgeous  red  and  gold 

45 


46     THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER 

and  green-embroidered  waistcoat  and  a  Liberty  silk 
scarf  wound  several  times  round  her  neck  and  tied 
in  a  bow,  instead  of  a  collar. 

That  is  characteristic  of  Harriet:  she  would  look 
horrid  in  a  plain  white,  hard  collar  such  as  Letty 
Langbourne  and  the  Duchess  wear,  and  yet  she  can 
contrive  to  devise  something  that  doesn't  look  a  bit 
too  fanciful,  while  it  suits  her  perfectly. 

Lord  Hugh  looks  better  than  ever  in  his  yachting 
things,  and  Letty  Langbourne,  who  was  walking  with 
me  when  we  caught  sight  of  him,  remarked  upon  it  at 
once. 

"  What  a  good-looking  fellow  Hugh  Hawkhurst 
is ! "  she  said.  "  I  don't  wonder  how  all  the  women 
run  after  him !  " 

I  was  looking  shocked  still. 

"  Yes,  I  suppose  he  is  good-looking,"  I  said  grudg- 
ingly. 

She  laughed. 

"  I  can  see  you  don't  like  him,"  she  said. 

"  I  wonder  Lady  Langbourne  invites  him,"  I  said. 

Letty  shrugged  her  shoulders.  By  the  bye,  I  have 
already  begun  to  call  her  "  Letty,"  as  if  I  had  known 
her  a  long  time.  But  everybody  does  here,  and  she 
hates  being  called  anything  else. 

"  Lady  Langbourne  has  to  ask  him,"  she  said,  "  or 
else  Harriet  Usher  wouldn't  come,  of  course." 

I  said  "  Oh !  "  with  a  sort  of  gasp,  and  Letty  laughed 
again. 

"  You  are  a  prim  little  creature,"  she  said,  "  con- 
sidering — " 

She  stopped  short,  and  I  have  been  wondering  ever 
since  what  it  was  that  she  was  going  to  say.  Gen- 
erally she  says  anything  that  comes  into  her  head. 

"I  shouldn't  have  thought,"  I  said,  when  we  had 


THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER     47 

walked  a  few  steps  without  speaking,  "that  Lady 
Langbourne  would  have  invited  a  married  woman  and 
man  who  was  flirting  with  her." 

Letty  roared  with  laughter. 

"  Oh,  really,  Lady  Cecilia,  you  are  quite  too  funny !  " 
she  said.  "  Do  you  really  mean  that,  or  is  it  part  of 
the  '  Sweet  Simplicity '  pose  that  makes  the  men  say 
you  are  irresistible  ?  " 

I  felt  very  uncomfortable,  and  I  could  have  cried 
with  vexation.  Letty  saw  that  I  was  really  vexed,  and 
she  tucked  her  hand  into  my  arm  and  said : 

"  My  dear  child,  I'm  sorry  if  I've  hurt  your  feel- 
ings. But  really  I  can't  help  laughing  at  your  inno- 
cence. How  could  one  get  people  together  if  one 
didn't  invite  those  who  wanted  to  see  each  other  ?  " 

"  But  they  ought  not  to  want  to  see  each  other,"  I 
began,  and  then,  as  she  evidently  had  hard  work  to 
keep  from  laughing  again,  I  saw  that  I  was  making 
myself  ridiculous  in  her  eyes.  But  I  didn't  care.  I 
went  on.  "  Look  here,"  I  said,  "  although  I  know  it 
seems  silly  to  you  to  say  so,  I  really  don't  see  that 
there  was  anything  ridiculous  in  what  I  said.  Some 
men  don't  like  their  wives  to  flirt." 

"  Why,  of  course.  If  they  didn't  mind,  where 
would  be  the  fun?" 

I  said  nothing.  Letty  drew  me  coaxingly  to  her, 
and  patted  my  hand  patronizingly  as  she  walked  on 
with  me,  obliging  me  to  keep  pace  with  her. 

"  Where's  the  harm  of  liking  one  man  better  than 
the  rest,  if  you  have  the  sense  to  know  when  to  stop  ?  " 

"  But  you  can't  be  sure  of  knowing  that." 

"  Oh,  well,  if  you  don't,  then  you're  a  fool,  and  one 
needn't  waste  one's  pity  upon  you." 

I  shook  my  head. 

"  It  seems  to  me,"  I  said,  "  that  one's  pity  ought  to 


48     THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER 

be  given  to  those  who  are  in  earnest,  and  that  those 
are  just  the  people  it's  not  wasted  upon.  If  your  feel- 
ings are  so  weak  and  so  trivial  that  you  can  turn  off 
the  tap  when  you  like,  then  you're  not  worth  much 
pity  whatever  happens.  But  if  there's  something  more 
in  you  than  that,  and  if  you  find  you  can't  leave  off 
caring,  why  then  I  should  say  you're  worth  being 
sorry  for." 

"  Oh,  well,  at  least,  if  you're  so  deadly  in  earnest, 
you  have  your  fun,  and  you  must  be  prepared  to  pay 
for  it,  I  suppose." 

"  Yes,  but  I  shouldn't  like  to  help  anybody  I  was 
interested  in  to  get  to  that  stage,"  I  said.  "  And  I 
shouldn't  have  thought  Lady  Langbourne  would." 

Letty  laughed  mischievously. 

"  Well,  Lady  Langbourne  has  had  plenty  of  experi- 
ence," she  said. 

"  What ! "  I  said,  rather  shocked  at  what  her  tone 
implied.  Letty  nodded. 

"  She's  very  nice  now,  but  she  was  decidedly  naughty 
in  her  time,  and  even  now  we  are  all  careful  not  to 
mention  a  certain  hotel  in  Rome  when  she  is  present ; 
that  is,  unless  we  want  to  rub  her  up  the  wrong  way." 

I  tried  not  to  look  as  if  I  did  not  believe  her,  and 
said  nothing  to  this.  But  I  do  wish,  whether  it  is  true 
or  not,  that  she  had  not  told  me  about  it.  One  can't 
help  seeing  that,  whatever  they  may  profess  to  think, 
there  is  a  great  deal  of  danger  in  this  easy-going  way 
of  life,  and  that  there  is  an  undercurrent  to  it  all 
which  makes  it  really  quite  different  from  what  it 
looks  on  the  surface. 

I  know  the  women  here  think  me  a  little  prig;  in- 
deed, Letty  told  me  I  was  one  this  evening  to  my  face. 
But  I  really  don't  see  how  one  could  be  much  with 
these  people  without  being  either  a  prig  or  —  well,  the 


THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER     49 

sort  of  person  that  causes  other  persons  to  become 
prigs. 

When  Lord  Hugh  caught  sight  of  me  he  said  some- 
thing to  Harriet,  and  they  both  came  up  to  me  at 
the  same  time,  and  talked  so  fast  that  I  couldn't  get  a 
word  in  edgeways. 

And  she  left  Lord  Hugh  with  me,  and  we  strolled 
about  the  garden  until  it  was  time  to  go  in  for  lunch- 
eon. Then  Harriet  told  me  quite  simply  that  she 
should  get  jealous  if  I  monopolized  him  as  I  was 
doing. 

I  suppose  I  looked  rather  scandalized,  for  I  saw  old 
Lady  Langbourne  looking  at  me  in  a  rather  odd  way, 
and  this  evening  she  took  me  in  hand  and  lectured 
me,  actually  lectured  me,  with  the  best  possible  in- 
tentions, I  am  sure,  on  my  way  of  looking  at  things. 

It  was  after  dinner,  and  Lord  Hugh  had  sat  by  Har- 
riet and  devoted  himself  to  her  quite  openly,  and 
when  we  went  into  the  saloon  Lady  Langbourne  put 
her  arm  within  mine  and  smiled  at  me,  and  then  asked 
me  to  go  with  her  into  the  garden,  as  she  had  not  got 
her  stick  to  lean  on. 

She  was  very  nice,  but  I  had  an  idea  in  my  head 
that  I  was  in  for  some  sort  of  sermon. 

"  Do  you  know,  my  dear,"  she  said  presently,  when 
we  had  got  half-way  down  the  garden,  and  could  see 
the  lights  twinkling  from  the  shore  on  the  other  side 
of  the  Solent,  "  that  I  am  very  sorry  for  you  ?  " 

"  That's  very  kind  of  you,"  I  said,  and  I  could  not 
help  smiling.  "  But  I  don't  know  why  you  should  be 
—  now." 

"  Don't  you  ?  Well,  I  pity  any  woman  who  marries 
out  of  her  own  proper  milieu,  as  you  have  done." 

"  Oh,  yes,  when  I  married  Sir  Lionel  Eberhard,  you 
mean  ?  " 


50     THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER 

"  No,  no,  I  don't.  That  was  a  very  good  marriage, 
from  our  point  of  view.  Of  course,  he  was  a  quite 
impossible  person,  but  then,  it  was  bound  to  end 
all  right.  And  after  all,  even  if  you  had  had  to  put 
up  with  him  for  a  few  years,  you  had  your  own  friends 
round  you  all  the  time." 

I  was  so  bewildered  by  this  new  point  of  view  from 
which  to  regard  my  disastrous  marriage  that  I  had 
nothing  to  say.  Lady  Langbourne  went  on : 

"  But  now  you  have  married  this  lawyer,  of  course 
you  are  out  of  it,  and  we  shall  all  have  to  put  our 
shoulders  to  the  wheel  to  bring  you  back  again." 

"  How  do  you  mean  that  I'm  '  out  of  it,'  Lady  Lang- 
bourne  ?  " 

"  Why,  you  seem  to  be  among  us  but  not  of  us, 
and  to  look  as  if  you  had  been  stranded.  Harriet 
Usher  told  me  about  you,  and  asked  me  to  go  and 
see  you,  and  I  never  felt  so  sorry  for  a  woman  be- 
fore." 

"  Why  ?    Do  you  mean  that  I  looked  unhappy  ?  " 

"  Oh,  no,  my  dear.  You  didn't  seem  to  mind,  or 
to  know.  That's  why  I  felt  so  sorry." 

"  But  why  be  sorry  for  me  if  I'm  happy,  and  don't 
feel  sorry  for  myself  ?  " 

"  Because  you  are  at  the  outset  of  life,  when  you 
have  to  choose  your  road.  If  you  were  to  go  on  as 
you  are  doing,  you  would  end  by  becoming  the  dull 
wife  of  a  dull  man,  and  you  would  be  lost  to  society 
for  ever." 

"  I  don't  think  that  would  matter  so  much  as  you 
think  it  would,  to  me.  I'm  sure  I  was  never  meant 
to  be  a  society  woman  at  all." 

"  So  you  think,  my  dear,  now.  But  the  time  will 
come  when  you  will  think  differently,  and  then,  un- 
less you  have  made  an  effort  in  the  meantime  to  wrench 


THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER      51 

yourself  free  from  your  environment  and  to  go  back 
to  your  own  people,  you  will  regret  it  bitterly,  and  so 
will  your  children,  if  you  have  any." 

Prejudiced  as  I  was  in  one  way,  and  as,  I  could 
see,  she  was  in  another,  I  could  not  but  understand 
that  there  was  a  great  deal  of  truth  in  what  she  said. 
Whatever  there  might  be  in  the  way  of  life  and  in  the 
thought  of  these  people  to  jar  upon  me  and  to  seem 
wrong  and  idle,  I  knew  that,  if  I  were  to  break  with 
them  and  with  their  circle  now,  I  should  be  sorry 
some  day,  and  that  I  should  feel  as  if  I  had  lost  some- 
thing that  was  worth  holding. 

"  You  are  sensible  enough  to  know  that  I'm  right," 
she  added  shrewdly. 

But  I  was  not  going  to  let  a  slur  be  cast  on  my  hus- 
hand. 

"  I  should  be  very  sorry  indeed  to  think  that  I  should 
have  to  break  with  my  own  friends,  and  with  all  the 
people  who  have  been  kind  to  me,"  I  said,  "  but  I 
hope  you  will  not  give  me  up  just  because  I  am  duller 
than  most  of  the  people  you  know." 

"  You  are  not  dull  at  all,  my  dear,  but  you  have 
been  cowed,  I  think,  and  you  have  scarcely  yet  got 
over  it." 

I  shook  my  head. 

"  I  don't  think  I  could  ever  enjoy  life  in  the  way 
Mrs.  Geoffrey  does,"  I  said.  Lady  Langbourne 
frowned  impatiently,  and  I  went  on  quickly :  "  The 
truth  is  that  I  like  a  quiet  life,  and  that,  if  only  my 
husband  could  afford  to  live  in  the  country,  and  we 
could  have  a  nice  place  a  hundred  miles  away  from 
London,  I  should  be  perfectly  happy  with  my  gar- 
den and  my  horses.  I'm  very  domestic,  and  what  you 
would  call  spiritless,  Lady  Langbourne.  As  long  as 
my  husband  is  fond  of  me,  and  I  have  my  flowers  and 


my  plants  and  my  animals  about  me,  I  have  nothing 
to  wish  for." 

"  But  that  can't  last,  my  dear,"  said  the  old  lady. 
"  There  was  a  time,  no  doubt,  when  a  woman  could 
get  all  her  happiness  in  her  own  narrow  little  circle. 
But  life  is  different  now." 

"  It  will  never  be  different  as  long  as  my  husband 
cares  for  me,"  I  said  decidedly. 

"  Well,  that's  a  poor  thing  to  reckon  upon,  the 
love  of  a  man,  isn't  it  ? "  said  she  with  conviction. 
"  Even  of  the  best  man.  And  lawyers  don't  make  good 
husbands.  Either  they  are  so  immersed  in  business 
that  they  have  no  time  for  home,  or  they  get  on  and 
make  homes  for  themselves  outside  the  family  radius. 
And  remember,  you're  bound  to  be  jealous  of  his 
lady  clients." 

"  No,  no,"  said  I.  "  I  should  never  be  that.  I  can 
trust  him." 

She  laughed. 

"  Then  let  me  advise  you  not  to  let  him  know  he 
is  so  sure  of  you.  The  best  way  to  keep  the  ad- 
miration of  a  man  is  not  to  let  him  know  quite  how 
much  you  really  care  for  him." 

And  she  called  to  Harriet,  who  was  standing  at  the 
window,  to  come  out  and  sit  on  the  lawn. 

Thinking  it  all  over  now  I  am  by  myself,  I  am 
worried  and  unhappy  about  it  all.  I  am  sure  Har- 
riet ought  not  to  risk  displeasing  her  husband  by  flirt- 
ing so  openly  with  Lord  Hugh,  and  I  know  that  she 
has  used  my  name  again,  by  telling  Sir  John  that  she 
has  come  here  to  be  with  me,  when  really  it  is  to  be 
with  somebody  else. 

And  it  makes  me  uneasy  and  uncomfortable  to 
know  that  I  attract  so  much  attention  by  taking  things 
differently  from  the  rest,  as  to  oblige  Lady  Lang- 


THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER     53 

bourne  to  go  out  of  her  way  to  lecture  me!  Really 
I  feel  that  I  ought  to  be  very  much  ashamed  of  being 
in  love  with  my  own  husband!  I  think  Lady  Lang- 
bourne  could  scarcely  put  up  with  such  eccentricity 
if  she  did  not  feel  sure  that  I  shall  soon  settle  down 
to  flirting  with  somebody  else! 


COWES, 

July  17 th. 

I  DON'T  know  what  to  do!  I  feel  as  if  I  had  been 
suddenly  plunged  into  all  the  old  misery  and  horror 
and  disgust  of  the  worst  time  at  Monte  Carlo,  when 
Sir  Lionel  was  alive. 

And  yet  this  time  it  is  really  nothing  to  do  with 
me. 

But  I  can't  feel  as  if  it  did  not  concern  me;  it 
makes  me  miserable,  and  ashamed,  and  utterly 
wretched,  and  now  I  want  to  go  back  to  town  as 
quickly  as  I  can.  But  I  shall  have  to  make  up  some 
story,  and,  above  all,  not  to  let  any  one  guess  why  it  is 
that  I  must  go. 

But  how  shall  I  meet  Gerald?  He  is  so  dreadfully 
sharp-sighted  that  he  will  certainly  guess  something 
must  have  happened  to  disgust  me,  and  he  will  lay 
little  traps  until  he  finds  out,  not  the  whole  truth  — • 
for  that  I  couldn't  tell  him  —  but  enough  to  make 
mischief. 

To  think  how  little  I  guessed  yesterday  evening, 
when  I  was  writing  my  diary  for  the  day,  what  was 
going  to  happen  before  I  made  the  next  entry ! 

It  was  so  dreadfully  hot  last  night  that  I  couldn't 
sleep,  and  I  thought  I  would  go  along  the  corridor 
to  Harriet's  room,  and  ask  for  some  of  her  toilet 
vinegar,  as  I  have  none.  It  was  nearly  half-past  one, 
but  I  know  she  sits  up  reading  till  two  or  three  when 
it  is  as  suffocating  as  it  was  last  night,  and  I  guessed 

54 


THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER      55 

she  would  not  be  asleep.     So  I  opened  my  door  very 
softly. 

I  don't  know  exactly  what  possessed  me,  but  I 
was  dreadfully  restless.  Everybody  else  had  ap- 
peared thoroughly  tired  out,  and  most  of  them  had 
gone  off  to  bed  rather  earlier  than  usual.  Somehow 
I  seemed  to  want  to  have  a  long,  quiet  talk  all  alone 
with  Harriet.  I  thought  of  so  many  things  that  I 
could  say  to  her,  and  above  all,  I  had  worked  myself 
up  into  a  firm  belief  that  at  the  worst  she  must  surely 
be  open  to  reason?  Was  she  not  really  very  well 
married,  had  she  not  children?  Then  I  thought  how 
I  would  endeavor  to  touch  the  maternal  feeling  in  her, 
for  I  felt  certain  that  she  was  not  really  so  heartless 
as  she  tried  to  make  herself  out  to  be.  Oh,  I  thought 
in  my  overweening  conceit,  what  a  splendid  thing  it 
would  be  if  only  I  could  reason  her  out  of  her  follies, 
and  then  I  meant  to  show  her  how  terrible  it  would 
be  if  those  follies  should  ultimately  lead  her  into  some- 
thing very  dreadful.  To  my  mind  her  infatuation  for 
Lord  Hugh  appeared  almost  grotesque,  now  I  re- 
flected on  it  in  solitude  all  alone  and  away  from  all 
the  distractions  of  the  House  Party.  For  the  first 
time  I  saw  clearly  how  bad  was  the  influence  upon  a 
woman  like  Harriet  of  the  abandon  of  such  utterly 
frivolous  pursuits  as  those  that  made  up  the  sum  of 
the  days  in  this  house  devoted  to  the  most  childish 
amusements,  and  really  the  very  atmosphere  exhaled 
by  most  of  the  guests  appeared  to  me  simply  provoca- 
tive of  that  very  normal  relaxation  which  is,  as  we  all 
know,  the  beginning  of  mischief  to  those  who  have  but 
little  power  of  self-restraint,  and  decidedly  Harriet 
was  miles  away  from  me  in  that  respect.  Had  she  not 
often  told  me  how  absurdly  scrupulous  I  was?  Had 
she  not  said,  "  You  silly  child,  you  really  ought  to  be 


56      THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER 

a  Roman  Catholic,  confession  would  suit  you  so 
well!  I  believe  you  would  quite  enjoy  pretending 
all  kinds  of  wickedness  just  to  have  a  nice  fatherly 
priest  lay  his  hand  on  your  head  and  absolve  you  ?  " 
And  then  she  would  go  into  quite  a  fit  of  laughter. 
Harriet  was  very  fond  of  making  fun  of  me.  But  to 
return  to  my  narrative.  I  went  very  softly  to  Har- 
riet's door,  and  was  surprised  to  find  it  ajar.  That 
astonished  me.  I  peeped  in  and  saw  a  light  burning 
there  feebly,  and  found  the  room  empty.  That  dis- 
covery made  me  feel  very  sick.  What  did  it  mean? 
I  stole  out  again,  and  then  such  a  heat  came  over  me 
that  I  went  down  the  broad  stairs  for  the  sake  of  the 
coolness  that  came  up  from  below.  There  was  indeed 
a  refreshing  draught,  and  it  all  at  once  struck  me 
that  below  there  must  be  a  door  or  window  open. 
Anyway,  I  went  down  almost  automatically,  and,  in 
fact,  it  seemed  as  though  I  were  under  some  hypnotic 
influence,  when  I  found  myself  at  the  bottom,  and 
then  I  fancied  I  heard  a  whisper.  Somehow  the  idea 
of  thieves  never  entered  my  mind  at  all,  and  I  went 
silently  forward,  for  I  had  no  shoes  on,  to  the  di- 
rection whence  the  whispering  came,  and  observed  that 
the  door  of  the  music-room  was  half  open.  A  faint 
light  shone  through,  and  looking  instinctively  through 
the  crack  down  the  hinges  I  saw  Harriet  standing  a 
little  apart  from  Lord  Hugh,  who  appeared  to  be 
urging  her  more  with  gesture  than  words  to  do  some- 
thing. Then  he  spoke  in  low,  distinct  tones,  saying, 
"  Why  not  end  it  all,  why  not  fly  with  me  ?  "  And 
he  looked,  to  my  fancy,  so  ridiculous  in  his  evident 
actor-like  pose,  that  I  burst  into  an  uncontrollable 
hysteric  laugh.  I  really  could  not  help  it,  and  then, 
terrified  at  having  thus  betrayed  my  presence,  I  fled, 
hearing  a  scrambling  behind  me;  and  just  as  I  gained 


THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER      57 

my  own  door,  I  looked  round  and  saw  Harriet  rush 
into  her  room  and  heard  her  lock  the  door  very 
audibly. 

Then,  when  once  more  safely  in  my  own  room,  I 
felt,  oh,  so  grieved  that  Harriet  should  have  a  clan- 
destine meeting  with  Lord  Hugh,  and  let  him  flirt 
with  her  in  that  silly,  melodramatic  manner,  and  un- 
der circumstances,  too,  that  would  look  so  very  ter- 
rible if  only  anybody  besides  myself  had  come  upon 
them  while  they  were  philandering  like  that,  after 
everybody  else  had  gone  to  bed ! 


CURZON  STREET, 

July  igth. 
WELL,  a  dreadful  day  is  over! 

Yesterday  morning  I  was  still  at  Cowes,  at  Lady 
Langbourne's,  and  now  I  am  back  here,  with  another 
ordeal  before  me  to-night,  to  which  even  that  of  yes- 
terday is  nothing.  I  am  afraid. 

I  got  down  late  to  breakfast  yesterday,  and  was 
lucky    in    not    meeting    Harriet.     But    Lord    H— 
H was  there,  quite  amiable  and  happy,  and  hand- 
some as  usual,  and  most  anxious  to  get  me  toast  and 
eggs  and  fish  and  all  I  wanted. 

I  wanted  to  kill  him,  but  instead  I  contrived  to 
smile  and  to  thank  him  and  to  talk  about  the  weather. 
It  does  seem  strange  what  a  lot  of  small  talk  has  to 
be  got  through  when  tragedies  are  going  on!  There 
was  my  usual  letter  from  Gerald  on  the  table,  just  a 
few  lines  written  as  soon  as  he  got  home  from  the 
office.  He  said  he  was  still  very  seedy,  and  I  made 
up  my  mind  at  once  to  make  that  the  excuse  for  going 
home  at  once. 

Lady  Langbourne  never  appears  at  breakfast.  Har- 
riet says  her  complexion  is  never  ready  before  one 
o'clock.  But  I  told  Letty  I  thought  I  should  have  to 
go  home  that  day,  as  my  husband  was  not  well  and 
might  want  me. 

"  What  a  reason,  my  dear ! "  she  lisped  out  in  her 
merry  whisper,  as  we  walked  away  from  the  break- 
fast-table together.  "  When  Geoffrey  isn't  well  I  al- 

58 


ways  find  an  excuse  to  be  in  another  hemisphere.  A 
man  is  always  so  dreadfully  cross  when  there's  any- 
thing the  matter  with  him." 

"  There  might  be  more  the  matter  with  him  if  I 
didn't  go  home,"  I  said.  "  I'm  sure  he  doesn't  take 
enough  care  of  himself." 

Letty  laughed. 

"  You  do  amuse  me,  child,"  she  said,  "  with  your 
lovely  Rushbury  face  and  your  funny  middle-class 
ideals!" 

I  felt  myself  growing  very  red.  To  begin  with,  it 
was  provoking  as  well  as  amusing  to  hear  Letty  talk 
about  the  middle-class  in  that  sneering  way,  con- 
sidering that  her  grandfather  was  a  hatter  in  the  City, 
who  made  money  in  the  South  African  boom  and  then 
got  knighted! 

And  in  the  second  place,  it  always  makes  me  angry 
to  hear  people  talk  as  if  it  were  only  the  middle-class 
who  led  orderly  lives. 

"  Do  you  think  it's  only  in  what  you  call  the  middle- 
class  that  husbands  and  wives  care  for  each  other?" 
I  asked  her. 

"  Oh,  no,  dear,  of  course  not.  One  hears  stories 
about  rich  tradesmen  and  stock-brokers,  and  one  sees 
their  names  associated  with  scandal.  But  devotion 
like  yours  would  be  conspicuous  anywhere." 

I  was  nettled,  so  I  retorted: 

"  Well,  I  think  indifference  like  yours  is  just  as  ex- 
ceptional. And  I'm  sure  I  hope  it  is.  I  don't  see 
anything  to  envy  in  the  state  of  mind  that  makes  one 
able  to  get  on  with  any  man  unless  he's  had  the  mis- 
fortune to  marry  one." 

I  hope  I  am  not  generally  ill-natured,  but  really  I 
was  so  disgusted  with  what  I  had  seen  the  night  be- 
fore, and  with  the  general  tone  of  the  place  that  made 


such  scandals  possible,  that  I  spoke  more  waspishly 
than  I  usually  do. 

Letty  raised  her  eyebrows.  But  she  remained  per- 
fectly good-tempered. 

"  Ah,  my  dear,"  she  said.  "  You're  new  to  the 
business,  and  at  present  you're  only  in  the  billing  and 
cooing  stage.  When  you  come  here  next  year  you  will 
have  settled  down,  and  we  shall  have  to  look  after  our 
best  boys." 

Letty  says  things  that  make  one  curl  up,  some- 
times, as  this  did.  I  tried  to  laugh,  to  ward  off  an- 
other attack  upon  the  unhappy  middle-class,  and  then 
I  said  I  would  send  off  a  wire  to  tell  Gerald  I  was 
coming  back. 

This  was  an  opportunity  Letty  could  not  resist. 

"A  wire!  I'm  glad  to  see  you  have  just  enough 
discretion  to  let  him  know  you're  coming ! "  she  said. 

At  which  sally  I  had  to  laugh  with  the  best  grace 
I  could.  It  is  not  that  I  have  any  fear  that  Gerald 
will  ever  be  anything  but  the  old  dear  he  is  to  me 
now,  but  I  hate  to  hear  it  taken  for  granted  by  every- 
body that  some  day  he  will  be  different,  and  that  I 
shall  be  wdifferent ! 

I  wonder  what  makes  men  marry  these  women  at 
all!  If  they  have  stayed  in  many  houses  like  this, 
where  everybody  thinks  only  of  enjoying  each  day  as 
it  comes,  I  should  have  thought  they  would  have  seen 
enough  to  warn  them  off! 

As  for  the  women,  I  see  why  they  marry:  Letty, 
for  instance,  has  got  into  society  with  Grandpapa 
Hatter's  African  money ;  but  why  did  Geoffrey  Lang- 
bourne  marry  her?  It  certainly  can't  have  been  in 
order  to  enjoy  her  society ;  for  apparently  he  is  the 
only  man  she  knows  who  does  not. 

Lady  Langbourne  was  very  kind  when  she  heard 


THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER      61 

I  had  to  return  to  town;  and  Harriet,  whom  I  saw 
for  the  first  time  at  luncheon,  asked  me  across  the 
table  whether  I  couldn't  wait  till  the  end  of  the  week, 
and  go  back  with  her. 

I  answered  as  naturally  as  I  could  that  it  was  im- 
possible ;  but  I  saw  a  sort  of  alarm  upon  her  face 
when  I  spoke,  which  made  me  wonder  whether  she 
had  any  suspicion  that  I  had  heard  or  seen  any- 
thing. 

Lady  Langbourne  said  it  was  a  thousand  pities  I 
was  going,  as  Sir  Arnold  Banbury,  who  was  an  en- 
thusiastic admirer  of  mine,  was  coming  over  in  his 
yacht,  the  Lucette. 

Sir  Arnold  arrived  before  luncheon  was  over,  ex- 
pressed the  greatest  distress  on  learning  that  I  was 
going  away,  and  insisted  on  taking  me  across  to 
Southsea  in  his  yacht  to  catch  the  four-fifty  train, 
by  which  I  was  going  back  to  town. 

"  Mind,  you  have  it  in  your  own  hands  whether  she 
catches  the  train  or  not,  Banbury,"  said  Lord  Hugh. 

But  I  said  that,  if  I  were  to  lose  the  train,  Sir 
Arnold  would  never  forget  it,  and  he  affected  to  turn 
pale  with  terror  at  the  thought  of  my  anger. 

I  had  made  up  my  mind  not  to  say  good-by  to 
Harriet,  for,  as  I  knew  that  she  doesn't  care  two 
straws  about  anything  I  can  say,  I  thought  that  the 
best  thing  would  be  to  frighten  her  by  saying  nothing 
at  all.  Besides,  I  really  was  so  intensely  disgusted 
and  ashamed  of  her  that  I  knew  I  couldn't  speak  to 
her  as  if  nothing  had  happened. 

I  contrived  to  avoid  her,  and  I  think  she  knew  that 
I  did.  But  she  did  not,  as  I  expected,  try  to  see  me 
in  my  room,  and  I  got  away  with  Letty  Langbourne 
and  two  or  three  of  the  others,  in  good  time  to  catch 
the  train. 


62      THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER 

We  all  went  on  board  the  Lucette  together,  and  the 
sail  across  to  Portsmouth  was  lovely.  I  was  wonder- 
ing as  we  went  what  had  become  of  Harriet,  for  it 
seemed  odd  that  she  should  not  have  contrived  at 
least  to  see  me  for  a  few  moments,  if  only  to  find 
out  why  I  was  cutting  her  so  carefully. 

We  sailed  up  to  the  harbor  pier,  where  they 
landed  me,  Sir  Arnold  insisting  that  he  must  accom- 
pany me  to  the  station  to  see  me  off. 

But  we  had  only  gone  a  few  steps  when  Harriet, 
appearing  from  I  don't  know  where,  came  up  to  us, 
and,  thrusting  her  hand  through  my  arm,  told  Sif 
Arnold  that  she  wanted  to  see  me  off  herself,  as  she 
had  a  message  for  me  to  take  to  my  mother.  She 
was  wearing  a  dark  dress  and  a  lace  veil  so  thick  that  I 
did  not  know  who  she  was  till  I  felt  her  touch  my  arm, 
and  heard  her  speak. 

Sir  Arnold  was  very  unwilling  to  give  me  up  to* 
her,  and  so  was  I  to  be  given  up.  But  Harriet  was 
so  persistent,  so  quiet,  and  so  determined,  that  she" 
had  to  have  her  way,  and  I  said  good-by  to  Sif 
Arnold  and  walked  up  the  pier  with  her. 

"Are  you  going  up  to  town  with  me?"  I  said. 

"  No,"  she  said  shortly.  "  I  am  going  to  take  you 
to  an  hotel,  where  we  can  talk." 

I  was  trembling  all  over,  as  if  I  had  been  guilty  of 
some  crime,  and  she  had  just  found  me  out  in  it. 

"I  —  I  must  go  by  this  train.  There's  —  there's 
my  luggage,"  I  said  hoarsely. 

"  Blow  the  luggage,"  said  Harriet.  "  Lindsay  will 
take  care  of  it.  Let  her  go  by  this  train,  and  say  — " 

"  Say  what?  "  I  asked,  as  she  stopped  short. 

She  turned  to  my  maid,  who  was  still  looking  very 
green,  as  she  can't  stand  the  sea  even  for  half  an 
hour. 


THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER     63 

"Tell  Mr.  Calstock,"  she  said,  "that  Lady  Cecilia 
was  detained  by  Lady  Langbourne,  and — " 

"  Lady  Langbourne !  "  I  interrupted. 

Harriet  turned  and  looked  at  me  steadily.  I  could 
see  her  curious  eyes  shining  at  me  through  the  black 
lace  of  her  veil. 

"  Yes.  Lady  Langbourne  sent  me  across  by  the 
Ryde  boat,  to  ask  you  to  wait  to  take  some  commis- 
sions from  her." 

"  Oh,  all  right,"  I  said,  puzzled  and  confused,  while 
Harriet  turned  again  to  Lindsay  and  gave  her  orders 
what  to  do. 

I  had  to  confirm  these,  for  Lindsay  did  not  much 
like  being  spoken  to  by  her,  and  then  I  saw  my  lug- 
gage wheeled  away,  and  found  myself  left  to  the  com- 
panionship of  my  cousin. 

"  Now,"  said  she,  "  I'll  take  you  to  the  hotel  where 
I  always  stay,  and  we'll  have  some  tea." 

I  knew  there  was  something  more  to  be  gone 
through  than  just  tea,  but  I  was  helpless  in  her  de- 
termined hands,  and  a  few  minutes  later  we  had  got 
into  a  fly  and  were  being  driven  into  Southsea. 

We  stopped  at  an  hotel  where  Harriet  was  known, 
and  she  asked  for  a  private  room  and  took  me  into  it. 

Until  the  tea  was  served,  and  we  had  each  sipped 
it  and  refused  anything  to  eat,  she  said  nothing  of 
any  importance.  Then  she  had  the  table  cleared,  and 
when  the  waiter  had  left  the  room  she  locked  the  door 
and  quietly  put  the  key  in  her  pocket. 

I  said  nothing;  but  the  window  was  open,  and  I 
walked  out  upon  the  balcony. 

The  next  moment  she  had  glided  across  the  room 
and  stood  looking  out  at  me,  with  a  strange  glow 
in  her  eyes.  She  had  taken  off  her  veil,  and  I  could 
see  her  face,  and  I  knew  that  I  was  in  for  a  "  scene." 


64     THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER 

I  suppose  she  saw  that  I  looked  frightened,  for  she 
said: 

"  Come  in.     I'm  not  going  to  hurt  you." 

She  stood  back  from  the  window,  and  I,  trying  to 
look  as  if  I  had  nothing  on  my  mind,  stepped  slowly 
inside  again. 

"Why  are  you  going  back  to  town?"  she  asked 
quietly. 

There  is  one  thing  to  be  said  for  Harriet.  She  can 
always  come  up  to  Miss  Trood's  ideal,  by  remaining 
quiet  and  "  lady-like  "  when  any  other  woman  would 
be  at  white  heat. 

"  Gerald  is  not  well,"  I  said. 

It  would  not  be  true  to  say  that  she  laughed;  but 
her  mouth  became  a  little  wider,  and  a  hoarse  sound 
came  from  between  her  lips.  I  knew  quite  well  that 
I  was  found  out,  and  it  struck  me,  even  at  that  mo- 
ment, as  being  strange  that  it  was  I,  and  not  she,  who 
felt  like  a  culprit. 

"  Why  didn't  you  wish  me  good  morning  ?  "  she 
asked  abruptly. 

I  tried  still  to  appear  unconcerned. 

"  Didn't  I  ?    Oh,  I  didn't  see  you  at  breakfast-time." 

She  frowned  impatiently. 

"  Why  have  you  avoided  me  to-day,  Cis  ?  " 

I  hesitated.  It  was  of  no  use  to  fight  the  ground, 
inch  by  inch,  when  I  knew  I  must  be  brought  to  earth 
at  last.  So  I  looked  up,  with  a  sort  of  gasp. 

"  I  think  you  know,"  I  said  hoarsely. 

I  suppose  she  was  rather  taken  aback  to  find  that 
I  had  spirit  enough  to  answer  as  I  did,  with  a  little 
fierce  uplook  at  her,  for  her  eyelids  quivered  and  a 
slight  flush  came  into  her  face. 

But  she  recovered  herself  at  once. 

"  I  haven't  the  least  idea.     Pray  tell  me." 


THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER      65 

We  were  standing  face  to  face,  one  on  each  side 
of  the  table  in  the  middle  of  the  room.  Separated 
from  her  like  that,  and  supporting  myself  on  the 
table,  I  felt  able  to  stand  up  to  her.  But  it  was  as 
much  as  I  could  do  to  gasp  out : 

"I  —  I  saw  something  —  heard  something  —  last 
night." 

She  flinched,  and  then  she  looked  down  at  the  table- 
cover  as  she  said: 

"  I  don't  understand.    What  did  you  see  or  hear  ?  " 

I  wanted  to  speak  quietly  and  steadily,  as  she  did. 
But  I  couldn't.  It  was  such  a  dreadful  thing  to  have 
to  say,  so  horrible,  so  disgusting,  that  it  made  me  feel 
sick  and  cold  even  to  think  of  it. 

"  I  opened  my  door  to  go  to  your  room  to  ask  for 
some  toilet  vinegar.  And  —  you  were  not  in  your 
room." 

"  Not  in  my  room  ?  Oh,  I  know  now.  I  had  to 
fetch  my  maid.  That  was  why  I  was  absent." 

I  said  nothing.  It  would  be  best  if  she  would  leave 
it  at  that.  So  I  turned  away  and  moved  towards  a 
chair.  But  she  flew  across  the  room  and  gripped  my 
shoulder. 

"  Was  it  Roberts  you  saw,  or  me  ?  " 

"  It  was  neither." 

"  Come,  what  do  you  mean  ?  " 

"Oh,  Harriet,  must  I  say  it?  It's  too  awful,  too 
shocking !  I  went  downstairs  and  you  were  with  Lord 
Hugh  at  that  time  of  night." 

I  just  glanced  at  her,  and  saw  that  her  complexion 
was  almost  green.  She  knew  that,  as  she  would  have 
said,  "  the  game  was  up."  She  stood  a  few  moments, 
quite  silent,  while  I  waited  and  limply  tried  to  drag 
myself  away.  But  she  would  not  let  me  go. 

At  last  she  laughed,  a  weak,  hoarse  little  laugh,  and 


66      THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER 

thrust  me  suddenly  away  from  her,  so  that  I  fell  into 
the  arm-chair  by  the  fire-place. 

"  You  were  playing  the  spy,  then,  I  suppose  ?  " 

"  No.  But,  after  what  I  had  seen,  how  could  I  go 
quietly  to  bed,  and  forget  it  ?  " 

"Forget  what?" 

"  I  can't  say  it,  I  can't,  I  can't !  What  is  the  good 
of  forcing  the  words  out  of  my  mouth  again  and 
again,  when  you  know  that  I  know  all  about  it?  I 
didn't  want  to  know  it,  I  hate  having  to  know.  But 
what  I  once  suspected  has  come  to  pass.  How  can 
you  let  that  man  make  love  to  you,  Harriet  ?  " 

I  covered  my  face  with  my  hands,  and  fought  to 
keep  quiet  and  not  to  cry.  It  was  a  long  time  be- 
fore she  spoke  again. 

Then  I  heard  a  little  sliding  sound,  and  I  felt  her 
sinking  to  the  floor  beside  me,  and  inhaled  the  per- 
fume which  is  always  about  her,  "  wild  violets,"  I  think 
she  calls  it.  And  then  her  hand,  which  was  hot  and 
dry,  stole  into  mine. 

"  Come,  Cis,"  she  said,  "  you're  not  hard-hearted,  I 
know.  You'll  listen  to  me,  won't  you  ?  " 

Her  voice  had  that  curious  caressing  sound  that  no- 
body could  resist,  and  I  knew  that  she  would  be  able 
to  make  me  promise  anything  she  liked.  But  I  meant 
to  get  a  promise  in  return,  meant  it  with  all  my  soul, 
so  I  set  my  teeth  hard  and  tried  to  speak  harshly  and 
decidedly  as  I  said : 

"  Of  course  I'll  listen.  But  I  promise  nothing  more 
than  that." 

"  That's  all  I'm  asking,  dear." 

She  drew  my  hands  down  from  my  face  and  made 
me  look  at  her.  And  then  I  was  frightened,  for  she 
looked  so  very,  very  different  —  pale,  and  haggard, 


THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER      67 

and  lined,  and  oh,  ever  so  much  older  than  she  usually 
does. 

"  Do  you  think  I  am  a  wicked  woman,  Cis?" 

"  I  don't  want  to  think  so,"  I  said.  "  And,  of  course, 
it's  not  for  me  to  judge  you,  or  anybody.  But  it's 
horrible  to  have  to  know  what  I  do  know." 

"  Why  know  it  then  ?  Why  not  take  my  word  for 
it  that  you  were  mistaken,  absurdly  mistaken  ?  " 

"  You  were  not  in  your  room,  Harriet." 

"  Xot  in  my  room?  Have  I  not  just  told  you  I  had 
to  fetch  my  maid,  Roberts?  I  was  away  only  a  few 
minutes." 

So  saying  she  crossed  the  apartment  with  a  very 
offended  air. 

I  looked  at  her  very  quietly.  There  must  have  been 
a  silent  accusation  in  my  look,  for  now  she  flew  back  to 
me  and,  grasping  my  shoulder,  asked: 

"  Whatever  do  you  mean  ?  " 

"  Oh,  Harriet,  you  know.  I  went  downstairs  to  the 
music-room  and  I  saw  — " 

"  Well,"  she  interrupted,  "  what  if  you  did  ?  Why 
make  such  a  fuss  about  just  an  innocent  coincidence? 
I  was  hot,  and  went  down  for  the  coolness,  and  he 
did  the  same.  What  harm  was  there  in  our  having 
just  a  little  chat?  Remember,  he  is  one  of  the  kind- 
est men  in  the  world." 

"  All  the  same,  Harriet,  you  must  have  been  mad, 
when  you  found  him  there,  to  stay  with  him  at  that 
hour." 

"  But  you  won't  tell  ?  You  won't  breathe  a  word 
of  it  ? "  Her  voice  trembled  and  grew  hoarse. 
"  Especially  not  to  —  your  husband." 

I  cried  out.  And  she  seized  my  hands  again  and 
squeezed  them  up  in  hers. 


68     THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER 

"If  he  were  to  know,  it  would  be  all  up  with  me," 
she  said,  and  I  could  not  help  noticing  that,  in  her 
excitement,  she  had  now  dropped  the  pretence  that 
I  hadn't  seen  what  I  did  see.  "  For  Sir  John  is  one 
of  his  clients." 

That  was  just  what  I  had  remembered,  and  the 
thought  of  having  to  face  Gerald,  now  that  Harriet 
had  confessed  to  me,  was  dreadfully  hard  to  bear. 

"  I  do  wish,"  I  said  hurriedly,  "  that  you  hadn't  met 
me  to-day.  It  would  have  been  better,  much  better, 
to  let  me  go  back  without  having  seen  you  and  talked 
to  you.  Now  I  shan't  know  how  to  meet  him,  if  he 
should  ask  me  any  questions." 

Her  face  suddenly  flushed,  and  then  grew  white 
again. 

"  That's  just  what  I'm  dreading,"  she  said.  "  If 
once  Sir  John  were  to  fancy  anything  of  that  kind  to 
be  true,  he  would  simply  set  to  work,  and  being  rich, 
as  he  is,  I  should  stand  no  chance,  no  chance  at  all." 

"  Of  course  you  wouldn't,"  I  said.  "  Because  you 
haven't  made  any  attempt  to  keep  away  from  Lord 
Hugh—" 

"  Hush !  Don't  say  that  name,  for  Heaven's  sake ! 
Look  here,  Cis,  you've  gone  through  some  hard  times 
too.  You've  had  to  marry  the  wrong  man,  while  you 
cared  for  some  one  else.  Oh,  yes,  don't  try  to  pull 
your  hands  away.  You  know  you  were  fond  of  Jack 
once,  when  you  married  Sir  Lionel  Eberhard.  And 
you  must  have  been  fond,  I'm  sure,  of  your  present 
husband  before  you  married  him,  and  before  your  first 
husband  was  dead." 

"  But  to  be  fond  of  a  man  is  one  thing  — "    I  began. 

She  interrupted  me. 

"  Oh,  yes,  for  you  cold  people  who  can  keep  your 
feelings  under  proper  control,  I  dare  say  it  is.  But 


THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER     69 

I'm  not  like  that.  I  don't  pretend  to  be  very  '  good.' 
If  I  were  as  cold  as  a  stone,  of  course  I  should  find 
it  easy  enough  to  live  the  life  of  a  statue,  and  to  die 
in  the  odor  of  sanctity,  as  no  doubt  you  will  do.  But 
I'm  not  like  that.  I'm  no  saint :  I'm  only  just  a 
woman.  And  sympathy  is  a  necessity  to  me." 

"  Then  why  don't  you  ?  "  I  said  quickly.  "  Why 
don't  you  separate  yourself  from  Sir  John,  and  let 
him  set  you  free  ?  " 

"  That  seems  odd  advice  for  a  saint  to  give,"  said 
Harriet,  and  a  little  spice  of  malice  suddenly  appeared 
in  her  tone. 

I  protested  energetically. 

"  I'm  not  a  saint.  Nothing  is  more  ridiculous  than 
to  call  me  one.  It's  quite  true  that  I  don't  see  so 
much  harm  in  running  away  from  a  man  who  behaves 
like  a  brute  to  his  wife." 

She  frowned. 

"  A  brute.  Sir  John  doesn't  do  that.  He  is  un- 
sympathetic, cloddish,  that's  all." 

Then  I  added :  "  At  any  rate,  you  find  it  impos- 
sible to  love  him,  and  you  do  love  some  one  else. 
Why  not  put  an  end  to  it  all  by  leaving  him,  then? 
It  would  be  better  for  both  of  you,  and  for  the  chil- 
dren too,  than  —  doing  as  you're  doing  now." 

She  sat  back  and  looked  at  me  fiercely. 

"  I'm  doing  nothing  now,"  she  said. 

I  got  up  from  the  chair  and  went  to  the  door.  But 
it  was  locked,  so  I  couldn't  open  it.  Harriet  got  on 
her  feet  and  came  after  me. 

"  Look  here,  Cis,  you  wouldn't  like  a  divorce  ac- 
tion in  the  family,  would  you?  That  wouldn't  be 
good  for  anybody." 

I  turned  to  face  her. 

"  No.     It  would  be  dreadful,   of   course.     But   it 


70     THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER 

would  be  better,  a  thousand  times,  than  deceiving  your 
husband,  and  in  such  a  horrid,  mean,  shuddery  way, 
too!  Taking  advantage  of  your  friends,  as  you  are 
doing." 

"  What  friends  ?  "  said  she  quietly. 

"  Why,  of  Lady  Langbourne,  for  one." 

She  shrugged  her  shoulders. 

"  She  did  the  same  when  she  was  young.  And,  to 
do  her  justice,  she'd  never  round  on  another  woman," 
she  said,  with  a  reproachful  look. 

"  Oh,  Harriet,  do  you  think  I  would  round  on  you  ?  " 

"  You  won't  promise  to  —  to  tell  the  truth,  and  say 
you  saw  nothing." 

"  How  can  I  ?  You  don't  know  how  difficult  it  is 
to  keep  a  secret,  especially  of  that  sort,  from  a  person 
you're  fond  of." 

She  shrugged  her  shoulders. 

"  That's  the  worst  of  being  in  love  with  one's  own 
husband,"  she  said.  "  It  puts  you  so  much  in  his 
power." 

"  Well,  it's  better  than  being  in  the  power  of  any 
other  man." 

"And  so  you  mean  to  tell  Mr.  Calstock  what  you 
thought  you  saw?"  demanded  she. 

"  No,  no,  no,  of  course  I  won't,  if  I  can  help  it. 
But  supposing  he  should  find  out  in  any  other  way, 
won't  you  feel  glad  in  the  long  run  that  the  whole 
thing  is  done  with  and  over  ?  " 

A  light  flashed  out  of  her  eyes. 

"  Why,  no,  I  shouldn't,"  she  said  energetically.  "  I 
shouldn't  think  it  better  by  any  means  to  be  thrown 
over  by  a  man  who  is  at  least  well  off,  and  to  be 
disgraced,  and  separated  from  my  children,  and  to  be 
utterly  —  utterly  undone.  How  can  you  say  any- 
thing so  silly  ?  " 


THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER     71 

"  But  if  you  were  free  Lord  Hugh  would  marry 
you,  wouldn't  he  ?  " 

"  I  don't  suppose  for  a  moment  that  he  would  — 
or  even  that  he  could,"  she  answered  promptly.  "  And 
he  is  poor  and  in  debt,  so  there  would  be  very  little 
gained  if  he  did." 

"  Harriet,  I  hate  the  way  you  talk.  As  if  it  were 
all,  all,  only  a  question  of  money." 

"  Well,  so  it  is.  And  you  know  it.  It's  all  very 
well  for  you.  It  doesn't  matter  a  bit  what  you  do, 
because  you're  so  rich.  If  you  were  free — " 

"  Oh,  hush,  pray !  " 

"  I  say  if  you  were  free  —  and  it's  of  no  use  to 
pretend  you're  better  than  anybody  else,  and  that  such 
a  thing  couldn't  happen  to  you  —  you  would  marry 
again  as  soon  as  you  pleased,  and  practically  whom 
you  pleased,  because  you  can  afford  it.  I  can't.  I 
have  no  money  of  my  own,  and  I  should  simply  be 
done  for,  declassce.  It's  all  a  question  of  money,  like 
everything  else  nowadays." 

"  And  do  you  mean  to  say  that,  with  all  that  de- 
pending on  it,  you  are  so  silly  as  to  give  yourself 
away  as  you  do,  Harriet?  It's  madness." 

"  Well,  I'm  not  one  of  your  cold,  calculating  sort. 
It  would  be  better  for  me  if  I  were,  of  course,  but 
I'm  not.  Where  I  love,  as  I  say,  I  can't  be  strong." 

"  But  why  don't  you  use  common  prudence,  and, 
when  you  find  yourself  falling  in  love  with  a  man 
whom  you  must  know  all  about,  why  don't  you  take 
care  not  to  meet  him,  instead  of  flying  into  danger?" 

She  moved  impatiently. 

"  Oh,  why  don't  I  do  this?  Why  don't  I  do  that? 
I  can't  measure  my  conduct  like  you,  tie  up  my  af- 
fections into  neat  little  parcels,  and  distribute  them 


72      THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER 

in  the  proper  places!  I  love,  and  I  love  madly,  and 
there's  an  end  of  it ! " 

"  And  you  mean  to  go  on  until  it's  all  found  out, 
and  the  things  happen  that  you  expect  to  happen  ?  " 
I  asked,  aghast. 

She  looked  at  me  and  shook  her  head. 

"  No,  of  course  not.  I  must  pull  myself  up.  Not 
that  there  is  anything  in  what  I  have  done  to  be 
ashamed  of.  I've  always  been  faithful  to  my  hus- 
band—" 

"Oh,  Harriet!" 

She  stamped  her  foot,  and  went  on  impatiently: 
"  Though  I  admit  appearances  are  against  me,  I've 
done  things  that  prurient  minds  might  take  exception 
to." 

"  It  doesn't  need  a  prurient  mind  to  take  exception  to 
breaking  the  commandments." 

"  I  haven't  done  anything  of  the  sort.  But  sup- 
posing I  had  —  just  assuming,  for  the  sake  of  argu- 
ment, that  I  had  —  I  suppose  you  would  think  it  your 
duty  —  that's  the  proper  phrase,  isn't  it  ?  —  you  would 
think  it  your  duty  to  tell  Mr.  Calstock  all  about  it  as 
soon  as  you  got  home  ?  " 

"  Oh,  Harriet,  you  know  I  shouldn't !  I'm  more 
ashamed  of  it  than  you  are !  " 

"  Well,  you  would  let  it  out  if  he  were  to  question 
you." 

"  What  could  I  do  ?  You  don't  know  how  clever 
he  is,  and  how  he  can  worm  things  out." 

"  I  see.  Then  you  will  think  it  your  duty,  when 
your  husband  asks  you,  presses  you  —  there's  nobody 
like  a  lawyer  for  hounding  a  woman  down!  —  to  tell 
him  what  you  fancied  you  saw,  and  then,  of  course, 
if  Sir  John  gets  hold  of  the  story,  as  of  course  he  will, 
you  will  appear  against  me  and  give  evidence  in  court." 


THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER      73 

I  was  silent.  She  knew  very  well  that  I  should  do 
none  of  the  things  she  suggested,  and  it  hurt  me  to 
hear  her  speak  of  them. 

"  Well,"  she  said  at  last.  "  Why  don't  you  answer? 
There's  no  need,  surely,  to  be  ashamed  of  your  vir- 
tuous actions  ?  " 

I  took  no  notice  of  her  sneers,  but  going  across 
to  the  table,  and  standing  close  to  her,  so  that  I 
could  hold  her  eye  to  eye,  I  said: 

"If  you  will  swear  to  me  never  to  do  again  what 
you  did  last  night  —  I'll  swear  not  to  tell  any  one 
what  I  —  know." 

She  heaved  a  sort  of  stifled  sigh  of  relief. 

"  Of  course  I'll  swear  it,"  she  said.  "  And  in  re- 
turn I  know  that  I  can  trust  you  perfectly.  If  your 
husband  learns  anything,  it  won't  be  from  you." 

"  No,"  said  I. 

Even  while  I  uttered  the  word  I  was  conscious  how 
very  hard  it  would  be  for  me  to  keep  the  oath  I  had 
offered  to  make,  what  a  racking  interrogatory  I  might 
have  to  submit  to,  and  what  dangers,  vaguely  under- 
stood, but  vividly  imagined,  I  might  be  exposing  my- 
self to  by  my  oath. 

But  there  were  so  many  reasons  for  my  standing 
by  her,  and  they  were  so  strong,  that  I  could  only 
take  that  course. 

To  refuse  would  be,  I  knew,  to  bring  ruin  upon 
her  and  scandal  upon  the  family,  to  break  up  the 
home  at  Shire  Place,  as  well  as  to  bring  a  slur  upon 
her  children. 

If,  by  swearing  to  keep  her  secret,  I  could  make 
her  break  off  this  mad,  wicked  affair,  and  go  back  to 
decency  and  common  sense,  I  felt  that  the  best  pos- 
sible thing  in  the  circumstances  would  have  been 
done. 


74      THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER 

She  took  both  my  hands  in  hers  and  held  them 
close  to  her. 

"  Now,"  she  said,  "  look  me  in  the  face  and  swear 
that,  whatever  happens,  you  will  let  no  one  know 
what  you  saw  —  or  imagined  you  saw  —  last  night." 

"  I  swear  that,  if  you  will  swear  never  to  do  again 
what  you  did  last  night,  and  to  break  it  off  absolutely 
with  Lord  Hugh,  I  will  never  betray  you,  never  tell 
any  one,  my  husband  or  any  one  else,  what  I  saw." 

"  I  swear,"  she  said  solemnly,  "  I  will  never  have 
anything  to  do  with  Lord  Hugh  again." 

"  And,"  I  insisted,  still  holding  her  hands  as  she 
had  held  mine,  "  if  you  break  your  oath  I  am  to  be 
absolved  from  mine." 

She  snatched  away  her  hands  with  violence,  which 
was  utterly  unlike  her. 

"  Oh,  of  course,  of  course,"  she  said  hurriedly. 
"  But  it  will  not  happen,  I  swear  it." 

"  Very  well.     Now  let  me  go,"  I  said. 

I  was  anxious  to  be  away,  irritated  and  worried, 
longing  to  be  by  myself. 

But  my  eagerness  made  her  suspicious  again. 

"  You  won't,  will  you,  pretend  that  you  are  absolved 
from  keeping  your  oath  because  I  locked  you  in  ?  " 
she  asked,  as  she  took  the  key  of  the  door  out  of  her 
pocket. 

"Of  course  not.  I  want  to  do  the  best  I  can  for 
you  and  for  the  children.  I  have  sworn,  and  I  will 
keep  my  oath,"  I  said. 

She  kissed  me  suddenly,  gratefully  I  think,  and 
let  me  out. 

I  had  lost  my  train,  but,  though  I  knew  that,  1 
would  not  stay  with  her.  I  hurried  out  of  the  hotel 
and  went  to  the  station,  where  I  had  to  wait  till  the 
seven-fifteen. 


THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER     75 

I  was  feeling  very  downcast  and  unhappy  by  the 
vime  I  started  for  London.  I  had  never  had  a  secret 
from  Gerald  in  the  short  time  we  had  been  married, 
and  I  had  never  expected  to  have  one.  Now,  however, 
I  was  pledged  to  keep  one  which  I  foresaw  would  be 
full  of  difficulties.  However,  I  couldn't  regret  my 
oath,  for  I  thought  it  was  the  only  thing  that  would 
be  likely  to  keep  Harriet,  and  her  family,  and  our 
family,  from  a  terrible  scandal. 

I  felt  that  it  was  hard  upon  Sir  John;  but  in  such 
a  tangle  as  this  somebody  must  be  badly  treated.  A 
horrid  suggestion  did  dart  into  my  mind  that  perhaps 
it  was  Harriet  who  was  altogether  in  the  wrong,  and 
Sir  John  who  was  blameless.  But,  in  any  case,  I 
could  not  help  in  the  ruin  of  my  own  kinswoman,  and, 
after  all,  I  had  bound  myself  to  nothing  but  to  hold 
my  tongue. 

The  journey  seemed  dreadfully  long,  and  when  I 
got  home  it  was  past  ten. 

Gerald  was  in  his  study,  and  the  moment  he  saw 
me  he  jumped  up  and  came  to  meet  me,  and  looking 
at  me  very  anxiously  after  he  had  kissed  me,  he  asked 
what  had  made  me  come  away  so  suddenly. 

There  is  something  so  penetrating  in  his  eyes,  some- 
thing I  have  never  seen  in  anybody  else's  eyes,  that 
I  felt  I  was  growing  red  as  I  answered: 

"  You  said  you  were  seedy  again,  and  I  hated  to 
stay  away." 

"What  nonsense,  child!  I'm  all  right.  And  you 
were  enjoying  yourself,  and  the  change  must  have 
been  doing  you  good.  Now  you've  come  back  so  soon 
you  won't  feel  the  benefit  of  it  at  all." 

"  Never  mind,"  I  said.  "  We  will  go  away  together 
somewhere  for  a  little  while,  and  that  will  be  much 
nicer  than  going  away  without  you." 


76     THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER 

"  And  what  did  Lady  Langbourne  want  with  you  that 
she  made  you  send  your  maid  back  without  you  ?  " 

"  Oh,  it  wasn't  Lady  Langbourne  at  all,"  I  said, 
determined  not  to  tell  anything  but  the  truth  if  I 
could  help  it.  "  It  was  Harriet  who  kept  me  to  have 
tea  with  her." 

He  frowned. 

"  Lady  Usher,"  he  said  shortly  rather.  "  Ah,  yes, 
she  was  there,  wasn't  she  ?  " 

"  Yes.  And  Letty  Langbourne,  and  the  Duchess  of 
Newport,  and  Princess  Adele;  besides  three  or  four 
nobodies,  gray  people  who  just  fill  up  backgrounds, 
and  heaps  of  men." 

"  Who  were  the  men  ?  " 

He  had  taken  me  to  the  sofa  and  was  sitting  be- 
side me,  looking  affectionately  at  me  even  while  he 
asked  these  questions  with  more  appearance  of  interest 
than  I  liked. 

"  Oh,  I  don't  even  know  the  names  of  half  of 
them,"  I  said.  "  But  Geoffrey  Langbourne  wasn't 
there,  and  the  family  was  represented  by  two  mild 
male  cousins,  or  something  of  that  sort,  of  old  Lady 
Langbourne." 

"Well,  and  the  rest?" 

"  I'll  try  to  remember  the  names  of  them  all  in  the 
morning,"  I  said.  "  But  Sir  Arnold  Banbury  brought 
me  across  from  Cowes  in  his  yacht,  and  was  so  devoted 
that,  if  you  had  been  there,  you  ought  to  have  been 
quite  jealous." 

Gerald  smiled. 

"  If  I  could  be  jealous  of  such  men  as  you  have 
described  him  to  be,"  he  said,  "  I  shouldn't  be  jealous 
of  any  one.  Do  you  see  ?  " 

I  nodded. 

"  I  think  so.    If  you  thought  me  capable  of  caring 


THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER     77 

for  a  man  like  that,  you  would  be  incapable  of  caring 
forme.  Is  that  it?" 

"  Exactly." 

"  You  feel  quite  sure  of  me,  even  when  I  am 
among  all  those  butterflies  ?  " 

"  Yes.  If  you  had  been  a  butterfly,  you  wouldn't 
have  taken  up  with  a  dull  old  sober-sides  like  me." 

"  Oh,  Gerald,  you're  not  dull.  You're  such  a  relief 
after  all  those  people ! "  I  said.  "  They  get  on  my 
nerves,  after  a  little  while,  with  their  perpetual  chase 
after  distraction  of  one  kind  or  another.  Now,  with 
you  I  have  to  provide  the  distraction,  and  that  flatters 
my  vanity." 

"  I  wonder  whether  you'll  always  be  satisfied  with 
such  a  quiet  life  as  that  we  lead,  compared  to  those 
of  your  friends !  "  said  he. 

"  What  makes  you  ask  that  ?  You've  been  getting 
low-spirited  while  I've  been  away ! " 

"  I  dare  say  I  have.  But  when  one  thinks  of  the 
infinite  capacity  for  enjoyment  which  your  people 
possess,  one  wonders  sometimes  whether  it  was  alto- 
gether wise  of  you  to  make  such  a  choice  as  you  have 
done." 

"  I  see.    You're  getting  tired  of  me !  " 

"  That's  it,  I  dare  say,"  said  he,  caressing  my  head. 
"  I'm  a  bit  of  a  Don  Juan,  and  a  lady-killer,  am  I  not, 
Cecilia?" 

I  laughed  as  I  kissed  him. 

"  If  you  were,"  I  said,  "  you  certainly  wouldn't  have 
had  the  supreme  happiness  of  marrying  me." 

"  It  is  a  supreme  happiness,"  said  he  gently ;  "  it  is 
happiness  such  as  I  never  dreamed  of." 

"Haven't  you  ever  been  in  love  before?"  I  asked, 
delighted  to  find  him  in  a  talkative  mood,  which  is 
rare  with  him. 


78     THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER 

"  In  love !  Oh,  yes,  I  dare  say  I've  fancied  myself 
in  love  many  times.  You've  done  that  too,  you 
know  ?  "  he  added  slyly. 

"  Don't,"  I  said,  getting  red  as  I  remembered  what 
he  knew  about  my  fancy  for  Jack  and  the  consequences 
of  it.  "  What  were  they  like,  the  girls  you  fell  in 
love  with  before  you  met  me?  Were  they  at  all  like 
me?"  I  asked. 

"  I'm  afraid  they  were  not.  They  certainly  weren't 
half  so  pretty." 

"Well,  describe  them." 

"  I'm  afraid  I'm  not  much  of  a  hand  at  a  descrip- 
tion. But  there  was  one  type  of  woman  that  appealed 
to  me,  in  pictures  chiefly,  however." 

"  What  type  was  that  ?  " 

"  Well,  I  think  I  used  to  be  attracted  by  Burne- 
Jones's  women,  with  the  hungry  faces  and  long  necks 
and  green  eyes,"  he  said. 

I  had  a  most  curious  sensation  when  he  said  this ; 
for  the  description  reminded  me  of  Harriet  Usher, 
and  she  was  just  the  one  woman  in  the  world  whom, 
just  then,  I  didn't  want  to  think  about. 

I  tried  to  laugh. 

"  I  hope  you  have  lost  your  fancy  for  the  type," 
said  I.  "  For  it  certainly  isn't  like  me." 

"  No,  it  certainly  isn't.  However,  I  think  I  can 
put  up  with  you,  in  default  of  finding  my  ideal,"  he 
said  playfully. 

I  was  thankful,  when  I  went  to  bed,  to  think  how 
well  the  evening  had  passed  off,  without  any  awkward 
questions  or  evasive  answers. 

But  I  was  congratulating  myself  too  soon. 

When  I  got  down  to  breakfast  this  morning  I  found 
Gerald  reading  his  letters,  and  looking  very  grave. 

"  Can  you  find  me  the  A  B  C  ?  "  he  asked,  looking 


THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER      79 

up  from  a  letter  he  was  reading.  And  when  I  found 
it  he  ran  his  finger  down  one  page  of  it  without  telling 
me  what  he  wanted  it  for. 

And  when  I  saw  his  finger  stop  at  the  station  nearest 
to  Shire  Place,  Sir  John  Usher's  place,  my  heart  was 
in  my  mouth.  I  said  nothing,  but  went  on  pouring  out 
the  coffee.  He  had  not  yet  taken  his  seat. 

"  I  have  to  go  down  into  Berkshire  this  afternoon," 
he  said.  "  So  don't  expect  me  back  before  eight,  or 
perhaps  later.  Don't  wait  dinner  for  me." 

"  Business  ?  "  I  asked,  feeling  that  I  changed  color, 
for  I  knew  what  the  answer  would  be. 

"  Yes." 

He  took  his  place  and  looked  across  the  angle  of 
the  table  at  me. 

"  You  didn't  tell  me  the  names  of  all  the  people 
you  met  at  Cowes.  Who  were  the  men  ?  " 

I  knew  it  was  coming. 

"  There  was  Sir  Arnold  Banbury,  and  the  two  Ock- 
leys,  and  Lord  Hugh  Hawkhurst  " —  I  felt  that  I  was 
growing  scarlet,  but  I  pushed  valiantly  on  — "  and  Sir 
Charles  Cranleigh,  and  —  I'm  afraid  I  don't,  for  the 
moment,  remember  the  names  of  the  others,"  I  said. 

"  Oh,  well,  never  mind  the  others."  He  was  look- 
ing at  me  in  a  way  that  made  me  feel  guilty  and  un- 
comfortable. "Lord  Hugh  Hawkhurst  was  there?" 

"  Yes.     He  arrived  the  day  after  I  did." 

"  You  have  met  him  before,  when  you  were  with 
Lady  Usher." 

"  Yes.     I  told  you  about  it." 

"  I  know."  He  looked  at  me  steadily,  and  then 
asked  quite  point-blank,  with  the  shrewdness  which 
I  had  been  dreading :  "  What  made  you  come  back 
to  town  so  suddenly  ?  "  I  stammered,  unable  to  tell 
a  lie  at  such  short  notice.  "  Was  it,"  he  asked,  in  a 


more  severe  tone,  a  tone  which  made  me  think  of 
witness-boxes  and  cross-examinations,  "  was  it  some- 
thing you  —  found  out?" 

I  drew  my  breath  in  gasps. 

"W  —  w  —  what  should  I  find  out?"  I  asked. 

"  That's  what  I  want  to  know.  Did  you  find  out 
anything  ?  " 

"  Won't  you  please  tell  me  what  you  mean,  Ger- 
ald?" 

He  stared  at  me,  his  lips  tightly  pressed  together, 
and  his  brows  contracted.  Then  he  said  very  quietly : 

"  Yes,  I'll  tell  you.  Sir  John  Usher  has  reason  to 
suspect  that  he  has  lost  his  wife's  affections,  and  I 
am  wondering  whether  you  know  something  about  it." 

"Oh,  Gerald!" 

He  looked  at  me  steadily : 

"  Do  you  know  anything  about  it  ?  " 

"  What  should  I  know  ?    Why  do  you  ask  me  ?  " 

"  Don't  ask  me  questions  back,  but  answer  mine. 
Do  you  know  anything  about  this  ? "  I  hesitated, 
and  he  framed  his  question  in  another  way :  "  Did 
you  see  any  reason,  while  you  were  at  Lady  Lang- 
bourne's,  for  thinking  that  Lady  Usher  was  flirting 
with  any  of  the  men  there  ?  " 

"  Oh,  yes,  she  is  rather  a  flirt,"  I  answered  readily. 

"  And  with  whom  was  she  flirting  ?  " 

I  hesitated,  but  I  knew  what  I  meant  to  answer  and 
only  delayed  for  reasons  of  discretion: 

"  I  should  think  that,  on  the  whole,  she  flirted  more 
with  Lord  Hugh  Hawkhurst  than  with  any  of  the 
others." 

"  Yes,  so  should  I  think  so,"  said  Gerald  dryly. 
"  And  now  tell  me,  was  it  because  of  anything  you 
saw  that  you  came  away  so  much  earlier  than  you 
had  intended  to  do?" 


THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER     81 

I  hesitated. 

"  I  shouldn't  like  to  say  that,"  I  said  at  last.  "  At 
the  same  time,  after  what  you  said  about  Lord  Hugh, 
I  must  confess  that  I  would  rather  not  have  met  him 
again  at  all,  and  that  I  did  not  like  to  see  Harriet 
talking  and  laughing  with  him.  I  told  her  so,"  I 
added  boldly. 

"  And  what  did  she  say  ?  " 

"  She  said  I  exaggerated,  but  when  I  persisted,  she 
promised  not  to  flirt  with  him  any  more." 

Gerald  was  frowning  more  and  more  as  I  went  on 
to  the  end.  I  felt  horribly  wicked,  knowing  that  I 
was  deceiving  him,  careful  as  I  was  not  to  tell  any 
actuaJ  lie.  But  I  had  given  my  oath,  and  I  believed 
that  I  was  doing  the  only  thing  possible  for  the  best 
for  everybody. 

"And  is  that  all  you  know,  positively  all?"  he 
asked,  so  dryly,  so  sarcastically,  that  I  broke  down 
and  burst  into  tears. 

For  once  he  just  let  me  cry,  instead  of  coming  over 
to  console  me.  I  had  to  dry  my  eyes  by  myself,  and 
when  I  looked  up  he  was  pacing  up  and  down  the 
breakfast-room,  whistling  softly  to  himself,  and  ap- 
parently not  taking  any  notice  of  me.  I  felt  deeply 
wounded  and  hurt,  and  I  got  up  and  walked  to  the 
door. 

But  he  stopped  me,  saying  quietly: 

"  Sit  down  a  moment,  please." 

If  I  had  been  a  prisoner  in  the  dock  I  could  not 
have  been  more  helpless  than  I  felt  in  the  face  of 
his  quiet  determination  to  find  out  from  me  what  he 
wanted  to  know.  But  the  knowledge  that  I  was  at 
bay  woke  in  me  a  spirit  of  resistance  which  seemed 
quite  new  and  strange  even  to  myself.  I  sat  down 
in  a  leather  arm-chair  and  held  the  sides. 


82     THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER 

He  stood  in  front  of  me,  but  a  little  way  off. 

"  Now  tell  me,  like  a  good  girl,  all  you  know,  ab- 
solutely all,  without  reserve,  about  your  cousin  and 
what  she  has  been  doing." 

I  looked  up,  stubborn  and  calm. 

"  I  have  nothing  to  tell,"  I  said. 

"  Oh,  yes,  you  have.     You  have  admitted  it." 

"  Well,  what  I  have  admitted  you  know.  There's 
nothing  else  for  me  to  tell  you." 

He  looked  at  me  steadily. 

"  Oh,  all  right.  Will  you  swear,  then,  that  you 
know  nothing  more,  absolutely  nothing,  concerning 
your  cousin,  Lady  Usher,  and  Lord  Hugh,  than  you 
have  told  me?  " 

"  I'm  not  going  to  swear  anything,"  I  said. 

"  I  think  you  will  when  I  tell  you  that  it  is  very 
important  to  me.  I'll  put  it  differently:  will  you 
swear  that  it  was  nothing  concerning  your  cousin's 
conduct  which  brought  you  back  to  town  ? " 

Of  course,  I  might  have  known  that  he  would  con- 
nect Harriet's  detaining  me  to  tea  with  my  sudden 
determination  to  come  to  London  at  once.  I  had 
thought  it  so  clever,  last  night,  not  to  hide  that  incident 
from  him;  but  now  that  it  had  to  be  taken  in  conjunc- 
tion with  Sir  John's  suspicions,  I  saw  that  it  was  at 
once  important  in  Gerald's  eyes. 

I  hesitated,  I  tried  to  speak,  faltered,  and  broke 
down  again. 

But  Gerald  was  not  now  softened  by  seeing  my 
distress.  He  did  not  come  near  me,  though,  looking 
up  out  of  the  corner  of  my  eye,  I  could  see  that  his 
hands  were  clenched,  and  that  it  cost  him  a  severe 
effort  not  to  give  way  and  allow  himself  to  be  coaxed 
and  persuaded  to  cease  tormenting  me. 


THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER     83 

"  I  won't  swear  anything,"  I  said  at  last  angrily. 
"  And  you  have  no  right  to  torment  me  so." 

"  You  might  be  sure  I  shouldn't  do  what  is  so  very 
painful  for  us  both  without  a  good  reason." 

"  You  mean  that  you  want  to  help  Sir  John  in  his 
unkind  treatment  of  his  wife?  "  I  said  fiercely. 

"  I  hope  you  know  me  better  than  to  think  I  should 
do  that.  As  a  matter  of  fact,  Sir  John  Usher  has 
never  neglected  his  wife,  never  failed  in  his  duty  to 
her  in  any  way." 

"  That's  his  version,  of  course." 

"  And  it's  the  version  of  all  who  know  them  both. 
I  think,  Cecilia,  if  you  knew  him  it  would  be  yours." 

"  Well,  I  wouldn't  help  him  to  get  rid  of  his  obli- 
gations to  her,  even  if  I  could,"  I  flashed  out. 

Gerald  stared  at  me,  and  I,  expecting  that  he  would 
be  very  angry,  was  disconcerted  to  see  that  his  look 
was  frankly  appreciative  and  admiring. 

"  Well,"  he  said,  "  I  think  I  like  your  spirit,  though 
it  would  have  made  things  considerably  easier  for 
me  if  you  had  not  been  so  staunch.  To  tell  you  the 
truth,  I  have  no  manner  of  doubt  that  Lady  Usher  has 
been  a  bad  wife  to  her  husband,  and  I  know  that  she 
has  no  shadow  of  an  excuse,  for  that  he  has  been 
a  most  generous,  easy-going,  and  forgiving  husband, 
to  whom  any  decent  woman  would  have  been  grateful 
and  attached.  I  know  that  she  has  shown  herself 
utterly  unworthy  of  his  kindness,  and  neglectful  of 
her  duties  as  wife  and  mother,  that  she  is  selfish  and 
extravagant,  and  thinks  of  nothing  but  her  own  pleas- 
ure and  convenience.  And  I  know  that  the  best  thing 
that  can  happen  to  Sir  John  and  to  his  children  is  that 
he  should  be  able  to  free  himself  at  the  earliest  possi- 
ble moment  from  a  wife  who  has  proved  herself  to  be 
vicious,  unprincipled,  and  wholly  unworthy  of  trust," 


84s     THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER 

He  spoke  with  so  much  fire  and  conviction  that  I 
saw  it  would  be  quite  hopeless  for  me  to  attempt  to 
plead  Harriet's  cause  with  him.  So  I  thought  the  less 
said  the  better. 

"  She  is  my  cousin,"  I  said  shortly. 

"  I  know,  and  I  am  sorry  for  it.  I  think  you  carry 
your  ideas  of  loyalty  too  far  in  attempting  to  shelter 
such  a  woman  from  the  just  penalty  of  her  sins,  seeing 
that  the  penalty  she  ought  to  pay  would  include  the 
deliverance  of  her  victims." 

I  had  never  seen  him  so  deeply  moved  to  anger, 
not  even  when  he  was  so  much  disgusted  at  Sir 
Lionel's  treatment  of  me.  And  I  can't  help  thinking 
that  it  always  seems  to  a  man  to  be  a  worse  thing 
in  a  woman  to  neglect  her  duty  to  her  husband,  than 
in  a  man  to  neglect  his  to  his  wife. 

He  went  out  of  the  room  without  saying  any 
more,  and  I  almost  thought  he  would  have  started 
for  the  office  without  bidding  me  good-by. 

But  he  did  come  back,  when  he  was  quite  ready  to 
go,  and  gave  me  a  kiss  and  said,  "  Good-by,  Cecilia." 

But  there  was  a  difference,  and  I  knew  that  the 
stand  I  had  made,  however  much  he  might  admire 
it  in  the  abstract,  had  made  a  difference  in  his  feeling 
for  me. 

I  don't  mean  to  say  I  think  he  loves  me  any  the 
less,  but  —  it's  not  quite  the  same. 

I  wish  Harriet  were  at  the  bottom  of  the  sea!  It 
is  too  bad  that  she  should  come  between  me  and  my 
husband  with  her  wild,  wicked  acts!  And  I  think 
when  a  woman  has  had  two  children,  if  she  can't  love 
her  husband  she  ought  to  be  able  to  behave  as  if  she 
did !  It  is  awful,  shocking  that  I  should  be  bound  to 
risk  my  husband's  love  for  sheltering  a  woman  like 
that! 


CURZON  STREET, 

'July  2Oth. 

WHEN  I  had  written  in  my  diary  yesterday  I  spent 
a  few  unhappy  hours  before  I  made  up  my  mind 
what  to  do.  Then  I  sat  down  and  wrote  a  very 
careful  letter  to  Harriet. 

I  had  definitely  taken  up  her  side,  and  the  mere 
fact  that  I  had  made  me  the  more  anxious  for  her 
to  profit  by  what  I  had  done  for  her  at  some  cost 
to  myself.  So  I  wrote  to  Cowes,  warning  her  that 
what  we  had  talked  about  was  being  talked  about 
by  other  people,  and  I  underlined  "  other  people,"  so 
that  I  think  she  will  have  the  sense  to  know  it  means 
Sir  John.  If  she  hasn't  the  sense  to  be  careful  and 
discreet  now,  and  to  give  up  acquaintances  who  lead 
her  into  wickedness,  she  doesn't  deserve  to  escape 
punishment. 

I  don't  want  to  be  hard,  but  I  do  think  any  man 
or  woman  ought  to  be  able  to  keep  from  loving  a 
person  whom  one  knows  it  is  dangerous  to  love ! 

I  waited  very  anxiously  for  Gerald's  return,  but 
when  he  came  back  he  said  nothing  to  me  about  the 
visit  to  Sir  John's,  and  I  thought  it  better  not  to  ask 
any  questions. 

But  yet  I  wish  he  had  told  me  something  about  it. 
Now  I  don't  know  what  to  think,  or  what  is  going 
to  happen. 

I  have  done  my  very  best  for  Harriet,  taken  the 
greatest  care  not  to  say  a  word  more  than  I  could 
help,  and  yet  I  can't  feel  comfortable  about  it  all. 

85 


86     THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER 

On  the  one  hand,  I  am  sure  that  Gerald  guesses  some- 
thing of  the  truth,  and  that  he  is  angry  with  me  be- 
cause I  won't  and  can't  betray  my  cousin.  On  the 
other  hand,  I  am  afraid  that  Sir  John  Usher  is  not 
satisfied,  for  I  think  Gerald  would  have  told  me  if 
things  had  settled  down. 

It  hurts  me  to  see  that  I  have  not  got  his  full  con- 
fidence, although  I  know  it  is  my  own  fault,  because 
I  can't  give  him  mine.  I  do  hope  this  sore  feeling 
will  die  away,  and  that  Harriet  will  settle  down  and 
behave  properly  for  the  future.  If  she  doesn't,  she 
will  deserve  the  worst  that  can  happen  to  her. 


CURZON  STREET, 

July  22nd. 

I  HAVE  had  a  very  angry  letter  from  Harriet.  She 
takes  care  not  to  say  anything  to  incriminate  herself, 
but  she  takes  it  for  granted  I  have  been  saying  more 
than  I  ought,  if  I  have  not  actually  betrayed  her. 

I  shall  not  write  to  her  again,  and  perhaps  the  belief 
that  she  is  in  danger  may  help  to  keep  her  straight. 
She  is  still  at  Cowes,  so  I  suppose  nothing  serious  has 
happened  between  her  and  Sir  John. 

Gerald  is  very  thoughtful  and  preoccupied,  and 
won't  hear  of  a  holiday  for  himself,  though  he  says 
I  ought  to  have  one,  as  I  am  not  looking  well.  It 
is  all  this  worry  about  Harriet  which  is  making  me 
seedy  and  wretched. 


CURZON  STREET, 

July  y>th. 

YESTERDAY  things  came  to  a  head.  Early  in  the  after- 
noon mamma  came  unexpectedly,  looking  rather  ex- 
cited and  unlike  herself.  Instead  of  dashing  into 
the  matter  she  had  come  about,  as  she  usually  does, 
she  began  to  talk  about  the  wretched  weather  we 
have  had,  and  about  Gerald's  health,  and  said  I  was 
looking  frightful. 

At  last  I  said: 

"  Well,  Mamma,  I'm  sure  you  have  something  on 
your  mind.  What  is  it  ?  " 

She  sighed  and  threw  a  glance  at  the  ceiling. 

"  Well,"  she  said,  "  it's  so  horrid  that  one  puts  off 
talking  about  it  as  long  as  possible." 

And  then,  of  course,  I  guessed  that  she  had  come 
about  Harriet. 

"What  is  it?  "I  said. 

She  drew  her  chair  a  little  nearer  to  mine.  We 
were  in  my  boudoir,  which  I  have  made  as  pretty  as 
a  picture,  with  pale  blue  satin  panels  and  white  en- 
amel, and  French  furniture  in  pale  Pompadour  bro- 
cade. 

"  I  hope,  my  dear,"  she  began  in  a  tone  quite  unlike 
hers,  for  once  dropping  into  almost  a  solemn  tone, 
"  that  you  will  never  deceive  your  husband !  " 

"  Mamma !  "  I  cried  indignantly. 

But  she  went  on  quite  calmly: 

"  It  really  never  is  worth  while.  It  is  better  to 
put  up  with  anything  than  do  that.  A  married 

88 


THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER     89 

woman  should  always  remember  that  women  are  not 
men,  and  that  we  are  helpless,  absolutely  helpless  in 
any  sort  of  tussle  with  a  man.  Also  that  husbands 
are  not  like  other  men,  for  they  always  consider  we 
have  had  the  best  of  the  bargain  at  the  outset,  and  that 
afterwards  they  have  a  right  to  make  it  up  to  them- 
selves as  best  they  can." 

I  made  no  comment,  for  it  is  never  of  any  use  to 
oppose  one's  own  opinions  to  mamma's,  especially  on 
a  matrimonial  question.  If  I  had  dared  to  say  any- 
thing, I  might  have  mentioned  that  she  herself  has  al- 
ways had  her  own  way,  and  that,  whatever  poor  papa's 
faults  may  have  been,  she  has  certainly  not  had  the 
worst  of  the  bargain  with  him.  I  cannot  remember 
the  time  when  she  did  not  seem  to  have  more  money 
to  spend  than  he,  or  the  fullest  opportunities  for 
amusing  herself  in  her  own  way  with  her  dresses  and 
her  bridge  parties  and  her  little  dinners;  and  though 
she  often  bemoans  his  "  neglect,"  I  am  sure  she  would 
be  bored  to  death  if  she  were  to  see  more  of  papa  than 
she  does  see. 

After  a  short  silence,  during  which  mamma  got  up 
and  inspected  a  water-colored  picture  of  two  ladies 
in  eighteenth-century  costume  singing  at  a  spinet,  she 
came  back  to  me,  fluttering  across  the  room  in  her 
airy  way,  and  said: 

"  Isn't  this  a  shame  of  Sir  John  Usher  ?  You  know 
all  about  it,  of  course  ?  " 

"  What  has  he  done  ?  "  I  asked,  much  startled. 

"  Oh,  nothing  openly,  as  yet.  But  he  wrote  to 
Harriet  while  she  was  at  Cowes,  telling  her  to  spend 
a  few  days  in  town  before  coming  home  to  Shire 
Place." 

Mamma  spoke  quickly,  and  looked  at  me  askance. 

"  Well?  "  said  I.    "  Harriet  loves  town." 


"  Not  at  the  end  of  July,  my  dear.  Just  when  every- 
body is  either  away  or  going  away,  and  when  there's 
nothing  in  the  shops  but  what  is  left  over  from  the 
season's  rubbish,  and  the  sales  that  bring  the  butchers' 
wives  in  from  the  suburbs !  " 

Mamma  always  grows  angry  on  the  subject  of  the 
"  sales,"  because  they  bring  crowds  to  the  West  End, 
and  make  her  own  shopping,  as  she  says,  "  impos- 
sible." 

"  Is  she  with  you  now  ?  "  I  asked. 

"  Yes.  She  came  yesterday.  I  suppose  I  shall  have 
to  take  her  away  with  me,"  she  added  in  a  plaintive 
tone. 

I  was  troubled.     This  certainly  looked  bad. 

"  There  hasn't  been  any  quarrel,  has  there  ? "  I 
asked  anxiously.  "  He  hasn't  refused  to  have  her 
back?" 

"  Not  in  so  many  words.  But  it  looks  like  the 
beginning  of  a  separation,  doesn't  it?  She  thinks  so 
herself,  poor  dear !  " 

I  said  nothing.  I  wondered  how  much  mamma 
knew,  or  guessed. 

"  Has  she  tried  to  see  him  ?  "  I  asked. 

"  Not  yet.  She  wants  to  think  things  over  first. 
This  letter  from  him  came  as  a  shock  to  her,  you 
see,  and  she  came  up  straight  to  me,  and  we  talked 
things  over.  I  told  her  I  would  come  and  see  you  — 
and  dear  Gerald."  There  was  a  look  in  mamma's  eyes 
as  she  uttered  my  husband's  name  which  quite  belied 
the  affection  expressed  by  her  words.  "  I  am  sure 
he  will  do  his  best  to  smooth  things  over,  not  only 
for  the  sake  of  our  family,  but  of  his  client  him- 
self." 

Then  I  knew  why  she  had  come.    It  was  to  try  to 


THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER     91 

persuade  me  to  intervene  in  the  delicate  matter  of 
my  husband's  business  with  his  own  client. 

"Well,  I  don't  see  what  he  can  do,"  I  said.  "A 
lawyer  can't  dictate  to  his  client,  he  can  only  advise, 
can  he?" 

"  But  he  might  advise  him  to  do  what  is  best  for 
the  family,  might  he  not  ?  And  a  word  from  you  — " 

"  Mamma,  I  simply  can't,"  I  said  quickly.  "  Noth- 
ing would  induce  me  to  attempt  to  interfere  in  Ger- 
ald's business.  It  would  be  of  no  use  if  I  did,  for 
one  thing,  and  for  another,  I  should  feel  it  a  great 
liberty  for  me  to  take." 

"  Oh,  nonsense.  Every  man  is  influenced,  in  his 
business  and  in  everything  else,  by  some  woman  or 
other.  If  it  isn't  his  wife's  advice  that  he  takes,  it's 
the  advice  of  somebody  else's  wife." 

But  I  shook  my  head. 

"  That  may  be  true  of  many  men,  but  it  isn't  of 
Gerald,"  I  said. 

She  laughed. 

"  Your  husband,  my  dear,  is  just  like  other  women's 
husbands,"  she  said.  "  Of  course,  it's  natural  that 
you  should  think,  at  the  outset,  that  he  is  different, 
but  you  will  find  out  the  truth  by  and  by.  And  my 
advice  to  you  is  to  get  the  hold  you  mean  to  have  upon 
him  now,  or  you  will  never  get  it  at  all,  and  some  other 
woman  will  get  it  instead  of  you." 

"  Mamma,  is  it  of  any  use  to  argue  with  me  ?  I've 
quite  made  up  my  mind  never  to  interfere,  and  never 
to  give  my  advice  unless  Gerald  asks  for  it.  Your 
plan  may  be  very  good  in  some  cases,  but  men  are 
not  all  alike,  whatever  you  say,  and  I  know  Gerald 
would  not  suffer  any  one,  not  even  me  —  to  intrude 
upon  him  in  his  professional  capacity." 


92     THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER 

I  think  I  was  rather  proud  of  the  decided  way  in 
which  I  uttered  this  speech,  but,  of  course,  it  made 
no  impression  upon  mamma,  except  to  make  her  im- 
patient. 

She  stayed  the  whole  day  with  me,  much  to  my 
distress,  because  I  guessed  she  meant  to  see  Gerald, 
and  to  try  the  effect  of  her  usually  triumphant  wiles 
upon  him! 

When  he  came  home  from  the  office  he  was  looking 
so  very  tired  that  I  hoped  mamma  would  spare  him, 
but  she  never  does  spare  ai.ybody  when  she  wants 
anything,  and  we  had  scr-.rcely  got  half-way  through 
dinner  when  she  began  s. /ly  congratulating  herself 
upon  having  introduced  "  into  the  family "  such  a 
clever  man  as  he  is. 

Gerald  bowed,  and  I  saw  a  little  twitching  of  the 
corners  of  his  mouth,  which  told  me  he  guessed  what 
was  coming. 

"  When  Lord  Rushbury  first  heard  of  Cecilia's  at- 
tachment to  you,"  she  went  on,  "  he  was  angry,  be- 
cause, of  course,  he  wanted  her  to  marry  one  of 
his  horsy  friends.  But  I  said  we  should  all  be  the 
better  for  some  brains  in  the  family,  for  we  are  really 
rather  a  headstrong,  wild  lot,  and  want  a  little  intellect 
among  us  to  keep  the  balance." 

"  You  are  very  kind,"  said  Gerald,  "  but  I'm  afraid 
you  flatter  me,  Lady  Rushbury." 

"  Oh,  no,  I  don't.  The  delicate  and  tactful  way 
in  which  you  got  poor  Cecilia  out  of  all  her  difficulties, 
during  that  unhappy  time  abroad,  when  Sir  Lionel 
was  alive ! "  And  again  mamma  cast  up  her  eyes,  in 
that  pretty  way  of  hers,  to  intimate  her  horror  of 
poor  Sir  Lionel,  whom  she  liked  so  much  when  I  was 
married  to  him.  "  I  was  greatly  struck  by  your  calm 
force  of  character  and  intellect  then,  and  I,  for  one, 


THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER      93 

was  not  in  the  least  surprised  at  the  way  things  turned 
out." 

And  she  smiled  very  prettily,  first  at  him  and  then 
at  me,  while  I,  knowing  that  this  was  but  the  prelim- 
inary skirmish,  almost  held  my  breath. 

"  I'm  delighted  to  hear  you  say  so,  Lady  Rushbury," 
said  Gerald  calmly.  "  Because,  since  you  think  so 
much  more  of  my  tact  and  intelligence  than  I  deserve, 
you  will  help  to  persuade  Cecilia  to  agree  to  my  wishes 
when  I  advise  her  in  money  matters." 

Mamma's  face  fell  a  little,  and  I  felt  very  uncom- 
fortable. For  nobody  knows  better  than  she  does  that 
there  is  a  continual  and  rather  painful  struggle  going 
on  between  Gerald  and  me  over  the  little  presents  I 
have  to  give  papa  and  mamma. 

She  recovered  herself  very  quickly,  and  said: 

"  It  was  not  so  much  about  money  that  I  was 
thinking,  as  about  the  family  and  the  little  troubles 
and  differences  which  must  always  arise.  At  this 
present  moment,  for  instance,  I  am  in  great  distress 
about  my  niece  Harriet  Usher  and  her  husband,  Sir 
John.  The  poor  girl  is  in  the  deepest  grief  because 
he  is  angry  with  her.  It  is  all  about  nothing,  and 
I  only  wish  I  had  any  influence  with  Sir  John  myself, 
and  I  would  at  once  go  down  to  him  and  intercede 
for  her.  But  unluckily  I  scarcely  know  him,  and  he 
would  not  listen  to  me.  I  do  hope,  Gerald,  you  will 
assure  him  that  he  is  mistaken  in  thinking  he  had 
any  cause  to  be  displeased  with  her.  Do,  do  play  the 
noble  part  of  peacemaker  between  them." 

While  she  was  speaking  I  watched  Gerald  furtively, 
and  saw  that  not  a  muscle  of  his  face  moved.  I 
am  always  puzzled  and  interested  by  the  strange  fac- 
ulty he  has  of  separating  the  man  from  the  lawyer, 
and  I  remember  the  dry  way  in  which  he  used  to 


94     THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER 

speak  to  me  when  Sir  Lionel  was  alive,  as  if  I  were 
a  mere  machine.  While,  since  we  have  been  married, 
he  has  confessed  that  his  heart  was  bleeding  for  me 
all  the  time. 

But  somehow,  I  don't  think  his  heart  bleeds  for 
poor  Harriet. 

He  listened  with  his  head  bent  in  that  courteous 
way  of  his,  which  makes  people  who  don't  know  him 
think  that  he  is  so  pliable  in  their  hands;  but  when 
she  stopped,  he  just  looked  up  and  met  her  eyes  for 
a  moment,  and  said  dryly: 

"  I  am  afraid  my  position  is  not  such  that  I  can 
play  any  part  with  Sir  John  but  that  he  chooses* 
Lady  Rushbury." 

Mamma  drew  herself  up,  and  grew  very  red. 

"  Of  course,  I'm  not  asking  you  to  do  anything 
unprofessional,"  she  said. 

"Of  course  not." 

He  would  say  no  more,  and  she  had  to  drop  the 
subject.  But  she  was  furious,  and  the  things  she 
said  of  Gerald  when  we  were  in  the  drawing-room 
by  ourselves  after  dinner  were  quite  inconsistent  with 
her  declared  appreciation  of  his  intellect  and  char- 
acter ! 

Gerald  said  not  a  word  to  me,  when  she  had  gone, 
about  either  mamma  or  Harriet.  But  his  silence  on 
the  subject  is  not  reassuring.  I  am  afraid  things  are 
going  on  in  the  wrong  way  all  the  time. 


CURZON  STREET, 

July  31  st. 

I  WENT  to  see  mamma  yesterday,  as  she  had  asked 
me  to  do,  and  I  found  Harriet  at  Brook  Street  with 
her,  as  I  expected.  She  is  in  very  low  spirits,  and 
very  angry  with  me.  Nothing  I  say  can  persuade  her 
that  I  have  not  broken  faith,  and  told  Gerald  some- 
thing. Again  and  again  I  tried  to  convince  her  that 
I  have  said  nothing,  but  she  won't  believe  me. 
Mamma  left  us  alone  together,  I  suppose  by  Harriet's 
wish,  and  then  she  attacked  me  at  once. 

"  Why  did  you  not  keep  your  word,  and  tell  your 
husband  the  truth,  that  there  was  nothing  in  the 
stories  Sir  John  had  picked  up  about  me  and  Lord 
Hugh  ?  "  she  demanded  at  once. 

"  Harriet,"  I  said,  "  I  wish  you  would  believe  that 
I've  kept  my  word  to  you  absolutely.  I  refused  to 
tell  Gerald  anything,  and  when  he  put  it  to  me  point- 
blank  that  I  knew  something,  I  told  him  I  should  say 
nothing  even  if  I  knew  anything." 

"  That  was  not  the  way  to  speak  for  me,"  retorted 
she.  "  You  should  have  sworn  that  there  was  nothing 
between  us." 

"  How  could  I  do  that,  when  the  flirtation  you  have 
been  carrying  on  is  known  to  everybody?  There  was 
no  question  of  that.  One  had  to  admit  that,  and  pi"e- 
tend  there  was  nothing  more." 

"  There  is  nothing  more,"  said  she  fiercely. 

I  was  silent. 

"  If  that's  what  you  call  taking  my  part  and  keeping 
95 


96     THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER 

your  oath,  I  think  I  should  have  been  safer  if  I  had 
said  nothing  to  you." 

"  Harriet,  it's  of  no  use  to  quarrel  with  me  because 
of  your  own  folly  and  the  fruits  of  it.  Sir  John  has 
learnt  all  about  it  from  somebody  else,  some  servant 
or—" 

"  There  is  nobody  else  who  could  know  anything,  I 
mean  guess  anything,"  she  said  quickly.  "  And  Sir 
John  is  the  last  person  to  listen  to  the  tittle-tattle  of 
servants.  He  has  his  good  points  as  well  as  his  bad 
ones,"  she  added  uneasily,  "  and  I  know  he  would 
never  have  written  to  me  as  he  did  if  something  hadn't 
leaked  out." 

"  It  was  not  through  me." 

She  looked  at  me  scornfully. 

"  I  quite  do  you  the  justice  to  believe  you  didn't 
mean  to  let  it  leak  out,"  she  said.  "  But  all  the  same, 
it's  plain  your  husband  has  wormed  something  out 
of  you,  and  communicated  his  information  to  Sir  John. 
I  am  trembling  for  the  next  letter  I  get  from  him. 
He  has  practically  ordered  me  to  remain  away  at  his 
pleasure,  and  here  am  I,  stranded,  waiting  for  some- 
thing dreadful  to  happen !  " 

I  thought  that  it  was  not  likely  Sir  John  would  have 
left  her  in  ignorance  if  he  had  meant  to  serve  divorce 
papers  upon  her,  and  I  could  not  help  thinking  that 
this  probationary  period  through  which  she  was  being 
made  to  pass  ought  to  do  her  good,  since  it  was  the 
very  least  punishment  she  deserved. 

"  I  don't  suppose  anything  dreadful  will  happen,  if 
only  you  will  keep  your  word,  and  be  careful,"  I 
said. 

She  looked  at  me  angrily. 

"  Oh,  you  are  so  smug,  so  good,  with  your  lectures 
and  your  advice,"  she  flashed  out.  "  Wait  a  little, 


THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER     97 

and  see  whether  you  can  take  it  as  easily  and  as 
coolly  when  your  own  turn  comes ! " 

I  thought  she  was  very  ungrateful,  for  I  had  done 
my  best.  And  the  vicious  way  in  which  she  spoke, 
as  it  were  flinging  taunts  at  me  as  if  they  were  curses, 
made  me  feel  uncomfortable  and  unhappy. 

The  very  fact  that  this  matter,  in  which  I  was  only 
indirectly  concerned,  had  caused  a  sort  of  coolness 
already  between  Gerald  and  me,  had  made  me  uneasy, 
and  had  filled  me  with  dread  lest  some  day  I  too 
might,  as  she  suggested,  find  myself  engaged  in  a  real 
difference  with  my  husband,  in  spite  of  all  my  love 
for  him,  and  his  for  me. 

Before  I  went  back  home,  mamma  asked  me 
whether  I  would  come  away  to  Dieppe  with  her  and 
Harriet  for  a  holiday,  and  I  said  I  should  be  very 
glad  to  go,  for  Gerald  had  said  I  must  have  another 
change,  as  I  could  not  stay  in  town  through  August. 
So  it  was  arranged  that  I  should  ask  him  when  he 
came  back  from  the  office. 

But  he  at  once  refused  his  permission  to  my  going 
with  mamma  if  Harriet  were  to  be  with  us.  And 
this  refusal  made  me  sure  that  he  and  Sir  John  were 
both  convinced  of  the  truth  about  Harriet. 

I  wrote  and  told  mamma  I  couldn't  go  with  them, 
and  she  came  here  within  an  hour  of  receiving  my 
letter,  to  ask  me  why.  And  when  I  told  her  she 
pretended  to  be  very  angry,  but  at  last  she  said  she 
would  send  Harriet  to  Fouroaks  for  a  few  weeks  — 
as  it  is  there  is  no  one  there  now  —  while  she  and  I 
could  go  to  Dieppe  together. 

I  thought  this  was  rather  hard  on  Harriet,  but 
mamma  is  only  sympathetic  as  long  as  her  sympathy 
does  not  have  to  clash  with  her  own  pleasure. 

She  settled  the  matter  within  the  next  four-and- 


98     THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER 

twenty  hours,  and  though,  when  I  went  to  Brook 
Street,  to  make  a  sort  of  apology  to  her,  Harriet 
called  Gerald  her  worst  enemy,  and  a  serpent  and 
a  snake  in  the  grass  and  a  vile,  pettifogging  lawyer, 
and  I  had  hard  work  not  to  retort  in  a  way  I  should 
not  like  to  have  done,  she  agreed  to  go  down  to 
Fouroaks,  and  renewed  her  promise  of  good  behavior. 

Indeed,  I  am  sorry  for  her  now,  for  I  think  she  is 
very  sorry,  if  not  for  having  deceived  her  husband,  at 
least  for  having  been  found  out. 

I  really  think  that  is  the  only  sort  of  repentance 
that  people  like  Harriet  ever  feel,  and  it  is  better 
than  nothing,  as  it  may  help  to  keep  her  from  doing 
it  again. 

I  should  feel  more  sorry  for  her  still  if  she  hadn't 
said  such  unkind  things  about  Gerald.  I  am  sure  he 
would  be  only  too  glad  to  act  as  peacemaker  in  the 
family  if  he  could.  But,  knowing,  as  I  do,  what  he 
thinks  of  Sir  John,  who  is  his  client,  and  what  he 
thinks  of  Harriet,  who  isn't,  I  can't  help  seeing  that 
there  is  nothing  for  him  to  do  but  to  guard  Sir  John's 
interests,  and  to  act  on  his  instructions. 

I  wish  Gerald  could  come  away  to  Dieppe  with  us! 
He  says  all  he  shall  be  able  to  do  in  the  way  of  a 
holiday  is  to  take  a  week  at  the  end  of  August  or  the 
beginning  of  September,  as  he  has  so  much  impor- 
tant work  to  do. 

I  do  hope  none  of  the  work  is  for  Sir  John! 

Poor  Harriet! 


DIEPPE, 
August  6th. 

THIS  is  a  delightful  place,  and  I  should  be  as  happy 
as  a  bird  here  with  mamma,  if  only  Gerald  could  be 
here  too !  I  know  a  fortnight  of  this  sea  air,  and 
of  the  fun  and  liveliness  of  the  place,  would  make  him 
a  different  man. 

However,  he  writes  that  he  is  better,  and  that  is 
enough  to  make  me  enjoy  myself  twice  as  much  as 
I  did  before  I  knew  that. 

Mamma  looks  like  my  sister,  only  that  she  is  much 
better  dressed  than  I.  She  doesn't  really  bathe,  but 
she  has  brought  half  a  dozen  very  pretty  bathing 
costumes,  in  which  she  paddles  gingerly  into  the  water 
every  morning,  and  in  which  she  looks  as  if  she  had 
stepped  out  of  the  chorus  of  a  musical  comedy! 

Each  of  her  bathing  caps  has  a  neat  little  fringe  of 
curls  sewn  inside  it,  to  "  save  her  own  hair  from  get- 
ting wet."  But  she  never  risks  that! 

We  have  met  quite  a  lot  of  people  we  know  here, 
some  of  them  staying,  and  some  of  them  just  going 
through.  And  yesterday  Sir  Arnold  Banbury  arrived 
in  the  Lucette. 

I  was  quite  glad  to  see  him,  for  he  is  such  a  merry, 
nice  little  fellow.  Mamma  was  much  more  pleased 
than  I,  because  she  was  beginning  to  get  bored,  and 
now  she  can  go  on  the  yacht  whenever  she  likes  for 
a  cruise,  and  though  I  don't  think  she  enjoys  it  much 
till  she  is  back  again  on  shore  and  can  talk  about  it, 
this  helps  to  keep  life  from  becoming  too  monotonous. 

99 


100    THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER 

I  wish  she  were  a  better  sailor,  however,  as  it  makes 
me  feel  so  guilty  to  know  that  she  is  lying  down  in  the 
cabin  trying  to  stave  off  sea-sickness,  while  I  am  sit- 
ting on  deck  learning  how  to  sail  a  boat  under  Sir 
Arnold's  instructions,  and  enjoying  the  salt  breeze  im- 
mensely. 

Mamma  and  I  must  make  an  odd  contrast  when  we 
start  on  a  cruise,  for  she  is  dressed  in  the  smartest 
white  serge,  trimmed  with  little  scarlet  anchors  out- 
lined with  gold  thread,  a  coat  to  match  lined  with 
white  satin,  and  a  little  waistcoat  which  is  a  perfect 
glory  of  gold  and  white  silk  embroidery,  while  her 
yachting-cap  is  perched  daintily  on  a  head  which  is 
beautifully  built  up  with  little  curls  that  never  come 
out  and  look  untidy.  I  don't  know  what  her  maid 
does  to  them,  but  I  know  that  it  is  done  before  the 
curls  go  on  mamma's  head ! 

And  her  little  white  kid  shoes  are  evidently  not 
made  for  wear,  either  on  board  a  ship  or  anywhere 
else. 

As  she  trips  on  the  yacht  in  this  get-up,  I  stump 
after  her  in  a  thick  navy  serge  frock  without  any  trim- 
ming at  all,  buttoned  up  to  the  chin  in  a  mackintosh, 
while  my  yachting-cap  is  crammed  down  over  my  eyes, 
and  my  hair  is  all  tucked  away  so  tightly  that  you  can 
scarcely  see  that  I  have  any. 

That  is  the  way  we  go  on  board. 

When  we  come  back,  if  the  sea  is  at  all  rough,  I 
am  afraid  the  contrast  —  although  mamma  keeps  to 
the  cabin,  and  I  stay  on  deck  —  is  still  greater.  For 
no  powder  can  prevent  mamma  from  looking  green 
about  the  cheeks,  and  no  pains  will  keep  my  hair  from 
coming  out  and  flying  in  untidy  little  rings,  all  about 
my  face! 

And  yet  she  will  persist  in  saying  she  likes  it,  and  in 


THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER     101 

going  when  I  should  be  quite  willing  to  stay  at  home ! 

I  have  heard  from  Harriet;  she  seems  to  think 
things  are  settling  down,  as  she  has  had  no  bad  news. 

That  is  something. 

Mamma  and  I  don't  talk  much  about  her,  because  it 
rubs  me  up  the  wrong  way  to  hear  mamma's  view 
of  it  all.  She  only  points  out  how  foolish  and  wicked 
it  is  of  Harriet  not  to  be  more  careful,  and  I  dare  not 
ask  her  what  she  means,  because  I'm  afraid  that  I  can 
guess.  Mamma  hates  Sir  John;  it  seems  they  don't 
get  on  well  together ;  and  I  can  see  that  mamma  thinks 
there  is  nothing  strange  in  his  wife's  liking  another 
man  better  than  she  does  him. 

Whenever  she  tries  to  get  the  conversation  round 
to  Gerald  I  always  fight  to  get  it  away  again ;  for  she 
has  already  let  drop  one  or  two  comments  about  him 
which  I  don't  like,  and  I  don't  want  to  have  to  quarrel 
with  her,  as  I  must  if  she  gets  really  "  nasty  "  about 
him. 

After  all,  he  has  to  do  his  best  to  protect  my  inter- 
ests ;  and,  of  course,  he  is  quite  right  to  object  to  her 
making  me  put  down  in  my  accounts  the  three  hun- 
dred pounds  I  gave  her  for  doing  up  her  bedroom  as 
"  Flowers,  hats,  gloves,  etcetera  "  for  myself ! 


DIEPPE, 

August  2oth. 

I  MIGHT  have  known  everything  was  going  on  too  well 
to  last!  I  am  again  very  unhappy  and  uneasy,  and 
this  time  I  really  don't  think  I  have  been  to  blame  at 
all.  But  when  Gerald  hears  about  it  I  don't  think  he 
will  ever  let  me  go  away  with  mamma  again,  and  per- 
haps he  will  not  even  let  me  visit  her ! 

It  began  so  simply,  and  went  on  so  tragically!  I 
can't  believe  even  now  that  it  was  more  than  a  horrid 
accident,  but  the  consequences  may  be  dreadful  for 
me. 

Sir  Arnold  came  round  to  our  hotel  yesterday 
morning,  to  beg  us  to  go  for  a  cruise,  as  the  wind 
was  right  and  the  sky  was  clear,  and  there  were  no 
signs  of  the  rain  we  have  had  so  much  of  lately. 

I  didn't  want  to  go,  but  mamma,  as  usual,  agreed 
at  once.  I  think  it  is  because  she  looks  so  pretty  in 
her  yachting  things  that  she  never  can  say  no  to  an 
invitation,  although  she  must  know  that  she  generally 
suffers  for  it. 

It  was  settled  that  we  should  start  at  about  two 
o'clock,  which  is  the  earliest  hour  we  can  get  mamma 
afloat. 

All  went  well  till  the  start,  but  when  we  got  down 
to  the  harbor  the  wind  had  got  up  a  little  and  the  sea 
looked  rough,  and  I,  seeing  that  mamma  looked  rather 
troubled  at  the  prospect,  suggested  giving  up  the  cruise. 

But  Sir  Arnold  grew  so  plaintive,  and  mamma  was 
so  angry  at  the  suggestion  that  she  was  afraid,  that  I 
102 


THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER     103 

was  talked  down,  and  we  all  went  on  board,  crossing 
over  one  of  the  other  yachts  to  get  to  the  Lucette. 

Sir  Arnold  took  me  aft  at  once,  and  I  sat  down 
beside  the  tiller,  while  mamma  seated  herself  in  one 
of  the  basket  chairs  on  the  fore  part  of  the  boat. 

Sir  Arnold  came  with  me,  and  told  me  how  delighted 
he  was  that  I  had  come. 

"  I  was  so  afraid,"  he  said,  "  when  the  sky  had 
clouded  over,  that  Lady  Rushbury  might  change  her 
mind  about  coming." 

"  Mamma  is  always  game,"  said  I.  "  It  was  I  who 
suggested  that  we  should  stay  at  home." 

"  It  would  have  been  too  cruel,"  said  he,  "  for  I've 
been  looking  forward  to  this  all  the  morning." 

I  was  already  feeling  rather  sorry  we  had  come,  for 
the  little  man  is  getting  too  attentive.  I  don't  think 
there  is  the  least  harm  in  him,  only  I  don't  want  to 
have  things  said,  and  I  know  how  easy  it  is  to  start 
gossip,  especially  among  mamma's  friends,  of  whom 
there  are  so  many  here  now. 

We  had  a  good  deal  of  trouble  in  getting  clear,  as 
the  harbor  is  so  full  of  yachts  now,  and  there  were  a 
lot  of  other  boats,  besides  fishing-smacks  and  other 
craft,  so  that  there  was  a  great  deal  to  watch  that  was 
interesting. 

We  had  the  narrowest  escape  possible  of  having  our 
rudder  carried  away,  and  I  was  desperately  excited  as 
I  watched  the  sailors  at  work  with  fend-offs  and  boat- 
hooks. 

But  we  got  out  without  accident,  and  soon  found 
ourselves  sailing  out  of  the  harbor  into  the  roughest 
sea  I  ever  sailed  on  in  a  small  yacht. 

It  was  most  exciting,  and  I  enjoyed  it  all  the  time. 
The  salt  spray  stung  my  face,  and  the  wind  cut  like 
the  lashes  of  whips.  But  I  was  well  wrapped  up,  and 


104    THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER 

I  lay  quietly,  watching  the  waves  swirl  along  over  the 
gunwale,  and  break  into  foam-like  fringe  on  the  top. 

The  sky  had  grown  darker  and  the  wind  stronger 
before  we  got  very  far,  and  presently  there  arose  a 
discussion  between  Sir  Arnold  and  his  skipper  as  to 
whether  it  would  not  be  better  to  turn  back  or  to  run 
into  another  port,  as  there  was  a  prospect  of  a  storm 
breaking  over  us. 

It  didn't  occur  to  me  that  there  was  any  danger, 
although,  of  course,  I  could  see  that  we  were  in  a 
much  heavier  sea  than  I  had  ever  been  out  in  before. 

But  presently  I  saw  on  Sir  Arnold's  face  a  look  of 
real  anxiety,  and  then  I  knew  that  he  was  afraid,  for 
us,  at  least. 

I  laughed.  I  don't  think  I  am  a  coward ;  I  always 
feel  so  strung  up  at  such  a  time  that  I  am  ready  to 
face  risks,  and  to  tell  myself  that  one  can  only  die 
once.  I  suppose  that  is  what  most  people  feel  when 
they  are  faced  with  such  a  prospect  as  that  which 
seemed  to  be  before  us,  and  that  that  is  why  so  many 
people  make  a  brave  end. 

"What's  the  matter,  Sir  Arnold?"  I  said.  "Are 
you  afraid  we  shall  be  sea-sick  ?  " 

He  tried  to  smile. 

"No,"  said  he,  "I'm  not  afraid  of  that.  But  I 
think  we  shall  hardly  get  back  without  a  wetting." 

"  Oh,  poor  mamma !  "  I  cried.  And  then  I  glanced 
towards  the  deck  chair,  which  she  had  long  since  va- 
cated, and  which  a  sailor  was  now  taking  out  of  the 
way.  "  I  had  forgotten  her !  I'm  afraid  she  will  be 
really  ill,  and  nervous  besides!  I  must  go  down  to 
her!" 

"  Better  stay  where  you  are,"  said  Sir  Arnold  has- 
tily. "  That  is,  if  you're  not  afraid  of  getting  awfully 
drenched." 


THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER     105 

"  Oh,  I  don't  mind  that  a  bit,  as  you  know,"  I  said. 

And  I  remained  where  I  was,  as  much  because  it 
was  difficult  to  move  about  and  not  wholly  without 
risk,  as  because  I  thought  that  mamma  might  be 
alarmed  if  I  were  to  go  to  her,  and  might  think  we 
were  all  going  to  the  bottom. 

When  we  had  gone  on  a  little  further,  and  the  sky 
had  grown  blacker  and  the  waves  higher,  I  began  to 
perceive  that  there  was  something  worse  than  a 
drenching  to  be  feared. 

Some  of  the  older  sailors  began  to  whistle,  which 
is,  I  know,  a  sure  sign  with  these  men  that  there  is 
danger  ahead;  while  Sir  Arnold,  though  he  tried  to 
keep  up  some  kind  of  conversation  with  me,  and  even 
to  pay  me  compliments,  was  quite  plainly  more  con- 
cerned with  his  yacht  and  the  chances  of  bringing  her 
and  us  safely  to  land  than  with  any  real  interest  in  my 
"  blue  eyes." 

The  land  had  disappeared  in  a  blinding  mist  of  rain 
and  spray;  more  and  more  canvas  had  been  taken  in 
till  we  were  scudding  along  with  very  little  more  than 
bare  poles. 

And  at  last,  when  we  came  to  an  opening  in  the 
land  where  I  could  dimly  see  signs  of  buildings  and 
a  pier,  the  skipper  told  Sir  Arnold  that  to  attempt  to 
enter  the  harbor  in  such  weather  was  impossible. 

There  was  another  consultation,  and  presently  Sir 
Arnold  came  back  to  me,  looking  very  much  disturbed, 
and  told  us  that  we  were  going  to  make  an  attempt  to 
go  back  to  Dieppe,  but  warning  me  that  it  was  just 
possible  we  might  not  be  able  to  reenter  the  harbor 
for  some  hours. 

"  Well,  I  don't  mind,"  I  said,  speaking  as  brightly 
as  I  could,  though  I  was  getting  very  wet  and  cold  and 
stiff,  and  rather  —  well,  rather  quivery  at  the  thought 


106    THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER 

of  Gerald,  sitting  in  his  office  in  London,  with  no 
thought  of  the  plight  in  which  his  poor  wife  was !  "  I 
shall  feel  like  a  real  sailor  when  I  get  back.  But  I'm 
afraid  poor  mamma  won't !  " 

I  noticed  that  Sir  Arnold  made  no  reply  to  this,  and 
suddenly  it  struck  me  as  rather  odd  that  she  had  sent 
me  no  message  when  she  found  the  waves  breaking 
over  the  yacht. 

In  much  less  heavy  weather  than  this  I  have  heard 
her  little  scream,  and  I  have  been  inundated  with  en- 
treaties, sent  by  her  through  the  steward,  that  I  would 
go  below  and  keep  myself  warm  and  dry. 

I  made  up  my  mind,  therefore,  though  it  was  now  a 
difficult  and  even  a  dangerous  business,  that  I  would 
crawl  along  the  deck  and  go  to  her  and  see  how  she 
was.  I  began  to  be  afraid  that  alarm  and  sea-sickness 
had  made  her  very  ill  indeed,  as  it  is  not  at  all  like 
mamma  to  be  quiet  for  a  long  time  together. 

Sir  Arnold  tried  once  more  to  induce  me  to  remain 
where  I  was,  but  his  own  voice  was  rather  hoarse  and 
broken,  and  I  think  he  was  not  so  much  occupied  with 
us  at  that  moment  as  with  himself. 

It  was  with  the  greatest  difficulty  that  I  got  along, 
holding  on  tightly  and  helped  by  one  of  the  sailors,  to 
the  companion,  where  I  lurched  downstairs,  and  flung 
myself  headlong  into  the  cabin. 

"  Mamma !  "  cried  I.     "  Mamma !  " 

But  there  was  no  answer,  and  at  the  same  moment 
a  terrific  wave  dashed  over  the  yacht,  darkening  the 
port-holes  and  making  the  vessel  quiver  from  end  to 
end. 

"  Mamma !  "  I  almost  shrieked. 

Still  there  was  no  answer,  and  I  was  just  going  to 
rush  back  on  deck  to  ask  what  had  become  of  her, 
when  the  sailor  who  had  helped  me  down  appeared  at 


the  foot  of  the  companion-ladder,  and,  touching  his 
hat,  said: 

"  Beg  pardon,  my  lady.  But  Lady  Rushbury  she 
didn't  stay  aboard.  She  got  off  and  went  ashore  again 
afore  we  started." 

"  Oh,  no,  it's  not  possible ! "  I  cried  indignantly. 

"  Aye,  my  lady.  Sir  Arnold  can  tell  you.  She 
went  acrost  the  big  yawl  afore  we  shoved  off." 

I  sank  down,  or  rather,  I  was  thrown  down  by  an- 
other shock  from  a  wave,  and  I  felt  sick  and  cold  and 
half  dead  with  horror  and  distress. 

That  mamma,  that  my  own  mother,  should  have 
deserted  me  like  this,  just  because  she  was  afraid  of 
a  shaking,  seemed  too  shocking  a  thing  to  be  at  once 
realized. 

Of  course,  I  knew  that  she  had  not  believed  in  the 
existence  of  actual  danger,  that  she  had  been  only 
anxious  to  avoid  being  sea-sick.  But  surely  she  ought 
to  have  warned  me  of  what  she  was  going  to  do,  and 
not  have  run  away  and  left  me  without  a  word! 

Did  Sir  Arnold  know  what  she  was  going  to  do? 

I  could  not,  however,  give  much  time  to  thoughts 
of  this  kind,  as  the  actual  danger  we  were  in  now 
gave  us  enough  to  occupy  our  minds.  There  could  be 
no  doubt  that  we  were  in  peril,  for  the  sea  was  run- 
ning mountains  high,  and  the  storm,  instead  of  show- 
ing any  signs  of  passing,  appeared  to  grow  in  violence 
every  moment. 

All  thought  of  mamma's  defection  soon  disappeared 
in  my  consideration  of  our  plight;  and,  thinking  the 
only  thing  to  do  was  to  keep  out  of  everybody's  way 
and  prepare  to  die  calmly  if  I  had  to  die,  I  remained 
in  the  cabin,  trembling  all  over  and  very  cold,  trying 
hard  to  fortify  myself  against  what  might  have  to  be 
endured. 


108    THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER 

It  is  only  the  truth  to  say  that  for  hours  we  thought 
we  should  never  reach  the  shore  alive;  every  wave 
that  broke  over  us  threatened  to  sink  us,  and  when  at 
last,  after  waiting  for  the  turn  of  the  tide,  we  got  near 
to  Dieppe  Harbor  again,  it  was  only  to  discover  that 
it  was  impossible  to  attempt  to  enter  until  the  wind 
had  gone  down. 

The  night  had  come  on,  and  we  could  see  the  lights 
of  the  town  through  the  mist ;  and  although  the  danger 
grew  less  as  the  wind  lessened  in  violence,  we  had  a 
weary  and  anxious  time  of  it,  as  we  beat  about,  waiting 
for  an  opportunity  to  enter  the  harbor,  and  keeping  a 
sharp  look-out  at  the  same  time. 

It  was  not  until  five  o'clock  in  the  morning  that  we 
at  last  succeeded,  after  having  put  off  to  sea  again  as 
the  safer  place,  in  making  the  harbor. 

When,  wet  through  and  so  cold  that  I  could  scarcely 
open  my  mouth  to  speak,  I  tottered  across  the  quay 
towards  the  hotel,  supported  by  Sir  Arnold  on  one 
side  and  by  a  sailor  on  the  other,  I  had  no  feeling  or 
thought  but  one  of  thankfulness  that  we  had  got  back 
alive. 

And  then  I  remember,  as  we  waited  for  the  hotel 
people  to  come  down  and  let  me  in,  I  wondered,  as  I 
looked  at  Sir  Arnold,  whether  I  was  looking  as  ridicu- 
lous in  his  eyes  as  he  did  in  mine,  with  his  little  fea- 
tures all  pinched  and  blue  and  red  with  the  cold,  and 
with  a  stream  of  sea-water  still  trickling  down  his 
sou'wester  on  to  his  little  nose ! 

I  found  that  mamma  had  gone  to  bed,  but  I  woke 
her  up  with  something  very  like  a  slap,  and  did  not 
scruple  to  reproach  her  roundly  with  her  desertion. 

Sleepy  as  she  was,  mamma  had  her  answer  ready, 
as  usual. 

"  My  dear  child,"  she  said,  as  she  offered  her  warm 


THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER     109 

cheek  for  a  very  brief  kiss,  "  how  on  earth  should  1 
have  guessed  that  you  meant  to  stay  out  all  night  ?  " 

She  threw  this  at  me  as  a  reproach,  and  I  took  her 
up  sharply. 

"  Stay  out  all  night !  We  only  stayed  out  all  night 
because  we  couldn't  get  in !  " 

"  Well,  you  are  in  now,  so  what  is  there  to  make  a 
fuss  about  ?  "  she  demanded  in  an  aggrieved  tone. 

"  I  might  have  been  drowned,  we  might  all  have 
been !  "  I  said  irrelevantly. 

She  sat  up  in  bed  with  a  resigned  air,  seeing  that  I 
did  not  mean  to  go  as  yet. 

"  Drowned ! "  echoed  mamma,  as  if  such  an  ex- 
pression connected  with  the  sea  were  unheard  of. 
"  Drowned !  How  might  you  have  been  drowned  ?  " 

"  Why,  it  was  because  you  saw  the  sea  was  rough, 
and  you  were  afraid  yourself,  that  you  left  us,"  I  said 
sharply. 

"  Nothing  of  the  sort,"  said  mamma  decidedly.  "  I 
thought  by  the  strength  of  the  wind  that  we  should 
be  out  too  long  for  me  to  be  able  to  make  myself 
decent  in  time  for  dinner." 

I  looked  at  her,  stupefied.  Really  I  am  not  at  all 
sure  that  this  was  not  the  truth.  Still,  it  did  not 
exculpate  her. 

"  And  when  you  found  that  we  didn't  come  back, 
and  that  you  had  left  me  alone  in  actual  danger,  you 
could  go  to  bed !  "  I  gasped  out. 

"  Well,  dear,  it  was  ever  so  late  before  I  did  go  to 
bed,"  said  she.  "  And  then  only  because  I  knew  I 
couldn't  do  you  any  good  by  staying  up.  I  should 
only  have  been  cross  when  you  did  come  if  I  had 
sat  up." 

"  It  seemed  probable  that  we  should  never  be  able 
to  come  back  at  all,"  said  I  solemnly. 


110     THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER 

But  mamma  would  not  admit  that. 

"  Don't  be  ridiculous,  Cecilia,"  she  said.  "  Sir 
Arnold's  sailors  are  all  experienced  men,  and  if  they 
can't  keep  a  boat  afloat,  I  don't  know  who  can." 

It  was  useless  to  argue  with  her  that  ships  have  been 
known  to  go  down  in  a  storm,  even  when  there  were 
none  but  old  hands  aboard  her ;  or  that  a  small  yacht 
is  not  built  for  weather  such  as  that  we  had  been  out 
in.  She  finished  the  matter  quite  calmly  by  smiling, 
and  saying  brightly : 

"  I'm  quite  sure  Sir  Arnold  would  never  have  let 
you  go  out  in  weather  unfit  for  his  yacht." 

I  sat  down  stupidly  by  the  bedside.  When  I  was 
on  the  boat  I  had  felt  full  of  spirit  and  dogged  energy, 
little  as  there  was  for  me  to  do  but  to  close  my  teeth 
and  keep  quiet.  Now  that  I  was  safe,  I  felt  a  great 
weariness  stealing  over  my  limbs,  as  well  as  a  great 
oppression  upon  my  spirits. 

Mamma,  who  wanted  to  get  rid  of  me  and  to  go  to 
sleep  again,  stared  at  me  petulantly. 

"  What's  the  matter  with  you  ?  "  she  said.  "  Are 
you  worrying  about  what  people  will  say  ?  " 

I  uttered  a  little  cry.  Out  there  on  the  yacht,  when 
one  expected  each  moment  to  go  to  the  bottom  with 
the  little  craft,  there  was  no  time  to  worry  oneself 
about  matters  of  propriety.  Now,  however,  that  the 
matter  was  put  to  me  in  this  crude  way  by  mamma, 
it  did  occur  to  me,  with  most  unpleasant  force,  that  I, 
who  had  been  so  anxious  to  be  a  pattern  of  discretion, 
was  in  great  danger  of  being  looked  upon  as  very 
much  the  reverse. 

"  If  there  is  any  gossip,  it's  all  through  you, 
Mamma,"  I  said  shortly. 

And  then,  rather  than  stay  to  listen  to  her  wounded 
cries  of  remonstrance  and  indignation,  I  went  out  of 


the  room,  staggering  as  if  the  boat  were  still  swaying 
and  rocking  under  me. 

I  found  Lindsay  crying,  and  it  cut  me  to  the  heart 
to  find  that  my  maid  had  been  passing  the  night  be- 
tween the  hotel  and  the  pier-head,  weeping  and  worry- 
ing everybody  she  met  about  me,  while  my  own  mother 
was  tucked  up  peacefully  in  bed ! 

I  slept  heavily,  and  then  got  up  and  had  breakfast 
by  myself,  and  sat  down  to  write  a  long  letter  to 
Gerald,  to  tell  him  all  about  it  before  anybody  else  can 
get  hold  of  it  and  tell  him  a  garbled  version  of  the 
story. 

And  then,  as  I  am  restless  and  I  think  a  little  fever- 
ish, and  as  I  don't  want  to  have  to  see  people  this 
morning  and  to  talk  to  them,  I  sat  down  and  wrote 
this  in  my  diary. 

It  was  the  most  dreadful  thing  that  has  ever  hap- 
pened to  me,  and  I  shall  never  forget  it ! 


DIEPPE, 

August  i6th. 

I  KNEW  that  my  adventure  would  have  unpleasant 
consequences!  In  the  first  place,  I  haven't  been  well 
since,  and  I  have  had  to  have  the  doctor.  He  is  a 
most  horrid  old  Frenchman,  and  he  makes  me  furious 
by  believing,  and  by  showing  me  that  he  believes,  that 
I  meant  to  go  with  Sir  Arnold  on  a  cruise  by  myself, 
and  that  only  the  rough  weather  brought  us  back  to 
Dieppe.  I  shouldn't  mind  this  old  idiot  thinking  so, 
if  he  chose,  but  that  I  can't  help  wondering  whether 
he  is  only  repeating  the  story  that  is  going  about. 

I  see  mamma  as  little  as  I  can  help,  and  I  won't  let 
any  of  her  friends  visit  me.  So  I  am  keeping  up  the 
pretense  of  illness  —  it  is  not  so  very  much  more  than 
a  pretense  —  as  long  as  I  can,  and  remaining  in  my 
own  room. 

The  worst  of  it  is  that  that  little  idiot,  Sir  Arnold 
Banbury,  seems  to  think  that  this  incident  ought  to 
be  a  link  to  bind  us  together  in  the  intimacy  of  the 
closest  friends,  and  he  will  leave  flowers  and  notes  for 
me  every  day.  I  give  the  flowers  to  Lindsay,  and  I 
burn  the  notes  conspicuously  in  her  presence,  after 
having  mastered  just  enough  of  them  to  see  that  he 
can't  spell,  and  that  he  delights  in  such  phrases  as 
"  our  marvelous  escape  from  a  watery  grave."  Really, 
he  ought  to  write  for  the  Daily  Wonder. 

I  am  sorry  to  say  that  Gerald  is  not  at  all  pleased. 
I  knew  he  would  not  be.  He  wants  me  to  come  home, 
and  he  says  if  I  am  not  home  by  the  end  of  the  week 


THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER    113 

he  shall  come  and  fetch  me.  So  I  shall  go  back,  for 
I  don't  think  it  would  be  advisable  for  him  to  come 
here.  I  am  sure  he  would  quarrel  with  mamma,  or,  if 
not,  he  would  say  something  she  would  never  forget 
or  forgive,  and  I  don't  quite  know  what  he  might  say 
to  poor  little  Sir  Arnold,  who  is,  I  am  sure,  wholly 
blameless  about  this.  He  may  have  seen  mamma  go 
off  the  yacht  —  though  he  swears  he  did  not  —  but,  at 
any  rate,  he  never  expected  to  be  out  all  night  with 
me  tossing  on  the  sea ! 

I  shall  go  home  to-morrow. 


CURZON  STREET, 

August  2&th. 

HOME  again !  Gerald  not  at  all  nice,  and  less  likely 
than  ever  to  confide  to  me  how  things  are  going  with 
Sir  John  and  Harriet. 

He  says  I  shall  never  again  go  away  with  my 
mother,  and  really  I  am  not  surprised  at  that.  I  told 
him  I  had  made  up  my  mind  on  that  point  myself,  but 
he  was  not  at  all  mollified.  He  said  that,  even  if  I 
had  a  frivolous  mother,  I  ought  by  this  time  to  know 
how  to  prevent  letting  her  become  a  danger  to  me. 

I  began  to  cry,  and  though  he  was  kind  and  told 
me  not  to  worry  myself  about  it  any  more,  but  to  be 
more  careful  another  time,  I  can  see  that  he  is  really 
very  much  displeased,  and  indeed  I  can't  wonder  at 
that. 

We  are  going  to  Folkestone  for  a  fortnight,  so  that 
he  may  have  a  change.  He  hates  Folkestone,  and  so 
do  I;  nothing  to  do  but  to  walk  up  and  down  those 
bare,  scorching  Leas  listening  to  a  band  that  always 
plays  the  same  things,  and  that,  when  for  once  it  has 
something  one  wants  to  hear  down  on  its  programme, 
invariably  plays  instead  "  by  request " —  of  the  con- 
ductor —  some  wretched  waltz  by  the  conductor  him- 
self! 


114 


FOLKESTONE, 

September  loth. 

WE  have  been  here  six  horrid  days,  and  nothing  hap- 
pened till  yesterday,  when  I  was  out  by  myself  in  the 
morning.  I  had  been  into  a  shop  to  buy  a  book,  and 
when  I  came  out  I  ran  into  —  Harriet ! 

She  was  looking  handsomer  than  ever,  in  a  perfectly 
sweet  pale  green  linen  dress,  with  a  big  black  hat 
trimmed  with  scarlet  poppies  and  golden  wheat-ears. 

"  Harriet !  "  I  cried. 

Before  I  could  say  another  word  she  had  seized  me 
and  kissed  me  effusively.  She  was  looking  radiant, 
and  I  thought  at  once  that  everything  must  be  all  right 
with  her. 

"  My  dear  Cis !  "  she  said,  and  then  she  stood  back 
and  looked  at  me  slyly,  and  laughed  a  little.  "  How 
are  you,  after  your  adventure  ?  " 

I  grew  very  red  and  stammered  a  little.  I  had, 
indeed,  heard  a  good  deal  more  than  I  cared  about 
concerning  that  miserable  business,  but  not  until  now 
had  I  realized  to  the  full  the  insinuations  which  were 
being  made  about  it. 

"  Do  you  mean  my  nearly  being  drowned?  "  I  asked. 

"  I  mean  your  being  out  all  night  with  Sir  Arnold 
Banbury  on  his  yacht,  dear,"  lisped  out  Harriet 
smoothly.  "  I  have  felt  so  dreadfully  sorry  for  you ! 
It  is  annoying,  isn't  it,  to  think  that  such  a  horrid 
experience  as  that  should  have  to  be  gone  through, 
and  then  that  one  should  hear  gossip  about  it  wher- 
ever one  goes  instead  of  getting  sympathy !  " 

115 


116    THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER 

"  I  have  heard  no  gossip,"  I  said  coldly. 

"  Haven't  you  ?  Well,  /  have !  And  I  was  very 
glad  to  have  an  opportunity  of  showing  you  what  I 
mean  by  standing  by  a  friend  by  the  way  I  took  it." 

"  And  pray  how  did  you  take  it  ?  "  I  asked  ironically. 

"  I  told  everybody  that  I  was  quite  sure  Aunt  Vi 
was  asked  to  go  too,  and  that  she  funked  it  when  she 
saw  how  rough  the  sea  was." 

"  Mamma  was  on  the  yacht,"  I  said  angrily.  "  Ac- 
tually on  it,  and  she  got  off  again  and  ran  away  because 
she  was  afraid  of  the  rough  sea." 

Harriet  looked  at  me  with  triumph  which  was  half 
malicious. 

"  I  was  sure  of  it,"  she  said  in  a  tone  which  showed 
she  did  not  believe  me.  "  And  you  never  saw  her  get 
off!" 

"  Of  course  I  didn't,  or  I  should  have  got  off  too." 

"Yes.    And  didn't  Sir  Arnold  see  her  either?" 

"  I'm  sure  I  don't  know.  And  it  wouldn't  have 
mattered  two  straws  if  he  had.  Nobody  in  his  senses 
would  suppose  that  I  should  run  away  with  a  little 
fellow  who  comes  up  to  my  shoulder." 

"  Really,  Cis,  I  didn't  expect  you  to  put  it  like  that," 
said  she.  "  I  certainly  shouldn't  have  liked  to  make 
such  a  suggestion  myself." 

"  You  seemed  to  suggest  that  other  people  have  said 
so,"  I  said.  "  However,  it  doesn't  matter,  because 
everybody  who  knows  me  knows  how  absurd  it  is  to 
make  a  fuss  about  such  a  thing." 

Harriet  raised  her  eyebrows. 

"  What !  "  she  said.  "  I  thought  one  couldn't  be  too 
careful  or  too  particular.  You  are  the  last  person  I 
expected  to  find  making  light  of  such  an  adventure, 
Cis." 

"  I  didn't  make  light  of  it  at  the  time,  I  assure  you. 


THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER    117 

When  one  believes  that  the  next  moment  will  be  one's 
last,  and  when  that  belief  goes  on  for  about  half  a 
dozen  hours,  there  is  nothing  in  the  least  like  making 
light  of  it  to  be  done." 

"  Well,  I  am  glad  you  got  off  so  well.  It  will  make 
you  careful  how  you  speak  unkindly  of  other  women 
who  get  themselves  into  scrapes,"  she  said. 

"  I  haven't  got  myself  into  any  scrape,"  I  said. 

"  Didn't  Mr.  Calstock  mind,  then?  " 

I  hesitated.  I  couldn't  honestly  say  that  Gerald  did 
not  mind,  but  at  the  same  time  I  was  angry  with  her 
for  making  this  pretense  that  there  was  anything  anal- 
ogous in  her  case  to  mine. 

"  He  was  very  angry  with  my  mother  for  leaving 
me  on  the  yacht  by  myself,"  I  said,  "  and  very  thank- 
ful that  I  got  safely  back  again." 

Harriet  sighed  deeply. 

"  I  wish  all  husbands  were  as  kind !  "  she  said. 

Then  I  think  she  saw  that  she  was  irritating  me  too 
much,  and  was  afraid  I  might  say  something  "  nasty," 
for  she  went  on : 

"  Where  are  you  staying,  dear  ?  " 

I  named  the  hotel  where  we  were,  and  she  shrugged 
her  shoulders.. 

"  Lucky  girl !  Of  course,  expense  is  no  object  with 
you !  "  she  said.  "  I  am  in  lodgings  —  such  lodgings ! 
The  English  seaside  apartments  at  their  worst!  But 
I'm  with  old  Aunt  Vera,  and  we  thought  it  more  dis- 
creet to  stay  in  rooms  than  to  go  to  an  hotel.  Lodg- 
ings are  so  beastly  that  they  make  one  feel  '  good.'  " 

And  she  made  the  funniest  little  grimace  as  she 
walked  on,  telling  me  I  should  see  her  again  by  and  by. 

I  told  Gerald  of  the  meeting,  and  he  expressed 
surprise. 

"  I  thought  she  was  still  at  Fouroaks,"  he  said. 


118    THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER 

And  by  that  I  knew  that  he  was  still  in  correspond- 
ence with  Sir  John  about  her. 

We  drove  out  in  the  afternoon,  and  when  we  got 
back  to  the  hotel  we  found  Harriet  waiting  for  us 
among  the  palms  near  the  entrance.  She  was  dressed 
from  head  to  foot  in  the  palest  gray,  and  looked  better, 
I  think,  than  I  had  ever  seen  her  look. 

Gerald  caught  sight  of  her  first,  and,  turning  to  me, 
he  said: 

"  What  a  striking-looking  woman !  " 

"Where?"  said  I. 

And  then  my  eyes  followed  the  direction  of  his. 

"Why,  don't  you  know?  It's  Harriet  Usher!"  I 
said. 

He  uttered  an  exclamation  of  astonishment,  and 
the  next  moment  Harriet  had  come  forward,  all  smiles 
and  radiance,  and  was  holding  out  her  hand  to  Gerald, 
after  effusively  kissing  me. 

"  Mr.  Calstock,  I  know  it  must  be,"  she  said,  as  he 
shook  hands,  and  tried  to  be  very  solemn  and  dry. 

But  he  found  it  hard  to  maintain  the  stiff,  profes- 
sional manner  which  she  had  left  him  no  time  to  as- 
sume, and  a  few  minutes  later  we  were  all  sitting  in 
the  lounge  over  our  tea,  and  chatting  and  laughing 
as  if  no  danger  hung  over  Harriet,  and  as  if  Gerald 
had  not  been  the  solicitor  whom  her  husband  was  em- 
ploying to  find  out  what  he  wanted  to  know  about  her. 

It  was  a  most  comical  situation,  while  at  the  same 
time  it  was  an  embarrassing  one,  and  Gerald  would 
have  avoided  it  if  he  could. 

But  Harriet  can  be  very  clever  when  she  chooses, 
and  having  once  got  her  grip,  she  held  on. 

That  is  to  say,  she  contrived,  by  insinuating  that  she 
was  very  lonely,  and  that  her  Aunt  Vera  had  gone  out 
to  see  some  friends  and  left  her  by  herself,  to  force 


THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER     119 

us  into  giving  her  an  invitation  to  dine  with  us  that 
evening. 

Half-hearted  as  this  invitation  undoubtedly  was,  she 
seized  upon  it  at  once,  and  we  found  ourselves  her 
hosts  for  the  evening. 

I  could  not  help  seeing  that  she  was  making  a  strong 
impression  upon  Gerald.  I  remembered,  with  sudden 
vividness,  his  saying  to  me  that  the  haggard  ladies  of 
Burne-Jones's  pictures,  with  their  lean  cheeks,  long 
necks,  red-gold  hair,  and  drooping  figures  had  a  cer- 
tain fascination  for  him.  And  as  I  watched  Harriet 
talking  to  him,  and  noted  the  cleverness  with  which 
she  showed  herself  to  the  best  advantage,  both  as  to 
person  and  manner,  I  felt  almost  jealous  of  the  admira- 
tion which  she  undoubtedly  excited  in  him. 

From  civil  he  became  sympathetic;  and  although 
the  conversation  we  carried  on  never  touched  upon  the 
subjects  most  interesting  to  all  of  us,  enough  was  said 
for  me  to  realize  what  a  very  strong  attraction  Harriet 
could  exercise  even  upon  a  man  who  had  begun  by 
having  a  prejudice  against  her. 

When  we  had  sat  in  the  lounge  quite  a  long  time 
after  dinner  over  our  coffee,  and  then  had  strolled  out 
on  the  Leas  to  listen  to  the  music  which  we  all  hate, 
but  which  seems  to  be  the  only  thing  we  cannot  avoid 
here,  Harriet  told  us  that  she  really  must  go  back  and 
see  whether  Lady  Vera  had  come  home  yet. 

We  offered  to  see  her  to  the  door  of  the  house,  but 
she  said  I  looked  tired,  and  suggested  that  we  should 
all  go  back  to  our  hotel  first. 

"  Then,"  she  said,  "  I  can  walk  back  by  myself." 

Of  course,  Gerald  would  not  hear  of  this,  but  said 
he  would  accompany  her.  I  felt  vaguely  uneasy,  but 
I  knew  that  I  should  only  make  myself  ridiculous  by 


120    THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER 

raising  any  objection,  so  it  was  Harriet's  plan  that  was 
carried  out. 

I  was  "  dropped "  at  our  hotel,  and  Harriet  and 
Gerald  went  out  together. 

I  went  upstairs  and  stood  at  the  window,  and  from 
there  I  could  see  Harriet's  light  gray  hat,  and  could 
note  that  they  were  walking  more  and  more  slowly. 
Even  when  they  were  quite  a  long  way  off  I  could  still 
make  them  out  in  the  darkness  because  of  Harriet's 
slender  gray  figure;  and  I  saw  that  when  they  had 
gone  some  distance  they  turned  back  again,  and  that 
they  turned  two  or  three  times  before  they  disappeared. 

Knowing  Harriet,  I  felt  pretty  certain  that  she  was 
making  the  best  possible  use  of  this  opportunity  of 
getting,  as  she  would  have  said,  "  into  the  enemy's 
camp,"  and  I  supposed  that  she  must  be  stating  her 
own  side  of  the  case  between  her  husband  and  herself, 
and  doing  her  best  to  enlist  Gerald's  sympathies  on  her 
side. 

It  was  perfectly  natural,  entirely  justifiable,  and 
yet  I  did  not  like  it. 

I  waited  for  Gerald's  return,  feeling  uneasy,  rest- 
less, miserable.  Why  I  scarcely  knew.  But  Harriet 
is  so  very  clever  where  her  own  interests  are  con- 
cerned, and  is  troubled  with  so  few  scruples,  that  I 
could  not  help  feeling  some  anxiety  both  as  to  what 
she  would  say  about  herself  and  what  she  would  say 
about  me. 

She  affected  to  think  yesterday,  when  I  met  her  so 
unexpectedly,  that  there  was  more  in  my  adventure 
at  Dieppe  than  there  really  was.  Would  she  try  to 
insinuate  something  of  the  kind  to  Gerald  at  the  same 
time  that  she  tried  to  minimize  the  importance  of  her 
own  differences  with  Sir  John? 

While  knowing  that  I  had  no  reasons  to  give  in 


THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER     121 

support  of  my  suspicions,  I  felt  more  and  more  uneasy 
as  it  grew  late,  and  still  Gerald  did  not  return. 

When  at  last  he  came  back  he  was  moody  and 
thoughtful,  and  he  was,  or  I  fancied  that  he  was, 
rather  short  and  curt  in  his  manner  to  me.  This  does 
happen  sometimes  when  he  is  very  tired,  but  it  made 
me  uneasy  that  it  should  happen  now. 

"  Well,  what  do  you  think  of  Harriet,  now  you 
have  seen  her  ? "  I  ventured  to  ask  when  we  were 
alone. 

He  answered  slowly : 

"  I  think  she  is  a  very  clever  woman." 

"Clever!     Oh,  yes,  and  charming,  too,  isn't  she?" 

"  I  should  imagine  that  some  men  might  find  her 
very  charming." 

"  Oh,  Gerald,  didn't  you  think  her  so,  too?" 

"  Well,  yes,  but  perhaps  I  knew  too  much  to  be  so 
susceptible  as  I  might  otherwise  have  been." 

Considering  the  open  way  in  which  he  had  been  de- 
voting his  attention  to  her,  I  was  rendered  uneasy  by 
these  words.  Why  should  he  now  try  to  pretend  that 
he  did  not  admire  her  very  much,  when  it  was  patent 
to  the  meanest  powers  of  observation  that  he  did? 

In  the  face  of  his  answer,  respecting  Gerald  as  I 
do,  I  did  not  dare  to  say  anything  more.  But  I  have 
been  uneasy  ever  since,  and  I  can't  help  seeing  that 
this  meeting  with  Harriet  has  made  a  great  difference 
in  him. 

He  has  been  recalled  by  it  to  his  business,  which 
I  had  done  my  hardest  to  put  out  of  his  mind  for  a 
few  days,  and  now  he  is  anxious  to  go  back  to  town 
and  to  start  work  again. 

That  is  all  he  says,  but  I  am  wondering  whether  it 
means  that  he  wants  to  see  Sir  John  again. 

I  wonder  whether  he  has  been  induced  by  Harriet 


THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER 

to  believe  that  she  is  the  injured  victim  she  poses  as 
being!  I  wonder  whether  he  will  try  to  reconcile  her 
and  Sir  John !  Of  course,  it  would  be  much  better  if 
he  could,  and  Harriet  would  be  very  grateful  to  him. 
But  —  I  wonder  whether  it  would  be  a  good  thing 
after  all,  and  whether  Harriet  is  really  so  much  to  be 
pitied  as  she  says  she  is ! 


CURZON  STREET, 

September 
WE  are  back  home  again. 

I  don't  know  what  has  become  of  Harriet,  or 
whether  she  left  Folkestone  before  us  or  not.  At 
any  rate  I  haven't  seen  her  again. 

I  don't  know  whether  Gerald  saw  her  again,  but 
he  said  nothing  about  it  if  he  did.  I  called  once  at 
her  lodgings,  but  was  told  she  was  out,  and  when  I 
called  again  that  she  had  gone  away. 

In  the  meantime  I  have  not  heard  from  her,  so 
at  present  I  am  quite  in  the  dark  as  to  what  is  going 
to  happen  with  regard  to  her. 

I  feel  rather  shy  of  speaking  much  about  her  to 
Gerald,  who  is  inclined  to  be  short  in  his  answers 
when  I  do,  and  to  look  upon  my  questions  as  trench- 
ing too  much  upon  his  business  affairs  to  be  in  my 
province. 

I  haven't  been  near  mamma  since  I  came  back  from 
Dieppe.  I  have  not  forgiven  her  yet  for  her  be- 
havior about  the  Lucette. 

Sir  Arnold  has  called,  but  I  was  out.  I  shall  take 
care  to  be  always  out  to  him,  as  I  don't  want  to  have 
any  more  gossip. 


123 


CURZON  STREET, 

September  ijth. 

SOMETHING  rather  worrying  happened  to-day.  Papa 
came  this  morning  and  stayed  to  luncheon.  He  was 
looking  very  brown  and  jolly,  and  he  says  he  is  only 
up  in  town  for  a  day,  as  he  is  going  back  to  some 
moor  which  he  and  two  other  men  have  hired  for  the 
season. 

He  showed  great  concern  about  my  adventure,  and 
he  too  had  heard  gossip,  and  he  was  very  angry  with 
mamma.  He  said  I  should  get  myself  talked  about  if 
I  didn't  take  care,  and  that  I  was  too  pretty  to  do  such 
harum-scarum  things. 

"  You  don't  want  people  to  talk  about  you  as  they 
do  about  Harriet  Usher,  do  you  ? "  he  ended. 

I  asked  him  what  had  become  of  Harriet,  and  he 
said  he  hadn't  heard,  and  that  whatever  happened  to 
her  would  be  too  good  for  her. 

I  was  surprised  to  hear  good-natured  papa  speak 
so  strongly,  and  he  explained,  rather  to  my  dismay, 
that  she  was  one  of  those  women  whom  nobody  could 
trust,  and  that  Sir  John  had  got  a  very  bad  bargain 
when  he  married  her,  and  would  be  well  rid  of  her  if 
he  could  get  his  divorce. 

I  said  as  little  as  possible  after  that,  and  was  glad 
he  had  not  heard  about  my  share  in  shielding  Harriet. 
I  said  what  I  could  for  her,  however,  briefly,  so  as 
not  to  fall  into  further  discussion,  but  he  shut  me  up 
peremptorily,  and  told  me  he  didn't  want  to  hear  me 
taking  her  part. 

124, 


THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER     125 

That  frightened  me,  for  papa  is  not  ill-natured. 
Then  when  the  subject  dropped,  he  told  me  what  a 
dreadfully  bad  year  he  had  had,  and  said  he  hoped 
I  could  help  him  a  little,  and  that  he  had  come  to  town 
in  the  hope  that  I  could. 

When  I  told  him  that  I  should  have  to  ask  Gerald 
before  I  could  give  him  any  money,  he  seemed  an- 
noyed, and  said  it  was  a  very  foolish  thing  of  me  to 
let  myself  be  dependent  upon  my  husband  for  every 
shilling. 

"  Oh,  Papa,  I'm  not,"  I  said.  "  But  it  was  my  own 
choice  to  have  only  enough  to  go  with  in  my  account 
in  my  own  name,  and  my  trip  to  Dieppe  with  mamma 
nearly  ran  me  out." 

He  frowned  at  that. 

"  With  your  mother !  Oh,  yes,  I  can  quite  under- 
stand that,"  he  said.  "  She  would  run  through  a  bal- 
ance in  shorter  time  than  anybody  I  know.  Well,  can 
you  do  anything  for  me,  or  not  ?  " 

"  Oh,  yes,"  I  said.  "  Come  round  again  to-morrow 
morning,  or  tell  me  where  to  send  it,  and  how  much 
you  want." 

"  A  couple  of  hundred  will  do,  my  dear,  if  you  are 
short  yourself,"  he  said.  "And  you'd  better  send  it 
to  me.  I'm  at  the  old  place,  the  hotel  where  I  always 
stay  in  town.  I  suppose  you  couldn't  let  me  have  it 
this  morning?"  he  added  after  a  short  pause. 

"  Oh,  yes,  I  can ;  I'll  go  at  once  to  the  office  and 
see  Gerald  about  it,"  I  said. 

Papa  always  frowns  when  I  mention  Gerald's  name, 
although  he  is  his  client.  But  I  fancy  he  doesn't  put 
so  much  of  his  business  in  the  firm's  hands  now  that 
Gerald  is  his  son-in-law. 

I  went  upstairs  and  put  my  hat  on  at  once,  and 
papa  and  I  got  into  a  taxi  to  go  to  the  office.  HQ 


126     THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER 

said  he  wouldn't  come  up,  he  would  wait  for  me  at 
the  end  of  the  street. 

So  I  went  in  alone  and  asked  to  see  Mr.  Calstock ; 
but  instead  of  showing  me  into  his  office  they  told 
me  there  was  a  client  with  him,  and  showed  me  into 
another  room  to  wait.  Then  the  clerk  went  to  tell 
Gerald  I  was  waiting. 

After  a  few  minutes  I  heard  the  door  of  Gerald's 
private  office  open,  and  some  one  come  out.  I  heard 
no  voices,  and  only  a  light  tread,  so  that  I  guessed  the 
client  was  a  lady. 

I  did  not  give  that  a  second  thought,  for  I  was 
busily  rehearsing  the  words  I  should  use,  knowing 
that  my  husband  would  be  displeased  at  papa's  want- 
ing more  money  again  so  soon. 

However,  when  the  door  opened,  it  was  not  the 
clerk  who  came  in,  but  Gerald  himself. 

"  What's  the  matter  ? "  he  asked  rather  shortly. 
"  Why  couldn't  you  telephone  if  you  wanted  any- 
thing?" 

I  went  up  to  him  coaxingly. 

"  Don't  be  angry,  Gerald,"  I  said  pleadingly.  "  I 
couldn't  very  well  say  what  I  had  to  say  into  the  tele- 
phone." 

"What  is  it  then?" 

"  It's  papa.  He  —  well,  he  wants  a  little  money. 
Only  a  little.  And  I  haven't  enough  in  my  account, 
after  what  I  drew  out  yesterday  to  pay  Madame  Anas- 
tasie  for  my  dresses." 

"  Oh,  well,  all  right,"  said  he,  more  amiably  than  I 
had  expected.  "  How  much  do  you  want  ?  " 

"  Two  hundred." 

"  Very  well.  I'll  write  you  out  a  cheque.  But  you 
will  have  to  tell  him  you  can't  let  him  have  any  more 
before  Christmas." 


THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER     127 

"Oh,  I  can't  tell  him  that.  After  all,  I've  been 
spending  a  great  deal  on  myself  lately,"  I  pleaded. 

Again  he  took  it  better  than  I  expected,  and  only 
smiled. 

"  Well,  it's  your  own  money,  and  I  suppose  you 
must  waste  it  as  you  please,"  said  he. 

"  Don't  cross  it,"  I  said. 

"  It  is  crossed." 

"  Well,  write  '  Pay  bearer '  on  it,"  said  I,  knowing 
that  papa  wanted  the  cash  at  once  to  go  away  with. 

Again  Gerald  was  amiable,  and  did  as  I  asked  him 
to,  and  then  I  gave  him  a  kiss  and  went  out. 

I  found  papa  at  the  door  of  the  taxicab,  looking 
very  much  ruffled. 

"  What's  the  matter,  Papa  ?  I've  got  the  money  for 
you,"  I  said,  as  he  held  open  the  door  for  me  to  get  in. 

He  grunted,  and  did  not  even  then  seem  at  all 
pleased. 

"  Do  you  know  who  that  was  that  was  in  the  of- 
fice when  you  went  in  ?  "  he  asked. 

"No.     Who  was  it?" 

"  Your  precious  cousin,  Harriet  Usher." 

I  sat  back  in  the  cab,  cold  and  trembling.  But  I 
would  not  harbor  the  ugly  thoughts  that  tried  to  come 
in. 

"Well,  what  if  it  was  Harriet?"  I  asked,  though 
in  rather  an  unsteady  voice.  "  Her  husband  is  one 
of  Gerald's  clients,  you  know." 

"  Yes,  but  she  isn't,"  said  he  shortly.  "  And  what 
I  want  to  know  is,  what  was  she  doing  in  your  hus- 
band's office  ?  " 

"  She  was  there  on  business,  of  course,"  I  said, 
trying  to  speak  as  if  surprised  at  his  tone. 

"  Oh,  yes,  trust  her  for  that.  But  what  sort  of 
business  ?  What  could  have  taken  her  to  him  ?  " 


128    THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER 

"  She  wants  him  to  intercede  for  her  with  Sir  John," 
I  said  firmly. 

Papa  shook  his  head. 

"  Well,  if  you  don't  mind,  I  suppose  I  ought  not 
to,"  he  said.  "  But  to  tell  you  the  truth,  I  look  upon 
that  woman  as  a  sort  of  stormy  petrel,  and  I  think 
that  she  brings  trouble  wherever  she  goes." 

I  tried  to  laugh,  though  indeed  I  did  not  feel  merry. 

"  I'll  ask  Gerald  to-night  what  it  was  that  she  came 
to  him  about,"  I  said. 

"  And  he  won't  tell  you,"  said  papa  shortly. 

I  wish  papa  wouldn't  say  those  things.  They  are 
not  true,  because  I  know  I  can  trust  Gerald.  And  he 
must  answer  my  question  to-night. 


CURZON  STREET, 

September  i8th. 

I  DID  ask  Gerald  last  night  when  he  came  back  from 
the  office,  what  Harriet  had  had  to  say  to  him  when 
she  called  upon  him.  I  spoke  as  carelessly  as  I  could, 
as  if  I  had  known  all  the  time,  when  I  was  at  the  of- 
fice, that  she  was  there  too. 

I  don't  know  whether  my  question  surprised  him ; 
he  is  too  much  of  a  lawyer  to  let  one  see  those  things. 

He  answered  at  once  that  she  came  to  ask  him  to 
intercede  for  her  with  her  husband. 

I  felt  much  relieved  to  hear  that,  although,  indeed, 
I  had  known  that  that  was  the  reason  of  her  visit. 

I  tried  to  shake  off  the  unpleasant  impression  made 
by  papa's  words.  After  all,  if  the  wife  of  a  man  in 
any  profession  were  to  be  jealous  of  every  attractive 
woman  her  husband  met  in  the  way  of  business,  neither 
his  life  nor  hers  would  be  worth  living. 

But  before  the  evening  was  over  I  perceived  clearly 
enough  that  there  was  something  in  poor  papa's  warn- 
ing about  Harriet. 

Although  Gerald  was  angry  about  the  yachting  ad- 
venture, and  although  he  had  expressed  great  annoy- 
ance at  my  having  been  out  on  the  boat  without 
mamma,  he  took  the  right  view  when  I  told  him  about 
it,  and  put  all  the  blame  of  the  adventure  upon  mamma. 

But  last  night  he  brought  up  the  subject  again  quite 
unexpectedly  while  we  were  at  dinner,  and,  looking 
across  the  table  at  me  with  that  keen  glance  of  his 
that  one  can't  meet  when  one  has  anything  to  hide,  he 
asked  abruptly: 

129 


130     THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER 

"Does  that  fellow  Banbury  ever  call  here?" 

I  recognized  at  once  the  hand  of  Harriet  in  this 
speech,  and  it  was  anger  and  disgust  with  her,  and 
not  any  feeling  of  embarrassment  about  Sir  Arnold, 
that  made  me  redden  and  draw  myself  up,  and  an- 
swer coldly: 

"  Yes,  he  does  call  sometimes,  I  believe.  But  I  am 
never  at  home  to  him." 

"Why  not?"  asked  Gerald  shortly. 

I  was  taken  aback,  when  I  thought  I  had  made  the 
answer  he  would  have  liked  best. 

"  Why  not  ?  "  I  stammered.  "  Why  —  why,  why 
should  I  see  him?  I  don't  want  to  see  him.  I  had 
a  most  horrid,  horrid  adventure  with  him,  and  —  I 
—  I  don't  want  to  be  reminded  of  it." 

All  the  time  that  I  spoke  Gerald's  eyes  were  fixed 
upon  me  in  a  way  that  I  resented.  He  seemed  to  be 
suspicious,  watchful.  It  was  not  fair,  or  right.  And 
I  could  have  burst  out  crying  at  the  thought  that  this 
woman,  my  own  cousin,  whom  I  had  done  my  best  to 
help  and  befriend  in  the  difficulties  she  had  brought 
upon  herself,  should  be  the  person  to  try  to  embroil 
me  with  my  own  husband. 

"  It  would  be  much  wiser,  I  should  have  thought," 
said  Gerald,  still  in  the  same  curt  way,  "  to  have  seen 
him  as  you  do  other  people.  It  would  be  less  likely 
to  cause  gossip." 

"  What  gossip  ?  "  I  asked  indignantly. 

"  Well,  such  an  adventure  is  likely  to  cause  scan- 
dal," he  said.  "  I  don't  mean  for  a  moment  to  say 
that  it  was  your  fault.  It  was  not.  Still,  it  was  a 
great  pity  it  happened,  and  you  ought  to  be  extra  care- 
ful how  you  behave  afterwards." 

"  I'm  sorry  I  didn't  know  before  what  your  wishes 
were  about  my  receiving  Sir  Arnold,"  I  said,  very 


THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER     131 

haughtily.  "  And  I  am  sorry,  also,  that  you  conde- 
scend to  listen  to  the  suggestions  of  another  woman 
about  me." 

I  was  sorry  the  moment  I  had  said  this.  It  was 
mean  and  petty  and  showed  me  to  be  jealous,  when 
I  had  tried  so  hard  not  to  be.  But  indeed,  I  felt 
greatly  hurt  at  his  reviving  the  subject  of  the  ad- 
venture with  Sir  Arnold,  which  had  been  very  painful 
to  me  from  beginning  to  end. 

Gerald  looked  at  me  steadily,  in  a  way  that  put 
me  more  in  the  wrong  than  ever. 

"  You  need  not  take  any  notice  of  the  suggestions 
unless  you  like,"  he  said  dryly. 

I  said  nothing,  and  the  matter  dropped.  But  he 
went  straight  from  the  dining-room  to  his  study  after 
dinner,  ordering  his  coffee  to  be  sent  in  to  him. 

I  sat  by  myself  in  the  drawing-room  for  a  little 
while,  and  then  I  decided  upon  a  bold  move.  It  was 
not  usual  for  me  to  interrupt  him  at  his  work,  but  I 
felt  that,  if  I  were  not  to  make  an  effort  now,  I  might 
let  the  rift  grow  wide. 

I  had  a  strong  consciousness  that,  although  it  was 
unwise  of  me  to  show  jealousy,  there  was  real  cause 
for  it.  Harriet  is  a  very  attractive  woman,  and  I 
know  that  she  is  not  over-scrupulous ;  I  may  put  it 
like  that  without  ill-nature.  And  mamma  has  said 
a  great  deal  to  me,  at  different  times,  about  the  way 
in  which  every  man  is  dominated  by  a  type ;  she  says, 
for  instance,  that  if  you  find  a  man  attracted  by  a 
woman  with  blue  eyes  and  fair  hair,  you  may  reckon 
upon  blue  eyes  and  fair  hair,  of  the  same  color  but 
in  different  individuals,  having  an  attraction  for  him 
to  the  end  of  his  life.  I  don't  know  whether  this  is 
true,  but  as  Gerald  has  admitted  that  he  admires  hazel 
eyes  and  copper-colored  hair  combined  with  slimness 


132     THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER 

of  figure,  and  as  he  was  certainly  attracted  by  Har- 
riet's appearance  before  he  knew  who  she  was,  I  must 
be  prepared  to  find  that  she  has  some  influence  with 
him  already. 

The  thought  made  me  sore  and  bitter. 

They  have  all  taunted  me  so  cruelly,  first  in  one 
way  and  then  in  another,  not  with  open  gibes,  of 
course,  but  in  little  pin-pricks  that  hurt  as  much  as 
bigger  ones,  with  my  marriage  "  outside  my  own 
rank,"  that  at  least  they  might  leave  me  to  my  hus- 
band and  not  try  to  make  mischief  between  us! 

When  I  married  Gerald,  the  whole  family,  includ- 
ing Harriet,  treated  me  as  if  I  were  making  a  great 
sacrifice,  "  throwing  myself  away,"  and  marrying  be- 
neath me. 

Yet  they  won't  leave  me  alone,  and  let  me  be  happy 
with  my  husband  in  my  own  way,  but  they  must 
interfere,  now  in  one  way  and  now  in  another,  and 
spoil  my  life  if  they  can. 

Yet  I  have  done  my  best  for  all  of  them;  I  have 
helped  papa  and  mamma,  and  kept  Harriet's  secret 
and  interceded  for  her  with  Gerald. 

Why  should  I  be  made  everybody's  scapegoat? 
Why  should  I  be  drawn  into  dangerous  adventures 
by  my  mother,  rendered  jealous  by  my  father,  and, 
worst  of  all,  find  a  little  wedge  of  discord  between 
myself  and  my  husband  inserted  by  the  very  woman 
I  have  risked  a  good  deal  to  help  ? 

I  was  feeling  so  miserable  and  so  excited  that  I  did 
not  dare  to  go  to  Gerald  at  once,  as  I  wanted  to  be 
calm  and  sweet  to  him,  and  to  use  the  soft  tongue 
with  him. 

When  at  last  I  knocked  at  the  study  door,  it  was 
ten  o'clock. 

I  got  no  answer,  though  I  knocked  again  and  again, 
and  at  last  I  opened  the  door  and  looked  in.  The 


THE  INDISCRETION  OP  LADY  tJSHER    138 

lamp  was  out,  and  Gerald  was  not  there.  It  was  with 
a  sense  of  horrible  depression  that  I  went  back  to  the 
drawing-room.  On  the  way  I  met  Jackson,  who  told 
me  that  Gerald  had  gone  out  about  nine. 

It  was  as  much  as  I  could  do  not  to  burst  out 
crying  before  the  man  when  he  told  me  this.  But,  of 
course,  I  didn't ;  I  pretended  to  remember  that  Gerald 
had  to  go  out,  and  smiled  and  went  on  to  the  draw- 
ing-room. But  I  never  felt  so  utterly  heartbroken 
in  all  my  life,  not  even  in  the  days  of  my  marriage  with 
Sir  Lionel. 

After  all,  in  those  days  I  didn't  expect  anything 
but  slights  and  neglect,  and,  indeed,  I  preferred  neg- 
lect to  my  husband's  attention.  But  now  that  I  am 
married  to  the  man  of  my  own  heart,  to  the  man  whom 
I  not  only  love,  but  respect  and  admire  above  all 
other  men  in  the  world,  it  does  seem  horribly,  horribly 
hard  to  have  to  submit  to  such  a  slight  as  this ! 

Surely,  even  if  I  was  rather  petulant  at  dinner- 
time, he  need  not  have  punished  me  so  severely  as  by 
going  out  without  a  word  to  me ! 

I  suppose  it  is,  after  all,  a  little  thing  to  worry  my- 
self about.  But  I  cannot  help  thinking  that,  taken  in 
conjunction  with  other  little  things,  it  means  a  good 
deal. 

What  shall  I  do? 

If  any  one  had  told  me,  at  the  time  of  my  marriage 
with  Gerald,  that  within  a  few  months  I  should  be 
wanting  advice  as  to  how  to  deal  with  him,  how  I 
should  have  laughed  at  the  idea ! 

I  should  have  said  that,  in  marrying  him,  I  had 
given  myself  into  the  care  of  the  very  wisest  as  well 
as  the  kindest  man  I  knew,  and  that  I  should  never 
want  any  advice  but  his  in  any  crisis  of  my  life. 

And  yet  here  I  am  —  so  soon  too!  —  already  won- 
dering where  to  turn  for  comfort  and  counsel. 


134    THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER 

I  am  sure  that  Gerald  is  keeping  some  secret  from 
me,  and  I  am  terribly,  terribly  afraid,  although  I  am 
not  quite  so  sure  of  that  as  I  am  of  the  other,  that 
that  secret  concerns  Harriet. 

I  know,  while  I  write  this,  that  it  is  only  an  instinct, 
and  that  all  the  trifles  that  trouble  me  do  not  amount 
to  anything  like  proof  of  what  I  fear.  But  a  wom- 
an's instincts  are  trustworthy  guides,  whatever  people 
may  say,  and  I  know  that  I  am  in  danger  of  losing  all 
that  I  most  prize  in  the  world ! 

I  had  not  been  in  the  drawing-room  by  myself  more 
than  half  an  hour  when  Gerald  came  in,  and  saying 
nothing  about  having  been  out,  told  me  I  looked  tired 
and  ought  to  go  to  bed. 

Then  I  smiled  and  said  I  had  been  to  the  study,  but 
could  not  get  an  answer  from  him. 

"  Were  you  out,"  I  asked,  as  playfully  as  I  could, 
"without  telling  me  you  were  going?" 

"  I  only  went  to  post  a  letter,"  he  said.  "  I  never 
trust  the  posting  of  important  letters  to  servants." 

I  hesitated.  I  knew  that  he  had  been  away  a  whole 
hour.  He  looked  at  me  keenly,  and  frowned. 

I  suppose  he  guessed  that  I  knew  how  long  he  had 
been  away,  for  he  said  rather  petulantly : 

"  I  met  some  one  I  know  and  had  to  walk  a  mile 
with  him  before  he  would  let  me  go.  Now,  is  your 
curiosity  satisfied  ?  " 

"  Yes,  quite." 

It  was  not  true,  but  I  was  too  glad  to  see  him 
smile  at  me  again,  and  speak  in  his  usual  affectionate 
tone,  to  worry  him  into  irritation  with  further  ques- 
tions. 

But  I  have  been  wondering  ever  since  to  whom 
he  was  writing  that  important  letter  that  could  not 
be  trusted  to  a  servant! 


CURZON  STREET, 

September   iqth. 

GERALD  is  going  away  for  the  week-end  "  on  business." 
I  wish  I  dared  ask  where  he  is  going,  but  I  know  that, 
if  I  were  to  ask,  he  wouldn't  tell  me.  If  he  intended 
me  to  know,  he  would  have  told  me  of  his  own  ac- 
cord. 

I  am  growing  wretched.     Surely  he  must  see  it! 


135 


CURZON  STREET, 

September  2oth. 

SUCH  a  pleasant  surprise  I  had  to-day!  I  had  fin- 
ished luncheon,  all  by  myself  as  usual,  and  was  just 
going  upstairs  to  get  ready  to  go  out  in  the  car  to 
pay  some  horrid  duty  calls,  when  a  carriage  drove 
up,  and  I  recognized  old  Lady  Langbourne's  old- 
fashioned  liveries. 

I  was  delighted,  although  I  was  trembling  with 
nervousness  as  to  what  she  might  have  to  tell  me, 
as  she  is  an  inveterate  gossip,  and  knows  more  scandal 
than  —  there  is  any  ground  for. 

She  greeted  me  very  affectionately,  and  without  any 
unnecessary  compliments. 

"  Well,  my  dear,  you  see  I  haven't  lost  much  time 
in  coming  to  see  you,"  she  said,  as  she  kissed  me. 
Then  she  drew  back  to  get  my  face  into  focus,  and 
cried  out  abruptly :  "  Good  gracious,  child,  what  have 
you  been  doing  with  yourself?  Where  are  your 
pretty  looks  gone  to  ?  " 

I  laughed,  and  tried  to  remonstrate,  but  I  had  hard 
work  to  keep  back  the  tears.  Of  course,  Lady  Lang- 
bourne  jumped  to  the  very  conclusion  I  would  have 
had  her  avoid: 

"  Ah,  these  mixed  marriages,  my  dear !  They  never 
answer,"  she  said,  delighted  to  be  able  to  preach  a 
sermon  upon  one  of  her  favorite  texts. 

I  couldn't  help  laughing  at  the  expression. 

"  Mine  wasn't  a  mixed  marriage,"  I  said.  "  My 
husband  is  a  dear." 

136 


THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER     137 

"  Oh,  well,  dear,  you  ought  to  know  best,  and  if 
he  likes  a  plain  wife  better  than  a  pretty  one,  of 
course  he's  going  the  right  way  to  get  what  he  wants." 

"  Do  I  look  so  dreadful  then  ? "  I  asked,  rather 
alarmed. 

"  Well,  I  don't  want  to  be  unkind,  I'm  too  old ! 
But  you  don't  look  like  the  same  woman  who  came 
down  to  Cowes  in  July,  all  dimples  and  smiles  and 
rosy  cheeks.  Come  now,  tell  me  what  has  gone 
wrong." 

I  only  wished  I  dared !  But  of  course  I  did  not.  I 
sat  down  on  the  sofa  beside  her  and  made  up  stories 
about  toothache  and  colds,  to  all  of  which  she  shook 
her  head. 

"  If  I  were  one  of  your  modern  young  women, 
instead  of  an  ancient,  old  one,"  she  said,  after  lis- 
tening and  watching  me  very  attentively,  "  I  should 
just  say,  '  Rot ! '  Of  course,  as  it  is,  I  am  much  too 
proper  to  say  anything  so  rude.  But  come  now,  don't 
you  think  you  would  be  all  the  better  for  a  change?  " 

"  I  can't  get  one  yet,"  I  said.  "  My  husband  has 
to  go  away  on  business  at  the  end  of  the  week  — " 

"  Ah !  There's  our  opportunity,"  cried  she.  "  You 
shall  come  down  to  me.  I've  taken  quite  a  nice  old 
place  on  the  river  for  the  autumn,  and  we  are  trying 
to  forget  there  that  we  haven't  had  any  summer. 
Put  your  nightgown  in  your  bag  on  Saturday  morning, 
and  come  down  to  '  Abbot's  Barn  '  till  Tuesday." 

"  I  should  love  it,"  cried  I. 

And  I  meant  it.  The  thought  of  being  once  more 
among  all  those  merry,  frivolous,  naughty  people,  who 
do  as  they  please,  and  never  trouble  their  heads  as 
to  whether  that  happens  to  be  right  or  wrong,  is  joy 
after  the  misgivings  and  doubts,  the  worries  and 
questionings,  I  have  been  through  lately. 


She  peered  at  me  through  her  double  eyeglass. 

"  You  mustn't  mind  being  told  by  the  women  that 
you  are  a  perfect  fright,  you  know,  my  dear,"  she 
said  encouragingly  when  she  had  examined  me  nar- 
rowly. "  The  men,  naturally,  will  be  more  polite.  I 
shall  get  Sir  Arnold  to  come  down — " 

"  No,  don't,  please,"  said  I,  hastily. 

"  Oh,  but  I  must.  He's  perfectly  miserable  because 
you  won't  see  him,  and  he's  such  a  dear,  harmless 
little  fellow  that  there's  no  sense  in  being  so  unkind 
to  him.  Especially  after  what  you  went  through  to- 
gether on  that  dreadful  night  off  the  coast  of  France. 
Where  was  it  ?  Trouville  ?  " 

"  Dieppe,"  said  I,  feeling  that  my  cheeks  were  burn- 
ing. 

"  Oh,  yes.  I  read  about  it.  I  suppose  your  hus- 
band was  dreadfully  angry  ?  " 

"  He  was  vexed,  of  course.  But  he  saw  that  it 
wasn't  my  fault." 

"  Of  course  it  wasn't.  How  could  either  of  you 
guess  that  the  wind  would  change  and  keep  you  out 
all  night?" 

"  My  mother  was  on  board  the  yacht,"  I  said 
quickly. 

Lady  Langbourne  did  not  believe  me,  but  on  the 
other  hand,  it  was  evident  that  she  did  not  think  it 
mattered. 

"  People  won't  believe  that,"  she  said  simply.  "  But 
yachts  are  nasty  things  at  any  time.  You  never  can 
tell  what  they're  going  to  do  next.  I  think  the  rail- 
way's safer.  Of  course,  on  the  other  hand,  even  a 
yacht  is  better  than  a  motor-car.  There's  nothing  so 
damaging  as  a  smash  in  which  the  owner  is  described 
as  '  accompanied  by  a  lady  '  !  " 

I  wanted  to  explain,  and  I  wished  she  wouldn't  take 


THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER     139 

it  like  that.  But  there  is  no  stopping  Lady  Lang- 
bourne,  and  no  persuading  her.  One  must  just  listen 
and  assent  if  one  can.  If  not,  the  utmost  one  can 
do  is  to  shake  one's  head,  which  gives  her,  generally, 
a  fresh  impulse  to  go  on. 

I  ventured  to  say,  "  Oh,  don't ! "  and  she  smiled. 

"  Well,  well,  it  wasn't  so  bad  as  that.  Still,  my 
dear,  a  young  married  woman  can't  be  too  careful, 
especially  when  she's  pretty.  And  you  will  soon  be 
handsome  again  when  you  have  been  down  among 
us  for  a  few  week-ends.  Happiness  is  the  secret  of 
good  looks,  and  we'll  make  you  happy.  Everybody 
is  always  happy  with  me.  By  the  bye,  what  has  be- 
come of  your  cousin,  Lady  Usher?  Charming 
woman,  but  indiscreet,  most  indiscreet.  I  hope  it 
isn't  true  that  she's  quarreled  with  her  husband. 
Somebody  told  me  something  about  it,  and  said  they 
were  separated.  If  so,  at  least  they've  had  the  good 
sense  to  keep  it  out  of  the  newspapers.  I  always 
think  the  lowest  depths  of  ill-breeding  are  reached 
when  people  let  their  affairs  become  the  subject  of 
headlines  in  the  evening  papers.  '  Scandal  in  High 
Life!'  Ugh!" 

And  Lady  Langbourne  shuddered. 

"  Well,  if  people  marry  people  they  don't  care  for, 
scandals  are  bound  to  follow,"  said  I. 

She  smiled  with  superior  wisdom. 

"  Oh,  no,  they're  not,"  she  said  with  conviction. 
M  Scandals  come  of  beginning  the  world  with  wrong 
views  of  life.  If  you  marry,  believing  that  your  hus- 
band will  care  for  you  all  your  life  as  much  as  he 
did  when  he  first  married  you,  and  if  you  mean  to  be 
miserable  if  he  doesn't,  then  it  is  that  a  rupture  and 
exposure  and  all  the  rest  must  come." 


140    THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER 

"But  why  should  they?"  I  said  stoutly.  "Why 
should  you  marry  at  all  if  you  don't  love?  " 

"  My  dear,  marriage  is  the  link  that  binds  society 
together,  and  the  looser  the  link  the  more  likely  it  is 
to  hold  till  the  end  of  the  chapter.  Love  and  mar- 
riage are  two  different  things.  I  respect  both,  but 
I  deplore  the  tendency  to  mix  them  up." 

I  could  not  help  laughing,  although  I  was  by  no 
means  sure  that  she  was  not  wholly  in  earnest,  in 
spite  of  the  twinkle  in  her  eye. 

"  I'm  afraid  you  can't  respect  me  then,  Lady  Lang- 
bourne,  for  I'm  still  very  much  in  love  with  my 
husband,"  I  said. 

"  Very  well,  my  dear.  If  you  are  both  of  the  same 
mind,  there's  no  harm  in  it.  Only  I  can't  say  that 
conjugal  bliss  is  becoming  to  you.  Well,  what  about 
Saturday?  Will  you  come?" 

"I  should  love  to,"  I  said. 

I  had  been  thinking  it  over  while  she  rattled  on, 
and  I  came  to  the  conclusion  that  it  would  be  a 
good  thing  for  Sir  Arnold  and  me  to  meet  in  such 
publicity  as  that  of  Lady  Langbourne's  house-party. 
It  would  be  seen  at  once  what  terms  we  were  on, 
and  afterwards  we  could  meet  more  easily,  conscious 
that  the  worst  shock  of  scandal  was  over. 

I  felt  rather  sorry  for  the  poor  little  man,  who 
has  never  done  anything  to  alarm  or  offend  me,  and 
whom  I  quite  like.  I  know  he  was  just  as  miserable 
as  I  was  over  the  yacht  adventure,  and  sorry  on  my 
account;  and  as  for  his  flowers  and  his  notes,  they 
were  merely  the  only  means  he  could  think  of,  of 
showing  how  sorry  he  was. 

I  felt  quite  cheered  up  by  Lady  Langbourne's  live- 
liness, and  I  was  very  glad  that  she  had  lost  sight 
of  the  topic  of  Harriet,  while  she  wandered  on  into 


something  else.  I  am  so  very  heartsore  on  that  sub- 
ject that  I  am  afraid  of  "  giving  myself  away  "  when 
it  is  under  discussion. 

I  don't  think  Gerald  was  displeased  when  I  told 
him  about  Lady  Langbourne's  invitation ;  but  he  could 
not  well  refuse  his  permission  for  me  to  go,  and,  as 
a  matter  of  fact,  he  did  not  refuse.  So  to-morrow 
we  both  go  away,  he  "  on  business,"  and  I  —  on 
pleasure,  for  the  week-end. 


"ABBOT'S  BARN," 

Sunday  night. 

WHO  would  have  thought,  when  I  came  away  from 
town  yesterday  morning,  that  I  should  come  into  fresh 
worry  and  unhappiness  here? 

Yet  I  am  more  unhappy  than  when  I  left  Curzon 
Street,  and  I  am  wondering  how  it  will  all  end! 

It  was  lovely  at  first.  When  I  reached  the  station 
there  were  half  a  dozen  motors  and  carriages  to  meet 
the  people  coming  down,  and  Lady  Langbourne's  niece 
met  me  and  a  batch  of  friends  and  packed  us  into 
the  carriages  that  were  to  take  us  to  the  house,  which 
is  quite  close  to  the  river. 

Sir  Arnold  had  motored  down  from  town  in  his 
own  car,  and  I  was  quite  amused  to  see  his  delight 
on  meeting  me.  I  am  at  least  thankful  to  see  that  he 
did  not  appear  to  notice  that  awful  change  for  the 
worse  in  my  looks  about  which  Lady  Langbourne  so 
kindly  told  me. 

We  were  a  very  merry  party  at  luncheon,  which 
was  served  in  a  long  room  with  a  low  ceiling,  which 
was,  perhaps,  once  the  refectory  of  some  old  monks. 

On  the  other  hand,  perhaps  it  wasn't,  for  nobody 
appears  to  know  anything  about  the  "  Abbot "  or  his 
"  barn." 

We  went  on  the  river  during  the  afternoon,  I  on 
a  steam-launch  with  Lady  Langbourne  and  two  more 
old  ladies.  This  was  the  discretion  about  which  she 
talked  to  me  so  earnestly  when  she  came  to  Curzon 
Street. 


THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER    143 

It  was  very  nice,  and  though  a  shower  came  on, 
we  were  too  well  provided  with  wraps  to  get  wet, 
although  I  sat  out  on  deck  all  the  time,  instead  of 
going  into  the  little  cabin.  Lady  Langbourne's  voice 
is  so  penetrating  that  I  dreaded  it  in  such  a  confined 
space,  so  I  made  the  excuse  of  a  headache  to  stay 
outside. 

Dinner  was  another  merry  affair,  and  afterwards 
we  danced  in  the  long  ballroom,  built  out  from  the 
house,  which  is  a  feature  of  the  place. 

This  morning  everybody  was  down  late,  and  it 
seemed  quite  a  pity,  for  the  weather  has  changed,  and 
it  was  fine. 

There  was  a  scramble  to  church  by  half  a  dozen 
of  us,  I  among  the  number.  It  is  one  of  Lady  Lang- 
bourne's  eccentricities  that,  although  she  never  goes 
to  church  herself,  she  insists  upon  a  party  being  made 
up  every  Sunday  to  go  from  her  house,  wherever 
she  may  be. 

So  I  went  for  one,  and  because  I  went  Sir  Arnold 
managed  to  scramble  down  in  time  to  go  too. 

After  luncheon  a  rush  was  made  for  the  river, 
and  Sir  Arnold  and  I,  and  another  man  and  a  girl, 
made  up  a  party  for  one  of  the  punts. 

Unluckily,  the  two  who  went  with  us  are  in  love 
with  each  other,  so  Sir  Arnold  and  I  were  thrown 
upon  each  other  for  companionship. 

It  was  not  that  I  minded  that  so  much,  for  I  like 
the  little  man,  but  I  did  not  wish  to  give  him  an 
opportunity  for  becoming  affectionate,  and  this  ar- 
rangement gave  it  to  him,  in  spite  of  me.  I  took 
refuge  in  pretending  to  be  very  much  bored,  so  that 
presently  he  took  the  hint  and  became  more  sensible. 
Then  I  found  that  he  can  be  really  entertaining  when 
he  likes,  and  when  he  can  be  persuaded  to  understand 


144    THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER 

that  every  woman  doesn't  care  to  be  made  love  to  in 
season  and  out  of  season. 

He  told  me  all  about  his  shooting  expeditions  in 
Africa,  and,  whether  all  his  adventures  happened  ex- 
actly as  he  represented  or  not,  he  managed  to  amuse 
me. 

We  got  quite  a  long  way  up  the  river,  and  presently, 
at  the  suggestion  of  the  other  man  and  the  girl,  we 
moored  the  punt  to  a  tree  that  grew  close  to  the 
water's  edge,  and  all  got  out  for  a  stroll. 

I  am  a  good  walker,  and  I  wanted  to  explore  the 
neighborhood,  which  is  very  pretty  about  there.  So 
I  struck  off  by  myself,  leaving  Sir  Arnold  to  fasten 
the  punt  and  to  stow  away  our  cloaks  and  things  out 
of  sight  of  possible  marauders. 

He  implored  me  to  wait  for  him,  but  I  didn't  mean 
to  do  so,  and  I  struck  into  a  lane  hidden  from  the 
river's  bank  by  a  hedge  and  a  clump  of  trees. 

The  man  and  the  girl  had  wandered  off  in  the 
opposite  direction,  of  course. 

I  went  quite  a  long  way,  enjoying  the  walk  im- 
mensely, for  most  of  it  was  across  fields  where  the 
grass  was  soft  to  one's  feet. 

But  Sir  Arnold  caught  me  after  all,  and  came  pant- 
ing up,  reproaching  me  for  being  in  such  a  hurry  to 
get  away. 

"  I  always  walk  so  fast,"  said  I,  "  that  nobody  can 
keep  up  with  me.  I  wanted  to  reach  that  hill  over 
there " —  and  I  pointed  to  a  tuft  of  trees  on  high 
ground  in  front  of  us  — "  to  take  a  look  round  at  the 
landscape." 

"  That's  not  the  prettiest  view,"  panted  out  Sir 
Arnold;  "you  should  have  gone  to  the  left,  where 
there  is  one  of  the  best  week-end  hotels  on  the  river. 


THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER     145 

It's  quite  celebrated  in  the  modern  '  Chronique  Scan- 
daleuse.'  " 

"  I'm  afraid  that  wouldn't  interest  me  much.  We 
hear  enough  of  that  at  '  Abbot's  Barn '  without  going 
out  of  our  way  to  look  for  relics  of  it." 

"  Well,  I  agree  with  you,"  he  said.  "  But  the  place 
is  one  of  the  prettiest  spots  in  England.  And  close 
by  there's  a  cottage  which  will  interest  you  for  a 
better  reason.  It  has  been  painted  by  half  the  painter- 
fellows  whose  pictures  you  see  on  the  walls  of  the 
Royal  Academy." 

"  I  beg  your  pardon,"  I  said.  "  I  never  see  them 
there,  because  I  never  go." 

He  laughed.  I  must  say  for  Sir  Arnold  that  he 
makes  a  very  good  audience.  If  you  want  to  make 
a  little  joke  he  is  always  ready  to  help  you  out  with 
mild  applause  in  the  right  place. 

"  Well,  the  cottage  is  pretty,"  he  went  on,  "  and  it 
is  taken  every  year  by  somebody  one  knows.  Last 
year  it  was  Geoffrey  Langbourne,  and  the  year  before 
that  Lady  Usher  had  it." 

"  Lady  Usher !  "  I  exclaimed,  rather  struck  by  the 
way  in  which  she  and  her  doings  seem  to  haunt  me 
and  dog  my  steps. 

"  Yes.  She  has  had  the  place  two  or  three  seasons. 
Very  tiny  it  is,  but  very  picturesque.  There.  You 
can  see  it  now,  between  the  trees." 

I  looked,  but  we  were  too  far  off  to  see  much  of 
it,  so  we  walked  on,  I  forced  to  put  up  with  the 
companionship  of  Sir  Arnold,  who  chattered  away 
and  left  me  free  to  follow  my  own  reflections  about 
my  cousin. 

When  we  got  near  enough  to  look  up  to  the  cottage, 
which  stood  on  rising  ground  with  a  little  garden 


146    THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER 

and  some  old  trees,  I  had  to  agree  with  him  that 
the  place  was  worth  coming  to  see.  In  this  bright 
afternoon,  with  the  Virginian  creeper  growing  red 
on  its  walls,  and  the  little  garden  borders  bright  with 
dahlias  and  chrysanthemums,  the  tiny  house  made  as 
pretty  a  picture  as  could  well  be  imagined. 

We  were  not  very  near,  but  our  coming  disturbed 
a  brindled  Aberdeen  terrier,  who  was  sitting  just  out- 
side the  gate  of  the  cottage  garden.  He  began  to 
bark  vociferously,  and  presently  he  ran  towards  us, 
just  as  we  were  turning  away. 

I  thought  he  was  going  to  attack  us,  but  instead, 
he  leaped  upon  me,  wagging  his  tail,  and  greeting  me 
with  every  sign  of  welcome  and  affection. 

I  uttered  a  little  cry. 

"  Why,  it's  Trot,"  said  I. 

And  I  felt  that  I  grew  first  red,  and  then  white. 

For  "  Trot "  is  the  name  of  Harriet's  Scotch  ter- 
rier. 

"  Why,  Lady  Usher  herself  must  be  there  now," 
said  Sir  Arnold.  "  I  wonder  we  hadn't  heard.  She's 
your  cousin,  isn't  she  ?  " 

"  Yes,"  said  I. 

I  was  trying  to  get  rid  of  Trot,  who  gamboled  and 
frisked  about  me,  and  was  evidently  disappointed  that 
I  was  not  going  back  with  him  to  the  cottage. 

"  Go  back,  Trot,"  said  I.  "  Go  back,  there's  a  good 
dog." 

As  I  spoke,  there  came  out  through  the  gate  of  a 
laborer's  cottage,  one  or  two  tumbledown  dwellings 
that  stood  by  the  roadside,  a  boy  of  about  twelve 
years  old. 

He  was  armed  with  a  little  stick,  and  he  tried  to 
call  the  dog  off. 

"  He  be  the  dog  of  the  lady  and  gentleman  what 


THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER     147 

lives  oop  at  the  cottage,"  he  explained.  "  Will  I  take 
him  back  for  yer  ?  " 

I  could  scarcely  answer,  for  his  words  had  struck 
a  new  vein  of  thought.  "  The  lady  and  gentleman 
at  the  cottage."  The  lady  was  certainly  Lady  Usher, 
and  the  gentleman  was  as  certainly  not  Sir  John.  I 
could  see  that  the  same  thoughts  which  were  per- 
plexing me  had  also  occurred  to  Sir  Arnold,  for  he 
began  to  talk  very  fast,  and  giving  the  dog  into  the 
care  of  the  boy,  he  turned  his  face  towards  the  river 
at  the  same  time  as  I. 

It  was  a  most  awkward  moment  for  both  of  us, 
and  we  both  grew  red  as  we  met  each  other's  eye. 

As  for  me,  I  was  more  than  disturbed  and  dis- 
gusted, I  was  frightened.  Harriet  haunts  me  wher- 
ever I  go,  and  wherever  I  go,  too,  the  traces  of  her 
presence  are  connected  with  something  which  repels 
and  shocks  me. 

Who  is  the  man  with  her,  the  man  who  is  evidently 
taken  for  her  husband?  Knowing  her,  one  knows 
that  it  is  not  her  husband.  Is  it  Lord  H H ? 

If  not  he,  who  is  it?    Who  is  it? 

I  asked  myself  the  question  a  hundred  times  as 
I  walked  towards  the  river  bank  with  Sir  Arnold 
trying  to  persuade  myself  that  there  could  be  but  one 
answer.  Mad,  reckless,  wicked  as  she  was,  she  was, 
of  course,  she  must  be,  either  staying  at  the  cottage 

with  Lord  H H ,  or  at  least  receiving  him 

there  as  a  constant  visitor. 

But  was  it  Lord  H H ?  Was  it?  Oh, 

was  it? 

By  the  time  we  got  to  the  punt  Sir  Arnold  had 
begun  to  get  quite  frightened  at  the  stolid  silence 
with  which  I  met  all  his  attempts  at  conversation, 
and  at  last  even  he  sank  under  the  weight  of  my 


148    THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER 

oppressive  companionship,  and  we  sat  in  silence, 
awaiting  the  return  of  the  two  others. 

At  last  he  sprang  up  in  the  punt  and  stepped  out, 
leaving  me  sitting  alone  in  it. 

He  walked  up  and  down  on  the  bank,  and  then, 
evidently  much  perturbed,  he  came  back,  put  his  foot 
on  the  side  of  the  punt,  and  said: 

"  I'm  sorry  to  have  to  talk  about  it,  but  I'm  afraid 
you're  very  much  upset  by  —  by  what  we  found  out 
^—  heard,  I  mean,  about  your  cousin  at  the  cottage." 

I  shook  my  head. 

"  There  must  be  some  mistake,"  I  said. 

He  shrugged  his  shoulders. 

"  Well,  I  hope  so,"  he  said.  "  But  in  any  case, 
don't  worry  yourself  about  it.  Lady  Usher  does  the 
maddest  things,  as  we  all  know.  But  I  don't  think 
she  could  be  quite  so  mad  —  as  —  as  that." 

He  thought,  dear,  good-natured  little  man,  that  I 
was  beset  with  anxiety  entirely  on  my  cousin's  ac- 
count. How  little  he  knew  what  it  was  that  at  heart 
I  dreaded! 

Every  now  and  then,  of  course,  I  experienced  a 
revulsion  of  feeling,  and  told  myself  how  wicked  I 
was  to  harbor  a  doubt  as  dreadful  as  that  at  my 
heart.  Surely  I  knew  better  in  whom  to  put  my 
trust!  Surely,  surely  it  was  I  who  was  the  guilty 
one,  to  dare  to  entertain  evil  thoughts  of  one  I  loved ! 

And  yet  I  could  not  help  myself,  and  when  the 
other  young  people  joined  us  and  we  started  on  the 
return  journey  to  "  Abbot's  Barn,"  I  sat  in  my  corner 
among  the  cushions,  and  closed  my  eyes,  unable  to 
bear  any  longer  the  strain  of  keeping  up  a  conversa- 
tion with  my  thoughts  far  away. 

I  knew  what  Sir  Arnold  thought  from  the  very 
fact  that  he  made  no  mention  of  Harriet  at  dinner, 


THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER     149 

when  he  mentioned  the  direction  in  which  we  had 
strolled,  and  when  he  was  asked  who  had  the  cottage 
this  year. 

He  "  did  not  know,"  he  "  had  not  heard." 
Surely,  surely  I  need  not  worry  myself  as  I  am 
doing. 

I  wonder  whether,  when  I  get  back  to  town  to- 
morrow, I  shall  dare  to  ask  Gerald  where  he  spent 
the  week-end. 


CURZON  STREET, 

Monday. 

I  WOULDN'T  stay  at  "  Abbot's  Barn  "  till  to-morrow, 
as  Lady  Langbourne  wanted  me  to  do,  I  was  too 
anxious  to  get  back  home,  and  to  find  out  where 
Gerald  had  been  "  on  business." 

But  though  I  got  here  early  in  the  afternoon,  of 
course  I  have  not  been  able  to  see  him  yet,  as  he 
won't  be  home  till  dinner-time. 

In  the  meantime  I  have  had  another  dreadful  shock, 
one  which  has  made  me  feel  so  nearly  mad  that  I 
have  to  sit  down  to  write  this  to  keep  myself  from 
doing  something  desperate. 

I  came  up  this  morning  with  a  batch  of  week- 
enders from  "  Abbot's  Barn,"  and  as  soon  as  I  got  to 
Paddington,  I  took  a  taxi  and  drove  to  Letty's  place 
in  a  little  wretched  slum  where  she  pays  a  heavy 
rent  because  it  is  near  Sloane  Street,  to  give  her  the 
things  she  had  left  behind  her  at  "Abbot's  Barn" 
last  Monday. 

Lady  Langbourne  had  asked  me  to  bring  them  up, 
and  I  was  glad  to  have  something  to  do  to  pass  away 
the  hours  until  I  could  speak  to  Gerald. 

Letty  was  at  home,  with  a  bad  cold,  and  she  seemed 
delighted  to  see  me,  although  she  too  complained  that 
I  was  looking  wretchedly  ill. 

No  wonder! 

I  gave  her  the  things  she  had  left  behind  her,  a 
fan,  and  a  cloak,  and  answered  all  her  questions  about 
the  people  who  were  at  Lady  Langbourne's. 

150 


THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER     151 

"  Sir  Arnold  Banbury  was  there,  of  course  ?  "  she 
asked  mischievously. 

"  Yes,"  said  I,  "  and  one  of  the  Ockleys." 

"  Yes,  they're  fixtures.  I  wanted  to  go  myself  on 
Saturday,  and  I  would  have  managed  it  if  I  had  known 
you  were  going  to  be  there.  As  it  was,  I  spent  a 
most  miserable  day,  never  moved  out,  although  I 
was  able  to  see  a  few  people  in  the  afternoon.  Lord 
Hugh  Hawkhurst  —  you  remember  him,  don't  you? 
—  was  here,  and  two  or  three  women." 

I  uttered  a  little  exclamation  in  spite  of  myself. 

If  Lord  Hugh  was  in  town,  he  was  not  at  the 
cottage!  But  perhaps  he  had  come  up  for  the  day? 

"  I  remember  Lord  Hugh,"  I  said  as  carelessly  as 
I  could.  "  I  should  not  have  expected  to  find  him  in 
town  at  this  time  of  year.  Why  isn't  he  shooting 
partridges  ?  " 

"  So  he  is.  He  was  down  in  Yorkshire,  but  he 
comes  up  to  town  very  often  on  Sundays,  just  to  see 
what's  going  on,"  said  Letty. 

I  was  struck  dumb.  I  let  her  gossip  on,  wondering 
whether  she  would  mention  Harriet.  But  she  did  not. 
She  was  too  full  of  her  grievances  against  Lady  Lang- 
bourne,  whom  she  accuses  of  withholding  part  of  the 
allowance  she  makes  to  her  for  overlooking  Geoffrey's 
imperfections  as  a  husband. 

Long  before  I  left  the  house  I  was  feeling  sick  to 
death  of  the  atmosphere  of  intrigue  and  sordid  mer- 
cenary calculation  which  is  the  ugly  and  unpleasant 
side  of  all  merriment  and  enjoyment  that  go  on  in 
the  merry  society  Lady  Langbourne  gets  together. 

I  know  —  no  one  knows  better  than  I  do  —  that 
this  sort  of  thing  represents  only  a  very  small  minority 
in  the  life  of  the  rich,  and  that  the  majority  of  the 


152     THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER 

wealthy  people  of  England  live  lives  as  decorous,  and 
as  dull,  as  any  other  class  of  the  community. 

But  my  experience  happens  to  have  thrown  me 
into  the  very  midst  of  that  set  which  brings  itself 
most  prominently  forward  in  the  idle  life  of  the  day, 
and  each  time  that  I  am  plunged  into  it  I  encounter 
the  same  impressions:  a  sense  of  delight  at  its  ease 
and  freedom  and  lightness  of  heart  as  I  go  into  it, 
and  a  sickening  sense  of  its  insufficiency,  its  shabbi- 
ness,  and  its  shallowness,  when  I  struggle  out  of  it 
again ! 

When  I  got  home  I  found  papa  waiting  for  me. 
He  had  heard  from  the  servants  by  what  train  I  was 
expected,  and  I  met  him  in  the  hall. 

He  was  looking  rather  perturbed  and  unlike  him- 
self, I  thought. 

"  So  I  hear  you've  been  down  at  Lady  Langbourne's 
again,"  he  said  when  we  had  gone  into  my  boudoir 
together.  "  Awfully  rackety  lot,  she  always  has  about 
her.  I  wouldn't  get  mixed  up  too  much  in  it  if  I  were 
you,  Cis." 

I  noticed  quite  an  unusual  seriousness  about  old 
papa,  which  I  liked. 

"  I  was  very  glad  to  go,"  I  said.  "  For  I  was  all 
alone.  Gerald  had  to  go  away  on  business  at  the 
week-end." 

He  frowned,  rather  nervously,  I  thought. 

"  Awfully  bad  habit  for  a  man  to  get  into,  to  carry 
his  business  into  the  week-end,"  he  said.  "  I  should 
make  him  stop  it,  Cis,  if  I  were  you." 

"  Oh,  Papa,  you  know  Gerald.  Is  he  a  man  to  be 
stopped  from  doing  anything  he  wants  to  do?"  I 
asked  impatiently. 

He  pulled  his  mustache  and  looked  grave. 


THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER     153 

"  Well,  you  must  put  your  feet  down  sometimes,  my 
dear,"  he  said.  "And  I  should  begin  at  that.  De- 
pend upon  it,  if  you  don't,  you'll  regret  it." 

I  was  getting  frightened.  Indeed,  I  had  reason  to 
be,  as  I  knew.  I  ran  up  to  papa,  and  seizing  his  coat 
with  both  hands,  so  that  he  couldn't  get  away,  I 
looked  up  into  his  face  and  asked: 

"  Papa,  what  do  you  know? " 

But  he  shuffled  and  tried  to  get  away. 

"  Ton  my  soul,  I  know  nothing,  nothing  whatever," 
he  said  quickly.  "  All  I  can  do  is  to  warn  you  what 
you  ought  to  do  for  yourself.  As  I  say,  week-end 
business  is  generally  —  h'm  —  h'm  —  business  of  a 
certain  sort,  a  very  improper  sort.  Saturday  to  Mon- 
day is  —  h'm  —  in  fact  —  in  certain  circles  —  which, 
of  course,  you  don't  know  anything  about  —  a  —  a 
sort  of  proverb,  my  dear.  So  all  I  can  do  is  to  advise 
you  to  —  to,  in  fact,  put  your  foot  down.  Put  your 
foot  down  early,  put  your  foot  down  strongly.  Law- 
yers —  I  don't  want  to  be  unkind  —  but  lawyers  are 
the  very  devil  —  all  round.  That's  how  I've  found 
them." 

I  had  released  him,  and  sunk  back  in  a  chair,  feeling 
as  if  I  could  never  hold  up  my  head  again.  He  knew 
something  more  than  he  admitted,  I  was  sure.  Or 
why  should  he  have  come  round  to  see  me,  when  he 
seemed  to  have  nothing  to  ask  of  me  ? 

"  Papa,"  I  said,  pulling  him  by  the  hand  towards 
my  chair,  "  sit  down  and  talk  to  me.  Talk  to  me 
nicely,  not  about  any  of  these  horrid  subjects,  but 
just  as  you  used  to  do  when  I  was  a  little  girl.  Tell 
me  about  your  dogs  and  your  horses,  and  what  bags 
you've  made  up  on  the  moors.  Tell  me  anything,"  I 
suddenly  burst  out  with  energy,  "  anything  but  those 


154    THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER 

awful  things  that  I  don't  want  to  hear  about,  anything 
but  those  things  that  make  me  think  mamma  is  right, 
and  that  men  are  all  alike,  all,  all." 

He  shook  his  head,  and  patted  my  hand,  and  sat 
back  in  his  chair,  looking  so  kind  and  so  handsome 
that  I  really  wonder  how  he  can  bore  poor  mamma 
so  much  as  she  says  he  does. 

He  heaved  a  deep  sigh. 

"  Well,  my  dear,  I'm  afraid  we  are  all  pretty  much 
alike,"  he  admitted  regretfully.  "  And  now  what 
shall  I  tell  you  about?  As  to  the  bags  we  made, 
we've  got  one  or  two  awful  duffers  amongst  us,  but 
I'll  tell  you  something  that  happened  to  me  three  days 
ago,  a  thing,  mind  you,  that  I  wouldn't  have  believed 
if  it  hadn't  happened  to  myself." 

And  then  he  went  prosing  on,  in  his  dear  old  way, 
about  some  wonderful  shots  which  I  couldn't  under- 
stand in  the  least.  But  the  sound  of  his  deep,  full- 
toned  voice  soothed  me,  and  I  sat  beside  him  and  put 
my  head  on  his  shoulder,  just  as  I  used  to  do,  and 
half  listened,  just  enough  to  content  him,  while  all 
the  time  I  was  thinking  of  something  else,  and  won- 
dering whether,  if  I  were  really  to  find  Gerald  as 
bad  as  all  the  rest,  I  should  leave  him,  and  go  away 
with  papa  somewhere,  far  away  from  everybody, 
where  we  could  keep  horses  and  dogs  and  have  a 
garden,  and  be  happy,  happy,  happy  and  at  peace 
at  last! 

At  last  he  had  exhausted  his  stories,  even  the  old 
ones,  and  he  got  up  to  go.  Just  when  he  had  said 
good-by  and  walked  to  the  door  he  came  back  again, 
and,  laying  his  hand  heavily  on  my  shoulder,  said,  in 
such  an  earnest,  serious,  altogether  charming  way: 

"  Look  here,  Cis.     Make  the  best  of  him,  my  girl. 


THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER    155 

There's  always  —  no  matter  what  your  mother  says  — 
there's  always  a  best  to  be  made !  " 

Then  he  went  out,  and  I  wandered  about  the  room 
and  at  last  sat  down  and  wrote  this. 

I  am  getting  so  very,  very  nervous  about  meeting 
Gerald.  Shall  I  dare  to  speak  to  him?  To  ask  him 
where  he  was  "  on  business  "  ?  I  feel  sure  that  I 
shall  never,  never  be  able  to  do  as  papa  said,  and  to 
"  put  my  foot  down  "  1 


CURZON  STREET, 

Tuesday. 

IT  is  over.  I've  done  it.  And  I  feel  as  if  I  had  been 
shaken  to  pieces !  I  am  dazed,  broken,  shattered.  It 
will  never  be  the  same  between  us  again. 

And  I  have  gone  through  it  all  for  what?  What, 
indeed ! 

When  papa  went  away  yesterday  I  felt  stranded, 
and  so  miserable  that  I  had  almost  made  up  my  mind 
to  go  to  Brook  Street  to  see  mamma,  but  that  I  was 
afraid  I  might  hear  more  about  Harriet. 

It  was  so  late  when  Gerald  came  home  from  the 
office  that  he  had  only  time  to  give  me  a  kiss  and  to 
scramble  into  his  clothes  for  dinner.  I  thought  he 
looked  worried  and  worn,  and  when  I  asked  him  if 
he  had  had  a  long  day,  he  said  yes,  it  had  been  a  very 
hard-working  day,  and  he  should  have  to  work  far 
into  the  night  to  make  up  for  the  time  lost  on  Sat- 
urday. 

Then,  before  I  could  ask  any  more  questions,  he 
wanted  to  know  what  I  had  been  doing  at  "  Abbot's 
Barn." 

I  gave  him  a  full  account  of  everything,  and  men- 
tioned Sir  Arnold's  having  been  there. 

At  the  name  he  frowned. 

"  Sir  Arnold  again  ?  And  you  went  out  on  the 
river  with  him?" 

"  Yes.  You  know  you  said  I  was  to  meet  him  like 
everybody  else." 

Gerald  looked  down. 

156 


THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER     157 

"  Quite  true.  So  I  did.  Well,  who  was  there  be- 
sides?" 

I  gave  him  the  whole  list  of  names,  as  well  as  I 
could  remember  them,  and  then  the  programme  from 
end  to  end  of  what  we  did.  When  I  said  that  we  had 
been  to  the  place  where  the  cottage  was  —  I  forget 
its  name,  but  I  described  it  accurately  —  I  noticed 
that  he  looked  down  at  the  tablecloth  and  remained 
very  still. 

I  felt  as  if  my  heart  would  leap  up  and  choke  me. 

I  said  nothing  about  the  incident  of  the  dog.  I 
had  thought  of  mentioning  it,  but  at  the  last  moment 
I  knew  that,  if  I  were  to  speak  of  it,  I  should  do  it 
in  such  a  way  as  to  betray  the  interest  I  took  in  the 
cottage  and  its  occupants. 

But,  although  I  kept  silence  about  that,  he  could 
see  that  I  was  unhappy  about  something,  and  he  spoke 
very  kindly  to  me,  and  came  to  me  and  kissed  me 
again  as  we  left  the  room  together. 

"  You'll  come  and  have  your  coffee  with  me,  Ger- 
ald, won't  you  ?  "  I  said,  seized  with  a  sudden  deter- 
mination to  "  have  it  out "  with  him,  and  feeling  by 
instinct  that  I  had  got  him  in  the  right  mood. 

He  was  sorry  for  me,  for  some  reason  or  other,  of 
that  I  was  sure.  And  it  made  him  very  kind. 

He  laughed. 

"  Well,  I  suppose  I  must,  since  you  ask  so  prettily," 
he  said.  "  But  the  fact  is  I  was  going  straight  to  the 
study,  for  I  really  am  overwhelmed  with  work." 

"  But  you  have  no  right  to  be  overwhelmed,"  I 
said  quickly.  "  Don't  you  think  you  owe  it  to  me  to 
give  yourself  a  little  more  time  for  rest  and  relaxa- 
tion? Look  at  me,  Gerald.  Lady  Langbourne  says 
I  look  wretched.  Why  is  it?  Surely  because  I  am 
leading  such  a  melancholy  life,  all  alone  all  day,  while 


158     THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER 

you  are  grinding  away  at  the  office!  And  when 
there's  no  need,  too!  It  isn't  as  if  you  were  very 
poor,  and  had  to  do  it.  If  you  were,  I  could  forgive 
you." 

We  were  in  the  drawing-room  by  this  time,  and  I 
was  clinging  to  him,  holding  him  so  tightly  by  the 
arms  that  he  had  to  face  me,  for  he  couldn't  get 
away. 

He  looked  down  at  me  with  his  dark  face  full  of 
gentleness  and  affection.  For  a  few  moments  I  felt 
as  if  the  ugly  doubts  and  suspicions  I  had  had  of  him 
must  be  the  emptiest,  silliest  fancies,  for  he  seemed 
as  fond  of  me,  as  sweet  to  me,  as  ever. 

"  My  dear  girl,"  he  said,  looking  down  into  my 
eyes  and  passing  his  right  hand,  still  with  my  hand 
clinging  to  his  sleeve,  softly  over  my  hair,  "  you  don't 
think  I  could  be  content  to  live  idly  on  your  money, 
do  you  ?  " 

"  No,  of  course  you  couldn't.  And  I  don't  ask 
that.  But  you  need  not  work  so  very  hard  as  you 
do." 

"  Unfortunately  there  is  no  medium  for  us  lawyers 
between  working  at  fullest  pressure  or  getting  no 
work  at  all  to  do.  If  one  slacks  ever  so  little,  the 
business  has  a  habit  of  taking  to  itself  wings  and 
flying  to  some  other  fellow  who's  more  industrious. 
Do  you  see  ?  " 

"  I  can't  see  that  business  has  any  right  to  absorb 
you  altogether.  It  seems  to  me  it's  not  fair  to  me." 

He  pushed  me  away  a  little,  not  unkindly,  but  with 
a  look  which  told  me  that  the  same  thought  had  oc- 
curred to  him. 

"  I'm  afraid  it  is  hard  upon  you,"  he  said.  '''  The 
question  is,  how  is  it  to  be  avoided  ?  You  know  you 
used  to  say,  before  we  were  married,  that  you  hated 


THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER     159 

idleness  in  a  man,  and  that  you  would  never  ask  your 
husband  to  give  up  his  career  for  you.  You  said  you 
would  be  proud  of  his  working  for  you.  Don't  you 
remember  that?" 

I  had  to  confess,  unwillingly  enough,  that  I  had  said 
something  of  the  sort. 

"  And  now  you  have  changed  your  mind  ? "  he 
asked,  holding  my  chin  in  his  hand. 

"  Well,  perhaps  I  have.  At  any  rate,  I  don't  think 
I  ever  supposed  that  your  work  would  take  you  away 
from  me  so  much.  Even  the  week-end  I  have  to  take 
away  from  you  now,"  I  added,  in  a  voice  which,  I 
could  hear  myself,  had  suddenly  changed  and  grown 
tremulous. 

He  looked  down  at  me  with  a  different  expression 
upon  his  face. 

"  That  was  only  once  in  a  way,"  he  said  quickly. 
"  I  don't  intend  to  let  business  take  me  away  from 
you  at  the  week-end  again." 

"Sure?" 

"  Quite  sure." 

Finding  that  he  was  still  indulgent,  I  went  on : 

"  What  business  was  it  that  took  you  away  on 
Saturday?" 

"  Oh,  it  was  something  that  couldn't  be  done  on 
any  other  day.  I  had  to  see  a  person  who  was  only 
to  be  seen  on  Sunday,"  said  he  quickly.  "  That  will 
do,  won't  it  ?  " 

But  I  was  resolved  to  go  on. 

"  No,  it  won't,"  I  said.  "  I  felt  ridiculous  not  to 
be  able  to  answer  the  questions  everybody  put  to  me. 
'  Where's  your  husband  ? '  they  said.  And  I  couldn't 
tell  them.  You  might  have  been  in  Yorkshire,  in 
Scotland,  or  in  Timbuctoo.  I  hadn't  the  least  idea 
what  to  tell  them." 


160    THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER 

"  Why  couldn't  you  tell  them  it  was  no  business  of 
theirs  ?  "  he  said  rather  impatiently. 

"  Well,  at  any  rate  I  think  I  might  know  myself,"  I 
persisted.  "  Come,  Gerald,  why  won't  you  tell  me  ?  " 

"  I  had  to  go  a  little  way  out  of  town  to  see  a 
client.  That  is  really  all  I  can  say.  The  business 
was  of  a  private  nature,  and,  as  you  know,  it  is  my 
rule  never  to  disclose  anything  at  all  concerning  my 
interviews  with  my  clients." 

"  But  why  should  there  be  so  much  mystery  about 
this  particular  one  ?  "  urged  I. 

"  There  is  no  more  mystery  about  this  business  than 
there  is  about  all  my  business,"  said  he.  "  A  solici- 
tor's business  is  all  mystery,  or  ought  to  be,  to  every 
one  but  his  client." 

"  Oh,  yes,  yes,  I'm  not  asking  you  to  tell  me  any- 
thing about  the  business  itself,"  urged  I,  still  holding 
him  tightly,  while  he  tried  to  get  away.  "  I'm  only 
asking  you  to  tell  me  where  you  went  to,  you  know. 
Surely,  surely  there  need  be  no  secrecy  about  that." 

"  Why  are  you  so  persistent  ?  "  he  asked  shortly. 

And  by  this  time  I  could  see,  by  the  expression  on 
his  face,  that  there  was  more  in  his  determination  not 
to  let  me  know  where  he  had  been  than  he  pretended. 

I  clung  to  his  sleeve,  and  I  trembled  from  head  to 
foot.  But,  drawing  a  deep  breath,  I  persisted : 

"What  if  I  were  —  if  I  were  jealous,  Gerald?" 

He  was  startled,  and  he  tried  to  throw  me  off. 

"  Then  you  would  be  a  very  foolish  woman,"  he 
said  sharply. 

It  seemed  to  me  that,  with  all  his  pretense  of  annoy- 
ance, he  looked  guilty. 

"  Will  you  swear  to  me,"  I  said,  my  voice  getting 
more  and  more  hoarse  as  I  grew  more  excited,  more 


THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER     161 

determined  to  find  out  the  truth,  "  that  this  client  you 
went  to  see  was  not  —  a  woman  ?  " 

He  tried  impatiently  to  get  free  from  my  clinging 
hands. 

"  What  nonsense ! "  he  said,  uneasily  rather  than 
with  surprise.  "  Of  course,  I'm  not  going  to  swear 
anything  so  absurd." 

"  Well,  then,  tell  me  who  it  was.  Was  it  Sir  John 
Usher?" 

"  No,  it  was  not,"  said  he  sharply.  "  It  was  a  per- 
son you  know  nothing  about.  Listen,  Cecilia,  or  I 
shall  think  you  have  lost  your  senses.  Do  you  sup- 
pose me  capable  of  making  love  to  another  woman 
within  six  months  of  my  marriage  to  one  of  the  pretti- 
est girls  in  England?  Isn't  it  outside  the  bounds  of 
reason  and  sanity  to  imagine  that  I,  the  most  staid 
and  sober  and  dry  of  all  the  members  of  a  staid  and 
sober  and  dry  profession,  should  go  out  of  my  way 
to  involve  myself  in  disgrace  and  scandal,  when  I 
have  the  happiest  home  that  a  man  could  possibly  have, 
and  when  I'm  married  to  a  woman  who  knows  she  is 
the  one  love  of  my  life?  Come,  come,  dear,  be  reason- 
able, be  sane.  Don't  let  the  stories  you  hear  from 
those  lively  people  you  meet  at  '  Abbot's  Barn/  people 
who  spend  their  time  in  idle  flirtation  at  the  best,  blind 
you  to  life  as  it  is  lived  by  rational  people  who  are 
not  idle.  Don't  lose  your  little  head,  darling,  and 
don't  think  your  sober-sides  of  a  husband  is  likely  to 
lose  his.  Come,  child,  give  me  a  kiss,  a  kiss  of  your 
own  accord,  and  ask  me  to  forgive  you  for  being  so 
silly." 

He  was  so  very,  very  kind ;  his  tone  was  so  gently 
humorous  and  tender,  his  eyes  were  so  full  of  love 
and  gentleness,  that,  although  I  fought  hard  to  be  firm 


162    THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER 

and  to  insist  upon  an  answer  to  my  question,  I  felt 
the  ground  slipping  from  under  me,  and  knew  that  I 
should  have  the  worst  of  what  I  had  meant  to  be 
a  final  and  victorious  encounter. 

Little  by  little  he  made  me  laugh  at  myself,  made 
me  ashamed  of  myself,  my  doubts,  and  my  question- 
ings, till  at  last  he  left  me,  when  we  had  sat  together 
over  our  coffee  and  I  had  taken  a  few  puffs  from  his 
cigarette,  feeling  that  I  had  not  only  had  the  worst 
of  it,  and  had  made  myself  rather  ridiculous,  but  that 
I  had  appreciably  lessened  my  chance  of  ever  finding 
out  what  I  wanted  to  know. 

He  had  conquered  me,  beaten  me ;  and  though  I  felt 
soothed  and  comforted  for  the  time  in  the  knowledge 
that  he  loved  me,  and  that  my  doubts  of  him  were 
absurd,  as  he  said,  I  felt,  when  I  was  alone,  more  de- 
pressed than  satisfied  at  the  result  of  my  battle  with 
him. 

It  had  been  a  revelation  of  the  power  a  lawyer  pos- 
sesses of  keeping  his  own  counsel.  Although  he  had 
left  me  in  no  doubt  whatever  as  to  the  depth  and 
reality  of  his  feeling  for  me,  it  had  left  me,  too,  with 
the  consciousness  that  his  love  for  me  did  not  make 
him  weak,  and  that,  while  he  was  a  miracle  of  discre- 
tion for  his  clients,  he  was  also  a  miracle  of  firmness 
when  dealing  with  the  woman  he  loved. 

I  cried  a  little  by  and  by,  and  when  Gerald  came 
back  from  the  study,  tired  and  sleepy,  after  finishing 
his  work,  he  saw  that  my  eyes  were  red,  and  he  was 
very  kind  and  gentle  and  sweet  to  me. 

He  tried  to  interest  me  in  what  he  had  been  reading, 
asked  me  if  I  ever  read  anything  but  fiction,  and  said 
that  he  thought  the  book  he  had  bought  the  day  before 
to  read  in  the  train  would  please  me  as  it  had  pleased 
him. 


THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER     163 

"  What  book  was  that  ?  "  I  demanded  rather  resent- 
fully. "  I  thought  you  never  read  anything  but  briefs." 

He  smiled  as  he  led  me  towards  the  door. 

"  I  do  sometimes  give  myself  the  indulgence  of  a 
book,"  he  said.  "  This  one  was  recommended  to  me, 
and  when  once  I  began  it  I  couldn't  put  it  down.  It 
is  called  '  Father  and  Son.'  " 

I  laughed  at  him. 

"Have  you  only  just  discovered  that?"  I  said. 
"  Why,  it  has  been  written  about  as  the  best  book  of 
biography  that  has  appeared  for  half  a  century,  and 
everybody  in  the  world  but  you  has  read  it  long  ago." 

Gerald  seemed  rather  taken  aback. 

"  But  I'll  read  it  again  with  pleasure,"  I  said,  laugh- 
ing at  his  disconcerted  look.  "  Where  is  it  ?  " 

"  It's  in  my  bag." 

"  All  right.  You  may  give  it  me,  and  write  my 
name  in  it.  I've  only  had  it  from  Mudie's." 

"  All  right." 

We  went  upstairs  together,  and  he  brought  in  his 
bag  from  his  dressing-room,  put  it  on  a  chair,  opened 
it,  and  dived  in. 

"  Here  it  is,"  said  he,  as  he  handed  me  the  volume. 

I  took  it  and  at  once  began  to  turn  over  the  leaves. 
But  I  had  scarcely  done  so  when  I  uttered  a  scream 
that  startled  him  and  made  him  look  up  from  the  bag 
he  was  still  holding. 

"  What's  the  matter  ?  "  he  asked  in  alarm. 

But  I  could  not  answer.  My  tongue  seemed  glued 
to  the  roof  of  my  mouth.  I  stood  quite  still,  with  the 
book  in  my  hand,  the  leaves  flapping  about  as  my 
fingers  shook.  I  could  see  nothing,  hear  nothing. 
For  a  moment  he  seemed  to  disappear,  and  I  could 
see  only  the  face  of  the  one  person  I  dreaded  more 
than  any  one  else  in  the  world. 


164     THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER 

"  What's  the  matter  ?  "  he  repeated,  in  a  voice  which 
sounded  more  stern,  but  which  seemed  to  come  to  my 
ears  muffled,  as  if  from  a  long  way  off.  "  What  do 
you  mean  ?  " 

But  I  could  not  have  answered  if  I  would.  I  don't 
know  how  long  the  silence  lasted  which  followed  his 
words.  It  seemed  an  age  to  me.  Then  I  felt  the 
book  snatched  out  of  my  hand,  and  I  knew  that  he 
was  examining  it,  although  I  could  not  see  him,  could 
not  even  see  the  walls  of  the  room.  I  seemed  to  be 
struck  with  blindness,  with  torpor,  with  insensibility. 

For  I  did  not  even,  after  the  first  moment  of  horror 
and  shock,  feel  frightened,  or  surprised.  I  was  be- 
numbed, dead,  cold. 

When  I  came  to  myself  I  was  sitting  in  a  chair,  and 
the  window  was  open.  Gerald  was  standing  over  me, 
and  the  book  was  on  the  floor. 

"  What  is  it  ?    Are  you  ill  ?  "  he  said. 

I  had  recovered  the  use  of  my  voice  and  of  my 
limbs,  and  I  turned,  shivering,  and  pointed  to  the  floor 
where  the  book  was  lying. 

When  I  tried  to  speak  I  found  that  my  voice  was 
hoarse  and  weak. 

"  That  book,"  I  said,  and  stopped. 

"  Well,  what  about  it?" 

I  tried  to  look  up,  but  I  could  not  meet  his  eyes. 

It  was  too  terrible  a  thing  that  I  had  to  say. 

"I  —  I  know  where  you  went  yesterday,"  I  said, 
gasping  out  the  words  in  a  husky  whisper. 

Gerald  staggered  back. 

Gradually  I  was  getting  back  my  strength,  and  with 
it  my  anger,  my  just  anger. 

"  I  know,"  I  went  on,  "  why  you  would  not  tell  me 
where  you  went." 

"  Cecilia,  you  are  not  well.     You  are  raving." 


THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER     165 

"  I  am  not.  I  am  quite  well.  Listen.  You  were 
with  a  client,  you  say.  It's  not  true.  You  were  with 
the  wife  of  one  of  your  clients." 

An  exclamation  of  amazement  broke  from  his  lips. 

I  went  on,  with  a  sort  of  heartbroken  laugh. 

"  Oh,  yes,  you  can't  deny  it,  you  can't,  you  can't. 
The  business  that  was  so  important,  that  couldn't  be 
put  off  to  a  working  day,  was  with  a  —  a  woman." 

"Well,  and  what  if  it  was?  Do  you  think  I  have 
no  women  clients,  and  that  their  secrets  haven't  got  to 
be  kept  as  well  as  those  of  the  men?  " 

I  flew  up  from  my  chair  and  faced  him. 

"  Gerald,"  I  gasped  out,  "  don't  tell  any  more  lies. 
It  is  of  no  use.  I  know,  oh,  I  know.  You  didn't  go 
to  see  a  client  at  all  yesterday.  You  went  up  the 
river" — he  started  back  in  spite  of  himself,  but  I 
went  on,  staring  at  him  steadily  — "  to  see  —  Harriet 
Usher,  my  cousin." 

He  was  by  this  time  prepared  for  the  name,  but  he 
tried  to  laugh  it  off. 

"  What  on  earth  makes  you  take  such  an  idea  as 
that  into  your  silly  little  head  ?  "  he  asked. 

"  It's  no  silly  idea.  It's  the  truth.  You  have  been 
with  her,  and  she  is  not  your  client,  but  your  client's 
wife.  How  do  I  know  ? "  I  snatched  up  the  book 
from  the  floor  and  held  it  to  my  face.  "  I  know  by 
the  perfume  that  clings  to  it  still,  the  perfume  that 
clings  to  everything  Harriet  touches.  You  were  with 
her  yesterday.  Deny  it  if  you  can !  " 

Never  in  all  my  life  have  I  seen  a  man  so  con- 
founded as  Gerald  was.  For  the  moment  he  could 
not,  as  I  said,  even  deny  it. 

But,  of  course,  he  was  only  disconcerted  for  a  few 
seconds.  Then  he  took  the  book  from  me  very  calmly, 
and  saying :  "  Perfume !  There  is  no  perfume  about 


166    THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER 

it.  You  ought  to  be  ashamed  of  yourself  to  let  your 
silly,  jealous  fancies  carry  you  so  far,"  he  put  the 
book  back  into  his  bag,  and  went  to  his  dressing-room, 
slamming  the  door  after  him. 

I  sat  for  a  long  time  where  he  had  left  me,  and 
presently,  when  I  heard  him  moving  about  again, 
I  tottered  into  my  own  dressing-room  and  rang  for 
Lindsay. 

Before  she  had  finished  doing  my  hair  I  had  made 
up  my  mind. 

I  would  go  into  the  country,  to  Fouroaks,  if  there 
is  no  one  there,  and  get  Miss  Trood  to  stay  with  me, 
while  I  think  over  what  I  am  to  do. 

But  in  the  meantime  I  would  try  to  behave  as  if  the 
world  had  not  suddenly  come  to  an  end  for  me,  try 
to  bear  myself  just  as  if  nothing  had  happened. 

Perhaps  Gerald  will  confess  presently,  I  thought, 
when  he  sees  how  gently  I  bear  it. 

But  he  did  not.  He  did  not  even  make  any  mention 
of  my  discovery  except  to  laugh  at  me,  when  he  came 
in,  and  to  call  me  a  silly  little  woman  who  found 
mares'  nests. 

I  said  nothing,  nothing  whatever.  How  could  I? 
I  can't  nag,  like  a  grocer's  wife,  and  I  really  have 
nothing  more  to  say.  I  have  found  out,  and  I  know 
npw  that  the  stories  Lady  Langbourne  and  mamma 
tell  are  all  true. 

Men  are  all  alike,  all  alike,  and  even  if  you  marry 
the  man  you  love  you  can't  keep  him. 

Oh,  why  did  I  ever  have  to  leave  Fouroaks,  and 
old  Miss  Trood,  and  dear  Kelly  and  my  ponies? 

Marriage  is  a  succession  of  shocks  if  you  marry 
the  wrong  man ;  it  is  a  succession  of  tragedies  if  you 
marry  the  right ! 


FOUROAKS, 

September 

I  AM  glad  to  be  here  again,  although  I  could  not  get 
Miss  Trood  to  come  with  me,  as  I  wished.  She  is 
away  with  an  old  sister,  and  there  was  no  time  to 
write,  even  if  she  could  have  come  to  me.  However, 
there  is  something  in  the  perfect  peace  and  calm  of 
the  dear  old  place  which  is  like  balm  to  one's  soul 
after  all  the  turmoil  and  vexation  of  the  last  few 
weeks,  and  especially  after  the  horrible  strain  of  the 
last  few  days. 

Gerald  thought,  I  believe,  that  he  had  laughed  me 
out  of  my  jealous  fears  and  doubts,  for  he  never 
alluded  to  them  in  the  morning,  and  was  very  kind. 

When  I  asked  if  I  could  go  to  Fouroaks  for  a  few 
days,  as  it  was  not  let  to  any  one,  he  agreed  at  once, 
and  said  he  thought  it  would  do  me  more  good  than 
all  the  noisy  house-parties  in  the  world. 

So,  as  soon  as  he  had  started  for  the  City,  I  began 
to  superintend  my  packing. 

Lindsay,  who  is  devoted  to  me,  and  whom  I  rather 
like  ever  since  that  night  at  Dieppe  when  she  cried 
so  because  she  thought  I  was  drowned,  was  delighted 
when  she  heard  she  was  to  go  with  me.  I  think  she 
was  afraid  I  should  have  old  Kelly  back.  She  is 
frightfully  jealous,  because  I  kiss  Kelly  when  she 
comes  to  see  me. 

I  have  to  tell  Lindsay  that,  when  she  has  left  me 
and  gone  away  to  be  married  to  her  linen-draper,  I 
shall  kiss  her  too  when  she  comes  to  pay  me  a  visit. 

167 


168    THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER 

I  hadn't  got  more  than  half  my  things  sorted  out, 
for  I'm  not  going  to  take  any  smart  things  down  to 
Fouroaks  —  it  would  be  profanation  to  take  tight 
French  gowns  and  cartwheel  hats  to  that  darling  nest 
of  old  memories !  —  when  somebody  came  up  and  an- 
nounced that  Lady  Rushbury  was  in  the  drawing- 
room. 

Mamma ! 

I  could  see  Lindsay  looking  at  me  out  of  the  corners 
of  her  eyes;  and  glancing  in  the  long  mirror  of  my 
dressing-table,  I  saw  that  my  face  had  grown  suddenly 
twice  its  natural  length. 

I  went  downstairs,  very  soberly,  wondering  why  she 
had  come,  and  the  moment  I  was  inside  the  drawing- 
room  and  had  shut  the  door,  mamma  advanced  to- 
wards me  dramatically,  with  her  arms  spread  out,  and 
lots  of  filmy  laces  and  feather  boas  and  streamers 
and  etceteras  flying  about  her,  and  flung  herself  upon 
me,  kissing  me  and  affecting  to  weep  over  me. 

Mamma  can  always  give  the  effect  of  weeping  in  the 
most  wonderful  and  touching  manner,  without  ever 
shedding  a  tear. 

"  What's  the  matter,  Mamma  ?  "  I  cried,  knowing  all 
the  time  that  she  had  found  out  something  I  didn't 
want  her  to  know. 

"  Oh,  I've  seen  your  father,  and  I  know  how 
disgracefully  your  husband  is  behaving,"  she  said, 
holding  me  off  and  rattling  on,  with  eyes  full  of  indig- 
nation. "  Really,  considering  what  a  mesalliance  your 
marriage  was  — " 

"  Hush,  Mamma,  it  was  nothing  of  the  kind." 

As  if  it  could  be  of  any  possible  use  to  try  to  stop 
mamma ! 

She  went  on,  without  paying  any  heed  to  my 
remonstrance. 


THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER     169 

"  But  really,  one  may  as  well  marry  a  prince  at  once, 
for  it  makes  no  difference  to  the  result  when  once  the 
novelty  is  worn  off !  " 

"  I  haven't  the  least  idea  what  you  mean,  and  I'm 
quite  sure  papa  didn't  tell  you  that  Gerald  has  done 
anything  disgraceful,  because  it  isn't  true." 

Mamma  looked  at  me  with  penetrating  eyes. 

"  Not  true  that  you've  found  him  making  appoint- 
ments with  a  woman,  and  having  her  shown  out  of 
the  office  quietly  so  that  you  might  not  see  her  ?  " 

"  Oh,  hush,  Mamma,  hush,  pray.  Did  papa  tell  you 
that?" 

"  Yes.  And  he  says  you  think  it  was  Harriet 
Usher,  but  that's  quite  impossible,  as  I  told  him.  No 
doubt  it  was  some  woman  or  other,  but  it  certainly 
wasn't  Harriet.  She  is  too  much  taken  up  with  some- 
body else  to  flirt  with  any  other  man  at  present,  espe- 
cially with  her  own  husband's  solicitor !  " 

I  was  silent.  I  wished  I  could  agree  with  mamma. 
But  she  doesn't  know  as  much  as  I  do  about  the  mat- 
ter, and  she  hates  to  see  one  of  the  family  involved 
in  scandal.  Whatever  her  faults  may  be,  mamma  is 
always  loyal  to  her  own  blood.  She  says  it  is  one  of 
the  things  that  distinguish  decent  people  from  sweeps, 
to  stand  by  their  relations  through  thick  and  thin. 
Relations  by  birth,  that  is ;  husbands  don't  count  quite 
so  much. 

"Where  is  Harriet?"  I  asked. 

Mamma  answered  with  vivacity: 

"  She's  been  at  a  cottage  up  the  river  for  the  last 
week." 

My  face  fell.  Although  I  had  been  sure  of  this, 
every  little  fact  that  confirms  what  I  know  adds  to 
my  distress. 

"  The  poor  thing  is  in  a  very  anxious  state,  of 


170    THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER 

course.  For  she  hasn't  heard  from  her  husband, 
though  she's  written  him  several  letters." 

"  Why  doesn't  she  go  to  see  him  ?  " 

"  She  doesn't  dare.  Sir  John  is  a  man  of  very 
peculiar  temper  —  you  know  these  tradesmen  are  — 
quite  a  class  apart!  There's  no  accounting  for  their 
vagaries  —  and  she  doesn't  like  to  risk  being1  refused 
admission,  or  anything  of  that  sort." 

Knowing  Harriet,  I  could  not  help  thinking  that, 
reckless  and  fond  of  her  own  enjoyment  as  she  is, 
she  is  probably  too  happy  in  her  retirement  away  from 
Sir  John  to  be  very  anxious  to  get  back  to  Shire  Place. 

"  Where  are  you  going  now,  Mamma  ? "  I  asked,  as 
I  was  anxious  to  get  away  from  the  subject  of  Har- 
riet. 

"  Anywhere  you  like,"  she  answered  at  once. 
"  Shall  we  make  a  day  of  it,  and  go  to  some  of  the 
milliners,  and  see  what  they  have  brought  back  from 
Paris  ?  I  don't  think  the  new  fashions  are  very  pretty 
ones  as  far  as  I  have  seen  them.  But,  of  course, 
there's  always  the  hope  that  one  may  light  upon  some- 
thing decent  in  time,  if  one  looks  round  with  a  careful 
eye." 

"  I'm  afraid  I  can't  come  this  morning,  Mamma. 
I'm  packing  up,"  said  I. 

She  "  pricked  up  her  ears,"  of  course. 

"  Packing  up !     You're  not  —  already  ?  " 

I  couldn't  help  laughing  at  the  insinuation,  grew- 
some  as  it  was. 

"  No,  Mamma,  I'm  only  going  down  to  Fouroaks 
for  a  week.  Gerald  thinks  the  air  of  the  old  place 
will  do  me  more  good  than  country-house  parties." 

"  Oh,  my  dear  child,  that  moldy  old  barrack ! 
You'll  be  bored  to  death!  I  do  wish  I  could  come 
with  you.  But  I've  got  such  a  heap  to  do,  commit- 


THE  INDISCRETION  OP  LADY  USHER    171 

tees  and  bridge  and  things,  for  the  next  fortnight,  that 
I  don't  think  I  could  manage  it." 

As  one  of  the  clauses  of  the  agreement  between 
papa  and  mamma  is  that  she  shall  not  come  to  Four- 
oaks,  I  knew  the  value  of  this  suggestion.  Still,  I 
thanked  her,  and  reminded  her  that  I  was  never  lonely 
at  Fouroaks. 

She  shook  her  head. 

"  Ah,  but  you've  been  married  since  then.  That 
does  make  such  a  difference !  One  can  put  up  with  so 
much  before,  and  with  so  little  after,"  she  said  sagely. 
"  However,  of  course  you  needn't  stay  there  any 
longer  than  you  choose.  And  if  you  like,  I'll  run 
over  to  Paris  with  you  when  you  get  tired  of  loneli- 
ness, as  you  will  do  in  about  three  days." 

"  Thanks,  Mamma.     I  won't  forget." 

"  And  as  soon  as  you're  gone,"  said  mamma,  with 
glowing  indignation,  "  I  shall  tackle  Mr.  Calstock,  and 
bring  him  to  book  over  his  treatment  of  you." 

"  Oh,  no,  no." 

"  Oh,  but  I  shall.  Of  course,  it  was  your  father's 
place  to  have  done  it,  but  as  he  chooses  to  neglect  his 
duty,  it  devolves  upon  me." 

"  But,  Mamma,  there's  nothing  to  do,"  I  pleaded. 
"  How  could  papa  speak  to  Gerald,  when  there's  noth- 
ing to  speak  about?  Surely  he  must  know  that  a 
lawyer  is  bound  to  have  clients  who  are  not  proper 
persons  for  his  wife  to  meet !  And,  in  any  case,  I  was 
in  the  wrong  for  going  to  the  office.  There  is  nothing 
in  the  world  wrong  in  our  relations,  and  I  do  beg  you 
to  believe  it." 

"  Your  father  thinks  there  is  something  wrong. 
He  came  to  see  me,  to  reproach  me  with  it.  Said 
your  unhappy  marriages  were  all  my  fault,  and  that, 
if  I  hadn't  hurried  you  into  becoming  the  wife  of  Sir 


172    THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER 

Lionel,  you  wouldn't  have  had  to  throw  yourself 
away  on — " 

I  stopped  her  by  such  a  look,  and  such  a  shaking  — 
for  I  seized  her  arm  and  hung  on  with  all  my  might 
—  that  she  grew  very  red  and  said  I  hurt  her.  But 
I  didn't  let  her  go.  I  clung  tightly  to  her  hand  and 
arm,  and  made  her  meet  my  eyes  with  hers  as  I  said : 

"  Mamma,  I  won't  allow  such  words  even  from  you. 
You  don't  understand,  you  don't  understand,  the 
truth.  You  did  a  wicked  thing  in  marrying  me  to 
Sir  Lionel,  but  I  went  through  it  all,  because  I  was  a 
child,  and  didn't  know  what  marriage  was.  Now  I've 
made  my  own  choice,  with  my  eyes  open,  knowing 
everything.  I've  made  a  good  choice,  the  only  one 
possible  to  me.  You've  got  to  respect  it.  You've  got 
to  refrain  from  saying  such  things  as  you  were  going 
to  say.  If  you  don't,  Mamma,  I'm  very  sorry  to  have 
to  say  it,  but  I  can't  see  you  again.  I've  married  the 
man  I  love,  and  even  if  we  have  differences  and  dis- 
agreements, and  if  I  have  to  put  up  with  some  things, 
I  am  satisfied,  and  I  won't  allow  any  one  to  interfere. 
There.  That's  all." 

Mamma  is  much  too  clever  not  to  know  when  she 
is  dealing  with  a  person  who  is  in  earnest,  and  before 
I  had  got  to  the  end  of  my  speech,  which  looks  better 
now  that  I  have  written  it  down  than  it  sounded  as  I 
jerked  out  the  words,  stammering  and  panting,  into 
her  ear  —  she  had  recovered  her  good  humor. 

"  Very  well,  my  dear,"  she  said,  as  she  got  away 
from  me,  and  at  once  took  out  her  little  powder-puff 
and  hand-mirror  from  her  bag,  to  repair  the  havoc  my 
savagery  had  made,  "  very  well.  You  know  your  own 
affairs  best,  I  suppose,  and  I  shall  say  nothing  more. 
If  you  don't  want  us  to  take  your  part/ 1  suppose  we 
must  submit.  As  for  your  husband,  I'm  sure  I  have 


THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER     173 

no  wish  to  say  anything  against  him.  I  dare  say  he 
is  no  worse  than  other  men,  and,  if  you  are  satisfied, 
what  more  need  I  say?  Fortunately,  you're  inde- 
pendent of  anybody  —  owing  to  my  wickedness  in 
marrying  you  early  to  a  rich  man.  It's  only  just  to 
me  to  remember  that." 

She  said  the  last  words  with  a  delightful  smile,  as 
it  were  burning  them  into  my  ungrateful  soul. 

Then  she  kissed  me  effusively,  taking  care  to  give 
me  a  long,  earnest  look  and  to  finish  up  with  a  deep 
sigh,  and  then,  as  if  afraid  that  her  feelings  might  be 
too  much  for  her,  breaking  away  quickly,  and  waving 
her  hand,  as  if  quivering  with  agitation,  as  she  went 
out. 

Mamma  is  always  airily  dramatic,  and  never  forgets 
to  be  picturesque! 

But  she  didn't  offer  to  see  me  off  on  my  journey, 
and  so  I  came  down  here  yesterday  with  just  Lindsay, 
and  it  is,  oh,  so  peaceful  and  lovely  in  the  old  place ! 

I  sleep  in  my  own  old  room,  to  the  disgust  of  Mrs. 
Hillier,  who  had  got  the  best  bedroom  ready  for  me. 

But  I  could  not  have  been  comfortable  in  that  great 
bare,  cold-looking  room,  especially  as  it  isn't  as  it 
used  to  be,  all  heavy  four-poster  and  old  flowered 
hangings  and  ancient  mahogany,  for  it  has  had  to  be 
done  up  to  suit  the  taste  of  some  stockbroker  who  had 
Fouroaks  for  two  years.  He  was  to  have  had  it 
again  this  summer,  but  luckily  he  died,  so  it  has  been 
unlet,  and  I  am  able  to  come  here  and  enjoy  it. 

But  I  don't  like  the  changes!  Mrs.  Hillier  and  I 
went  round  the  place  as  soon  as  I  got  here,  and  I 
think  it  must  have  been  rather  funny  to  see  us  weeping 
over  the  new  carpets  that  have  been  put  down  instead 
of  the  old  ones  that  would  scarcely  hang  together, 
and  to  hear  us  moaning  over  the  "  modern  improve- 


ments"  which  Mrs.  Clewes  insisted  upon  before  she 
could  condescend  to  stay  in  the  house. 

I  asked  Mrs.  Hillier  what  the  people  were  like,  and 
she  raised  her  eyebrows  and  shrugged  her  shoulders, 
and  said: 

"  Oh,  they  were  very  good  sort  of  people  —  of 
their  class,  my  lady.  Mr.  Clewes  thought  a  good 
deal  about  eating,  and  Mrs.  Clewes  thought  a  good 
deal  of  her  own  importance;  and  that  was  all  the 
character  they  had,  my  lady.  Their  sons  and  daugh- 
ters were  better,  being  young.  But  they  didn't  care 
for  the  place,  only  for  being  able  to  say  they  had 
'  taken  Lord  Rushbury's  house/  as  you  could  plainly 
see;  and  I'm  very  thankful  they  won't  come  here 
again." 

I  was  turning  over  a  plan  in  my  mind,  so  I  said 
very  little. 

What  if  I  could  take  over  Fouroaks  from  papa, 
and  keep  it  from  further  desecration? 

I  turned  to  her  abruptly. 

"  You  haven't  parted  with  the  old  things,  the  carpets 
and  old  bedsteads,  have  you  ?  "  I  said. 

She  looked  horror-struck  at  the  idea. 

"  Oh,  no,  my  lady.  They're  all  stowed  away  safe ; 
but  —  I'm  sorry  to  say  that  the  study  carpet  will 
hardly  hold  together  to  be  put  down  again." 

This  was  a  tragedy  indeed.  I  remembered  that 
carpet  so  well,  and  the  hole  Penrhyn  and  Marjorie 
and  I  burnt  in  it  that  Christmas  Eve  when  we  dropped 
a  lantern  on  to  it! 

However,  as  I  told  her,  there  was  a  lot  of  dear  old 
furniture  left,  after  all ;  if  we  were  to  let  a  couple  of 
carpenters  and  half  a  dozen  upholsteresses  loose 
about  the  place  for  a  fortnight,  we  should  be  able  to 
effect  just  enough  "  restoration  "  to  please  us. 


How  I  did  love  the  old  lady  for  being  so  pleased 
when  I  suggested  that  I  might  come  back  again,  for 
part  of  the  year  at  least,  to  the  old  place !  And  how 
I  threw  my  arms  round  her  when  she  told  me  that 
Fan  and  Flurry  and  Folly  were  still  alive! 

I  ran  out  to  see  them,  and  to  take  them  some 
sugar,  and  on  my  way  to  the  stables  it  rjave  me  a 
most  strange,  eerie  feeling  to  pass  by  the  old  aviary, 
and  to  see  that  two  of  the  four  doves  Sir  Lionel  gave 
me  were  still  alive! 

It  was  shuddery !  To  think  of  all  that  I  have  gone 
through  since  he  sent  me  those  pretty  little  birds,  and 
of  his  being  dead  too!  It  made  me  shiver,  and  feel 
quite  sentimental!  For  he  was  kind  to  me  at  first, 
and  those  doves  did  give  me  pleasure  when  they  came ! 

It  was  awfully  hard  not  to  cry  when  I  got  to  the 
stables,  for  two  or  three  of  the  grooms  and  stablemen 
were  the  same  as  in  the  old  days,  and  they  were  so 
glad  to  see  me,  and  in  such  a  hurry  to  take  me  to  the 
ponies,  that  I  was  quite  excited,  and  felt  as  if  I  were 
little  Cis  Rushbury  again. 

And  then  when,  after  dinner,  I  went  into  the  village 
and  knocked  at  the  door  of  Nannie  Barnes'  cottage, 
she  screamed  out  so  loudly  with  joy  at  seeing  me  that 
I  nearly  cried  again. 

And  this  morning  I  am  told  that  the  old  Hawkinses 
and  Mrs.  Fielder  are  mad  with  jealousy,  because  I 
went  to  see  Nannie  first! 

Oh,  it  is  lovely  to  be  here  again! 

Only  I  can't  forget  Gerald,  and  I  am  wondering 
all  the  time  if  it  is  possible  that  there  is  nothing  in 
the  horrid  doubts  and  fears  I  have  had  about  him! 

Among  all  these  sights  and  sounds  that  I  love,  there 
comes  suddenly  from  time  to  time  such  a  sadness  upon 
me,  when  I  remember  what  has  happened  since  I  was 


176    THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER 

last  here,  and  that,  though  one  can  forget  it  all  for 
a  little  while,  the  burden  of  life  has  to  be  taken  up 
again,  and  things  can  never  be  quite  the  same  as  they 
used  to  be ! 


FOUROAKS, 

October  yd. 

LIFE  trickled  on  most  peacefully  till  yesterday,  when 
the  old  worries  came  back  with  new  ones  to  bear 
them  company,  and  I  wished  with  all  my  heart  I  had 
never  come  down  here. 

For  I  got  two  letters  which  made  me  uneasy.  One 
was  from  Gerald,  very  affectionate,  hoping  I  was 
well  and  enjoying  myself,  and  saying  that  he  was 
going  away  on  business,  and  that  he  should  not  be 
back  in  town  for  a  few  days. 

The  second  letter  was  from  mamma,  saying  that  she 
had  seen  Harriet,  who  is  also  going  out  of  town  for 
a  few  days. 

I  am  ashamed  of  the  uneasiness  I  feel  at  what  is, 
I  really  believe,  nothing  but  a  coincidence ;  but  still  I 
do  wish  I  had  not  got  these  two  letters  at  the  same 
time. 

I  am  ashamed  of  doubting  my  own  husband  as  I 
do,  when  I  love  him  so  much  and  when  I  have  always 
found  him  the  most  trustworthy  man  I  have  ever 
met. 

But  it  does  not  matter  how  many  arguments  I 
bring  forward  to  myself  to  quiet  my  own  heart,  I 
can't  help  feeling  that  there  is  danger  for  me  some- 
where, and  if  that  danger  is  the  threatened  loss  of 
his  heart,  I  shall  never  be  happy  any  more. 

Again  and  again  I  have  said  to  myself  that  I  have 
no  proper  ground  for  suspicion,  and  it  is  true:  I 
have  not.  All  the  little  incidents  and  coincidences 

177 


178     THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER 

I  know  of  are  as  nothing  against  the  fact  that  my 
husband  married  me  for  love  —  not  for  money  and 
social  ambition  as  my  people  pretend  —  and  that  I 
am  sure  he  loves  me  still.  And  yet  —  and  yet  —  I 
can  trust  my  own  instinct  —  and  I  know  that  he  is 
keeping  a  secret  from  me,  and  I  believe  that  that 
secret  concerns  Harriet.  God  knows  I  am  not  jealous 
by  nature,  but  loving  Gerald  as  I  do,  and  hearing,  as 
I  do,  on  all  sides  that  same  horrible,  ugly,  monotonous 
story  of  men  being  inconstant  and  untrustworthy,  I 
can't  help  wondering  when  I  ought  to  be  trusting, 
and  torturing  myself  when  I  should  like  just  to  shut 
my  eyes  and  believe  that  all  is  well. 


FOUROAKS, 

October  $th. 

SOMETHING  happened  yesterday  which  has  frightened 
me  very  much. 

I  had  spent  the  afternoon  with  the  Hawkinses  and 
Mrs.  Fielder  in  the  village,  and  had  tea  by  myself 
in  the  breakfast-room,  and  then  I  went  down  to  the 
paddock  to  see  the  ponies. 

It  was  raining  dismally,  as  it  had  done  off  and  on 
all  day,  and  although  it  was  only  five  o'clock,  it  was 
quite  dark  under  the  trees,  which  dripped  on  my  head 
as  I  ran,  bareheaded,  down  the  walk  to  the  paddock. 

I  had  thrust  my  arms  into  a  mackintosh,  and  sud- 
denly, as  I  went  down  the  walk  and  brushed  my  way 
through  the  plantation,  there  came  into  my  head,  in 
the  strangest  manner,  the  remembrance  of  that  day, 
not  much  more  than  a  year  and  a  half  ago,  when  I 
ran  down  in  the  rain  to  see  the  ponies  in  the  stable, 
and  met  Sir  Lionel  for  the  first  time. 

As  I  thought  of  it,  I  looked  round  me,  almost  think- 
ing I  heard  the  footsteps  again  near  me,  as  I  had  done 
that  day. 

When  I  walked  on  again,  I  stopped  and  looked 
round  quickly,  for  I  felt  sure  that  I  had  heard  some 
one,  and  then  that  I  saw  a  man  among  the  trees. 

It  was  uncanny,  and  I  felt  as  if  my  blood  was 
freezing  in  my  veins,  for  there  was  really  a  dark 
figure  a  few  yards  away ;  and  in  the  gloom  of  the 
late  afternoon,  with  the  heavy  rainclouds  above  and 
the  trees  below,  I  almost  fancied  for  the  first  few 

179 


180    THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER 

moments  that  it  was  not  a  man,  but  a  spirit,  that  stood, 
gray  and  ghostlike,  among  the  wet  trees  and  the  long 
wet  grasses  and  bushes. 

Of  course,  it  was  only  for  a  moment.  Then  I 
asked  in  a  hoarse  but  very  peremptory  voice: 

"What's  that?" 

What  was  my  astonishment  when  the  gray  figure 
came  slowly  brushing  its  way  through  the  trees,  and 
became  distinct,  human,  and  —  recognizable. 

A  little  slender,  mackintoshed  figure  stepped  out 
and  raised  its  hat,  and  said  shyly: 

"  How  do  you  do,  Lady  Cecilia  ?  " 

It  was  Sir  Arnold  Banbury! 

For  the  first  moment  I  was  so  much  amazed  that  I 
forgot  to  be  angry  at  this  sudden  and  odd  intrusion. 

"  Sir  Arnold !  "  I  exclaimed.  "  Where  did  you 
come  from?" 

He  was  profusely  apologetic  and  explanatory. 

"  I  was  staying  with  some  friends  a  little  way  from 
here,"  he  said,  "  and  passing  in  my  car  I  thought  I 
caught  sight  of  you  among  the  trees.  So  I  got  out 
and  —  and  — " 

"  How  did  you  get  in  ?  "  I  asked  abruptly,  suddenly 
conscious  of  the  absurd  unconventionality  of  this  visit, 
and  of  the  imprudence  of  it. 

"I  —  I  got  over  the  paling,"  said  he. 

"What  paling?" 

He  pointed  vaguely  behind  him,  and  I,  much  vexed 
and  surprised  at  his  having  taken  such  a  liberty,  knew 
that  he  must  have  been  deliberately  waiting  about  for 
me,  as  the  walk  by  which  I  had  come  from  the  house 
is  at  no  point  visible  from  the  highroad. 

I  stood  erect  and  very  dignified. 

"  And  now,"  I  said,  "  of  course  you  want  to  know 
the  nearest  way  out.  If  you  go  straight  on" — I 


THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER     181 

turned  and  pointed  along  the  path  by  which  I  had 
come  from  the  house,  "  you  will  find  a  gate  on  your 
right  which  opens  into  the  rose-garden,  and  a  path 
will  take  you  through  into  the  park.  After  that  you 
will  have  no  difficulty,  for  you  can  follow  the  drive." 

He  muttered  something  abjectly  apologetic,  and  half 
turned,  as  if  he  meant  to  follow  my  directions.  But 
then  he  suddenly  changed  his  mind,  and  came  towards 
me,  humbly,  and  in  a  state  of  great  agitation. 

"  I  beg  your  pardon,"  he  said  quickly.  "  I  see  you 
look  upon  this  as  an  intrusion." 

"  Of  course  I  do,"  I  said  quickly.  "  It  is  an  in- 
trusion, you  know.  There  is  no  other  word  for  such 
a  strange  visit,  as  you  must  see  for  yourself.  What 
on  earth  induced  you  to  come  ? " 

He  hesitated  for  a  moment,  and  then  said  quickly: 

"I  —  I  wanted  to  see  you.  I  had  heard  something 
• —  heard  that  you  were  unhappy,  and  —  and  —  I  do 
hope  you'll  forgive  me,  but  I  wanted  to  know  whether 
it  was  true  that  you  had  come  away  from  town  all 
by  yourself,  and  —  and  whether  there  was  anything 
I  could  do." 

I  was  at  first  as  much  bewildered  as  annoyed,  but 
after  the  first  few  moments  I  was  seized  with  a  great 
fear.  This  visit  of  his  was  something  more  than  a 
most  marvelous  coincidence,  I  felt  sure. 

"  Who  was  it  told  you  all  that  nonsense?  "  I  asked 
quickly. 

He  hesitated. 

A  light  flashed  suddenly  through  my  mind. 

"  Was  it  Lady  Usher  ?  "  I  asked  sharply. 

"  N  —  n  —  not  exactly,"  stammered  he. 

"  What  do  you  meaa  by  '  not  exactly  '  ?  " 

"  I  mean,"  said  Sir  Arnold,  "  that  it  was  not  direct 
from  her  that  I  heard  it." 


182     THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER 

"  From  whom,  then  ?  " 

He  flushed  and  hesitated  most  piteously,  but  I  per- 
sisted. At  last,  however,  he  grew  desperate,  and 
plucking  up  his  courage,  said  with  more  firmness  than 
I  should  have  thought  the  little  fellow  capable  of : 

"  Lady  Cecilia,  I  hope  you  won't  mind  if  I  say  that 
I  can't  tell  you  who  told  me  this.  I  am  very  glad, 
however,  to  find  it's  not  true,  that  you  are  not  un- 
happy, and  that  I've  been  misinformed.  Pray  believe 
me  I  am  very  sorry  I  intruded.  I  —  I  —  I  have  made 
a  d d  —  I  mean  I've  made  a  fool  of  myself  — " 

I  interrupted  him.  By  that  time  I  had  recovered 
myself  a  little;  I  was  amused,  as  well  as  rather 
touched,  in  a  silly  kind  of  way,  by  his  showing  so 
much  stupid  and  injudicious  interest  in  me  and  my 
sorrows ;  so  that  I  laughed  before  he  could  get  to 
the  end  of  his  halting  speech. 

"  Well,  I'm  afraid  you  have  done  that,"  I  said. 
"  And  you'd  better  not  trust  the  person  who  told  you 
that  stuff  about  me.  For  whoever  the  person  is,  the 
person  appears  to  have  very  inaccurate  sources  of 
information." 

I  was  rather  proud  of  all  these  long  words,  which 
had  an  excellent  effect  upon  the  silly  little  man.  He 
seemed  quite  crushed,  and  he  stood  for  a  few  mo- 
ments, looking  very  foolish,  and  then  moved  a  little, 
and  said  nervously: 

"  Well,  I  see  that  —  that  I've  been  made  a  fool  of. 
I  can  only  apologize,  and  take  myself  off  as  quickly 
as  possible,  as  I  shouldn't  like  you  to  be  the  subject 
of  any  idle  gossip  through  me." 

I  had  got  over  my  first  indignation,  and  over  my 
subsequent  amusement  too.  But  these  badly  chosen 
words  irritated  me  more  than  ever.  I  held  out  my 


THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER     183 

hand  to  detain  him,  and  quickening  my  pace,  came 
up  with  him,  as  he  started  to  walk  under  the  trees. 

"  You  need  have  no  fear  of  any  gossip  where  I 
am  concerned,"  I  said  very  severely.  "  I  am  much 
too  well  known  here,  in  my  own  country,  and  among 
my  own  people,  for  any  such  thing  to  hurt  me." 

He  looked  at  me  —  he  always  has  to  look  up  to 
me,  by  the  bye  —  with  a  deprecatory  expression  in 
his  eyes. 

"  Don't  be  angry  with  me,  pray  don't,"  he  said. 
"  Really  it's  not  fair.  If  you  knew  how  very,  very 
anxious  I  am  to  do  only  whatever  pleases  you  best, 
you  wouldn't  be  so  much  offended." 

"  Well,"  said  I,  somewhat  mollified  by  his  abject 
manner,  and  determined  to  show  him  how  absurd 
he  was  making  himself,  "  it  will  please  me  better,  Sir 
Arnold,  if,  when  next  you  wish  to  call  upon  me,  you 
come  to  the  door,  in  the  usual  manner,  and  ask  the 
servants  whether  I  am  at  home." 

He  seemed  much  confused  at  this,  and  said: 

"  I  didn't  like  to  come.  I  was  afraid  you  might 
think  it  an  intrusion." 

"  Not  at  all.  I'm  delighted  to  see  my  friends  at 
any  time.  So  that  you  may  have  no  doubt  about  it, 
I  am  going  to  take  you  through  the  house,  so  that 
you  will  know  the  way  to  the  front  door  another 
time." 

He  was  deeply  humiliated,  but  I  was  pitiless.  He 
tried  to  excuse  himself  from  coming  into  the  house; 
but  I  took  no  notice  of  what  he  said,  and  stalked 
beside  him,  pointed  out,  as  we  went  through,  some  of 
the  family  portraits  that  hung  in  the  hall,  remarking 
on  their  peculiarities  in  a  high,  throaty  voice  that 
could  not,  I  knew,  fail  to  show  him  that  he  had  done 
himself  irreparable  injury  in  my  eyes. 


184     THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER 

As  it  was  by  this  time  almost  dark,  and  there  was 
no  light  as  yet  in  the  hall,  I  don't  think  he  was  much 
the  wiser  for  the  information,  though  I  hope  he  has 
profited  by  my  lesson  in  other  ways. 

Then  I  called  one  of  the  servants,  whom  I  heard 
moving  about  on  the  staircase,  and  informing  him 
that  Sir  Arnold  Banbury  had  lost  his  way,  I  told  him 
to  accompany  him  to  the  lodge-gates.  Then  I  said 
good-by  with  a  bow  and  a  studiously  artificial  smile 
—  one  of  those  fixed  and  horrid  convulsions  of  the 
features  which  would  freeze  a  waterfall,  bowed  to 
him  without  shaking  hands,  and  retreated,  looking,  I 
do  hope,  less  frightened  and  wretched  than  I  felt. 

For  I  don't  like  this  visit  at  all,  and  I  am  sure  that 
it  was  suggested  to  him  by  somebody  who  has  a 
grudge  against  me.  My  fears  point  to  Harriet,  but 
all  the  while  I  say  to  myself  that  this  may  be  only 
my  prejudice.  Yet  who  else  would  advise  such  a 
step  to  the  silly  little  fellow?  He  has  no  harm  in 
him,  I  am  sure,  and  yet  great  harm  might  be  done  to 
me  just  at  this  moment,  when  the  relations  between 
Gerald  and  me  are  so  strained,  by  any  report  which 
might  get  to  his  ears  about  such  visits  as  this! 

I  wrote  to  Gerald  at  once,  telling  him  all  about  Sir 
Arnold's  coming,  and  representing  it  all  in  the  most 
ludicrous  light  I  could;  but  unfortunately  I  don't 
know  how  soon  he  will  get  my  letter,  as  he  said  in 
his  last  he  was  going  away  "  on  business."  Supposing 
some  account,  garbled  and  distorted,  of  Sir  Arnold's 
silly  coming  should  reach  his  ears  before  he  gets  my 
letter,  it  is  probable  that  he  would  be  annoyed  instead 
of  amused.  He  has  never  got  over  his  displeasure 
at  the  yachting  adventure,  and  though  he  is  not  jeal- 
ous, I  suppose  he  might  become  so. 

Since  the  strange  new  developments  of  the  past  few 


THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER     185 

weeks,  I  don't  feel  so  sure  of  him  in  any  way  as  I 
used  to  do ! 

The  incident  has  made  me  rather  miserable,  and 
when  I  was  told  this  morning  by  old  Mrs.  Hawkins, 
of  a  big,  yellow  motor-car  which  has  been  seen  about 
here  during  the  last  few  days,  with  two  gentlemen  in 
it,  whom  I  know  from  the  description  to  be  Sir  Arnold 
and  Lord  Hugh  Hawkhurst,  I  felt  even  more  uneasy 
than  before. 

What  do  they  want  about  here  ?  The  yellow  motor- 
car is  Sir  Arnold's,  I  know,  and  Lord  Hugh  is  his 
dearest  friend. 

I  hate  them  both ! 


FOUROAKS, 

October  6th. 

I  KNEW  the    presence -of  the  yellow  motor-car  and 
its  occupants  meant  mischief! 

This  morning  I  was  out  riding,  and  only  got  in 
just  before  luncheon,  when  I  was  told  that  there  was 
a  lady  waiting  to  see  me  in  the  Blue  Saloon. 

She  had  given  no  name,  and  the  servant  who  told 
me  about  her  professed  not  to  know  her,  saying  only 
that  she  was  tall  and  wore  a  thick  veil. 

I  had  a  presentiment  of  misfortune  as  I  went  up- 
stairs and  changed  my  habit;  and  when  I  came  down 
again  and  entered  the  room  where  the  mysterious  vis- 
itor was  waiting,  I  was  prepared  for  almost  any  shock 
but  the  one  I  received  when  she  put  up  her  veil  and 
I  recognized  —  Harriet. 

The  meeting  was  a  most  awkward  one.  I  could 
not  make  any  attempt  to  appear  glad  to  see  her,  and 
though  she  seemed  prepared  for  my  coldness  and 
overdid  her  own  warmth,  kissing  me  and  embracing 
me  very  ardently,  I  remained  and  showed  that  I  re- 
mained quite  cold. 

Kissing  me  must  have  been  like  kissing  one  of  the 
big  blocks  of  ice  one  sees  in  a  fishmonger's  shop ! 

And  yet,  even  as  I  sat  like  an  automaton,  stiff  and 
stolid,  listening  to  the  outpourings  of  her  alleged  af- 
fection for  me,  I  could  not  help  asking  myself  why 
I  was  not  glad  to  see  her,  since  at  least  I  was  now 
sure  that,  as  she  was  with  me,  she  was  not  with  some 
one  else! 

186 


THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER     187 

I  was  wondering  why  she  had  come,  and  instinc- 
tively fearing  that,  whatever  her  object  might  be,  it 
was  one  that  boded  no  good  to  me. 

It  is  most  strange  how  my  dread  of  her  has  grown 
since  our  last  meeting,  which  was  at  Folkestone.  I 
suppose  it  is  my  jealousy  which  has  affected  all  my 
feelings ;  but  even  that,  I  think,  scarcely  accounts  for 
the  sick  disgust  and  secret  fear  with  which  she  inspires 
me. 

I  ought,  I  am  sure,  to  have  had  for  her  long  since, 
when  I  first  found  her  out  in  her  shocking  behavior 
at  Cowes,  the  same  feelings  that  I  have  now.  But 
I  remember  that,  shocked  as  I  was  then,  and  amazed 
and  disgusted  at  her  conduct,  I  was  ready  to  make 
excuses  for  her,  and  to  agree  to  keep  silent  about 
what  she  had  done.  But  it  was  that  I  believed,  then, 
that  she  was  maddened  and  blinded  by  a  love  she 
could  not  master,  so  that  I  could  feel  a  little  sorry  for 
her  too,  with  all  my  disgust. 

But  now  that  I  have  reason  to  fear  that  she  is  not  the 
victim  of  a  devouring  passion  for  one  man,  but  a 
wicked  and  dangerous  flirt,  ready  to  bestow  herself 
wherever  she  can  do  so  with  advantage  to  herself,  I 
cannot  even  pretend  to  look  upon  her  with  the  old 
lenient  eyes. 

Harriet  is  much  too  clever  to  waste  her  time,  and 
she  soon  saw  that  all  her  affectionate  words  were 
leaving  me  cold. 

"  What  is  the  matter  with  you,  Cis  ?  "  she  asked  at 
last,  impatiently.  "  Are  you  offended  at  my  coming 
to  see  you?  Are  you  going  to  turn  against  me,  as 
well  as  my  husband  ?  " 

"  Of  course  not,"  I  said,  in  the  same  prim  cold  tone 
I  had  used  ever  since  she  came.  "  I  don't  turn  against 
people." 


188    THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER 

"That's  what  I  should  have  thought,  but  I  don't 
know  how  otherwise  to  account  for  the  way  you  are 
treating  me,"  she  said.  "  You  appear  to  have  grown 
very  '  good,'  my  dear,  since  I  saw  you  last." 

"  Have  I  ?  "  I  said  mechanically. 

"  Yes.  Of  course,  I  quite  understand  the  attitude 
you  are  taking,  of  being  shocked  at  receiving  a  visit 
from  your  poor  cousin,  whom  her  husband  won't  re- 
ceive at  his  home." 

"  Nonsense,   Harriet,"   I  said. 

"  If  you're  not  shocked,  why  are  you  so  nasty  to 
me?"  ' 

I  hesitated.  What  should  I  do?  Should  I  make 
a  clean  breast  of  it,  acknowledge  the  suspicions  and 
fears  I  had  had,  and  hear  what  she  had  to  say? 
My  impulse  was  strong  to  do  this,  but  I  was  afraid. 
One  can't  help  admiring  Harriet,  one  can't  be  long 
with  her  without  feeling  the  softening  powers  of  those 
gentle  tones  and  movements  of  hers,  of  those  pleading 
looks  she  knows  how  to  give,  and  all  the  rest  of  her 
well-filled  armory  of  charms.  But  when  one  has  such 
very  strong  suspicions  as  I  have  about  the  use  to 
which  she  puts  those  charms,  it  is  not  in  human  nature 
not  to  try  to  steel  oneself  against  them. 

And  I  decided  that  to  hint  at  my  vague  fears  would 
be  unwise.  She  would  be  indignant,  of  course.  But 
how  could  I  feel  sure  that  her  indignation  was  not  put 
on  as  well  as  the  rest? 

"  I  don't  think  it's  fair  to  say  I'm  nasty,"  I  said. 
"  I  was  taken  by  surprise.  Why  have  you  come  ? 
And  why  didn't  you  give  your  name  to  the  foot- 
man?" 

This  latter  circumstance  was  quite  enough,  by  itself, 
to  have  kept  my  suspicions  alive.  For  surely  there 
was  no  reason,  unless  she  felt  that  I  had  some  right 


THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER     189 

to  object  to  her  visit,  for  not  giving  the  man  her 
name! 

She  hesitated,  and  then  burst  into  tears. 

"  I'm  so  driven  about,"  she  said,  sobbing,  "  that  I 
thought  perhaps  you  would  treat  me  like  the  rest !  " 

It  was  horrid  to  hear  a  woman,  and  my  own  kins- 
woman, talk  like  that.  I  was  softened  against  my 
will. 

"  What  do  you  mean  ?  "  I  asked.  "  Who's  driving 
you  about  ? " 

"  Oh,  you  know,  you  must  know,"  she  said  re- 
proachfully. "  Considering  that  Sir  John's  solicitor 
is  your  husband,  how  can  you  help  knowing  all  about 
it?" 

I  denied  energetically. 

"  I  never  interfere  in  Gerald's  business  affairs,"  I 
said.  "  And  he  wouldn't  satisfy  my  curiosity  if  I 
did." 

"  Well,  then,  I  suppose  I  must  tell  you.  I  have 
written  to  Sir  John,  begging  him  to  let  me  go  back 
to  Shire  Place,  but  he  won't  answer.  I  even  went 
down  there,  at  the  risk  of  being  turned  out  of  the 
house.  But  I  was  told  Sir  John  was  away,  and  I 
had  to  come  back  to  town  without  even  seeing  my 
children." 

And  she  broke  down  and  burst  into  tears. 

I  have  never  felt  more  uncomfortable  in  all  my  life 
than  I  did  then.  I  didn't  know  what  to  do.  It  was 
dreadful,  if  it  was  true,  that  she  should  be  treated 
like  that,  without  having  any  definite  charge  brought 
against  her.  And,  even  if  she  has  not  seemed  to  care 
much  for  her  children,  it  must  have  been  frightfully 
hard  to  feel  that  she  dared  not  ask  to  see  them. 

Between  my  longing  to  be  nice,  and  to  try  to  com- 
fort her,  and  the  suspicions  I  could  not  quite  stifle 


that  she  felt  less  than  she  pretended  to  do,  I  was 
puzzled  and  confused  and  uncertain.  She  knew  how 
to  take  advantage  when  she  saw  me  hesitating.  I 
was  sitting  by  the  window;  I  had  turned  to  look  out 
at  the  trees  and  flowers,  and  I  can  see  them  now, 
blown  about  by  the  wind,  the  dahlias  all  bent  and 
broken,  and  the  leaves  flying  about,  dashing  in  little 
gusts  against  the  panes. 

I  wouldn't  look  at  her,  but  always  at  the  garden, 
even  when  I  heard  her  whisper,  ever  so  plaintively, 
"  Cis,  Cis,  aren't  you' sorry  for  me?" 

I  felt  that  I  was  hard,  and  I  felt  ashamed  of  my- 
self; but  yet  I  held  out  as  long  as  I  could,  knowing 
I  could  not  trust  her.  But,  when  we  had  sat  without 
uttering  a  word  for  a  few  moments,  I  still  staring 
at  the  flying  leaves  as  they  crackled  against  the  window 
and  fell  into  little  heaps  on  the  terrace,  I  felt  her 
hand  steal  round  my  waist,  and  her  head  rest  on 
my  shoulder. 

She  had  got  me,  and  she  knew  it.  I  made  a  silly 
little  fluttering  attempt  to  get  up  and  escape,  but  she 
held  me  fast. 

"  Cis,"  she  said,  "  you  are  a  happily  married  woman, 
and  you  ought  to  have  compassion  upon  a  woman 
who  is  not  so  happy.  Don't  put  on  airs  of  superior 
virtue  because  you  know  something  that  nobody  else 
knows  about  me.  It  won't  do.  You  would  have 
done  the  same,  remember,  if  Sir  Lionel  hadn't  died." 

I  was  shocked,  and  I  shook  my  head  vehemently. 
But  she  only  laughed. 

"  Oh,  yes,  you  would,"  she  said.  "  You  couldn't 
have  loved  Sir  Lionel,  any  more  than  I  could  love 
Sir  John,  and  you  would  certainly  have  loved  some 
one  else  before  long,  even  if  you  didn't  love  Gerald 
Calstock  while  your  first  husband  was  alive." 


THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER     191 

"  I  might  have  loved  him,"  I  retorted.  "  But  I 
certainly  shouldn't  — ' 

I  stopped,  ashamed  of  going  on.  But  Harriet,  who 
was  calmer  now  she  knew  that  she  had  me  fast, 
laughed,  and  passed  her  handkerchief  across  her  eyes 
quite  good-humoredly. 

"  I  dare  say  not,"  she  said  sarcastically.  "  I  dare 
say  you  would  have  been  more  artful  than  I  can  be. 
You  would  have  known  how  to  take  care  of  yourself. 
Now  where  I  love,  I  love  altogether.  I  can't  make 
any  wise  reservations.  Of  course,  it's  a  dreadful 
thing  to  own  to,  and  I  wouldn't  say  it  to  anybody  but 
you,  but  it's  the  truth." 

I  didn't  attempt  to  argue  the  point.  In  the  first 
place,  it  seemed  to  me  very  absurd  to  suppose  that 
I,  who  am  only  two-thirds  her  age,  and  do  not  pretend 
to  be  clever,  could  take  more  care  of  myself  than 
Harriet,  who  is  very  handsome,  very  clever,  and  who 
has  had  ten  or  twelve  years'  experience  of  married 
life  —  with  vicissitudes.  And  in  the  second  place,  it 
seems  rather  absurd  to  be  discussing  such  nice  points 
as  to  the  better  or  the  worse  way  of  deceiving  one's 
husband. 

So  I  sat  as  stiffly  as  I  could,  and  when  she  had  fired 
her  sarcastic  speech  into  me,  I  just  waited. 

She  did  not  like  that.  She  wanted  argument  to 
keep  her  warm,  and  when  I  wouldn't  argue,  she  felt 
flat  and  uneasy. 

"What  are  you  thinking?"  she  asked,  giving  me 
a  little  shake. 

"Only  that  I  don't  want  to  talk  about  it  all,"  I 
said.  "  Where's  the  use  of  it  ?  " 

She  got  up  from  her  knees,  very  gracefully,  but 
with  her  head  held  very  high.  And  she  walked  to 
the  window  and  drummed  upon  it  with  her  pretty, 


192    THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER 

slender  fingers,  while  I  again  watched  the  swaying  of 
the  long  branches  against  the  panes. 

Then  she  turned  suddenly. 

"  I  suppose,"  she  said,  "  it  would  be  of  no  use, 
seeing  that  you  are  in  such  a  highly  virtuous  mood, 
for  me  to  ask  you  to  let  me  stay  here  with  you  a 
few  days  ?  " 

There  was  a  note  of  anxiety  in  her  tone,  under  the 
superficial  pretense  that  she  spoke  idly,  and  didn't 
care  what  my  answer  was,  which  touched  me  and 
made  me  uneasy. 

I  did  not  want  Harriet  to  stay  with  me.  I  cannot 
care  for  her  after  all  that  has  passed,  and  though  at 
one  moment  she  conquers  all  my  hard  thoughts  and 
makes  me  ever  so  sorry  for  her,  the  next  I  remember 
not  only  what  happened  at  Cowes,  but  those  unex- 
plained interviews  with  Gerald. 

I  did  not  know  what  excuse  to  give,  for  I  could  not 
refuse  without  a  reason.  She  took  advantage  of  my 
silence  to  press  me  more  earnestly. 

"  Oh,  Cis,  do  let  me  stay,"  she  urged,  bending  to- 
wards me  and  laying  her  hands  upon  my  shoulders 
as  I  sat,  dumb  and  stupid,  without  trying  to  answer. 
"  Do,  do,  do.  Just  a  few  days !  You  don't  know 
what  good  it  would  do  me,  to  be  for  just  a  little  while 
in  the  right  atmosphere,  in  the  dear  old  place.  Come, 
you  know  how  healing  it  is,  with  its  peaceful  well- 
ordered  life,  our  life,  dear,  and  how  sweet  it  is  to  be 
surrounded  by  all  the  old  family  sights,  and  to  feel 
the  old  family  feelings !  You  wanted  to  come,  didn't 
you?  And  you  have  found  the  benefit  of  it  already, 
I'm  sure.  For  you  look  as  sweet  and  happy  as  you 
did  in  the  old  days,  almost.  Come,  let  me  stay,  do, 
dear,  do." 


THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER     193 

It  was  a  dreadful  struggle,  but  it  could  only  end 
in  one  way. 

What  she  said  was  true.  The  old  atmosphere,  the 
dignity,  the  peace,  the  feeling  that  everything  went 
on  wheels  round  one,  with  no  jar,  no  discord,  was 
working  wonders  already  upon  me,  and  I  could  un- 
derstand and  sympathize  with  the  longing  she  had, 
after  the  bufferings  and  storms  and  struggles  she  had 
been  through  lately,  to  rest  a  little  while  where  no 
ill  wind  could  reach  her,  and  where  she  was  safe  from 
gossip  and  from  unkind  comments. 

"  I'm  not  here  for  more  than  a  few  days,"  I  said, 
almost  pleading  with  her  to  leave  me  to  my  solitude. 

"  Well,  and  I  don't  even  want  to  stay  as  long  as 
you  do,"  she  went  on  eagerly.  "  All  I  ask  is  just  a 
couple  of  days'  rest  and  peace,"  and  she  shut  her 
eyes  and  gave  a  long  sigh  which  did,  indeed,  seem 
genuine.  "  Oh,  Cis,  can't  you  understand  what  I  feel  ? 
After  the  humiliations,  the  insults  I  have  had  to  put 
up  with  lately  —  after  writing  and  writing  without 
getting  any  answer,  and  yet  without  being  told  any- 
thing definite  that  I  could  meet  and  reply  to  —  after 
being  refused  admittance  —  to  my  own  home — ' 

"  Refused  admittance  ?  "  I  echoed. 

"  It  was  practically  that,  wasn't  it  ?  To  be  told  that 
Sir  John  was  away,  and  not  even  to  be  admitted  as 
a  matter  of  course.  Oh,  Cis,  you  don't  know  how 
dreadful  it  was  to  be  treated  like  that!  By  one  of 
my  own  footmen  too ! " 

She  suddenly  let  me  go,  and  covered  her  face  with 
her  hands,  and  I  could  see  the  red  color  rushing  up 
to  her  face  and  neck. 

I  felt  my  heart  go  out  to  her  in  spite  of  myself. 
For  one  thing  I  began  to  feel  that  this  visit  to  me 


194     THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER 

disposed  —  or  appeared  to  dispose  of  some  of  my  own 
fears.  And  it  struck  me  as  unfair  that  she  should 
be  kept  away  from  her  home,  without  any  definite 
charge  being  brought  against  her.  It  was  as  if  her 
husband  hoped,  by  keeping  her  in  this  terrible  sus- 
pense, to  find  out  something  against  her,  something 
strong  enough  to  justify  his  treatment. 

She  sobbed,  not  ostentatiously,  but  convulsively, 
and  I  felt  all  my  courage  and  power  of  resistance 
ebbing  away. 

I  believe  she  knew  that  I  was  melting,  for  she 
looked  up,  ajid  began  another  sort  of  attack. 

"  And  oh,  Cis,  don't  you  think  you  owe  me  some 
reparation  for  what  your  husband  is  doing?" 

"  My  husband !  "  I  echoed,  stupidly. 

"  Yes,  yes.  Oh,  you  know  he  is  Sir  John's  solicitor, 
and  that  he  is  helping  him  and  advising  him  in  all 
this.  It  is  he,  Mr.  Calstock,  who  is  no  doubt  in  part 
answerable  for  my  being  kept  off  in  this  manner,  for 
my  being  separated  from  my  children !  Oh,  Cis,  what 
it  is  to  be  left  to  wonder  whether  I  shall  ever  be 
allowed  to  see  them  again!  Ask  yourself,  dear,  if 
it's  fair,  to  condemn  me  unheard  like  this.  Ask  your- 
self whether  you  would  not  feel  as  I  do,  as  if  you 
were  an  outcast,  an  exile,  if  you  were  forbidden  to 
go  back  to  your  husband's  house,  if  you  were  to  write 
letters  to  him  without  getting  an  answer,  and  all  with- 
out ever  having  had  a  happy  married  life,  to  which 
you  could  look  back,  and  which  you  could  recall  as  a 
lever  to  get  your  husband  to  treat  you  well." 

"  If  you  were  never  happy  together,  why  don't  you 
allow  him  to  arrange  a  separation  ? "  I  suggested, 
thankful  to  have  escaped  for  the  moment  the  subject 
of  her  proposed  stay. 


THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER    195 

She  shook  her  head  quite  vehemently  for  her. 

"  It  would  be  social  ruin  and  death,  especially  after 
all  the  talk  there  must  have  been,"  she  said  with 
decision.  "  And  how  should  I  live  ?  He  wouldn't  let 
me  have  the  children,  and  I  should  have  to  take  just 
what  small  allowance  he  chose  to  give  me,  and  after 
the  life  I've  been  used  to,  how  could  I  manage?  And 
what  could  you  expect  of  me,  a  woman  with  warm 
blood  in  her  veins,  not  a  painted  window  saint  by  any 
means,  if  I  were  left  stranded  like  that?  " 

The  hint  was  a  broad  one,  and  I  understood  it. 
But  I  was  shocked. 

"  Surely,"  said  I,  "  you  would  never  see  again  the 
man  who  got  you  into  such  trouble  and  dis — " 

I  stopped  short,  but  she  took  up  the  word  quite 
calmly : 

"  Disgrace  ?  Well,  I'm  not  like  you.  I  can  bear 
anything  where  I  love." 

I  don't  know  why  she  should  have  thought  I 
couldn't,  but  I  did  not  say  so. 

"  I  hope  you  don't  see  anything  of  that  person 
now,"  I  said. 

She  answered  very  quickly: 

"  Of  course  not.  How  could  I  be  so  mad  —  now 
too?  No,  I  have  to  live  the  life  of  a  hermit,  and  it's 
because  of  that  I  ask  you  to  take  pity  on  me.  Come, 
Cis,  just  for  two  days,  keep  me  here  with  you,  my 
dear,  keep  me  here  with  you ! " 

There  was  no  mistaking  her  earnestness  now,  no 
possibility  of  thinking  she  was  acting.  It  seemed  as 
if  her  whole  soul  were  in  her  beautiful,  long  eyes  as 
she  clung  to  me,  implored  me  to  let  her  stay. 

I  had  to  agree,  even  though  I  felt,  as  I  spoke,  that 
I  was  behaving  foolishly,  and  that  Gerald  would  be 


196    THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER 

angry  when  he  heard  of  it.  It  was  weakness,  pure 
weakness,  not  good-nature  or  anything  nobler,  that 
made  me  unable  to  resist  her  entreaties. 

"  Very  well,"  I  said  nervously.  "  Though  I'm  sure 
you  will  be  bored  to  death,  and  though  I  know  you 
will  be  sorry  you  asked  me,  I  will  let  you  stay  here 
for  a  couple  of  days  if  you  want  to.  But  don't  ask 
me  to  do  anything  more,  for  I  can't,  I  really  can't." 

She  kissed  my  hands,  though  I  tried  hard  to  pre- 
vent her.  There  was  something  so  wildly  passionate 
and  extravagant  in  her  manner  and  in  her  incoherent 
thanks  that  I  recognized  at  once,  though  vaguely,  that 
I  had  done  wrong  in  letting  her  stay. 

"  I  won't  ask  anything,  anything  more  of  you,  my 
dear  child,  and  I  bless  you  for  your  kindness.  I 
knew  my  little  Cis  had  too  good  a  heart  to  turn  her 
back  on  a  relation  in  real  sorrow.  Kiss  me,  dear,  kiss 
me,  and  you  can  tell  yourself,  when  you've  finished 
the  day,  that  you've  saved  a  fellow-creature  from  — 
something  you  wouldn't  have  liked  to  hear  about." 

"  What  do  you  mean?  "  I  asked,  my  voice  cracking 
in  all  sorts  of  odd  ways  as  I  spoke  the  words. 

She  was  on  her  feet  again,  drying  her  eyes  and 
smiling  in  a  curious,  uncanny  way. 

"  Only  this,  that  I  couldn't  have  gone  on  with  the 
wretched  life  I've  been  leading:  I  should  have  gone 
away  from  here,  and  —  taken  an  overdose  of  some- 
thing. That's  the  ladylike  way  of  making  an  end  of 
things,  when  they  get  unendurable,  isn't  it  ?  " 

"  How  can  you,  Harriet  ?  Things  are  not  nearly  so 
bad  as  you  make  out,"  I  said.  "  You  have  friends, 
you  have  mamma,  and  you  have  me." 

She  turned  towards  me  effusively,  and  seized  my 
arms  again. 

"  You,   yes.    And   I   thank   God   for   it.     As   for 


THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER     197 

Aunt  Vi,  we  all  know  what  she  is :  she  seems  all  right, 
but  one  can't  trust  her.  At  any  moment  —  for  a 
consideration  —  she  may  go  over  to  the  enemy." 

I  had  to  affect  to  be  angry,  though  really  I  only 
felt  rather  alarmed  as  to  what  might  be  going  to 
happen  in  Harriet's  rather  varied  career. 

"  You  have  no  right  to  talk  like  that  of  mamma," 
I  said. 

She  was  apologetic  directly. 

"  All  right.  I'm  sorry  if  I've  said  anything  to 
hurt  your  feelings,  dear.  But  really  I  thought  we  all 
knew  Aunt  Vi  too  well  to  mind  hearing  criticisms 
upon  her.  Now  let's  forget  her,  and  our  husbands, 
and  everybody,  and  be  happy  for  a  little  while." 

She  walked  across  the  room,  singing  to  herself  in 
that  pretty,  deep,  penetrating  contralto  voice  of  hers, 
with  a  look  and  manner  as  if  she  had  not  a  care  in 
the  world. 

While  surprised  at  the  rapid  change  in  her,  I  caught 
at  the  expression  she  had  used.  Why  should  she 
couple  my  husband  with  hers?  What  did  she  know 
about  the  slightly  strained  relations  between  me  and 
Gerald  ? 

But  before  uttering  the  questions  that  rose  to  my 
lips  I  paused,  and  decided  to  leave  them  unasked. 

It  was  singular  that  this  grudging  invitation  which 
I  had  given  her,  or  rather  which  she  had  wrung  out 
of  me,  made  me  as  depressed  as  it  made  her  elated. 

At  once  I  began  to  wonder  why  she  should  hail  it 
with  so  much  delight;  and  the  suspicions  of  Gerald, 
which  for  a  little  while  her  coming  had  dispelled,  came 
back  again,  more  vaguely,  indeed;  but  none  the  less 
strongly. 

Then  there  flashed  into  my  mind  another  cause  for 
alarm. 


198    THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER 

I  knew  that  Sir  Arnold  and  Lord  Hawkhurst  had 
been  seen  in  the  neighborhood  within  the  last  few 
days,  and  I  wondered  whether  Harriet  knew  it. 

Was  it  she  who  had  advised  Sir  Arnold  to  take  the 
extraordinarily  indiscreet  step  of  paying  me  a  sort  of 
would-be  secret  visit?  If  so,  then  indeed  I  had  made 
a  great  mess  of  it  in  asking  her  to  stay  with  me. 

As  for  asking  her  any  more  questions,  I  decided 
against  it.  I  would  keep  on  the  surface  of  things 
as  much  as  possible,  and  get  rid  of  her  as  soon  as  I 
could. 

In  the  meantime,  as  Harriet  has  far  too  much  tact 
and  cleverness  not  to  know  how  to  make  herself 
agreeable,  she  contrived  to  make  the  time  pass  very 
pleasantly  indeed.  She  sang  to  me,  taking  some  of 
the  musty  old  books  with  the  faded  marbled  backs 
that  are  piled  up  in  corners  of  the  two  saloons,  and 
making  one  see  the  old  charm  in  them,  so  that  they 
please  in  spite  of  the  change  of  fashion. 

And  then  she  sang  me  some  songs  out  of  the  mu- 
sical comedies  that  are  being  played  in  London,  and 
she  was  as  charming  in  those  as  she  was  in  the  old- 
fashioned  sentimental  ones.  It  makes  me  feel  horri- 
bly nervous  to  sit  and  watch  her  and  listen  to  her 
when  she  is  at  the  piano,  for  one  can  understand  the 
fascination  she  has  for  men  when  one  sees  how  clever 
she  is,  and  how  charming  she  can  be. 

I  wonder  why  she  never  got  on  with  Sir  John!  I 
suppose  he  is  a  perfect  bear! 

Gerald  says  he  is  a  good  sort  of  man,  but  his  treat- 
ment of  her  now  is  cruel,  there  can  be  no  doubt  of 
that,  and  I  wish  that  it  were  not  my  own  husband 
who  is  advising  him  and  working  for  him. 

I  shall  get  into  trouble  with  Gerald  for  having  her 
here,  I  am  quite  sure. 


THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER    199 

The  day  has  passed  pleasantly  enough  on  the  sur- 
face, although  I  have  been  rather  disturbed  with 
thoughts  and  fancies  which  I  could  not  talk  about  to 
Harriet. 

She  began  to  yawn  so  soon  after  dinner  that  I  sug- 
gested an  early  retreat  to  our  rooms,  and  she  thanked 
me  eagerly,  and  said  she  was,  indeed,  quite  worn  out. 

But  I  must  say  she  didn't  look  in  the  least  tired 
when  we  said  good  night.  On  the  contrary,  she 
seemed  as  fresh,  and  as  bright-eyed  and  light  of  move- 
ment, as  when  she  first  arrived. 

However,  I  dare  say  she  is  as  glad  as  I  am  to  be 
alone ! 


FOUROAKS, 

October  jtH. 

I  MIGHT  have  known,  I  ought  to  have  known,  that  I 
could  not  trust  Harriet ! 

Now  she  has  surpassed  herself,  and  I  will  never 
speak  to  her  again. 

I  scarcely  dare  trust  myself  to  write  down  what  I 
think  about  her,  and  I  am  in  the  greatest  distress  as 
to  what  will  happen  next. 

I  didn't  feel  quite  easy  in  my  mind  about  her  last 
night,  knowing  how  angry  Gerald  and  even  papa  will 
be  when  they  know  that  I  let  her  stay  here  with  me. 

I  don't  see,  even  now,  that  I  could  help  myself 
without  an  appearance  of  cruelty  to  a  woman  who  is, 
after  all,  of  my  own  blood,  and  who  is  in  unhappy 
circumstances  besides. 

But  when  we  had  said  good  night  to  each  other, 
and  I  had  taken  her  myself  to  her  room,  and  calmed 
her  fears  about  ghosts,  and  rats,  and  burglars  —  for  I 
found  she  was  in  a  highly  nervous  condition  —  I  went 
to  my  own,  and  instead  of  going  to  bed  when  Lindsay 
had  done  my  hair,  I  sat  down  in  my  little  tub  arm- 
chair, thinking. 

I  have  never  slept  in  the  same  house  with  Harriet 
since  that  dreadful  time  at  Cowes,  and  this  circum- 
stance sent  my  thoughts  back  to  that  night,  and  to  the 
dreadful  discovery  I  then  made. 

At  one  moment  I  felt  so  much  disgust  with  her  that 
I  was  sorry  I  had  let  her  stay,  and  then  the  next  I 
was  thankful  that  she  had  come,  and  that  I  now  felt 
easier  in  my  mind  about  Gerald,  since  even  she  would 

200 


THE  INTDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER     201 

not  have  had  the  hardihood  to  visit  me  if  the  worst  of 
my  fears  had  been  justified. 

I  was  so  much  agitated  by  the  event  of  the  day  and 
the  thoughts  it  had  given  me,  that  I  knew  it  was  im- 
possible for  me  to  sleep,  so  I  took  a  book  from  the 
little  shelf  in  the  corner,  and  drawing  a  little  table  in 
front  of  my  chair,  and  lighting  two  more  candles,  I 
decided  to  read  till  I  felt  inclined  for  rest. 

In  spite  of  myself,  my  memory  of  that  night  at 
Cowes  was  so  strongly  upon  me  that  instinctively 
I  listened  from  time  to  time,  as  if  I  were  back  at 
Lady  Langbourne's,  and  at  last,  of  course,  I  worked 
myself  into  such  a  state,  that  I  imagined  noises  every 
five  minutes. 

As  my  old  bedroom,  which  I  still  use,  is  at  the  back 
of  the  house,  overlooking  the  lawns,  and  close  to  the 
first  trees  which  border  the  long  walk  to  the  stables, 
there  is  always  a  noise  going  on  when  the  night  is 
windy,  a  sighing  and  soughing  of  the  branches,  which 
tap  against  my  window-panes. 

Usually  I  don't  mind  it,  but  when  you  are  sitting 
up,  rather  uneasy  in  your  mind,  it  gets  on  the  nerves 
as  you  grow  cold  about  the  feet  and  hands,  and  think 
you  hear  whisperings  and  flutterings  of  strange  things. 

At  least,  that  is  what  always  happens  to  me. 

And  it  happened  so  last  night. 

I  was  growing  quite  frightened,  and  had  begun  to 
peep  round  the  candles  at  the  dark  corners,  and 
to  watch  the  curtains  nervously,  and  to  wish  I  was 
safe  in  bed  with  the  bedclothes  drawn  up,  when  sud- 
denly there  came  to  my  ears  one  of  those  great  whirl- 
ing gusty  sounds  which  tell  you  that  a  door  or  a 
window  had  suddenly  been  thrown  open  or  blown  open 
in  the  wind. 

I  sprang  to  my  feet  and  listened. 


202     THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER 

The  noise  did  not  die  down,  but  left  off  as  suddenly 
as  it  had  risen,  and  then  there  was  complete  silence, 
and  I,  throwing  open  my  window  to  listen,  could  make 
out  nothing  whatever,  no  rustling  of  branches,  or  foot- 
steps, or  voices,  or  anything  to  show  that  any  one  was 
about. 

I  was  at  first  almost  inclined  to  persuade  myself 
that  it  was  only  an  unusually  strong  gust  of  wind 
among  the  trees  that  I  had  heard,  when  another  sound, 
this  time  unmistakably  from  the  inside  of  the  house, 
and  under  my  own  room,  came  to  my  ears. 

It  was  as  if  some  article  of  furniture,  a  chair  or 
small  table,  had  been  thrown  down. 

I  closed  my  window  and  ran  to  the  door,  but  there 
I  stopped  to  think. 

The  room  under  mine  is  papa's  study,  which  has 
two  windows  and  a  half-glass  door  into  the  garden. 
When  he  is  at  home,  he  walks  in  and  out  on  to  the  ter- 
race, and  the  door  is  almost  always  half-open.  But 
when  he  is  away  nobody  ever  uses  the  door,  and  it  is 
kept  locked. 

Was  it  that  door  which  I  had  heard  the  wind  whistle 
through?  And  if  so,  who  had  opened  it? 

At  first  I  thought  I  would  summon  Lindsay,  who 
sleeps  in  Kelly's  old  room  upstairs,  where  the  bell  from 
my  room  rings. 

But  then  I  remembered  how  nervous  she  is,  and 
that  Harriet,  who  has  plenty  of  pluck,  would  be  a  bet- 
ter confidante. 

So  taking  up  a  flat  candlestick,  I  lit  the  candle  in  it, 
and  went  out  into  the  corridor,  making  as  much  noise 
as  I  could,  to  keep  up  my  own  courage. 

Harriet  was  sleeping  —  or  I  thought  she  was  —  in 
one  of  the  big  spare  rooms  at  the  front  of  the  house, 
on  the  opposite  side  to  my  room. 


THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER     203 

I  could  not  help  thinking,  as  I  went  quickly  across, 
of  the  last  time  when  I  went  out  of  my  room  at  night 
to  go  to  hers  and  of  what  I  found  out. 

I  knocked  loudly,  and  called  out : 

"  Harriet !     Harriet !  " 

But  there  was  no  answer,  and  I  then  tried  the  handle 
of  the  door. 

It  was  not  locked,  and  I  went  in. 

It  is  one  of  the  big,  old-fashioned  rooms,  one  I  love, 
and  it  has  not  been  "  restored  "  or  "  improved  "  much. 
The  big  four-post  bedstead,  with  the  flowered  hang- 
ings, still  stands  against  one  wall,  and  the  old  satin- 
wood  furniture,  so  different  from  the  gaudy  imita- 
tions in  the  West  End  shops,  still  fills  the  room,  as  it 
has  done  for  half  a  century. 

"  Harriet !  "  I  called  out,  sharply. 

Again  there  was  no  answer,  and  I  walked  a  little 
way  into  the  room,  and  lifted  my  candle  high  above 
my  head  to  look  at  the  bed. 

It  was  empty,  and  it  had  not  been  slept  in. 

"  Harriet !     Harriet !  "  I  called  again. 

My  voice  sounded  thin  and  sharp  and  almost  unrec- 
ognizable as  my  own.  For  I  was  so  horribly  fright- 
ened and  shocked  that  I  was  for  the  moment  almost 
light-headed  and  scarcely  aware  of  what  I  was  doing. 

"Harriet!     Harriet!" 

My  voice  seemed  to  echo  in  the  big  room,  and  after 
standing  a  moment,  sick  with  alarm  and  agitation,  I 
ran  out  of  the  room  so  hastily  that  the  candle  in  my 
hand  went  out  and  I  was  left  in  the  dark. 

I  was  possessed  by  the  horrible  fear  that  she  had 
come  to  the  determination  to  make  away  with  herself, 
and  that  the  noise  I  had  heard  had  been  made  by  Har- 
riet herself  in  opening  the  garden-door  of  the  study  to 
let  herself  out. 


204     THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER 

She  spoke  to  me  yesterday  of  suicide,  and  certainly 
she  was  much  excited  when  she  bade  me  good  night, 
and  I  have  heard  that  people  who  have  made  up  their 
minds  to  make  away  with  themselves  are  often  par- 
ticularly bright  and  lively  just  before  they  do  it. 

I  had  seen  her  looking  out  through  the  wind  and 
rain  during  the  afternoon  at  the  little  lake  at  the  end 
of  the  slope  of  the  lawn,  and  it  flashed  through  my 
mind  that  she  had  even  asked  me  how  deep  it  was, 
and  that  I  had  told  her  there  were  holes  in  it  deep 
enough  to  drown  a  man. 

These  thoughts  possessed  me  as  I  stood  for  a  few 
moments,  in  the  middle  of  the  corridor,  half-dazed 
and  uncertain  what  to  do. 

Should  I  rouse  the  house  and  go  in  search  of  her? 
But  the  suggestion  had  scarcely  come  to  me  before  I 
decided  that  I  had  better  lose  no  time  in  calling  any- 
body, but  go  at  once  myself  in  the  direction  of  the 
pond. 

I  had  lost  very  little  time  since  I  first  heard  the 
opening  of  the  door  below,  and  I  can  run  like  the 
wind. 

So  I  hurried  along  the  corridor  to  the  nearest  stair- 
case, the  very  one  I  was  coming  up  that  day  when  Sir 
Lionel  caught  me  with  old  Kelly's  mackintosh  on  and 
with  my  slipper  off! 

The  remembrance  of  that  day  flashed  into  my  mind, 
oddly  enough,  while  I  stumbled  down  towards  the 
study. 

All  the  doors  of  the  downstair  rooms  are  locked  on 
the  inside  at  night;  but  the  study-door  opened  at  a 
touch,  and  entering,  I  knew  at  once  that  there  was 
some  one  in  the  room  with  me. 

"  Harriet ! "  I  cried,  as  I  stumbled  forward  in  the 
dark. 


THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER     205 

There  was  no  answer,  but  as  I  looked  round  me,  I 
saw,  as  it  seemed  a  long  way  off,  on  my  right  hand,  a 
tiny  spark,  and  knew  that  there  had  been  a  light  in 
the  room  which  some  one  had  just  put  out. 

"  Harriet ! "  I  cried,  and  my  voice  sounded  shrill 
and  hoarse  with  fear.  "  Harriet !  If  you  are  there, 
don't  be  frightened.  It's  only  me.  It's  Cecilia. 
Speak  to  me.  I  know  you're  here.  Speak  to  me,  and 
tell  me  what  you  were  going  to  do.  Were  you  — 
were  you  —  going  out  to  —  to — "  I  lowered  my 
voice  and  hissed  out  the  last  two  words  in  a  whisper 
— "to  the  lake?  Were  you  going  to  do  what  you 
threatened  ?  " 

There  was  no  answer,  and  again  I  was  silent,  and 
stood  in  the  middle  of  the  floor,  horribly  frightened, 
wondering  whether  it  was  really  Harriet  who  was  in 
the  room  with  me,  and  whether  she  was  —  dead! 

She  had  talked  about  taking  some  drug,  and  de- 
stroying her  life  that  way.  Had  she  done  it  ? 

There  was  a  little  match-box  attached  to  my  can- 
dlestick, and  I  began  to  fumble  for  a  match,  striking 
two  before  I  could  get  a  light.  For  my  fingers  were 
trembling  so  much  that  the  matches  broke  in  them. 

Then,  breaking  suddenly  upon  my  ear  in  the  dark- 
ness, so  that  it  gave  me  quite  a  shock,  the  voice  of 
Harriet  sounded. 

"Don't,  Cis,  don't,"  she  said  quickly.  "Don't 
strike  a  light.  I  —  I  thought  I  heard  a  noise,  and  I 
came  downstairs  to  see  what  it  was  —  you  know  how 
nervous  I  am  about  burglars  —  and  I  took  you  for  a 
burglar  when  I  heard  you  come  in." 

I  had  given  a  little  scream  of  relief  when  I  heard 
her  voice,  and  now  I  said : 

"  Oh,  Harriet,  thank  God  you're  all  right !  I  heard 
a  noise  down  here,  like  the  door  opening,  and  I  thought 


206     THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER 

—  I  thought  —  you  will  laugh  at  me,  but  I  thought  you 
had  gone  out  to  drown  yourself  in  the  lake !  " 

She  laughed  loudly,  and  then  suddenly  broke  off  and 
said: 

"  Hush !  Don't  let  us  make  a  noise.  Let  us  go 
into  the  next  room  and  see  if  there's  anybody  there." 

"  The  next  room !  That's  the  White  Saloon.  No. 
It  isn't  there.  I  heard  the  noise,  and  it  was  in  this 
room,  I'm  sure;  let  me  strike  a  light." 

I  fumbled  again  for  the  matches,  and  I  heard  Har- 
riet coming  towards  me,  feeling  her  way  in  the 
dark. 

"  No,  no,"  she  said.  "  I've  searched  this  room  my- 
self. I  put  my  own  candle  out  just  as  I  heard  you 
opening  the  door,  when  I  took  you  for  the  burglar, 
my  dear." 

And  she  laughed.  But  I  could  not  feel  reassured, 
as  she  seemed  to  be. 

"  Well,"  said  I,  "  we'd  better  see  what  we  are  about, 
hadn't  we?" 

And  again  I  tried  to  strike  a  match.  But  the  mo- 
ment I  did  so,  Harriet  leaped  upon  me,  discovering 
my  whereabouts  by  the  little  speck  of  light,  and  seized 
my  hand. 

"  Better  not,"  she  said.  "  Don't  you  know  the  dan- 
ger ?  They  come  with  dark  lanterns,  and  if  you  bring 
a  light  they  can  see  to  shoot  at  you." 

I  thought  this  was  nonsense. 

"  They  can't  shoot  at  you,"  I  said  impatiently,  "  if 
they're  not  here.  You  say  you've  searched  this  room. 
Well,  then,  let  us  have  a  light  to  look  at  each  other. 
Surely,  surely  you're  not  nervous  now  I'm  with  you, 
if  you  had  courage  enough  to  come  downstairs  all  by 
yourself ! " 

I  tried  to  get  away  from  her,  for  she  was  holding 


THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER    207 

my  hands.  She  took  away  my  candlestick,  however, 
and  again  said : 

"  Better  not  have  a  light." 

Then  at  last  I  began  to  suspect  something. 

"  Oh !  "  I  cried  out  in  quite  a  different  tone. 

"  What's  the  matter  ?  "  said  Harriet  nervously. 

But  I  did  not  answer.  By  the  thin  line  of  faint 
light  that  I  could  see  above  the  shutters  of  the  windows 
and  the  garden-door,  I  could  by  this  time  make  out 
in  what  part  of  the  room  I  was  standing.  Letting  her 
take  my  candlestick,  therefore,  I  groped  my  way  to 
one  of  the  big  leather  chairs,  that  stand  one  on  each 
side  of  the  fire-place,  and  sat  down  in  it.  From  this 
spot  I  could  watch  the  door  into  the  hall,  and  also  the 
garden-door,  and  the  windows,  and  none  of  them 
could  be  opened  without  my  knowledge. 

"  What  are  you  doing?  "  cried  Harriet,  in  a  sharper 
voice. 

"  Nothing,"  said  I  quite  quietly. 

For  a  moment  she  was  silent,  then  she  said  in  a 
voice  which  had  altered  a  little,  and  in  which  I  could 
detect  a  note  of  alarm : 

"  Hadn't  you  better  come  upstairs  with  me  now  ? 
There  was  nothing,  I  think,  after  all,  but  a  gust  of 
wind  outside." 

"  Very  well,"  I  said.  "  You  go  upstairs  then,  and 
I'll  wait  here  a  little  while,  and  see  what  happens." 

She  spoke  quite  crossly. 

"  What  happens !  Why,  all  that  will  happen  is  that 
you  will  catch  cold.  Don't  be  silly,  Cis,  but  come  up- 
stairs." 

I  made  no  answer.  I  was  listening  very  intently, 
however,  and  I  was  almost  sure  that  I  heard  sounds 
at  the  other  end  of  the  room. 

"  Who's  that  behind  you  ?  "  I  asked  sharply,  and  so 


208     THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER 

suddenly  that  Harriet,  who  had  been  sitting  on  the 
arm  of  my  chair,  to  which  she  had  fumbled  her  way, 
withdrew  her  clinging  arms  from  round  my  neck  very 
abruptly. 

"  Behind  me !  Good  gracious,  how  nervous  you 
are !  You  make  me  nervous  too !  There's  nobody !  " 

She  had  released  me,  and  I  took  advantage  of  this 
to  spring  up  and  to  feel  my  way  to  the  mantelpiece, 
where  I  knew  there  was  a  match-box  hanging  on  the 
wall  at  the  corner. 

"  What  are  you  doing  ?  Where  are  you,  Cis  ?  " 
cried  Harriet  anxiously. 

I  made  no  answer.  Moving  as  quietly  as  I  could 
and  taking  care,  all  the  while,  not  to  turn  my  back  to 
the  other  end  of  the  room,  I  distinctly  heard  the  faint 
buzz  of  a  whisper,  and  guessed  that  it  was  a  signal. 

The  next  moment  there  came  to  my  ears  the  noise 
of  something  being  knocked  down,  and  then  the  gar- 
den-door was  opened  and  shut  again  so  quickly  that 
even  I,  now  used  to  the  darkness,  and  on  the  look-out, 
could  make  out  no  more  than  this,  that  somebody  had 
gone  out. 

I  flew  across  the  room,  overturning  a  chair  with  a 
crash,  and  tearing  myself  away  from  Harriet,  who 
tried  to  intercept  me. 

I  reached  the  garden-door,  flung  it  open,  and  was 
out  on  the  terrace  before  she  could  make  a  second  at- 
tempt to  detain  me. 

I  saw  no  one,  but  I  heard  the  crashing  of  boughs 
on  the  right,  and  I  ran  along  the  terrace,  down  the 
steps,  and  across  the  lawn,  and  tore  through  the  shrubs 
and  flowers  to  the  walk  that  runs  by  the  wall  of  the 
kitchen  garden. 

But  I  had  lost  the  trail,  and  though  I  waited  about 
and  listened,  and  opened  the  door  into  the  kitchen  gar- 


THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER     209 

den,  and  peered  through  the  rows  of  espaliers  and  be- 
tween the  old  apple  and  pear  trees,  I  saw  and  heard 
nothing  more. 

I  went  back  slowly  to  the  house,  the  hem  of  my 
dressing-gown  heavy  and  wet  with  dew  and  mud,  my 
slippers  soaked  through,  and  my  teeth  chattering. 

Harriet,  looking  a  dim  and  ghostly  figure  in  her 
white  dressing-gown,  was  leaning  over  the  balustrade 
of  the  terrace.  It  was  too  dark  for  me  to  see  her 
face,  but  the  tone  of  her  voice  told  me  she  was  fright- 
ened. 

"  Oh,  Cis,"  she  cried,  "  what  is  it  ?  Have  you  gone 
mad  ?  Or  did  you  really  find  a  burglar  ?  " 

I  made  no  answer.  Running  up  the  stone  steps 
quickly,  I  avoided  her,  and  fled  across  the  terrace  and 
into  the  house  by  the  doorway  through  which  I  had 
come  out,  dashed  through  the  study,  flew  up  the  stairs, 
and,  locking  myself  into  my  own  room,  sat  down  to 
think  about  it  all. 

I  had  not  dared  to  speak  to  her :  it  is  better  not  to 
say  anything  when  one  feels  as  I  did  then.  I  sat  for 
a  little  while  in  a  fury  of  disgust,  vexation,  anger,  and 
humiliation,  and  then  went  to  bed,  hoping  with  all 
my  heart  that  she  would  have  had  the  grace,  when 
morning  came,  to  take  herself  off  before  she  could 
meet  me. 

But  I  did  not  yet  know  Harriet! 

When  I  went  down  to  breakfast  she  was  already  in 
the  room,  looking  her  very  best  in  a  charming  morn- 
ing-gown of  rose-colored  cashmere,  much  too  hand- 
some for  the  country,  and  smiling  as  sweetly  at  me  as 
if  nothing  had  disturbed  either  her  or  me  since  dinner- 
time yesterday. 

She  came  forward  with  her  hand  held  out  and  her 
cheek  advanced,  but  I  avoided  her  and  took  my  seat 


210     THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER 

at  the  table,  with  a  cold,  "  Good  morning,"  which 
would  have  quelled  anybody  else. 

It  did  not  appear  to  disconcert  Harriet  in  the  least. 

"  Why,  Cis,  what's  the  matter  with  you  this  morn- 
ing?" she  inquired  quite  cheerfully.  "Haven't  you 
got  over  our  fright  of  the  night  yet  ? " 

She  was  taking  her  seat,  smiling  and  bright,  and 
stretching  out  her  hand  to  the  toast. 

"  No,"  I  said,  "  I  haven't  got  over  it.  I  had  hoped, 
Harriet,  that  you  would  have  left  the  house  this  morn- 
ing before  I  came  downstairs." 

She  opened  her  beautiful  eyes  to  their  fullest  ex- 
tent, raised  her  eyebrows  and  stared  at  me  with  the 
coolest  effrontery. 

"  Left  the  house !  "  she  echoed,  as  if  utterly  amazed. 
"  Did  you  think  then  that  I  was  going  away  to-day  ? 
Can't  you  stand  me  for  more  than  one  night  ?  " 

My  mouth  felt  parched,  and  I  could  scarcely  get  the 
words  out,  but  I  knew  how  vital  a  matter  it  was,  and 
I  had  to  get  the  thing  done  with  somehow,  and  as 
quietly  as  possible.  I  looked  at  her,  blushing  to  the 
roots  of  my  hair,  and  panting  as  if  I  had  just  been 
running  up  a  steep  hill. 

"  Harriet,"  I  said,  "  it  is  of  no  use  to  look  at  me 
and  speak  to  me  like  that.  I  know  all  about  it." 

She  only  opened  her  eyes  more  widely  still.  She 
was  the  very  burlesque  of  innocence. 

"All  about  what?" 

"  I  know  why  you  got  me  to  ask  you  to  stay  here, 
and  I  know  who  it  was  you  let  into  the  house  —  and 
out  again  —  last  night." 

She  knitted  her  brows  with  a  smile  and  a  look  which 
implied  that  I  had  touched  the  lowest  depths  of  im- 
becility. 


THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER 

"  Let  into  the  house !  And  out  again !  Last  night ! 
Me !  My  dear  Cis,  hadn't  you  better  see  a  doctor  ?  " 

Her  effrontery,  her  calmness,  when  it  was  all  I 
could  do  not  to  choke  and  to  scream,  irritated  me  to 
the  verge  of  frenzy.  That  I  should  have  been  sorry 
for  her,  that  I  should  have  taken  her  into  my  father's 
house  and  given  her  shelter  and  support,  when  she  was 
capable  of  such  folly  and  wickedness  as  this ! 

I  had  to  support  myself  against  the  table,  on  which 
I  leaned  with  both  hands,  as  I  bent  forward  and  looked 
at  her  intently  over  the  coffee-pot. 

"  It's  of  no  use  to  bluff  it,  Harriet,  because  I  saw 
and  I  heard,"  I  spoke  with  unusual  energy  and  saw 
that  Harriet  was  surprised  as  she  leaned  back  in  her 
chair.  She  had  now  grown  just  a  little  pinker,  but 
compared  to  my  red  face  and  clutching  hands,  her  own 
features  were  perfectly  calm  and  her  demeanor  digni- 
fied and  majestic. 

"  My  dear  Cis,"  she  said  coolly,  "  I  am  very  sorry 
that  your  imagination  should  have  run  away  with  you 
like  this.  At  least,  I  hope  it  is  your  imagination,  and 
that  this  is  not  just  a  clever  little  stratagem  to  get  rid 
of  an  unwelcome  guest.  Of  course,  I  know  that  my 
situation  makes  me  a  mark  for  calumny,  but " —  here 
she  took  out  her  pocket-handkerchief  and  wiped  her 
eyes  — "  I  didn't  think  you  would  be  the  first  person  to 
throw  a  stone  at  me.  But  it's  the  old  story :  every  one 
is  ready  to  hit  a  man  when  he's  down.  Besides,  if  I 
did  meet  Lord  Hugh,  where's  the  harm?  I  told  you 
before  he  is  a  friend  and  he  sympathizes  with  me, 
sympathy  is  to  me  the  very  breath  of  life.  Oh,  you 
are  cold  as  ice,  you  don't  understand.  I  am 
wretched ! " 

I  was  watching  her  attentively,  and  I  knew  that  she 


THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER 

was  not  shedding  tears,  for  her  handkerchief  was  per- 
fectly dry  and  her  eyes  were  not  even  red. 

I  was  much  too  angry  now  to  be  tricked  into  blind- 
ness. 

"  I  wish  it  were  my  imagination,"  I  said,  taking  no 
notice  of  her  suggestions.  "  But  it's  not,  you  know." 

Putting  away  her  pocket-handkerchief,  she  sat  up. 

"  What  is  it  you  accuse  me  of  ?  "  she  asked  blandly. 
"  Pray  don't  make  any  attempt  to  spare  my  feelings. 
Say  what  you  mean,  in  so  many  words." 

"  I'd  rather  not." 

"  I  insist." 

"  How  can  I  say  more  than  I've  said  ?  The  man 
you  let  into  the  house  last  night  was  your  lover." 

She  looked  at  me  steadily. 

"  Or  yours,"  she  said. 

I  gasped. 

"  You  dare  to  say  such  a  thing  to  me  ?  " 

"  Why  not  ?  You  can't  deny  that  you've  received 
clandestine  visits  from  a  man.  It's  all  over  the  place." 

I  stared  at  her. 

"  Harriet,  you  must  be  dreaming." 

"  Oh,  no,  I'm  not.  I've  been  told  it's  well  known 
some  man  comes  to  see  you  here.  I  don't  know  his 
name;  I  never  inquired.  But  anyhow,  as  I  say,  it's 
known,  and  although  I  think  you're  quite  right  to 
deny  it,  of  course  it  can  be  proved." 

There  flashed  into  my  mind  the  remembrance  of 
Sir  Arnold  Banbury's  silly  viUt,  and  I  knew  at  once 
who  it  was  that  had  suggested  it.  But  I  was  not 
going  to  argue  the  point  with  Harriet,  or  to  accuse 
her.  The  scene  we  were  going  through  was  disagree- 
able enough:  I  had  no  intention  of  turning  it  into  a 
wrangle. 


THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER     213 

I  poured  out  the  coffee,  and  tried  to  eat  something, 
without  addressing  another  word  to  her. 

Why  should  I  discuss  such  a  delicate  matter  with 
a  woman  whom  I  now  despised  too  heartily  to  care 
what  she  said  or  what  she  thought?  I  now  knew  that 
it  was  she  who  had  put  it  into  the  silly  head  of  Sir 
Arnold  to  pay  me  what  she  hoped  might  prove  a  com- 
promising visit,  and  I  was  thankful  for  the  common 
sense  which  had  caused  me  to  lead  him  through  the 
house,  instead  of  allowing  him  to  sneak  away  across 
the  park. 

I  felt  that  Harriet  was  disappointed  at  the  way  in 
which  I  received  her  insulting  accusation.  She  be- 
gan to  eat  hurriedly,  and  lost  the  calmness  which  she 
had  shown  till  then. 

When  she  had  finished  breakfast  she  sprang  up  and 
looked  at  me  defiantly. 

"  And  now,"  she  said,  "  I  suppose  I  have  to  go?  " 

"  Yes,  if  you  please,"  said  I. 

"  You  are  very  hard  and  unforgiving,  you  are  worse 
than  Sir  John;  you,  as  a  woman,  ought  to  know  bet- 
ter, you  ought  to  understand  my  loneliness.  Wrhy  in 
these  days  can't  a  woman  —  I  am  not  a  girl  —  have 
at  least  one  male  friend  with  whom  to  discuss  her 
troubles?  It  is  monstrous  that  you  should  suspect 
me  of  aught  calling  for  censure.  I  repeat  you  are  hor- 
ribly unfeeling  —  horribly  unfeeling!''  Then,  quite 
suddenly,  she  gave  a  little  hard  laugh,  and  went 
quickly  past  me  out  of  the  room. 

That  was  the  last  I  saw  of  her,  but  I  have  a  very 
uneasy  feeling  that  I  shall  hear  a  good  deal  more 
about  her. 

As  she  came  without  any  luggage  whatever,  and 
had  to  get  all  she  wanted  from  me  while  she  stayed, 


THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER 

she  had  no  difficulty  in  going  away,  and  when  lunch- 
eon was  announced  I  learned  that  she  had  left  the 
house  some  time  before,  after  looking  out  a  train  in 
the  ABC. 

I  don't  know  whether  I  am  more  glad  that  she  is 
gone,  or  sorry  that  she  came  at  all.  I  am  disgusted 
at  her  behavior,  but  after  all  I  have  no  right  to  be, 
since  I  knew  her  so  well. 

And,  shocking  as  it  is  that  she  should  have  abused 
my  kindness  to  her,  I  knew  that  she  had  used  other 
people  in  the  same  way,  and  I  have  no  right  to  be  sur- 
prised. 

I  have  not  been  able  to  rest  ever  since  I  saw  her 
last. 

When  she  first  came,  of  course  I,  delighted  to  know 
that  I  was  wrong  in  thinking  she  was  seeing  Gerald, 
was  a  little  inclined  to  think  I  had  been  too  hard  upon 
her.  Now,  however,  I  am  completely  puzzled  about 
several  things. 

I  wonder  why  she  should  have  come  here  to  meet 
this  man  —  and  I  wonder  whether  it  was  Lord  Hugh 
she  let  into  the  house ! 

And  now  I  am  troubled  about  Gerald  again.  I 
have  not  had  a  letter  from  him  since  the  third,  four 
days  ago;  I  got  a  tiny  note  yesterday  morning,  sent 
from  the  office,  saying  he  was  too  busy  to  write,  but 
that  he  was  well,  and  hoped  I  was  enjoying  myself, 
but  that  was  not  a  proper  letter,  and  didn't  count. 

He  said  he  was  leaving  town  for  a  day  or  two,  but 
that  he  should  soon  be  back.  I  wonder  if  he  is  back, 
and  I  wonder  whether  he  will  believe  this  story  about 
Harriet ! 

I  must  tell  him  all  about  it  now,  and  everything 
besides.  But  how  is  it  that  she  doesn't  seem  to  be 
afraid  of  that?  I  should  have  thought  she  would  have 


THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER     215 

been  extra  careful  with  me,  knowing  what  I  know, 
and  that  the  obligation  upon  me  to  keep  the  secret 
about  Cowes  only  holds  good  as  long  as  she  behaves 
properly ! 

Why  didn't  she  appeal  to  me  again,  and  remind  me 
of  that?  It  looks  as  if  she  didn't  mind  my  telling 
people  now! 

Or  is  it  only  that  she  doesn't  mind  my  telling  Ger- 
ald? 

Oh,  I  don't  want  to  be  jealous,  and  of  a  woman  like 
Harriet;  but  I  can't 'help  it,  I  can't,  I  can't. 

I  have  a  great  mind  to  go  up  to  town  to-day  to  try 
to  see  Gerald  before  anybody  else  can  come  between 
us,  to  make  mischief. 

I  will  go.  I'll  go  at  once,  and  catch  the  four-some- 
thing train! 


CURZON  STREET, 

October  8th. 

I  CAME  up  to  town  yesterday,  but  met  with  nothing 
but  disappointment.  I  didn't  even  bring  Lindsay  with 
me,  so  I  made  all  sorts  of  mistakes,  got  into  the  wrong 
train,  and  left  half  my  things  behind  me,  and  got  to 
Curzon  Street  cold  and  tired  and  cross,  to  find  the 
place  looking  very  wretched  and  deserted,  and  to  be 
told  that  Gerald  went  away  yesterday,  and  would  not 
be  home  for  a  night  or  two. 

I  got  Jackson  to  bring  me  a  cup  of  tea,  which  I 
had  in  my  room,  in  the  middle  of  covered-up  fur- 
niture, and  then  I  telephoned  to  the  office,  only  to  be 
told  that  Mr.  Gerald  Calstock  was  away  and  not  ex- 
pected back  for  a  day  or  two. 

It  makes  me  feel  very  foolish  to  be  told  by  every- 
body that  my  husband  is  away!  I  can't  help  feel- 
ing that  they  must  think  I  ought  to  have  known,  not 
only  that  he  was  away,  but  where  he  is. 

I  ought  to  have  known,  and  the  consciousness  that 
Gerald  is  keeping  something  from  me  is  growing 
stronger  and  stronger. 

I  feel  so  anxious  and  alarmed  that  I  can't  spend 
another  day  all  by  myself.  I  daren't  go  to  mamma; 
she  would  find  out  too  much.  But  I  think  I  will  wire 
to  papa.  There  is  something  soothing  about  dear  old 
papa !  And  he  never  finds  anything  out,  or  if  he  does, 
he  doesn't  rub  one  up  the  wrong  way  with  the  things 
he  says,  as  the  clever  people  do ! 

The  worst  of  it  is,  one  never  knows  where  to  find 
216 


THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER 

him.  I  must  wire  or  telephone  to  all  his  clubs,  and 
to  Newmarket,  and  to  his  chambers.  And  very  likely 
I  shan't  be  able  to  get  at  him  after  all. 

It  was  horrid  to  have  to  stay  in  the  house  alone  last 
night,  and  to  have  breakfast  by  myself  this  morning. 
If  I  don't  get  an  answer  from  papa  when  I  have  tried 
to  find  him,  I  shall  have  to  go  and  see  mamma,  and 
trust  to  luck  not  to  let  her  know  anything. 

But  I  don't  feel  as  if  I  could  stay  here  another  day 
all  alone,  and  after  that  horrible  experience  with  Har- 
riet I  feel  as  if  Fouroaks  had  been  spoilt  for  me  too! 

Oh,  it  is  horrible  that  I  have  no  one  to  turn  to,  even 
now  that  I  am  married  to  the  man  I  love ! 


FOUROAKS, 

October  gth. 

BACK  again  at  the  old  place,  and  things  are  better,  be- 
cause I  have  discovered  papa,  and  he  is  coming  here 
to-night.  He  came  to  see  me  at  Curzon  Street  last 
night,  just  when  I  was  going  upstairs  to  bed.  He 
was  very  affectionate,  and  very  much  surprised  to  see 
me  by  myself ;  but  I  told  him  nothing,  because  he 
asked  me  the  same  questions  about  ten  times  over,  so 
that  I  had  to  decide  that  he  was  scarcely  in  the  psy- 
chological condition  desirable  in  a  confidant. 

However,  I  arranged  that  he  should  come  down  to 
Fouroaks  to  spend  a  few  days  with  me,  and,  so  that 
he  should  not  forget  all  about  it,  I  wrote  it  carefully 
in  his  pocket-book  for  him,  so : 

"  Must  remember  that  I  have  to  go  down  to  stay 
with  Cis  at  Fouroaks,  and  that  she  expects  me  by 
the  three-thirty-five  train,  that  gets  down  there  by 
seven,  and  the  dogcart  will  meet  me." 

Papa  laughed  while  I  was  writing  this,  and  told  me 
I  was  taking  unnecessary  trouble.  But  he  would 
have  forgotten  all  about  it  if  I  hadn't. 


218 


FOUROAKS, 

October  loth. 

I  THOUGHT  papa's  visit  would  have  made  me  happy, 
but  it  has  not.  He  came  yesterday,  and  I  saw  at 
once  that  he  was  anxious  and  depressed  about  some- 
thing, for  he  was  in  a  very  different  mood  from  that 
of  the  night  before. 

I  saw  that  he  had  something  on  his  mind,  but  at 
first  I  would  not  let  him  tell  me  what  it  was. 

"  Look  here,  Papa,"  I  said,  when  he  had  got  down 
out  of  the  dogcart,  and  taking  my  arm,  led  me  at 
once  towards  the  stables,  "  I'm  not  going  to  talk  about 
anything  disagreeable  —  yet.  Let  us  have  a  nice  stroll 
through  the  grounds,  and  go  and  look  at  the  horses, 
and  have  dinner  cosily  in  the  library.  Then,  after- 
wards, we  will  be  solemn  and  sad  and  take  out  all 
the  old  bogeys,  trot  them  out  and  lay  them  to  rest  if 
we  can.  But  —  let's  have  a  little  bit  of  the  old  times 
first." 

"  By  Jove,  Cis,  that's  right.  That's  philosophy !  I 
only  wish  I  could  practice  a  little  more  of  it  myself. 
Yes,  come  on,  Cis,  let's  have  a  look  at  the  gees,  and 
talk  turnips  for  a  bit.  It's  awfully  restful  to  talk 
turnips ! " 

And  so  we  did,  walking  together  arm-in-arm,  and 
laughing  at  old  family  anecdotes,  and  enjoying  our- 
selves very  much,  in  spite  of  the  sort  of  cloud  which 
we  felt  to  be  hanging  over  us. 

We  had  a  delightful  dinner,  with  the  old  dogs  in 
the  room,  and  then  we  had  the  table  cleared,  and 


settled  ourselves  by  the  fire,  papa  in  a  big  arm-chair, 
and  I  on  the  tiger  at  his  feet  with  old  Prince,  the 
Newfoundland,  licking  my  hand. 

"Well,  Cis,  this  is  like  the  old  times,  isn't  it?" 
said  papa,  as  he  took  out  a  cigar,  and  I  lit  it  for  him 
and  took  the  first  puff  myself. 

But  I  couldn't  say  "  Yes "  to  that.  I  shook  my 
head  gravely,  and  he  looked  solemn  too. 

"  By  Jove ! "  he  said,  slowly,  and  then  he  said  it 
again. 

This  was  unusual  caution  on  his  part,  and  I  sud- 
denly sprang  up  on  my  knees  in  front  of  him. 

"  Papa,"  said  I,  "  I  wish  you'd  tell  me  all  you 
know." 

He  looked  horribly  startled,  poor  old  dear!  And 
he  looked  at  me  out  of  the  corners  of  his  dear  blue 
eyes,  and  said: 

"What  do  I  know,  Cis?  Eh?  What  about,  my 
dear?" 

"  Well,  about  —  Gerald,  for  one  thing,  and  about  — 
Harriet  Usher,  for  another." 

He  frowned  and  looked  gloomy  directly. 

"  Well,  my  dear  child,"  he  said,  "  I'm  surprised  at 
you.  I  thought  you  were  such  a  sensible  girl  to  try 
to  know  nothing,  and  to  forget  everything  and  to 
let  us  take  life  easy  for  a  bit.  And  now  you  must 
go  and  spoil  it  all  by  questions  like  those !  " 

"  But,  Papa,  they  are  questions  that  have  to  be 
answered,  aren't  they  ?  " 

He  shook  his  head. 

"  I'm  afraid  they  answer  themselves,"  said  he.  "  I 
shouldn't  have  thought  it  possible  that  a  man  could 
have  the  heart  to  neglect  my  pretty  little  Cis,  but  by 
Jove,  the  more  you  know  of  men,  the  less  you  think 
of  'em !  Only  you  do  get  the  luck  of  it,  my  dear,  to 


THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER 

get  two,  one  after  the  other!  Bless  my  soul,  it's  — 
it's  scandalous,  that  it  is." 

If  his  sympathy  was  soothing,  his  words  were  not. 
My  heart  seemed  to  sink  lower  and  lower  as  he  went 
on  with  these  terrible  words,  which  seemed  to  con- 
firm my  worst  fears. 

But  I  persisted  in  being  incredulous. 

"  Nothing  will  make  me  believe,"  I  said  obstinately, 
"  that  Gerald  is  a  bad  husband.  I  know  he  is  over- 
worked, and  that  he  likes  to  keep  his  business  worries 
to  himself.  But  I  won't  believe  any  worse  of  him 
than  that  " —  and  then  I  had  to  add  rather  weakly  — 
"  without  the  very  strongest  proof." 

I  was  looking  anxiously  at  papa.  He  smoked  on 
in  silence  for  a  few  minutes,  and  then  asked 
abruptly : 

"  What  proof  do  you  want  ?  " 

My  heart  sank  again.     What  did  he  mean? 

"  Have  you  heard  anything  more  ?  "  I  asked  in  a 
whisper,  losing  all  my  confidence  and  all  my  firmness 
suddenly. 

He  frowned  as  he  answered. 

"  I  took  him  to  task  myself  only  a  day  or  two 
ago,  when  I  heard  that  you  had  gone  down  to  Four- 
oaks.  I  asked  him  point-blank  if  he  was  working  for 
Sir  John  Usher,  or  for  Harriet,  or  for  both  of  them." 

"Well,  what  did  he  say?" 

Papa  looked  rather  ruffled. 

"  He  didn't  put  it  quite  like  that,  but  he  practically 
told  me  to  mind  my  own  business,"  said  he. 

"Well,  and  what  did  you  do?" 

Papa  looked  at  me  ruefully,  but  with  a  little  twinkle 
in  his  blue  eyes  at  the  same  time. 

"  My  dear,  there  was  nothing  for  it  but  to  take  his 
advice  —  and  to  mind  my  own  business,"  he  said. 


THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER 

I  sat  down  on  the  floor  again,  sighing. 

"  And  don't  you  know  what  this  business  is  that 
has  taken  him  away  ? "  I  asked. 

"  Something  about  a  big  jewel  robbery,  I  under- 
stood. But  he  wouldn't  tell  me  where  it  had  taken 
place,  or  anything  about  it.  And  if  I  were  you,  Cis, 
I  shouldn't  ask.  He's  one  of  those  secretive  chaps 
that  you  can't  worm  anything  out  of  —  lawyers  are 
like  that,  you  know." 

"  But  you  think  it's  something  to  do  with  the 
Ushers  ? "  I  said  abruptly,  ignoring  his  moralizing. 

"  Well,  yes,  I  do." 

I  was  puzzled  as  well  as  distressed.  Surely,  surely, 
Gerald  could  not  know  what  sort  of  woman  Harriet 
was,  or  he  would  not  think  of  taking  her  part !  But, 
was  he  taking  it? 

"  And  do  you  know,  for  a  certainty,  that  he  is 
doing  work  for  Harriet,  as  well  as  Sir  John,  or  in- 
stead of  him  ? "  I  asked. 

"  I  know  that  he's  been  visiting  her,  and  there  was 
a  letter  in  her  handwriting  on  his  table  in  the  office, 
when  I  called  upon  him." 

I  was  much  troubled.  Knowing  the  attraction  he 
had  himself  expressed  for  her,  and  how  fascinating 
Harriet  can  be  when  she  likes,  I  was  alarmed  to  think 
of  the  mischief  she  might  make,  if  she  had  obtained 
any  strong  influence  over  him,  by  relating  her  account 
of  her  stay  at  Fouroaks  to  Gerald,  before  I  could 
reach  him  with  mine. 

In  a  frenzy  at  the  thought  of  what  she  might  say 
and  what  he  might  believe,  I  started  up,  and  beating 
my  hands  together,  showed  so  much  distress  that 
papa  was  quite  frightened,  and  drawing  me  down  on 
to  the  arm  of  his  chair,  tried  to  comfort  me  in  a  way 
that  was  no  comfort  at  all,  but  quite  the  reverse,  by 


THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER    223 

assuring  me  that  men  were  all  alike,  and  that  the  sooner 
one  understood  that  and  didn't  care,  the  happier  one 
naturally  became. 

I  told  him  it  was  not  my  view  of  married  happiness, 
and  I  grew  quite  snappish,  so  that  poor  papa  looked 
at  me  ruefully,  and  remarked  that  marriage  didn't 
always  improve  a  woman. 

"  I  must  find  out  where  he  is,"  I  said  abruptly.  "  I 
must  write  to  him,  go  to  him." 

"  Why  not  wait  till  he  comes  back  to  town  ?  "  argued 
my  father.  "  Never  meet  trouble  half-way,  or  a  hus- 
band or  wife  you  don't  get  on  with  either." 

"  But  we  do  get  on !  We  always  have  got  on,"  I 
pleaded.  "  I  love  Gerald,  Papa.  I  love  him  with  all 
my  heart,  and  I  shall  be  miserable  if  it's  true  that 
he  likes  some  one  else  better  than  m  —  m  —  me !  "  I 
sobbed  out. 

He  caressed  my  head,  for  I  had  come  back  to  him. 

"  Never  be  miserable  about  a  man,  my  girl.  Depend 
on  it  he's  not  worth  it.  You  see,  it's  like  this,  Cis. 
If  a  man's  worth  caring  about  he'll  stick  to  you,  and 
you  needn't  worry  yourself.  If  he's  not  worth  it, 
he  won't  stick  to  you  —  and  then  you  needn't  worry 
yourself  either.  Do  you  see  ?  " 

I  bowed  my  head  to  satisfy  him,  but  nothing  shall 
persuade  me  that  Gerald  is  not  worth  caring  about, 
even  if  he  does  admire  that  horrible,  wicked  Harriet. 
I  slid  down  into  my  old  place  at  his  knee,  and  let  papa 
prose  on  about  men  and  women  and  marriage,  all  of 
which  he  is  very  wise  about,  in  theory,  though  he  has 
never  made  very  good  use  of  his  wisdom,  I  think! 

With  all  the  worry  we  were  suffering  from,  papa 
and  I  had  really  a  happyish  sort  of  evening  together, 
for  even  though  I  didn't  tell  him  quite  everything  — 
because  I  doubt  his  power  of  keeping  a  secret  —  there 


THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER 

is  something  comfy  and  nice  in  knowing  one  is  with 
some  one  who  really  loves  one,  even  if  he  doesn't 
know  how  to  help  one  very  much. 

We  were  very  sentimental  and  lachrymose  at  times ; 
but  yet  I  felt,  when  I  had  wished  him  good  night,  and 
kissed  his  dear,  kind,  handsome  old  face,  as  if  being 
with  him  had  done  me  good. 

This  morning  at  breakfast  I  told  him  I  had  made 
up  my  mind  to  go  back  to  Curzon  Street,  and  he 
nodded  gravely,  and  said  it  was  just  as  well. 

So  we  are  going  to  have  another  stroll  round  the 
place,  and  then  we  shall  go  up  to  town  together. 


CURZON  STREET, 

October  12th. 

WHAT  am  I  to  think?  I  have  had,  first,  a  lot  of 
worry  and  vexation,  all  through  that  wicked  Harriet, 
and  now  a  knockdown  blow. 

When  papa  and  I  came  up  together  from  Fouroaks, 
I  meant  to  stay  quietly  here,  waiting  for  Gerald's  re- 
turn, so  that  I  might  obtain  a  hearing  from  him  as 
soon  as  possible.  I  had  not  heard  from  him  again, 
and  in  my  own  letter,  written  at  Fouroaks,  I  had  been 
so  reserved  that  I  was  sure  he  would  guess  there  was 
something  wrong.  I  could  not  trust  the  story  about 
Harriet  to  the  post,  so  I  only  said  that  I  had  a  great 
deal  of  very  important  news  for  him,  and  I  underlined 
"  important." 

But  then  a  man  thinks  the  only  news  we  consider 
important  is  about  hats ! 

However,  as  I  have  always  denied  that  I  knew  any- 
thing against  Harriet,  I  can't  make  full  confession 
of  my  knowledge  in  a  letter. 

I  passed  a  quiet  day  and  went  to  the  theater  with 
papa  in  the  evening.  It  was  a  musical  comedy  that 
we  went  to  see,  and  we  were  in  a  box  near  the  stage. 
I  do  wish  the  chorus-girls  wouldn't  wink  at  papa !  It 
is  very  embarrassing  for  me,  and  it  makes  everybody  in 
the  stalls  look  up,  to  see  whom  he  is  with ! 

Yesterday  I  had  a  quiet  morning  with  my  books  and 
birds,  and  had  luncheon  rather  cosily  by  myself. 
Then,  afterwards,  when  I  had  written  again  to  Ger- 
ald, directing  it  to  the  office,  as  I  have  to  do,  I  was 

225 


THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER 

just  going  up  to  dress  for  a  drive  when  mamma  ran 
in,  breathless  and  excited,  looking  more  like  a  young 
girl  than  my  mother ! 

She  burst  out  with : 

"  Oh,  Cis,  Cis,  what's  this  I  hear  about  you  ?  You 
of  all  people !  Of  course  I've  told  them  it's  not  true, 
but  they  won't  believe  it,  and  Lady  Langbourne  is 
most  irritating  with  her  smiles  and  nods." 

"  What  do  you  mean,  Mamma  ?  "  I  said. 

But  I  was  very  red,  and  frightened,  for  I  began  to 
guess  what  sort  of  calumny  it  was  that  was  being 
spread  abroad  about  me,  and  I  knew  too  who  it  was 
that  had  started  it. 

"  Oh,  you  know,  you  must  know.  They  say  you 
went  down  to  Fouroaks  so  that  you  could  see  some 
one  who  visited  you  there!  Of  course,  I  said  it  was 
absurd,  and  Lady  Langbourne  pretended  to  agree  with 
me.  But  all  the  while  that  she  was  saying  how  foolish 
it  was,  one  could  see  that  she  believed  it.  And  she 
called  you  a  little  Puritan!  That  was  nasty,  wasn't 
it?" 

I  was  overwhelmed. 

"  Did  she  say  who  it  was  told  her  the  story  ?  "  I 
asked  as  calmly  as  I  could. 

"  No.  I  asked  her,  but  she  pretended  she  didn't  re- 
member. Now,  really,  Cis,  you  can  trust  me,  you 
know.  What  is  it  you've  been  doing?  " 

I  hesitated.  For  a  moment  I  was  going  to  tell  her 
everything,  but  then  I  thought  it  better  to  keep  the 
whole  story  for  Gerald's  ears  in  the  first  place.  Now, 
that  I  am  utterly  resolved  to  make  a  clean  breast  of 
it  to  him,  and  to  tell  him  how  Harriet  has  behaved 
from  first  to  last,  it  seems  wisest  to  keep  it  all  to 
myself  till  I  see  him. 


THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER    227 

"  I've  done  nothing,"  I  said  quietly.  "  What  did 
you  suppose  I'd  done?" 

Mamma  looked  at  me  out  of  the  corners  of  her 
eyes. 

"  You've  been  down  at  Fouroaks,"  she  said  inquisi- 
torially. 

"  Yes." 

"  Have  you  been  quite  alone  all  the  time  ?  " 

"  Oh,  no.  First,  Sir  Arnold  Banbury  called  upon 
me,"  I  began,  with  a  bold  front. 

I  expected  that  mamma  would  utter  a  scream,  but 
she  did  not.  And  I  began  to  feel  rather  cold. 

"Who  else?"  said  she. 

"  Why,  that  horrid  Harriet  came  down,  and  per- 
suaded me  to  let  her  spend  a  night  there,"  I  said. 

"Yes,  yes,  I  know.    Who  else?" 

I  stared  at  mamma. 

"  You  have  seen  her  then  ?  " 

"  Yes.     This  morning." 

"  And  she  told  you  this  pretty  story  about  me,  and 
you  believed  it  ?  " 

Mamma  shook  her  head. 

"  She  has  told  me  nothing,"  she  said.  "  Except 
that  she  said  it  was  rather  indiscreet  of  you  to  receive 
visits  from  Sir  Arnold  Banbury." 

I  was  puzzled. 

"  Who  was  it  told  you  this  preposterous  story  about 
me  then?  That  I  was  receiving  visits  from  anybody 
else?" 

"  It  was  old  Lady  Langbourne  who  told  me." 

"And  who  told  her?" 

"  I  don't  know.     I  couldn't  find  out." 

"  It  was  either  Harriet  herself,  or  else  it  was  that 
odious  Lord  Hugh  Hawkhurst,"  said  I. 


228     THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER 

My  mother  compressed  her  lips  tightly. 

"  How  on  earth  could  you  let  such  a  man  as  that 
come  to  see  you  at  Fouroaks,  when  your  husband  was 
away  ?  "  she  asked. 

I  gasped. 

"  Visit  me ! "  I  cried.  "  How  can  you  talk  such 
nonsense,  Mamma!  If  Lord  Hugh  was  there  at  all 
—  which  is  certainly  possible  —  it  was  at  night,  un- 
known to  me  —  and  to  see  Harriet." 

Mamma  looked  at  me  steadily. 

"  Ask  yourself,"  she  said  quietly,  "  whether  it  is 
reasonable  to  suppose  Harriet  would  be  so  mad  as 
to  let  him  visit  her  —  at  Fouroaks,  of  all  places,  in 
the  present  condition  of  her  affairs." 

"  It  may  seem  impossible  to  you,"  I  said,  "  but  it's 
true,  for  all  that.  I  have  every  reason  to  believe  that 
he  did  visit  her  there.  I  know  somebody  did.  And 
who  else  could  it  be  ?  " 

Mamma  raised  her  eyebrows. 

"  It  comes  to  this,  I  suppose,"  she  said  dryly,  "  that 
you  each  give  a  different  version  of  the  same  story." 

I  was  aghast. 

"  And  don't  you  know  whose  story  it  is  that  ought 
to  be  believed  ? "  I  asked,  my  voice  becoming  so 
hoarse  and  so  broken  that  I  could  scarcely  get  out 
the  words. 

Mamma  waved  her  hand  about  in  the  air,  in  the  way 
she  does  when  she  is  worried. 

"  What  does  it  matter  what  I  believe  ?  "  she  asked 
fretfully.  "  It  is  what  everybody  else  believes  that 
matters." 

"  And  would  anybody  believe  Harriet  against  me  ?  " 
I  asked. 

Mamma  turned  to  stare  at  me. 

"  Why,  of  course  they  would,"  she  said  quietly. 


THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER    229 

"  Harriet  is  a  great  deal  older  than  you  are,  and  a 
great  deal  cleverer.  She  could  get  ten  people  to  be- 
lieve her  against  one  who  would  believe  you." 

The  way  in  which  mamma  said  this,  with  such  a 
quiet  air  of  conviction,  frightened  me  horribly.  Is 
it  really  as  she  says,  that  people  will  think  I  am  as 
bad  as  Harriet?  I  can't  believe  it,  and  yet  it  is 
awful  to  hear  one's  own  mother  taking  it  for  granted 
that  they  will. 

I  could  not  speak  for  a  little  while ;  I  just  sat  down 
and  looked  out  of  the  window,  while  mamma  walked 
to  the  nearest  mirror  and  altered  the  tilt  of  her  hat. 
Then  she  came  across  the  room  to  me  again. 

"  You  had  better  go  at  once  to  Lady  Langbourne's," 
she  said,  "  and  give  her  your  version  of  the  story." 

I  was  indignant  of  course.  As  if  one's  indignation 
ever  affected  mamma! 

"  I  shouldn't  think  of  going  to  her,"  I  said.  "  If 
Lady  Langbourne  or  anybody  else  chooses  to  be  so 
foolish  as  to  think  me  capable  of  such  dreadful  things, 
they  are  welcome  to  think  so.  Besides,  you  say  your- 
self that  Harriet  would  be  believed  rather  than  me."  ' 

"  But  we  mustn't  go  to  sleep  about  it.  It  is  abso- 
lutely necessary  that  you  should  put  yourself  right 
with  Lady  Langbourne." 

"  If  all  I've  heard  is  true,  Lady  Langbourne  isn't  a 
person  who  has  any  right  to  be  a  censor  of  other 
people's  conduct,"  I  said.  "  And  so  she  isn't  a  person 
who  matters." 

Mamma  slapped  my  shoulder  impatiently. 

"  Oh,  my  dear  Cis,"  she  said,  "  I  do  wish  you 
wouldn't  talk  as  if  you'd  just  come  out  of  the  ark! " 
she  said.  "  Whatever  Lady  Langbourne  may  have 
been  like  in  her  youth,  that  is  over  long  ago,  and 
nobody  dreams  of  raking  it  up  against  her  now  that 


230    THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER 

she  has  one  of  the  nicest  places  in  the  country,  and 
quite  the  best  cook  in  London!  You  positively  must 
put  yourself  right  with  her.  She  is  the  very  soul  of 
good-nature,  and  if  she  only  takes  your  part,  she  will 
stick  to  you,  and  bring  you  through  the  scrape  tri- 
umphantly." 

I  was  furious  with  mamma  for  treating  the  matter 
like  this,  as  if  it  were  not  a  question  of  my  character 
against  the  word  of  a  woman  like  Harriet,  but  a 
toss-up  which  of  us  should  be  whitewashed  at  the 
expense  of  the  other ! 

"  Mamma,"  I  said  earnestly,  "  I  don't  understand 
you.  Do  you  really  think  me  capable  of  these  dread- 
ful things?" 

"  I  think  you  capable  of  being  very  foolish,"  she 
answered  sharply.  "  Otherwise  you  wouldn't  have  let 
Harriet  get  hold  of  Lady  Langbourne  before  you. 
Now  you  may  have  hard  work  to  get  her  to  drop 
Harriet." 

The  words  sent  a  cold  shiver  down  my  back.  It 
suddenly  became,  not  a  question  of  the  truth,  but  of 
the  inevitable  two  sides,  and  I  was  appalled  to  think 
of  the  scandal  that  would  be  raging,  not  only  among 
our  friends,  but  all  over  London,  and  of  the  things 
which  would  be  said  not  only  of  Harriet,  who  deserves 
them,  but  of  me,  when  I  do  not. 

I  stood  up,  feeling  stiff  and  cold. 

For  a  few  moments  I  couldn't  speak,  and  mamma 
stood  as  if  not  quite  knowing  what  to  make  of  me. 
At  last  I  sobbed  out: 

"  Gerald  will  believe  me !  " 

But  mamma's  eyes  grew  round. 

"Will  he?"  she  said  ominously. 

"  Of  course  he  will,"  I  burst  out,  finding  my  voice. 
"  Do  you  think  he  can  be  talked  over  by  a  —  a  — " 


THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER     231 

I  stopped,  for  I  saw  mamma  smiling  grimly,  and 
I  remembered  all  my  own  fears.  The  thought  that 
perhaps  Harriet  had  got  hold  of  Gerald  already,  and 
estranged  him  from  me  completely,  was  too  awful. 
I  tried  to  speak,  and  sank  down  again  into  the  chair, 
just  able  to  keep  back  my  tears,  but  no  more. 

Mamma  took  the  opportunity  of  my  weakness  to 
lay  her  hand  earnestly  on  my  shoulder,  and  to  say : 

"  Go  to  Lady  Langbourne  without  delay,  there's  a 
dear.  Go  with  me,  if  you  like.  She  is  the  most  in- 
veterate old  gossip,  and  though  she  is  good-natured, 
her  good-nature  may  tell  against  you  instead  of  for 
you,  now  Harriet  has  got  hold  of  her  first." 

I  rebelled.  It  was  shocking  that  my  reputation,  my 
happiness,  should  be  menaced  by  a  woman  whose  own 
husband  doesn't  trust  her  near  his  children,  and  an- 
other woman  whose  advocacy  seems  to  be  only  a 
matter  of  caprice! 

"  No,"  I  said,  "  I  won't  go  and  see  her.  I  won't 
see  anybody,  or  talk  to  anybody,  till  I've  seen  Ger- 
ald." 

"  Where  is  your  husband  ?  " 

That  was  the  last  straw.  The  knowledge  that  I 
could  only  answer  that  I  did  not  know  struck  me 
with  such  an  acute  sense  of  the  helplessness  of  my 
own  position  that  I  broke  down  into  tears.  Mamma 
tried  to  soothe  me,  nibbing  me  up  the  wrong  way  in 
the  most  careful  manner. 

"  There,  there,  child,  don't  cry.  It  will  be  all  right. 
Mr.  Calstock  is  away  on  business,  of  course,  and  it's 
not  at  all  likely  that  this  story  will  reach  his  ears 
before  you  see  him." 

I  raised  my  head.  The  suggestion  in  this  speech 
made  me  still  angrier  than  I  had  felt  before. 

"  If  he  were  to  hear  it  a  hundred  times,"  I  said, 


THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER 

"  he  would  know  it  was  too  absurd  to  be  listened  to, 
and  he  would  take  it  for  granted  that  my  own  people 
and  my  own  friends  would  think  so  too." 

Mamma  shrugged  her  shoulders. 

"  Of  course,  of  course,  child,"  she  said.  "  How  can 
a  man  of  business,  moving  in  quite  a  different  circle 
from  ours,  know  how  these  things  are  looked  upon 
by  us?" 

"  It  seems  to  me,"  I  said,  "  that  any  way  of  looking 
at  them  is  more  sensible  than  Lady  Langbourne's 
way." 

"  I  don't  want  to  argue,  my  dear,  and  as  you  won't 
take  my  advice  it  is  of  no  use  for  me  to  stay  here.  I 
must  go  and  see  Lady  Langbourne  myself — " 

"  Why  make  so  much  fuss  about  the  opinion  of  one 
old  woman  ?  "  I  asked  scornfully. 

"  Because,  my  dear  Cis,  it  is  old  women  who  rule 
society,  and  she  is  one  of  the  most  important  of  those 
who  do.  Very  few  of  us  are  really  rich  till  we  grow 
old,  and  without  money  we  are  without  influence. 
Lady  Langbourne  has  both.  There,  don't  make  your 
eyes  red,  but  think  over  what  I've  said,  and  do,  do, 
dear  child,  make  up  your  mind  to  be  wise." 

She  kissed  me  and  went  away,  and  I  sent  off  a 
messenger  to  Gerald's  office,  with  a  telegram,  which 
I  begged  might  be  sent  to  him  at  once.  I  just  said, 
"  Most  important  for  me  to  see  you  at  once.  Am 
at  Curzon  Street." 

I  do  pray  that  he  will  come ! 

Surely,  surely  he  will  believe  the  truth !  But  what- 
ever he  believes,  I  must  see  him,  for  I  can't  bear  this 
horrible  suspense  of  mystery  and  doubt  any  longer ! 

He  must  come,  he  must,  he  must! 


CURZON  STREET, 

October  i$th. 

I  DON'T  know  what  is  going  to  happen,  and  at  this 
moment  I  feel  that  I  don't  care. 

Yesterday  was  the  most  terrible  day  I  have  ever 
gone  through,  and  now  I  feel  as  if  I  were  already 
dead,  as  if,  though  I  may  go  on  living,  for  years  and 
years,  I  shall  never  be  able  to  feel  anything  any  more. 

I  know,  even  as  I  write,  that  I  can't  go  on  living 
like  this,  that  it  would  be  impossible  for  any  human 
being  to  bear  what  I  am  going  through  now  if  it  were 
not  for  the  knowledge  that  it  can't  go  on  for  ever. 

To-morrow,  perhaps,  something  will  happen,  some- 
thing I  cannot  foresee,  which  will  alter  everything 
and  make  life  bearable.  But  now  it  seems  as  if  life 
were  over  for  me,  and  as  if  I  have  felt  too  much  pain, 
humiliation,  and  wretchedness  during  the  past  few 
hours  to  be  able  to  feel  any  more  as  long  as  I  live. 

When  I  wired  to  Gerald,  or  rather,  when  I  got  the 
people  at  the  office  to  wire  to  him  yesterday,  I  hoped 
to  get  a  reply  before  night;  but  I  got  none,  and  then 
I  was  really  alarmed ;  and  when  papa  came,  soon  after 
seven,  to  take  me  out  to  dinner,  I  was  in  a  fearfully 
nervous  state. 

I  was  dressing  when  I  was  told  he  had  come,  and 
I  had  him  shown  up  into  my  boudoir,  and  I  threw 
on  a  dressing-gown  and  went  to  see  him. 

But  the  moment  I  got  into  the  room,  before  either 
of  us  had  time  to  speak,  I  knew  that  something  was 
wrong.  He  was  walking  up  and  down  the  room  im- 

233 


234     THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER 

patiently,  which  is  not  at  all  like  papa.  And  when 
he  wheeled  round  to  meet  me,  I  saw,  by  the  look  on 
his  face,  that  he  had  heard  something. 

I  wanted  to  greet  him  as  usual,  and  to  reassure 
him;  for  he  looked  as  if  he  wanted  comfort.  But  I 
couldn't.  And  as  he  looked  at  me,  with  such  anxious 
eyes,  as  if  he  would  read  into  my  very  heart,  I 
faltered  in  the  words  I  had  ready,  and  stopped. 

"  Oh,  Cis,  what's  it  all  about  ?  "  he  asked,  in  such 
a  tender,  kind  voice,  that  it  was  just  the  last  straw. 

I  leaped  at  him,  and  hid  my  face  in  his  shoulder 
and  cried. 

He  stroked  my  head,  and  spoke  broken  words  of 
comfort  to  me,  but  his  hand  was  shaking  and  his 
Voice  was  quite  hoarse. 

"  There,  there,  Cis,  don't  cry,"  he  said.  "  It's  all 
right,  it's  all  right!  These  silly  tales,  they're  all  lies, 
aren't  they,  dear  ?  It's  all  right,  isn't  it,  my  dear  ?  " 

That  was  just  the  right  thing  to  say,  and  I  was, 
oh,  so  grateful,  after  what  mamma  had  said.  I  looked 
tip  and  nodded,  wiping  my  eyes. 

"Of  course,  it's  all  right,"  I  said.  "Only,  only, 
Papa,  it's  dreadful  to  hear  about  all  this  gossip  and 
scandal,  when  —  when — " 

"  It's  all  that  confounded  Harriet  Usher,"  said  he, 
in  a  deep,  full  voice  of  indignation.  "  I'm  sure  it 
was  she  who  set  this  tale  going.  She's  a  dangerous 
woman,  Cis,  and  it's  a  thousand  pities  you  ever  allowed 
her  to  stay  at  Fouroaks  with  you." 

I  dashed  away  the  last  trace  of  my  tears,  feeling 
as  if  my  anger  had  dried  them  up.  Then  I  dragged 
papa  across  the  room  and  made  him  sit  down  by  the 
fire,  and  I  threw  myself  down  on  the  rug,  and  looked 
into  his  face,  and  said: 


THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER     235 

"Tell  me  just  what  they  are  saying,  just  what 
you've  heard." 

He  frowned  pitifully. 

"  Ton  my  soul,  I  don't  like  to,"  he  said. 

"  Never  mind,  you  must." 

"  Well,  well,  as  far  as  I  can  make  out,  there's  some 
lying  story  going  about  your  seeing  that  sweep  Hawk- 
hurst  down  at  Fouroaks." 

I  nodded. 

"  He  did  actually  go  there,  I  believe,"  said  I,  "  but 
it  was  not  to  see  me.'" 

"  That's  what  I  guessed.  I've  a  good  mind  to  go 
down  to  Shire  Place,  to  tell  Sir  John  all  about  it. 
There'll  be  a  family  scandal  anyhow,  but  at  least  my 
little  Cis  will  be  set  right." 

I  put  up  a  warning  finger.  I  like  laying  down  the 
law  to  papa,  and  seeing  the  simple  way  in  which  he 
listens  and  seems  quite  ready  to  obey  me.  I  wonder 
why  mamma  never  thought  it  worth  while  to  be  as 
nice  to  him  as  she  can  be  to  other  people!  Papa  is 
so  easy  to  lead  just  any  way  one  wants  him  to  go,  and 
he  is  such  a  dear! 

"  Don't  do  anything,  or  tell  anybody  anything,"  I 
said,  "  until  I've  seen  Gerald." 

"  But  the  fellow's  away.  And  I  believe  he's  been 
got  hold  of  too,  by  this  minx,"  said  papa. 

"  Well,  even  if  that  is  true,  you  may  be  sure  he 
won't  allow  Harriet  to  put  the  blame  of  the  things 
she's  done  on  my  shoulders." 

"  I  wouldn't  be  too  sure,  my  dear.  A  man  is  wax 
in  the  hands  of  a  designing  woman,"  said  he. 

"  You're  wax,  you  mean,  Papa,"  said  I,  patting  his 
cheek.  "  I  don't  think  Gerald  is." 

"  Well,  perhaps  lawyers  are  different  from  other 


236     THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER 

men,  though  I'm  afraid  you'll  find  they're  not,"  said  he. 

"  Anyhow,  I  want  you  to  wait,"  I  said,  "  until  I've 
seen  him,  before  you  go  to  see  Sir  John.  I  feel  as 
if  I  were  wandering  in  a  forest,  Papa,  and  as  if  only 
Gerald  could  help  me  to  find  the  way  out." 

Papa  looked  doubtful. 

"  More  likely  to  want  to  lead  you  farther  in,  my 
dear,  if  he's  got  entangled  by  this  woman,"  he  said 
warningly. 

"  Well,  well,  I  don't  feel  very  happy,  or  very  con- 
fident, as  you  know,"  I  said.  "  But  yet  I  can't  feel 
as  if  all  hope  were  gone  until  I've  seen  him  again, 
and  laid  all  this  before  him,  and  heard  what  he's  got 
to  say." 

"  I  don't  suppose  he'll  say  much.  He's  too  d d 

artful,"  said  papa.  "  What  does  he  mean  by  running 
away  like  this  without  letting  you  know  where  he  is? 
And  why  can't  he  tell  you  what  the  business  is  that's 
taken  him  away  ?  " 

"  Well,  wait,  just  wait.  I  can't  think  he  will  let 
me  suffer,  for  Harriet  or  anybody  else." 

"  Oh,  I'll  wait,  if  you  wish.  But  it's  hard  you 
should  have  to  be  mixed  up  in  Harriet's  affairs,  my 
poor  little  Cis !  " 

I  didn't  want  to  get  out,  but  papa  insisted  it  would 
do  me  good,  and  so  I  dressed  and  we  dined  together 
at  a  restaurant. 

And  when  he  brought  me  back  and  kissed  me  and 
said  good-by,  and  told  me  to  cheer  up,  I  did  feel  a 
little  comforted,  and  began,  under  the  influence  of 
his  kindness  and  his  cheerfulness,  to  hope  that  things 
would  turn  out  all  right. 

This  morning  I  got  a  letter  from  Gerald,  telling 
me  he  would  be  home  soon  after  luncheon,  but  that 


THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER     237 

he  would  only  be  in  town  a  few  hours,  as  he  had  to 
go  away  on  business  again  at  once. 

The  postmark  of  the  letter  was  "  London,"  and 
this  seemed  very  strange.  And  then  I  noticed  that 
the  letter  had  been  folded  down  at  one  end,  so  that 
it  had  evidently  been  enclosed  to  some  one,  who  had 
been  instructed  to  post  it  to  me. 

I  don't  think  I  should  have  noticed  these  little 
details  at  any  other  time,  but  now  they  were  signifi- 
cant to  me,  and  I  could  not  help  wondering  why  it 
was  that  Gerald  had  found  it  necessary  to  take  such 
elaborate  precautions  to  prevent  my  knowing  where 
he  was.  And  I  looked  carefully  at  the  postmark,  and 
I  believe  he  sent  the  letter  to  his  office,  that  it  got 
there  this  morning,  and  was  posted  at  once.  For  I 
received  it  at  midday. 

Naturally  this  worried  me  a  good  deal,  and  made 
me  read  the  letter  over  again  in  a  different  mood. 

It  seemed  to  me  that  it  was  cold  and  cautious,  and 
not  so  affectionate  as  usual.  And  then  I  went  to  my 
dressing-case,  where  I  have  kept  the  two  other  letters 
I've  had  from  him  locked  up,  and  I  looked  at  the 
envelopes  and  saw  that  they  also  had  been  enclosed, 
for  the  ends  had  been  turned  down  in  the  same  way, 
while  the  postmark  was  again  "  London." 

I  could  not  help  feeling  more  frightened  than  ever 
when  I  had  made  sure  of  this.  It  seemed  to  make 
it  so  clear  that  Gerald  thought  it  necessary  to  take 
great  pains  to  hide  from  me  where  he  was. 

Why  should  he  do  that? 

I  have  never  been  curious  about  his  affairs,  except 
where  they  concerned  me. 

I  grew  quite  feverish  with  anxiety  to  see  him,  won- 
dering what  he  would  say  when  he  heard  the  story 


238     THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER 

Harriet  is  spreading  about  me,  and  whether  he  would 
believe  what  I  had  to  tell  him  about  what  happened 
at  Cowes. 

I  couldn't  help  a  horrible  sinking  at  the  heart,  and 
I  wished  with  all  my  heart  I  had  never  promised 
Harriet  not  to  say  anything  about  that  night. 

Of  course,  if  I  had  told  him  everything  just  after 
it  happened,  he  would  have  believed  me ;  and  although 
he  would  have  been  in  a  better  position  to  help  Sir 
John  Usher  to  a  divorce,  and  there  would  have  been 
a  family  scandal,  it  would  have  been  fairer  than  that 
there  should  be  a  scandal  in  which  innocent  persons, 
are  involved,  as  well  as  guilty  ones. 

Now,  if  Harriet  had  really  got  an  influence  over 
him,  perhaps  he  would  believe  her  rather  than  me, 
and  think  I  had  made  up  the  story!  A  few  days 
ago  I  should  not  have  thought  it  possible  that  Gerald 
would  doubt  me ;  but  I  have  heard  so  much  since  then 
about  the  way  in  which  scandal  spreads,  and  I  have 
found  out  so  much  that  is  strange  and  suspicious  about 
Gerald's  behavior,  that  I  could  not  feel  easy  in  my 
mind. 

Would  he  take  Harriet's  part  still  —  and  against 
me? 

I  had  luncheon  by  myself,  and  was  leaving  the 
dining-room,  when  I  heard  the  bell  ring,  and  a  man's 
voice  I  did  not  know  speaking  to  Jackson  in  the 
hall. 

Then  I  heard  some  one  going  upstairs,  and  Jackson 
came  down  again  and  told  me  that  Sir  John  Usher 
had  come,  and  that  he  had  shown  him  into  the  draw- 
ing-room. 

"  You  should  have  told  him  Mr.  Calstock  was 
away,"  I  said. 

"  Yes,  my  lady,  so  I  did,"  said  Jackson ;  "  but  he 


THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER    239 

said  he  would  like  to  see  you,  and  that  he  wouldn't 
detain  you  above  a  few  minutes." 

I  never  felt  more  uncomfortable  in  all  my  life. 
What  could  he  have  to  say  to  me?  Would  he  ask 
me  questions  about  Harriet?  If  so,  how  should  1 
answer  him? 

I  had  been  fixed  in  my  determination  to  say  nothing 
about  the  Cowes  adventure  to  any  one  until  I  had 
told  it  to  Gerald,  and  as  for  the  night  at  Fouroaks,  I 
dreaded  speaking  about  that  even  more  than  the  other, 
now  that  I  knew  the  story  she  was  telling. 

Again,  I  was  afraid  he  might  want  to  know  where 
Gerald  was,  and  that  would  put  me  in  a  greater  diffi- 
culty than  ever.  For,  if  I  were  to  tell  him  the  truth, 
that  I  did  not  know,  it  would  make  him  suspicious 
directly.  And  I  had  long  since  begun  to  fear  that  he 
might  already  have  doubts  of  Gerald,  as  I  myself  had. 

But  I  would  not  let  him  know  that.  Whatever 
Gerald  had  been  doing,  he  should  not  get  into  diffi- 
culties with  his  clients  through  anything  I  might  say. 

In  the  meantime,  as  I  stood  hesitating,  I  could  hear 
the  impatient  tread  overhead,  and  I  knew  that  I  must 
go  and  see  this  man,  of  whom  I  had  heard  such  dread- 
ful accounts  from  Harriet. 

So  I  put  on  the  most  cheerful  expression  I  could, 
and  went  upstairs,  my  heart  sinking  more  at  every 
step. 

In  the  drawing-room  I  found  a  rather  thickset 
middle-aged  man,  with  a  grave,  handsome  face. 

At  once  I  saw,  even  before  either  of  us  spoke,  that 
Harriet  did  not  do  him  justice  when  she  described  him. 
Whatever  Sir  John  Usher  may  be,  he  is  no  "  soul- 
less clod,"  I  am  quite  sure,  and  I  say  this  after  having 
gone  through  a  terrible  ordeal  with  him. 

He  spoke  in  a  mild  voice,  but  his  eyes  blazed  with 


240     THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER 

passion,  and  I  felt  that  to  be  the  object  of  his  anger 
would  be  a  terrible  thing. 

And  then,  even  while  he  spoke  to  me,  it  struck  me 
that  I  myself  was  one  of  the  objects  of  his  anger. 

"  I  am  sorry  to  have  to  intrude  upon  you,  Lady 
Cecilia,"  he  said ;  "  but  as  Mr.  Calstock  has  not  yet  re- 
turned, I  should  be  much  obliged  if  you  would,  your- 
self, afford  me  some  information  upon  a  point  about 
which  you  are  better  informed  than  I  am." 

I  felt  horribly  frightened. 

"  I  know  nothing  whatever  about  business,  Sir 
John,"  I  began. 

But  he  cut  me  short,  still  looking  at  me  in  the  same 
terrible  way,  as  if  he  would  read  my  thoughts,  and 
making  me  feel  that  it  would  be  impossible  to  tell 
him  anything  but  the  truth. 

"  Of  course  not.  I  don't  talk  of  business  to  ladies. 
But  you  can  answer  a  few  simple  questions  about  your 
movements  —  and  your  husband's,  can  you  not  ?  " 

I  hesitated.  This  was  just  what  I  did  not  want  to 
do.  He  frowned,  and  stared  intently  into  my  face. 
I  felt,  in  spite  of  the  anger  in  his  eyes  and  the  peremp- 
tory and  antagonistic  way  in  which  he  spoke  to  me, 
that  Harriet  had  not  told  the  truth  about  her  husband, 
any  more  than  she  did  about  anything  else.  He  was 
certainly  not  the  cold,  soulless  clod  she  had  repre- 
sented him  to  be,  without  affection  for  anything  but 
his  business  and  his  hobbies.  On  the  contrary,  he 
seemed  to  me  to  be  altogether  warm-blooded,  hot- 
tempered,  eager,  and  alert;  and  even  while  he  spoke 
to  me  sharply,  and  frowned  at  me,  and  while  it  oc- 
curred to  me  that  he  was  jealous  of  Gerald,  I  felt  that 
his  anger  was  just,  and  that  his  jealousy  was  a  nat- 
ural and  right  jealousy. 

"  I  think  you'd  better  call  again  to-morrow,  when 


THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER 

Mr.  Calstock  is  here,"  I  said.  "  Or  write  to  him  and 
make  an  appointment." 

He  interrupted  me  quite  curtly : 

"  Of  course  I  can  do  that.  But  in  the  meantime 
kindly  answer  my  questions." 

"  Really,  I  must  decline." 

I  had  moved  to  go,  but  he  came  between  me  and  the 
door,  and  said: 

"  May  I  ask  why  you  refuse  to  answer  without 
having  heard  what  my  questions  are  ?  " 

I  was  confounded.  I  tried  to  think  the  matter  out, 
to  decide  what  I  had  better  do,  and  all  the  while  I 
was  wondering  how  I  could  get  away  without  com- 
mitting myself  in  any  way,  and  without  compromising 
Gerald.  In  the  dark  as  I  was  as  to  his  movements,  it 
was  yet,  I  felt,  extremely  necessary  that  Sir  John 
should  not  know  how  ignorant  my  own  husband  was 
keeping  me.  For  if  Sir  John  were  to  know,  what 
would  he  naturally  think  ? 

Jealous  as  I  felt,  I  would  not  betray  Gerald.  And 
I  would  not  condemn  him  unheard. 

After  a  very  uncomfortable  pause,  during  which  I 
could  hear  Sir  John's  breath  coming  very  fast,  and 
knew  that  he  was  working  himself  up  into  a  great 
rage,  I  looked  up  and  answered : 

"  It  is  very  difficult  for  me  to  discuss  a  private 
matter  with  a  perfect  stranger,  and  I  hope,  Sir  John, 
you  will  remember  that,  and  that  you  will  make  an 
appointment  with  my  husband,  or  with  his  partner  — 
at  the  office." 

My  answer  annoyed  him,  I  think,  for  his  tone  was 
more  abrupt  than  ever  as  he  said: 

"  I  think  it  is  rather  strange  that  you  should  not 
hear  what  I  have  to  say.  Although  we  have  not  met, 
we  are  connections.  You  are  my  wife's  first  cousin  ?  " 


THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER 

"  Yes,"  I  had  to  admit. 

"  And  you  have  always  been  on  terms  of  intimacy 
with  her  ?  " 

This  was,  I  felt,  a  "  fishing "  question.  I  could 
feel  the  glance  of  his  keen,  fiery  eyes  upon  me  even 
while  I  looked  at  the  carpet. 

I  made  no  answer  to  this,  for  I  know  what  would 
follow  if  I  did.  He  spoke  again,  more  peremptorily 
than  ever.  I  could  not  help  noticing  that  he  grew 
more  and  more  abrupt,  and  even  contemptuous  in  his 
manner  of  addressing  me,  as  if  he  had  come  with  the 
intention  of  veiling  an  intense  dislike  of  me,  which 
would  peep  out  in  spite  of  himself  as  he  went  on 
talking  and  growing  more  excited. 

"  You  have  brought  accusations  against  her  ?  "  he 
suddenly  said,  in  a  loud  and  dictatorial  tone. 

I  stood  still,  breathing  heavily,  and  feeling  that  I 
was  growing  quite  cold. 

"  I  have  said  nothing  about  her,  I  have  never 
said  anything  about  any  one  —  that  is  not  true,"  I 
said. 

"  Tell  me  what  you  have  said  against  her,"  he  de- 
manded fiercely. 

But  I  shook  my  head. 

"  I  will  tell  you  nothing,"  I  said,  "  until  I  have  con- 
sulted my  husband." 

Sir  John  drew  back  a  step,  laughing  contemptu- 
ously. 

"  Oh,  you  want  his  help,  do  you,  in  framing  a 
discreet  answer  ?  "  he  said  sarcastically. 

At  last  the  tone  he  was  taking  roused  me  to  a  show 
of  spirit.  I  looked  up  and  met  his  eyes. 

"  You  have  no  right,"  I  said,  "  to  try  to  drag  me 
into  your  quarrel  with  your  wife." 

"  I  am  afraid  I  have  a  right,"  he  said  shortly,  "  but 


THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER     243 

if  you  will  only  answer  my  questions  perhaps  you 
may  prove  that  I  have  not." 

"  I  won't  answer  anything,"  I  said. 

"  Very  well.  Then  I  must  get  the  information  I 
want  from  your  husband,  as  you  suggest." 

The  tone  in  which  he  said  this  left  me  no  room  for 
doubt  that  he  was  jealous  of  Gerald. 

I  felt  cold  with  fear  lest  the  two  should  meet  with- 
out Gerald's  having  had  any  warning  of  what  was 
in  store  for  him.  For  the  moment  I  forgot  my  own 
grievances,  and  could  think  of  nothing  but  my  fear 
on  his  account.  I  remember  it  surprised  me  that,  at 
such  a  moment,  all  doubt  of  him  faded  suddenly,  and 
gave  place  to  anxiety,  just  as  if  there  .had  never  been 
a  shadow  of  a  cloud  between  us. 

I  changed  my  tone  abruptly,  and  became  very  sweet 
and  conciliatory. 

"  I'm  quite  sure  that  would  be  better,"  I  said.  "  He 
will  be  back  at  the  office  to-morrow  — " 

"  To-morrow !  "  interrupted  Sir  John.  "  I  had  un- 
derstood it  was  to-day." 

This  was,  I  considered,  a  fortunate  opening. 

"  Why  not  go  to  the  office  and  see  whether  he  has 
returned  ? "  I  suggested,  as  if  struck  by  a  happy 
thought. 

I  hoped  that  this  might  give  me  the  opportunity  I 
wanted  of  seeing  Gerald  alone,  as  I  knew  he  was 
coming  here  first. 

I  think  Sir  John  guessed  I  had  some  little  plot  in 
my  mind,  for  he  frowned  and  looked  at  me  intently, 
without  making  any  attempt  to  hide  the  fact  that  he 
mistrusted  me. 

"  You  don't  want  me  to  meet  him,"  he  said  shortly. 

I  was  silent,  for  I  did  not  know  what  to  say.  Nor 
did  it  much  matter  whether  I  spoke  or  remained  silent, 


244     THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER 

for  it  was  plain  that  he  did  not  believe  a  word  I 
uttered. 

"  You  had  my  wife  with  you  at  Lord  Rushbury's 
place,  Fouroaks  ?  "  he  said  abruptly. 

"  Yes,  she  stayed  one  night." 

"Why  did  she  visit  you?" 

"I  —  I  —  don't  know.  She  is  my  cousin.  Why 
should  she  not  visit  me  ?  " 

"  You  did  not  want  her  to  stay  there  ?  " 

I  hesitated.  I  wondered  what  it  was  exactly  that 
he  wanted  to  know. 

"  Answer  me,  if  you  please,  Lady  Cecilia.  Is  it 
true  that  you  did  not  wish  her  to  stay  there  with 
you?" 

"  Yes,  it  is  true." 

"Will  you  tell  me  why?" 

Again  I  was  thrust  into  a  corner.  To  tell  him  the 
real  reason  of  my  reluctance  to  have  Harriet  staying 
with  me  would  be  to  tell  him  everything,  and  this  I 
was  resolved  not  to  do  until  I  had  seen  Gerald. 

"  Harriet  and  I  have  never  been  very  intimate,"  I 
said,  after  a  pause,  which  he  knew  was  to  give  me 
time  to  make  up  something,  "  and  I  went  down  to 
Fouroaks  to  be  entirely  by  myself." 

Something  in  the  glance  he  gave  me,  when  I  uttered 
these  words,  made  me  grow  crimson,  with  a  most 
uncomfortable  feeling  that  he  suspected  me. 

"  And  she  insisted  on  staying?  She  pressed  herself 
upon  you  ?  " 

"  She  said  she  was  lonely,  that  you  would  not  let 
her  go  home,  and  she  begged  me  to  let  her  stay." 

"  And  why  did  she  come  away  the  next  day  ?  " 

I  said  nothing,  and  he  repeated  his  question.  At 
last  I  answered: 

"  We  had  a  misunderstanding." 


THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER    245 

"A  quarrel?" 

"  No,  not  exactly  a  quarrel." 

"  About  something  that  had  occurred  —  during  the 
night?" 

I  was  horribly  startled,  and  I  turned  upon  him,  with 
fire  in  my  eyes. 

"  She  has  told  you  something,"  I  said  quickly. 
"What  is  it?" 

For  a  moment  he  did  not  answer  me,  and  we  stood 
facing  one  another,  both  greatly  excited,  each  trying 
to  fathom  the  thoughts  of  the  other. 

And  while  we  were  like  that,  not  speaking  a  word, 
watching  each  other  and  ready  to  take  advantage  of 
the  slightest  movement  that  would  count  as  an  ad- 
mission, we  both  heard  rapid  footsteps  outside,  and 
then  I  recognized  them  as  Gerald's. 

I  turned  and  ran  to  the  door,  but  it  was  too  late. 

The  door  burst  open,  and  my  husband  came  in. 
He  was  very  pale,  and  looked  lined  and  haggard,  as  he 
does  when  he  is  overworked  or  worried  about  any- 
thing. 

"  Sir  John !  "  said  he. 

"  Calstock ! "  said  Harriet's  husband,  at  the  same 
moment. 

I  stood  back,  without  speaking,  watching  them, 
when  I  tried  to  mumble  a  few  words  of  explanation, 
to  which  neither  of  them  appeared  to  listen. 

There  was  something  fascinating  in  the  way  in 
which  they  met  each  other.  Both  looked  grave,  anx- 
ious, stern,  and  angry. 

"  Why  did  you  come  here,  Sir  John,  and  not  to  my 
office  ?  "  said  Gerald,  taking  the  initiative,  to  my  great 
relief. 

"  I  telephoned  to  you  there  and  learnt  you  were 
expected  here,"  said  Sir  John  shortly. 


246     THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER 

"  Your  business  was  with  me,  and  not  with  Lady 
Cecilia,"  Gerald  went  on. 

I  thought  Sir  John  looked  rather  disconcerted. 

"  I  have  apologized,"  said  he,  "  for  the  intrusion." 

"  There  was  no  need  to  intrude.  If  you  will  come 
downstairs  into  the  study,  we  can  talk  there." 

Sir  John  assented,  bowed  to  me,  and  walked  to  the 
door.  Gerald  stayed  behind  for  a  couple  of  seconds. 
I  think  his  first  impulse  was  to  give  me  a  kiss,  for  till 
that  moment  he  had  given  me  no  greeting  whatever; 
but  when  he  looked  into  my  face,  he  changed  his 
mind.  I  dare  say  I  was  looking  fierce  and  not  at  all 
affectionate:  the  truth  was  I  was  eaten  up  by  my 
anxiety. 

"  Why  has  he  come  ?  "  I  asked  hoarsely. 

Gerald  drew  back  directly. 

"  I  will  go  and  see,"  he  said. 

He  turned  away  without  another  word,  and  went 
downstairs  so  quickly  after  Sir  John  that  he  reached 
the  hall  at  the  same  time. 

I  sank  down  upon  the  nearest  sofa,  trembling  all 
over.  What  had  happened?  What  was  going  to 
happen?  Had  Sir  John  come  with  the  intention  of 
finding  out  from  me  whether  I  had  any  suspicions 
of  my  husband?  Or  had  he  come  only  to  catechise 
me  on  the  subject  of  his  wife? 

That  he  was  jealous  I  was  sure.  As  for  myself, 
I  did  not  know,  at  that  moment,  whether  I  was 
jealous  myself  or  not,  for  I  was  too  much  absorbed 
by  anxiety  on  Gerald's  account.  Were  the  two  men 
quarreling  downstairs,  in  the  study,  where  by  this 
time  they  were  closely  shut  in? 

If  so,  was  it  on  my  account?  Or  was  it  on  Har- 
riet's? 

I    had    lain    some    minutes    on    the    sofa,    feeling 


THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER     247 

utterly  worn  out  and  racked  and  tortured,  when  I 
heard  the  tinkling  of  the  bell,  and  dragged  myself 
to  my  feet. 

If  it  was  a  visitor,  I  had  given  no  instructions  to 
Jackson,  and  mamma  or  papa,  or  any  intimate  friend 
might  be  shown  up  at  once. 

So  I  went  towards  the  door  to  make  my  escape, 
when  I  was  startled  to  hear  some  one  running  up 
the  stairs  very  quickly,  and  then  the  voice  of 
Harriet,  speaking  to  some  one. 

Before  I  could  reach  the  door  myself,  it  was 
opened  by  Harriet,  and  she  dashed  into  the  room, 
looking  flushed,  excited,  but  not  at  all  depressed  or 
discomfited. 

"  Harriet !  "  I  gasped  out. 

She  looked  at  me  with  her  head  held  very  high. 

"  Oh,  Cecilia,  I  am  very  glad  you  are  in,"  she 
said. 

"  Why  have  you  come  ?  "  I  asked  sharply. 

"  I've  come  to  see  you,"  she  replied  very  tartly. 

She  turned  her  back  upon  me  and  walked  to  the 
door,  which  she  had  left  open.  And  to  my  astonish- 
ment, I  saw  old  Lady  Langbourne,  who  had  followed 
her  up  the  stairs.  Harriet  led  her  into  the  room, 
and  the  old  lady,  whose  face  was  very  grave,  held 
out  her  hand  to  me. 

"  My  dear  Lady  Cecilia,  you  must  forgive  an  old 
woman,"  she  said,  and  in  spite  of  my  own  opinion  of 
the  value  of  her  advocacy,  I  could  not  help  feeling 
that  she  was  dignified  and  kind :  "  I  feel  that  I  have 
no  right  to  come  here  at  all  to  worry  you,  but  Lady 
Usher  is  in  such  a  friendless  situation  and  begged  so 
hard-  that  I  would  accompany  her  here,  that  I  con- 
sented. She  had  a  fancy  that  you  wouldn't  see  her 
if  she  came  alone," 


248     THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER 

"  I  don't  wish  to  see  her,"  I  said,  speaking  to 
Lady  Langbourne  only.  "  It  is  very,  very  painful 
for  me  to  have  to  receive  her  at  all." 

"  Ah ! "  said  Lady  Langbourne,  seating  herself 
slowly  on  the  highest  chair  she  could  find. 

And  then  she  looked  at  us  both  and  waited  for  the 
collision. 

Harriet  dealt  the  first  blow.  She  turned  to  me, 
and,  speaking  in  the  same  supercilious  manner  as  at 
first,  said: 

"  I  hear,  Cecilia,  that  you  have  been  spreading  the 
most  infamous  reports  about  me." 

I  knew  where  I  was  now,  and  I  felt  firm  on  my 
feet  at  once. 

"  I  have  spread  no  reports,"  I  said. 

"  But  we  have  proof  of  it,"  she  insisted  sharply. 
"  You  have  told  the  most  shocking  stories  about 
me." 

"What  stories?" 

"  You  have  said  things  which  it  is  painful  to  re- 
peat, things  which  no  decent  woman  would  have  said 
about  another." 

I  said  nothing.  I  felt  that  I  had  need  of  all  my 
self-command,  and  I  didn't  want  to  risk  saying  more 
than  I  could  help.  For  I  began  to  understand  now 
exactly  what  it  was  that  Harriet  had  said,  and  I  knew 
how  completely  she  must  have  tried  to  turn  the  tables 
upon  me. 

"  You  have  told  stories  about  me  at  Cowes  and  at 
your  father's  place." 

I  was  startled. 

"  I  have  told  no  stories  at  all,"  said  I.  "  I  haven't 
even  told  the  truth  about  you." 

"What  truth?" 

"  The  truth  that  I  promised  to  keep  a  secret,  pro- 


THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER     249 

vided  you  swore  never  to  do  the  same  thing  again, 
and  provided  you  kept  your  oath." 

Lady  Langbourne  leaned  forward  for  the  first 
time. 

"  What  secret  was  that  ?  "  she  asked,  speaking  to 
Harriet. 

"  I  haven't  the  least  idea,"  answered  my  cousin 
quickly.  "  I've  never  trusted  Cecilia  with  a  secret, 
nor  should  I  ever  be  so  rash  as  to  do  so." 

She  glared  at  me  defiantly,  but  I  did  not  speak. 
I  shrugged  my  shoulders  and  turned  away.  Lady 
Langbourne,  evidently  curious,  if  not  suspicious, 
turned  to  me. 

"  What  secret  did  you  mean,  Lady  Cecilia  ?  "  she 
asked. 

But  it  was  of  no  use  to  blurt  out  the  ugly  story 
before  these  two,  and  besides,  I  had  made  up  my 
mind  not  to  tell  it  to  anybody  until  I  had  made  a 
clean  breast  of  it  all  to  Gerald.  I  felt,  in  a  blind 
sort  of  way,  that,  whatever  he  might  have  done,  he 
was,  after  all,  the  person  most  to  be  trusted,  that 
his  were  the  best  brains  on  which  to  rely. 

"  I  would  rather  not  say,"  I  answered. 

But  Harriet  was  anxious  to  have  everything 
cleared  up  at  once,  to  have  statements  made  before 
her,  so  that  she  could  affect  amazement  and  deny 
them. 

"  Pray  speak  out,  Cecilia,"  she  said  contemptuously. 
"  Let  us  hear  this  wonderful  secret  which  you  say  I 
begged  you  to  keep,  I  absolve  you,  my  dear;  I  give 
you  full  permission  to  state  what  it  was." 

I  turned  to  her,  and  looked  her  in  the  eye  so 
steadily  that  she  flinched,  and  I  saw  for  the  first  time 
a  slight  look  of  anxiety  appear  on  her  face. 

"  There's  no  need  to  absolve  me,"  I  said  quietly. 


250     THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER 

"  I  only  swore  to  keep  it  as  long  as  you  had  no  more 
secrets  of  the  same  sort  to  be  kept." 

She  grew  red  and  then  white.  I  think  it  was  the 
calmness  with  which  I  spoke  that  frightened  her. 
She  had  expected,  hoped,  that  I  should  break  down, 
and  sob,  and  cry,  and  talk  fast,  and  contradict  my- 
self,  so  that  she  might  be  able  to  take  advantage  of 
my  confusion  to  make  me  look  foolish  in  Lady  Lang- 
bourne's  eyes. 

Since  I  was  quiet,  she  had  no  choice  but  to  be 
quiet  too.  And  it  is  not  so  easy  to  cover  up  mis- 
takes when  one  has  to  be  quiet. 

"  Do  pray  leave  off  speaking  in  riddles.  Tell  Lady 
Langbourne,  in  so  many  words,  of  what  it  is  that  you 
accuse  me." 

"  I  don't  accuse  you  at  all,"  I  said. 

"  Well,  I'll  use  your  own  words  then.  What  is  it 
you  swore  you  would  not  tell  ?  " 

I  faced  her  quietly. 

"  Do  you  really  wish  me  to  tell  that  ? "  I  said. 

Lady  Langbourne  was  watching  us  closely. 

"  Pray  let  us  hear  it,  and  end  this  cross-question- 
ing," she  said  imperiously.  "  What  is  it,  Lady  Cecilia, 
that  you  swore  not  to  tell  ?  " 

"  She  has  never  sworn  anything.  It's  all  an  in- 
vention," said  Harriet  quickly.  "  I  found  her  wan- 
dering about  the  house  one  night  when  we  were 
staying  with  you  rt  Cowes,  Lady  Langbourne,  and 
when  I  wanted  to  know  where  she  was  going,  she 
grew  confused,  and  told  me  to  say  nothing  about 
it.  She  threatened  that,  if  I  were  to  say  anything, 
she  would  say  it  was  not  she  but  I,  who  was  wandering 
about.  There.  That  is  the  half  of  the  story  —  the 
half  that  concerns  Cowes,  and  what  happened  there." 

She  repeated  this  strinr  of  falsehoods  deliberately, 


THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER     251 

,m  a  hard,  firm  tone,  keeping  her  eyes  fixed  upon  me 
as  she  spoke. 

She  expected  me  to  contradict  her,  and  so  did 
Lady  Langbourne.  But  I  knew  it  was  of  no  use 
to  discuss  it  with  them,  and  I  said  nothing  whatever. 

After  waiting  a  few  moments  for  me  to  reply,  Har- 
riet turned  impatiently  to  Lady  Langbourne. 

"  You  see,  she  can't  deny  it,"  she  said. 

But  the  old  lady  shook  her  head,  and  beckoned  me 
towards  her. 

"  Let  us  hear  what  the  little  Puritan  has  to  say 
for  herself,"  she  said  in  a  kind  tone. 

I  went  to  her  and  let  her  take  my  hand  and  look 
at  me  with  her  shrewd  old  eyes. 

"  Is  this  the  truth,  my  dear  ? "  she  asked  very 
quietly. 

"  No,"  said  I. 

"  Well,  well,  let  us  hear  your  version  of  what  took 
place." 

But  I  shook  my  head. 

"  I  would  rather  not  say  anything  about  it  now," 
I  said  steadily.  "  I  swore  I  wouldn't  say  anything 
about  it  unless  certain  things  should  occur  to  release 
me  from  my  oath." 

"  And  you  say  they  have  occurred  ?  " 

"  Yes,  and  I  am  free  to  speak." 

"  Then  why  don't  you  speak  ?  " 

"  Because  the  first  person  to  whom  I  am  going  to 
tell  the  whole  affair  is  my  husband." 

"  Well,  he's  a  lawyer ;  that  seems  reasonable  enough. 
He  will  give  you  good  advice  as  to  what  you  ought 
to  do." 

Lady  Langbourne  was  looking  at  me  with  grave, 
kind  eyes,  but  Harriet  grew  restless  and  eager,  not 
liking  the  look  of  affairs. 


"  Mr.  Calstock  is  away,  so  I  understand,"  she  began. 

I  did  not  turn  to  her,  but  I  spoke  very  clearly,  so 
that  she  heard  distinctly  what  I  said  to  Lady  Lang- 
bourne  : 

"  He  has  just  come  home." 

"  Very  good.     Where  is  he  now  ?  " 

"  He  is  in  the  study  —  with  Sir  John  Usher." 

This  latter  statement  caused  a  great  sensation. 

"  Sir  John  Usher ! "  cried  Lady  Langbourne,  and 
she  dropped  my  hand,  and  began,  as  I  could  see, 
to  feel  rather  uncomfortable. 

Harriet  uttered  a  little  shriek. 

"  Oh,"  she  cried,  "  you  see  how  it  is,  Lady  Lang- 
bourne.  This  is  a  conspiracy  against  me,  on  the 
part  of  my  husband,  his  solicitor,  and  his  solicitor's 
wife.  Now  you'll  believe  what  I  told  you,  that  I 
am  hemmed  in,  helpless,  without  friends.  Oh,  you'll 
stand  by  me,  won't  you,  won't  you,  to  the  end  ?  " 

She  flung  herself  on  her  knees  beside  the  old  lady, 
and  looked  up  into  her  face,  clinging  to  her,  and 
speaking  in  a  tone  that  would  have  melted  a  stone. 

"  Yes,  yes,  I'll  stand  by  you,  of  course,  though  I 
confess  I  don't  quite  understand  what  i:'s  all  about," 
said  Lady  Langbourne.  "  Have  you  been  quite, 
quite  frank  with  me,  Harriet?  I'm  no  harsh  censor, 
as  you  know,  and  I  have  every  sympathy  with  women 
who  find  the  world  go  hardly  with  them.  But  I 
don't  like  to  be  hoodwinked,  and  I  don't  like  people 
who  are  not  frank." 

"  I  have  been  frank,  too  frank.  I've  loved  a  man 
whom  I  ought  not  to  have  loved,  and  I've  fought 
with  my  love  and  conquered  it.  And  not  even  that 
will  satisfy  my  husband,  who  wants  to  get  rid  of  me, 
and  who  has  no  just  cause  against  me.  He  has  to 


THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER     253 

trump  up  a  case  against  me,  and  to  do  it  he  has  em- 
ployed not  only  his  lawyer,  but  his  lawyer's  wife.  I'm 
surrounded  by  enemies :  I  find  myself  in  a  nest  of 
them.  I  have  nobody  in  the  world  to  take  my  part 
but  you,  you,  you." 

Lady  Langbourne  was  affected,  but  she  was  not 
well  pleased.  She  rose  slowly  to  her  feet,  and  said: 

"  Well,  Harriet,  if  all  you  say  is  true,  it  ought  not 
to  be  hard  to  prove  it,  and  I  will  help  you  as  much 
as  I  can.  I  think,  though,  that  we  have  put  our- 
selves in  a  rather  awkward  position  by  coming  here, 
while  Sir  John  and  Mr.  Calstock  are  actually  in  the 
house.  The  matter  is  getting  complicated,  and  I  think 
I'd  better  go." 

She  walked  towards  the  door,  but  Harriet  still 
clung  to  her,  begging  her  forgiveness  for  having 
dragged  her  into  the  affair,  and  again  pleading  the 
loneliness  of  her  own  situation. 

It  was  the  old  lady  who  opened  the  door,  and  as 
soon  as  she  got  outside,  we  heard  the  opening  of  the 
study  door  downstairs,  and  the  voices  of  Sir  John 
and  Gerald  in  the  distance. 

"  It's  Sir  John !     It's  my  husband,"  cried  Harriet. 

Lady  Langbourne  instinctively  stood  back,  but  Har- 
riet pressed  forward  to  the  head  of  the  stairs,  and 
looked  down.  Then  she  turned  dramatically. 

"  It's  my  chance,  my  last  chance,  perhaps,"  she  said 
in  her  most  pathetic  tone.  "  I'll  go  down  at  once  and 
face  them.  I'll  force  them  to  listen  to  me.  I'll  let 
them  know  the  truth,  the  whole  truth." 

And  she  shot  at  me  a  look  that  seemed  as  if  it  would 
scorch  me,  and  glided  down  the  stairs,  reaching  the 
hall  just  as  they  came  out  into  the  light  that  came 
through  the  staircase  window. 


254     THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER 

I  watched  the  meeting,  breathless,  excited,  and  full 
of  vague  fears. 

Harriet,  who  looked  a  sort  of  vision  of  beauty  and 
grace  as  she  glided  downstairs,  dressed  in  pale  gray 
cloth  with  silky  gray  veilings  and  streamers  forming 
a  sort  of  cloud  round  her,  got  to  the  middle  of  the 
floor  of  the  hall,  and  stood  there,  as  Sir  John  and 
Gerald  advanced  from  the  darkness  at  the  end  of 
the  hall. 

They  were  talking  as  they  came,  but  at  the  sight 
of  her  they  both  stopped  short,  and  were  silent. 

Harriet  held  out  her  hands  imploringly. 

"John!  Mr.  Calstock!  You'll  hear  me,  won't 
you  ?  "  she  said. 

Her  voice  was  so  low  and  soft  that  we,  standing  on 
the  landing  above,  could  only  just  hear  it,  and  she 
seemed  as  calm,  as  undisturbed  as  if  her  destiny  had 
not  hung  on  the  result  of  the  interview  she  was  beg- 
ging- 
Harriet  is  never  loud,  or  noisy,  or  violent,  and 

perhaps  that  is  why  no  man  seems  able  to  resist  her. 
Sir  John  and  Gerald  would  much  rather  not  have 
had  to  give  her  the  interview  she  wanted;  that  was 
easy  to  see;  they  turned  towards  each  other  at  the 
same  instant,  but  she  came  a  little  nearer  and  pleaded 
again. 

They  all  spoke  so  low  that  now  we  could  not  even 
hear  what  Harriet  said,  but  we  saw  that  they  were 
all  three  talking  rapidly  and  earnestly.  I  watched, 
with  my  heart  in  my  mouth,  for  I  knew  that  it  would 
be  of  bad  augury  if  the  two  men  were  to  yield  to  her 
wishes. 

Harriet  could  wheedle  a  bird  off  a  bough ! 

I  could  see  that  they  both  hesitated,  and  then  that 
Sir  John  was  going  to  yield. 


THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER     255 

He  turned  towards  the  back  of  the  hall. 

"Very  well.  Come  along  then,"  said  he  im- 
patiently. 

Gerald  still  hung  back  a  little,  and  seemed  to  be 
unwilling  to  follow.  But  Harriet  actually  put  her 
hand  through  his  arm,  and  carried  him  off  with  her 
towards  the  study,  by  the  door  of  which  Sir  John 
was  by  this  time  standing. 

I  drew  back,  bewildered  and  frightened.  Old  Lady 
Langbourne  looked  hard  at  me. 

"  She's  scored  off  you  already,  my  dear,"  she  said 
dryly. 

I  said  nothing.  I  was  feeling  quite  sick  with  fear. 
Harriet  was  clever  enough  to  have  gained  adherents 
in  every  direction,  so  it  seemed  to  me.  She  had 
gained  the  support  of  Lady  Langbourne;  she  had  in- 
duced mamma  to  speak  of  her  with  unmistakable  ad- 
miration; she  had  extorted  a  sort  of  grudging 
admiration  from  papa,  for  he  had  called  her  danger- 
ous. 

Now  she  had  gained  her  heart's  desire,  for  I  knew 
that  she  had  been  trying  in  vain  for  weeks  at  least 
to  obtain  an  interview  with  her  husband. 

And  the  presence  of  Gerald  could  not  be  anything 
but  a  source  of  strength  to  her;  for  even  if  Sir  John 
were  jealous  of  him,  Harriet  was  quite  clever  enough, 
now  that  she  had  both  of  them  together,  to  turn 
every  incident  and  every  word  to  her  own  advantage. 

Lady  Langbourne  was  looking  at  me  steadily. 
Suddenly  she  laid  her  hand  on  my  shoulder,  drew 
me  back  into  the  drawing-room  and  shut  the  door. 

"  Poor  child,  I'm  sorry  for  you,"  she  said  kindly. 
"  For  I'm  sure  you  are  bound  to  come  off  second 
best  in  a  tussle  with  Harriet  Usher.  What  on  earth 
induced  you  to  quarrel  with  her,  my  dear  ?  " 


256    THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER 

I  looked  up  fiercely. 

"  I  haven't  quarreled  with  her,"  I  said.  "  On 
the  contrary,  I  did  all  I  could  for  her,  because  she 
was  my  own  relation.  And  this  is  how  she  rewards 
me  for  what  I've  done.  She  is  doing  her  best  to 
estrange  my  own  husband  from  me,  even  if  she's  not 
done  it  already.  She  is  a  wicked,  wicked  woman, 
and  I'm  very  sorry  for  Sir  John." 

Lady  Langbourne  shrugged  her  shoulders. 

"  Well,  a  tradesman  mustn't  expect  to  have  it  all 
his  own  way  when  he  marries  into  a  good  family," 
she  said. 

"  I  don't  believe  Harriet  would  have  been  faithful 
to  any  husband,"  I  hazarded  boldly. 

Lady  Langbourne  shrugged  her  shoulders. 

"  Perhaps  you're  right,"  said  she.  "  But  at  any 
rate  she's  been  faithful  for  a  very  long  time." 

"To  Sir  John?" 

"  Oh,  no,  not  to  Sir  John,  of  course,"  said  she. 
"How  could  she  be?" 

"  Then  she  shouldn't  have  married  him,"  I  said 
severely. 

"  Ah,  you're  severe,  because  you're  young.  But  tell 
me,  if  Sir  Lionel  — " 

I  interrupted  her  hastily: 

"  I  did  my  best,"  I  said,  "  and  I'm  not  hard  upon 
others.  But  Harriet  is  ungrateful  and  treacherous." 

The  old  lady  nodded. 

"  I  can  forgive  a  great  deal,"  she  said  gently,  "  to 
the  victim  of  a  great  passion." 

I  stared  at  her. 

"  Do  you  mean  that  you  can  forgive  any  treachery, 
any  ingratitude  in  a  woman  who  is  in  love  with  a 
man  who  is  not  her  husband  ?  "  I  demanded. 

"  Oh,  my  dear  child,  how  fond  you  are  of  talking 


THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER     257 

as  if  husbands  and  wives  were  the  only  people  in 
the  world!  Marriage  is  a  social  necessity,  but  it  is 
not  necessarily  a  real  union." 

"  No.  I  see  that  in  some  cases,  Harriet's,  for  in- 
stance, it's  nothing  but  a  safe  beginning,"  I  said. 

"  Very  good,  and  there's  some  truth  in  it.  But 
don't  be  epigrammatic,  child,  or  you  will  never  be 
happy.  With  that  pretty  childlike  little  face  of  yours 
you  shouldn't  cultivate  a  sharp  tongue.  You  can  get 
on  without  it." 

She  held  out  her  hand  to  me,  and  said  good-by, 
and  in  a  few  minutes  she  was  in  her  landau,  and  I 
was  left  alone. 

I  felt  stunned. 

One  painful  interview  had  followed  so  fast  on  the 
heels  of  the  other:  Harriet's  scornful  denials  had 
come  so  quickly  on  the  top  of  Sir  John's  questions; 
and  Lady  Langbourne's  cynical  speeches  had  been  ut- 
tered so  soon  after  Gerald's  cold  greeting,  that  I  was 
bewildered,  confused,  and  sick  with  all  sorts  of  fears. 

I  no  longer  knew  how  I  stood  with  any  one.  Even 
my  own  husband,  though  he  had  been  angry  with 
Sir  John  for  persecuting  me  with  questions,  had  met 
me  without  any  greeting,  and  had  seemed  to  be  more 
occupied  with  Harriet's  affairs  and  those  of  Sir  John, 
than  with  me. 

What  did  it  all  mean? 

Something  was  going  on  of  which  I  knew  nothing, 
something  in  which  they  all  —  Harriet,  her  husband, 
and  Gerald,  were  concerned,  but  in  which  I  had  no 
part,  and  which  they  were  all  apparently  determined 
to  keep  from  me. 

What  was  going  on  downstairs,  in  the  study  where 
they  had  all  three  shut  themselves  in? 

Was  Harriet  justifying  herself  to  them  all,  at  my 


258     THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER 

expense?  Was  she  telling  the  same  story  downstairs 
that  she  had  already  told  to  Lady  Langbourne?  And 
would  Sir  John  and  Gerald  believe  her  if  she  did? 

It  was,  surely,  impossible  that  Gerald  should  take 
her  word  against  mine!  If  I  really  had  reason  to 
be  jealous  of  her,  it  was  inconceivable  that  he  should 
not  know  that  I  was  absolutely  blameless. 

But  had  I  really  reason  to  be  jealous?  I  could 
not  tell.  Gerald's  behavior  has  been  so  strange  lately ; 
he  has  kept  his  own  secrets  so  closely,  shut  me 
out  so  entirely  from  his  confidence,  that  I  feel  alto- 
gether at  sea  where  he  is  concerned. 

His  greeting  hurt  me  dreadfully,  or  rather  his  fail- 
ure to  greet  me.  What  did  it  mean? 

Did  he  suspect  me?  Was  Harriet  clever  enough  to 
deceive  him  as  well  as  her  own  husband? 

I  felt  paralyzed  by  my  misery  when  I  remembered 
that,  at  the  very  moment  when  I  was  tormented  by 
these  fears  and  doubts,  Harriet  herself  was  shut  up 
with  my  husband  and  her  own,  and  was  perhaps  tell- 
ing them  the  story  that  she  had  so  unblushingly  told 
Lady  Langbourne. 

It  was  of  no  use  to  tell  myself  that  Gerald  would 
know  me  better  than  to  believe  her.  I  should  have 
thought  so  myself  a  few  days  ago.  But  the  estrange- 
ment which  has  taken  place  between  Gerald  and  me 
has  grown  so  fast  that  now  I  really  don't  know  what 
his  thoughts  are  on  any  subject  connected  with  either 
Harriet  or  me. 

Why  did  he  go  away?  Why  wouldn't  he  let  me 
know  where  he  was?  And  why  was  Harriet  so  con- 
fident of  her  own  position  that  she  was  able  to  risk 
everything  by  inviting  Lord  Hugh  to  visit  her  at  night 
at  Fouroaks? 

I  walked  up  and  down  the  drawing-room,  wonder- 


THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER     259 

ing  what  was  going  to  happen,  and  whether  I  dared 
go  down  and  ask  admittance  into  the  study. 

It  seemed  to  me  so  dreadful  to  think  that  I  had 
to  remain  helpless  and  tongue-tied  while  this  wicked 
woman  was  certainly  doing  her  best  to  reinstate  her- 
self by  poisoning  the  minds  of  Sir  John  and  Gerald 
against  me! 

Half  a  dozen  times  I  stole  out  of  the  room  and 
went  as  far  as  the  head  of  the  staircase,  only  to 
come  back  again,  too  shy  and  too  despondent  to  take 
the  bold  step  of  going  downstairs  and  confronting 
them  all  together,  as  I  felt  that  it  would  be  best  for 
me  to  do. 

I  seemed  to  have  been  hours  by  myself  when  I 
heard  the  study  door  open,  and  sprang  to  the  balus- 
trade to  look  over  into  the  hall. 

I  could  see  nothing  in  the  darkness  at  the  farther 
end,  where  the  study  door  was,  but  I  heard  Gerald's 
voice  speaking,  and  then  Jackson's,  answering  dis- 
tinctly : 

"  Yes,  sir." 

Then  the  door  closed  and  I  heard  Jackson  coming 
away,  and  I  ran  back  into  the  drawing-room,  with 
my  heart  beating  very  fast,  wondering  what  was  go- 
ing to  happen  next. 

I  heard  Jackson's  step  on  the  stairs,  and  I  guessed 
that  he  was  bringing  a  message  to  me. 

A  few  moments  later  he  came  in,  and  said: 

"  Mr.  Calstock  has  sent  me,  my  lady,  to  ask  if  you 
will  be  good  enough  to  come  to  the  study  for  a  few 
minutes." 

"  Very  well,  Jackson.     Is  he  alone  ?  " 

"  Xo,  my  lady.  Sir  John  and  Lady  Usher  are  with 
him." 

"  Thank  you." 


260     THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER 

Jackson  held  the  door  open  for  me,  so  I  had  to 
go  down  at  once,  though  I  would  rather  have  had 
a  few  minutes  to  myself  first,  to  think  out  what  I 
had  better  do. 

I  was  disturbed  at  the  manner  in  which  I  was  sum- 
moned. Why  did  not  Gerald  come  and  fetch  me  him- 
self, instead  of  sending  a  servant  with  a  message? 
It  seemed  to  me  that  I  could  trace  the  baleful  in- 
fluence of  Harriet  in  this  action,  and  it  made  me 
nervous  and  sick  at  heart. 

Surely  Gerald  must  know  how  trying  a  thing  it  was 
for  me  to  have  to  appear  suddenly  before  the  three 
of  them,  to  be  questioned,  as  if  I  were  a  witness  in 
a  criminal  trial,  or  worse  still,  the  criminal  herself ! 

For  I  felt  by  no  means  sure  what  complexion  Har- 
riet might  have  put  upon  my  own  acts,  while  both 
she  and  her  husband  were  so  evidently  hostile  to  me 
that  I  had  only  Gerald  to  look  to  for  support. 

Would  he  take  my  part  ? 

After  all,  as  I  recognized  now  with  stupefaction, 
it  was  only  a  case  of  my  word  against  hers. 

And  Harriet's  diabolical  cleverness,  which  was  be- 
coming more  and  more  manifest  to  me,  was  pitted 
against  my  own  ignorance  and  carelessness,  which 
now  began  to  look  to  me  like  folly. 

Why  had  I  gone  down  to  Fouroaks  by  myself? 
Surely,  surely  —  and  I  trembled  as  this  thought  came 
into  my  mind  —  it  could  not  be  that  Gerald  had  per- 
mitted me  to  go  away  in  order  to  try  me?  As  the 
hideous  suspicion  suggested  itself  to  me  that  Harriet 
might  have  poisoned  his  mind  against  me,  and  then 
helped  to  set  a  trap  for  me,  I  grew  so  miserable,  so 
frightened,  that  I  had  to  cling  to  the  banisters  for  sup- 
port as  I  went  downstairs ;  and  by  the  time  I  reached 


THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER 

the  study  and  went  in,  I  know  that  I  must  have  looked 
exactly  like  a  guilty  prisoner  as  he  enters  the  dock. 

For  a  moment  or  two  after  I  had  gone  into  the 
study  I  could  scarcely  see.  Dusk  was  coming,  but 
the  electric  light  had  not  yet  been  turned  on. 

It  seemed  to  me  that  the  room  was  full  of  dusky 
figures,  which  looked  awful  in  the  gloom.  There  was 
a  mist  before  my  eyes,  my  limbs  were  trembling,  and 
I  walked  unsteadily. 

There  was  a  dead  silence  in  the  room  as  I  came 
in.  Then  out  of  the  dusk  Gerald's  figure  loomed 
suddenly,  close  to  me,  and  he  put  his  hand  on  my  arm, 
and  said,  quite  gently: 

"  I'm  afraid  this  will  be  trying  for  you,  Cecilia. 
But  Lady  Usher  wished  to  see  you,  in  the  presence 
of  Sir  John,  and  I  thought  it  would  be  best  for  you 
to  know  what  she  has  to  say,  so  that  you  could  either 
support  or  contradict  — " 

Suddenly  Harriet's  voice  rang  out,  not  loud,  but 
clear  and  ringing,  and  at  the  first  sound  of  it  I  came 
wholly  to  myself,  recognizing  the  fact  that  we  two 
were  to  be  pitted  against  each  other,  and  that  I  must 
pull  myself  together  and  make  the  best  fight  I  could. 

I  did  not  know  whether  I  stood  alone,  or  whether 
I  had  an  adherent  even  in  my  own  husband. 

For  although  the  pressure  of  his  hand  on  my  arm 
was  kindly,  and  his  tone  gentle,  there  was  something 
judicial  in  his  manner  which  forced  me  to  recognize 
that  he  was  speaking  to  me,  not  as  a  husband,  not  as 
an  advocate,  but  as  a  man  who  tries  to  be  a  judge,  and 
an  impartial  one. 

It  was  too  cold  to  warm,  to  reassure  me,  though 
the  fact  that  he  spoke  so  carefully,  so  deliberately, 
was  somehow  comforting  too.  I  knew  that  I  was  go- 


262     THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER 

ing  to  tell  the  truth :  surely,  surely  I  might  trust  him, 
apart  from  his  being  my  husband,  to  be  keen-witted 
enough  to  know  the  truth  when  he  heard  it ! 

"  Don't  prompt  her,  Mr.  Calstock !  "  cried  Harriet. 

Gerald  kept  his  hand  on  my  arm,  but  he  turned 
to  her,  and  said : 

"  I  am  not  prompting  her,  Lady  Usher.  But  if 
you  frighten  her  too  much,  she  won't  be  able  to  answer 
you  at  all,  or  to  state  her  case,  which  may  not,  you 
know,  be  the  same  as  your  own." 

Harriet  uttered  a  little  exclamation  which  sounded 
contemptuous,  but  she  said  nothing  more.  And  then 
I,  getting  used  to  the  gloom  and  also  to  my  own  posi- 
tion, was  able  to  distinguish  the  figure  of  Sir  John 
Usher,  standing  in  the  window,  with  his  back  to  us 
all. 

Gerald  led  me  to  a  chair.  All  the  rest  were  stand- 
ing. Harriet  was  leaning  upon  the  back  of  a  large 
arm-chair  on  one  side  of  the  hearthrug;  I  now  found 
myself  seated  exactly  opposite  to  her,  in  another  arm- 
chair. 

Gerald  took  his  place  on  the  hearthrug  between  us, 
with  his  back  to  the  fire. 

"  I  think  perhaps,  Lady  Usher,"  he  said  in  his  low, 
clear  tones,  "  it  will  be  best  if  you  will  give  your  own 
account,  once  more,  of  the  way  in  which  a  misunder- 
standing has  arisen  between  you  and  Lady  Cecilia." 

Harriet  bowed  her  head  in  assent,  and  began  quite 
calmly : 

"  It  began  at  Cowes.  Lady  Langbourne  is  a  most 
charming  hostess,  and  she  gets  the  liveliest  people  she 
can  about  her ;  but  the  society  one  meets  at  her  house 
is  sometimes  what  is  called  '  fast.'  Knowing  this,  and 
knowing  that  my  cousin  Cecilia  had  been  flirting  with 
two  men  who  belong  to  a  rather  fast  set,  I  thought  it 


THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER     263 

my  duty,  as  a  relation  with  much  more  experience  of 
the  world,  to  keep  a  sort  of  watch  over  her,  without 
alarming  her  by  telling  her  I  was  doing  so." 

I  was  so  much  astounded  by  this  speech  that  I 
could  not  have  uttered  a  word  of  contradiction,  even 
if  I  had  wished  to  do  so. 

Of  course,  I  knew  who  the  two  men  were  to  whom 
she  referred,  for  she  must  certainly  mean  Sir  Arnold 
Banbury  and  Lord  Hugh  Hawkhurst.  And,  un- 
luckily, the  adventure  with  the  yacht  which  I  knew 
must  be  her  trump  card,  was  well  known  to  her. 

She  waited  when  she  had  said  this,  but  nobody- 
spoke.  I  was  not  going  to  contradict  anything  until 
I  knew  exactly  how  much  I  had  to  disprove,  if  I  could. 

I  could  hear  Sir  John  moving  restlessly  behind  me, 
but  Gerald  stood  with  his  hands  behind  him,  his  feet 
planted  firmly,  and  his  head  bent,  perfectly  still. 

Suddenly  Harriet  spoke  again,  very  quickly: 

"Can  we  have  a  light,  please?  We  can't  see  each 
other's  face." 

I  looked  up.  In  the  gloom  her  own  face  looked 
just  a  patch  of  white  against  a  dark  background;  but 
I  could  see  those  luminous,  shining  eyes  of  hers  star- 
ing maliciously  at  me. 

Gerald  turned  and  switched  on  the  electric  light, 
which  filled  every  corner  of  the  room,  and  produced 
a  strange,  startling  effect.  For  nobody  had  expected 
the  change  from  darkness  to  light  to  come  so  quickly, 
and  as  I  glanced  quickly  round  me,  I  seemed  to  catch, 
in  that  first  moment,  a  glimpse  into  the  mind  of  each 
person  present,  as  well  as  a  look  at  the  faces. 

Harriet  looked  beautiful,  excited,  wicked;  Gerald 
looked  anxious  in  spite  of  the  studied  calm  which 
he  knows  how  to  affect ;  while  on  the  bluff,  hand- 
some features  of  poor  Sir  John,  I  saw  such  an  ex- 


264     THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER 

pression  of  distress  and  discomfort  as  made  me  sud- 
denly very  sorry  for  him. 

And  then  I  became  aware  that  all  the  other  per- 
sons in  the  room  were  looking  intently  at  me. 

Harriet  went  on : 

"Of  course,  I  knew  that  there  was  no  harm  in 
my  cousin,  but  still  she  was  indiscreet."  I  looked 
up  quickly,  scarcely  able  to  refrain  from  interrupting 
her ;  for  whose  indiscretion  was  it  that  had  introduced 
me  to  Lord  Hugh  and  his  friend?  But  I  kept  myself 
under  strong  self-control,  and  let  her  go  on :  "  So, 
as  I  say,  I  watched.  And  one  night,  when  all  the 
household  were  supposed  to  be  in  bed,  I  met  her  com- 
ing upstairs  in  her  dressing-gown,  with  a  wrap  round 
her  head,  and  I  asked  her  where  she  had  been,  and 
she  said  she  had  just  come  in  from  the  garden.  She 
seemed  annoyed  at  my  meeting  her,  and  when  I 
pressed  her  to  say  whom  she  had  been  with,  she 
snubbed  me.  So  I  warned  her  that  though  there  was 
no  actual  harm  in  taking  a  midnight  walk  it  was  an 
unwise  thing  to  do,  and  likely  to  set  people  talking. 
Then  she  grew  angry,  and  told  me  there  was  much 
more  harm  in  my  walks  than  in  hers,  or  something  to 
that  effect.  I  forget  the  exact  words  she  used." 

Here  Harriet  paused.  Her  voice  was  always  low, 
but  clear  and  distinct.  She  spoke  deliberately,  and 
with  such  an  air  of  sincerity  that  sometimes  I  be- 
gan to  wonder,  as  I  listened  to  her,  whether  all  this 
fiction  which  she  was  serving  out  to  us  were  not  really 
fact,  and  whether  I  had  not  really  done  and  said 
the  things  she  attributed  to  me,  and  then  forgotten  all 
about  them. 

There  was,  too,  something  so  apparently  frank  and 
fair  in  the  way  she  paused  from  time  to  time,  as  if  to 
give  me  the  opportunity  to  deny  her  statements,  if  I 


THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER     265 

would,  that  I  began  to  feel  cold  all  over  at  the  thought 
of  the  effect  her  words  must  have  upon  other  peo- 
ple, when  it  was  so  strong  upon  myself. 

But  I  would  not  speak,  though  she  seemed  to  bend 
forward,  as  if  to  receive  my  reply  to  all  this  fiction. 

Presently  she  coughed  gently,  and  went  on  again: 

"  You  all  know,  so  it's  of  no  use  for  me  to  affect 
not  to  know  myself,  that  I've  sometimes  been  indiscreet 
myself—" 

She  waited  a  little,  thinking,  I  suppose,  to  entrap 
me  into  an  interruption  of  some  kind;  but  I  said  not 
a  word. 

Then  her  voice  grew  pathetic:  I  never  knew  any 
one  so  well  able  to  manage  her  voice  as  Harriet  is ! 

She  went  on  in  tones  that  would  have  melted  a 
stone : 

"  And  you  know,  too,  how  bitterly  I've  been  made 
to  suffer  for  it.  You  know  how  I've  been  practically 
banished  from  my  children  and  my  home,  how  I've 
been  forced  to  wander  about  from  one  friend's  house 
to  another,  dependent  upon  my  relations  for  kindness 
and  sympathy,  and  utterly  helpless  to  get  myself  out 
of  the  terrible  straits  in  which  I've  been  plunged, 
through  nothing  worse  than  carelessness,  the  careless- 
ness that  comes  of  over-indulgence." 

Harriet  had  now  got  her  chance,  and  she  was  tak- 
ing the  fullest  advantage  of  it.  Sir  John  had  left  the 
window  and  come  forward  into  the  room.  I  could  see 
him  from  where  I  sat,  leaning  against  Gerald's  big 
writing-table,  his  face  flushed,  his  hands  trembling, 
pulling  nervously  at  his  beard. 

How  could  she  ever  have  described  him  as  heart- 
less and  soulless !  It  almost  seemed  to  me,  during  this 
interview,  that  he  was  wearing  his  heart  upon  his 
sleeve. 


266     THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER 

Harriet,  finding  herself  uncontradicted  and  unin- 
terrupted, went  on  in  the  full  flow  of  her  eloquence : 

"  How  could  I  let  my  cousin,  a  woman  much 
younger  than  I,  get  herself  into  the  same  sort  of 
difficulties  that  I  had  fallen  into  myself?  I  myself 
am  innocent  of  any  wrong." 

When  she  said  this,  it  was  curious  to  see  how  we 
all,  with  one  accord,  raised  our  heads  to  look  at  her, 
and  how  meekly  and  yet  firmly  she  met  this  fire  of 
eyes.  She  clasped  her  hands  loosely  over  the  chair- 
back,  and  went  on: 

"  And  I  took  it  for  granted  that  Cecilia  was  too." 

This  was  almost  more  than  I  could  endure.  That 
she  should  compare  herself  with  me,  her  flirtations 
with  mine,  was  too  much.  But  just  as  I  was  opening 
my  mouth  to  speak,  I  happened  to  catch  Gerald's 
eyes  looking  at  me  steadily,  and  upon  the  instant  I 
decided  to  remain  silent,  even  though  I  did  not  quite 
know  what  his  look  at  me  might  mean. 

So  on  went  Harriet  again  with  her  story: 

"  But  innocence  is  not  enough  to  protect  a  woman, 
as  I  have  found  out  to  my  cost." 

She  paused  again,  and  I  could  hear  Sir  John  whist- 
ling to  himself  softly,  and  I  knew  that  he  too  found  it 
hard  to  keep  silent,  so  much  had  he  to  say.  But  he 
was  prudent  too. 

"  So  I  urged  her  to  be  frank  with  me,  and  told 
her  the  sort  of  things  that  get  whispered  about 
pretty  women  who  are  not  discreet.  But  she  would 
not  listen;  she  would  only  gibe  at  me,  and  then  she 
grew  angry,  and  said  that,  if  I  were  to  tell  stories 
about  her,  she  would  tell  some  about  me.  And  she 
asked  me  which  of  the  two  was  the  more  likely  to 
be  believed.  I  couldn't  wrangle  with  her,  and  I  was 


THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER     26*V 

growing  angry  myself.  So  I  left  her,  and  she  went 
back  to  her  own  room,  I  suppose." 

The  last  two  words  Harriet  let  slip  out  so  very 
softly,  but  with  so  much  cunning  suggestiveness,  that 
I  could  see  the  veins  suddenly  start  out  on  the  fore- 
head of  Gerald,  and  his  hands  clench. 

There  was  quite  a  long  silence,  and  then  Sir  John 
spoke,  in  a  hoarse  voice,  and  very  gruffly: 

"  Lady  Cecilia,  what  have  you  to  say  ?  " 

I  looked  up  quickly,  and  my  voice  sounded,  oh, 
so  loud  and  harsh  after  Harriet's  smooth  tones : 

"  I  have  nothing  to  say,  Sir  John." 

He  came  forward,  staring  at  me  intently,  as  if  he 
would  read  my  very  soul. 

"  Do  you  mean,"  he  said,  quite  tremulously,  "  that 
she's  telling  the  truth  ?  " 

"  No,"  said  I  shortly. 

He  looked  at  me  again,  and  I  saw  the  look  of 
excitement,  of  hope,  die  away  from  his  face.  Then 
he  turned  away  quickly,  and  walked  back  to  the  desk 
again.  Harriet,  who  had  stood  quite  calmly  behind 
her  chair,  went  on  again  as  if  nothing  had  interrupted 
her: 

"  Next  day  Cecilia  went  away.  I  had  a  talk  with 
her  first,  but  she  wouldn't  listen  to  me." 

At  this  barefaced  mis-statement  I,  remembering 
how  very  different  that  interview  had  been  from 
what  she  now  implied,  looked  up  at  her  suddenly,  and 
laughed. 

Her  face,  which  had  been  quite  colorless,  grew  pink 
as  our  eyes  met,  but  she  hurried  on : 

"  The  next  thing  I  heard  about  her  was  that  she 
had  got  herself  talked  about  at  Dieppe  by  being  out  all 
night  with  Sir  Arnold  Banbury  on  board  his  yacht.'' 


268     THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER 

That  was  more  than  I  could  bear.  This  artful 
mingling  of  the  truth  with  the  fiction  which  she  had 
so  carefully  prepared,  and  for  which  I  too  ought  to 
have  been  prepared,  threw  me  off  my  guard. 

"  My  mother  was  with  me,"  I  cried.  "  And  you 
know  it.  It's  absurd  to  pretend  you  don't  know  all 
about  that.  Everybody  does." 

Gerald  took  a  step  forward  on  the  rug,  as  if  to 
come  between  us,  or  to  prevent  my  rash  and  head- 
long outburst.  But  he  did  not  say  anything,  and,  in- 
deed, there  was  scarcely  time,  for  Harriet  broke 
into  a  peal  of  well-modulated  and  quite  musical  laugh- 
ter. 

"  Ah !  You  don't  like  to  be  reminded  of  your  own 
indiscretions,  of  course,  though  you  could  reproach 
me  most  cruelly  for  mine,  which  were  no  worse,  after 
all." 

"  I  was  not  indiscreet.     Mamma  — " 

Harriet  waved  her  right  hand  lightly,  with  a  little 
fluttering  gesture,  which  reminded  me  of  mamma  her- 
self. 

"  Oh,  don't  you  think  you  might  leave  that  for 
your  husband  and  Sir  John  to  judge?  If  you  liked 
Sir  Arnold  — " 

"  I  didn't  like  him,  I  don't  like  him." 

Harriet  cut  me  short : 

"If  that's  true,  there's  no  excuse  for  you,"  she  said. 
"  I  admit  I've  flirted,  and  I  admit  I've  cared  for  the 
man  I  flirted  with.  I  confess  it  frankly.  I  know  it 
wasn't  right;  I'm  sorry  I  ever  did  it.  But  it's  true. 
If  you,  as  you  say,  never  cared  for  Sir  Arnold,  why 
did  you  do  such  very  risky  things  for  him?  " 

"  I  haven't  done  risky  things,"  I  cried  passionately. 

Gerald  held  up  a  warning  hand,  and  Harriet  was 
annoyed  at  this  interference,  slight  as  it  was. 


THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER     269 

"  Pray,  Mr.  Calstock,"  she  said  rather  sharply,  "  let 
your  wife  say  what  she  has  to  say.  It  is  only  fair 
that  she  should  be  heard  too  in  her  own  defense." 

"  Defense !  "  I  echoed,  aghast. 

But  the  next  moment  I  realized  that  it  was  true : 
this  was  not,  as  it  ought  to  have  been,  a  question 
of  Harriet's  indiscretion  only:  it  had  come  to  be  a 
question  of  mine  too.  And  all  through  her! 

Harriet  echoed  my  word  in  a  derisive  tone : 

"  Defense,  yes.  You  are  more  to  blame  than  I  was, 
because  you  had  some  one  to  warn  you,  to  look  after 
you,  and  I  had  no  one." 

Sir  John  broke  in  quickly : 

"  You  had  plenty  of  warnings." 

She  turned  to  him,  with  a  sudden  and  most  skillful 
change  to  a  humble,  pleading  tone : 

"  Well,  I've  been  punished,  haven't  I,  for  not  heed- 
ing them  ?  " 

Sir  John  did  not  answer. 

Gerald  now  spoke : 

"  Supposing,  Lady  Usher,"  he  said,  "  we  now  take 
up  the  thread  of  your  narrative?  " 

"  Oh,  yes." 

"  You  saw  your  cousin  again  at  Folkestone,  and  you 
were  good  friends  with  her  there  ?  " 

Harriet  replied  quite  meekly: 

"  Why,  you  know  I  was.  You  were  there  your- 
self, and  you  and  your  wife  were  both  most  kind  to 
me.  I  was  beginning  to  hope  that  you  would  inter- 
cede for  me  with  Sir  John,  and  that  you  would  per- 
suade him  to  forgive  me  if  I  have  been  a  little  indis- 
creet, that  you  would  tell  him  how  anxious  I  was  to 
get  back  home  to  my  darlings  —  and  to  him." 

She  suddenly  bent  her  head,  and  either  was,  or 
pretended  to  be,  too  much  overcome  to  go  on.  Sir 


270     THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER 

John  began  to  speak,  checked  himself,  looked  at  Ger- 
ald, and  not  catching  his  eye,  turned  away  again. 

Gerald's  calm  voice  brought  her  back  to  the  point. 

"  Yes.  You  asked  me  to  intercede  for  you.  You 
promised  to  tell  me  everything." 

"  And  I  did  tell  you  everything,  everything.  I  did 
not  disguise  my  own  weakness,  and  I  let  you  know 
how  deeply  I  was  distressed  and  wounded  by  Sir 
John's  refusal  to  believe  me." 

"  I  have  only  refused  to  believe  what  no  sane  per- 
son could  believe,"  cried  Sir  John,  who,  it  was  easy 
to  see,  found  it  very  hard  to  preserve  an  appearance 
of  calmness  where  he  was  deeply  moved. 

Gerald  interrupted  again. 

"  And  now  to  your  visit  to  Fouroaks." 

Harriet  raised  her  head  again,  and  seemed  conscious 
that  she  had  got  to  the  crisis  of  her  story. 

"  I  went  to  stay  a  day  with  her,  hoping  as  much 
from  her  as  I  did  from  you,"  she  said.  "  But  I  found 
her  very  unwilling  to  let  me  stay  with  her,  though  she 
would  not  say  why." 

Once  more  I  wanted  to  dash  in  with  my  own  version 
of  the  story,  but  again  a  glance  from  Gerald  stopped 
me. 

Harriet  went  on: 

"  I  only  spent  one  night  at  Fouroaks,  and  during 
that  night  —  something  happened." 

There  was  a  dead  silence.  By  this  time,  of  course, 
I  knew  that  she  was  going  to  repeat  the  story  she 
had  told  Lady  Langbourne,  and  I  was  quite  ready 
when  she  said : 

"  I  went  downstairs,  because  I  heard  some  one  get- 
ting into  the  house.  I  found  that  it  was  no  burglar, 
but  some  one  who  had  been  let  in  —  and  out  again  — • 
by  my  cousin  Cecilia." 


THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER 

I  kept  silent. 

After  a  pause  Harriet  ended  her  story : 

"  Xext  morning  I  told  her  I  could  not  stay  any 
longer,  after  what  I  had  seen.  I  had  no  wish  to  be- 
tray her,  but  in  the  position  I  am  in,  exiled  by  my 
own  husband,  I  have  to  be  so  very  careful  that  I  dare 
not  expose  myself  to  scandal.  There,  that's  all.  Let 
her  deny  what  I  have  said,  if  she  likes.  I've  no  doubt 
you  will  believe  her  rather  than  me,  Sir  John,  because 
you  hate  me,  and  you  want  to  get  rid  of  me.  And  so, 
though  you  know  in  your  own  heart  that  I'm  telling 
the  truth,  and  though  my  cousin  can't  disprove  what 
I  say,  I've  no  doubt  you  will  make  a  pretense  of  be- 
lieving that  it  is  she,  and  not  I,  who  is  to  be  believed." 

"  I  wish  to  God  I  could  believe  you ! "  cried  Sir 
John. 

And  even  though  I  knew  that  to  prove  Harriet  to 
be  speaking  the  truth  would  be  ruin  to  me,  my  heart 
went  out  to  him.  For  he  spoke  with  so  much  earnest- 
ness, with  so  much  passion,  that  I  knew  he  must  have 
loved  her  very  deeply. 

Harriet  knew  how  to  strike  while  the  iron  was  hot. 
Leaning  across  the  chair-back  and  clasping  her  hands, 
she  cried,  in  those  deep,  penetrating,  soft  tones  of  hers 
that  move  one  in  spite  of  oneself : 

"  Why  don't  you,  why  don't  you  then  ?  Why  not 
forgive  and  forget?  I've  done  you  no  wrong,  I've 
only  flirted  idly,  and  I'm  sorry  for  it.  I've  been  the 
victim  of  scandal,  that's  all.  Oh,  John,  you  were  al- 
ways generous  and  good.  Won't  you  let  me  go  back 
home?" 

I  could  see  his  face  working  with  intense  excite- 
ment, and  I  knew  that  a  most  pitiful  struggle  was  go- 
ing on  within  him  between  his  sense  of  right  and  the 
love  he  still  must  feel  for  her. 


272     THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER 

It  was  very  strange  that,  although  so  much  of  my 
own  happiness  was  involved  in  this  struggle  which  was 
taking  place  between  them,  I  for  the  moment  almost 
lost  sight  of  my  own  wrongs  and  grievances  against 
her,  so  deeply  was  I  stirred  by  the  crisis  which  had 
come  in  the  lives  of  these  two.  I  was  sorry  for  him, 
beating  his  heart  out  against  the  rock  of  the  selfish 
and  vicious  nature  of  this  woman  whom  he  had  loved 
and  trusted,  and  who  was  ready  to  sacrifice  everything 
and  everybody  to  the  indulgence  of  her  own  vicious 
instincts  and  selfish  interests ! 

I  don't  know  how  it  would  have  ended  but  for  Ger- 
ald. He  took  a  step  forward  and  looked  at  Sir  John, 
who  suddenly  turned  away  and  went  back  to  the  writ- 
ing-table again. 

"  I  think  it  is  only  fair  to  you,  Lady  Usher,"  he 
said  —  and  his  voice  sounded  hard  and  grating  after 
the  passionate  tones  in  which  the  husband  and  wife 
had  been  speaking  — "  that  you  should  know  there  are 
persons  ready  to  come  forward  and  swear  to  certain 
acts  of  yours  which  —  well,  which  do  not  tally  with 
the  story  you  have  just  told  us." 

Harriet  turned  upon  him  quickly.  She  had  sud- 
denly grown  very  pale. 

"  Indeed !  "  she  said  sarcastically.  "  Am  I  to  un- 
derstand then,  that  you  have  been  helping  Sir  John 
to  make  out  a  case  against  me  ?  " 

He  took  her  fiery  sarcasm  quietly. 

"  I  have  certainly  been  helping  Sir  John  to  find 
out  whether  there  is  a  case  against  you,"  he  said 
calmly. 

She  was  silent  a  moment,  and  then  at  last  she  came 
out  from  behind  the  arm-chair.  It  was  the  first  sign 
of  anything  like  weakness,  in  her  case  or  in  her  de- 
meanor, that  she  had  given. 


THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER     273 

"  Pray,  who  are  these  precious  witnesses  ? "  she 
asked  contemptuously. 

There  was  no  answer  for  a  moment,  and  then  she 
asked  rather  anxiously: 

"  Have  you,  Mr.  Calstock,  been  employing  paid  de- 
tectives to  spy  upon  me,  and  to  scrape  together  a 
flimsy  case  out  of  nothing  to  enable  my  husband  to 
get  rid  of  me  ?  " 

"  Of  course  not,"  cried  Sir  John.  "  As  if  I  would 
allow  such  a  thing ! " 

Gerald  answered  quietly: 

"  We  have  employed  no  detectives,  Lady  Usher." 

Her  tone  was  sharper  as  she  asked : 

"  Who  then  are  these  witnesses  ?  Are  you  ashamed 
of  them,  that  you  don't  dare  to  tell  me  their  names  ?  " 

"  One  of  them  is  a  servant  of  Lady  Langbourne's." 

"  A  servant !  " 

Harriet  uttered  the  word  in  the  most  scornful  tone, 
and  laughed. 

"  And  is  it  possible  you  can  take  such  evidence  as 
that  ?  Why,  there  isn't  a  barrister  living  who  wouldn't 
be  ashamed  to  call  such  evidence !  Servants,  indeed ! 
Call  them,  call  them!  Bring  all  the  lying  maids  and 
valets  in  England  to  swear  away  my  reputation!  No 
one  would  believe  them,  and  their  evidence  can  only 
bring  discredit  upon  you !  " 

She  was  much  excited,  and  she  spoke  with  so  much 
vehemence  that  Sir  John  watched  her  with  a  sort 
of  sick  hopefulness  painful  to  see. 

His  appearance  was  from  first  to  last  a  revelation 
to  me.  I  saw  now  how  wrong  I  had  been  to  believe 
Harriet,  and  that  she  was  wholly  to  be  mistrusted. 
She  always  represented  her  husband  as  a  man  ab- 
sorbed in  his  business  and  his  hobbies,  cold  and  in- 
different as  far  as  his  wife  was  concerned.  Now 


THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER 

I  was  learning  the  truth,  and  it  needed  no  words  to 
tell  me  that  he  had  loved  his  wife  very  dearly,  that 
bis  conduct  in  practically  banishing  her  from  his  house 
was  not  the  result  of  indifference,  but  of  passionate 
resentment. 

It  was  clear  that  the  vehemence  with  which  she 
held  her  own  was  having  its  effect  upon  Sir  John,  and 
now  that  she  poured  scorn  upon  the  notion  that  wit- 
nesses against  her  could  be  brought  forward  to  prove 
her  guilt,  I  could  see  him  wavering,  and  watching 
her  as  if  anxious  that  she  might  prove  to  be  innocent 
after  all. 

There  was  a  long  pause  when  she  had  finished  her 
contemptuous  outburst,  and  Sir  John  stood  watching 
her  with  eager  eyes,  evidently  admiring  her,  and  wish- 
ing to  be  persuaded  that  she  was  speaking  the  truth. 

In  spite  of  myself  I  was  fascinated  by  her,  and 
I  watched  her  in  a  sort  of  stupor,  wondering  whether 
she  would  really  succeed  in  persuading  her  own  hus- 
band, if  not  mine  also,  that  she  was  a  deeply  injured 
person,  suffering  for  my  faults. 

I  was  in  a  sort  of  maze,  not  now  feeling  anything 
very  acutely,  too  bewildered  to  reason,  after  the  amaz- 
ing statements  I  had  just  been  listening  to,  and  the 
effect  they  had  had  upon  the  hearers. 

It  was  so  evident  that  she  was  straining  every  nerve 
to  win  her  husband  back  to  her ;  and  it  was  evident 
too  that  she  was  already,  in  a  measure,  succeeding. 

But  what  was  Gerald  thinking? 

It  was  impossible  to  tell.  His  professional  manner 
has  grown  to  be  such  a  secure  armor,  he  wears  it 
so  naturally  and  easily,  and  it  hides  his  real  feelings 
so  completely,  that  even  I,  knowing  him  as  I  do,  and 
used  to  every  look  and  gesture,  found  it  useless  to 


THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER     275 

try  to  detect  any  impression  which  Harriet's  passion- 
ate protests  might  be  making  upon  him. 

I  could  see  that  he  acted  as  a  restraining  influence 
upon  Sir  John;  that  he  checked  him  by  a  warning 
look  or  a  step  forward  when  his  client  would  have 
yielded  to  his  wife's  seductions.  But  that  was  all. 

It  was  due  to  Gerald's  influence  that  Sir  John  did 
not  answer  Harriet's  last  outburst.  Gerald  stepped 
forward,  and  remained  between  husband  and  wife, 
as  if  considering  her  words,  for  some  moments,  during 
which,  as  I  suppose  he  had  foreseen,  the  effect  of 
her  outburst  died  down  a  little. 

I  saw  a  look  of  resentment  flash  out  of  her  hazel 
eyes  at  him  when  at  last  he  spoke : 

"  Servants'  evidence,  Lady  Usher,  has  to  be  taken 
sometimes,"  he  said.  "  Of  course,  there  are  plenty 
of  servants  whose  evidence  is  not  to  be  trusted. 
But  it  is  maligning  a  very  valuable  class  of  the  com- 
munity to  suggest  that  they  never  tell  the  truth.  As 
a  matter  of  fact,  very  few  divorce  suits  could  be 
carried  through  successfully  without  the  evidence  of 
those  people  who  know  most  about  our  domestic  lives ; 
and  a  judge  can  see  as  well  as  most  people  when  he 
is  dealing  with  evidence  which  is  honestly  given,  and 
when  he  is  not." 

Harriet,  who  never  wastes  emotion,  was  by  this 
time  quite  calm  again,  outwardly,  at  any  rate. 

"  Then  I  have  nothing  to  fear,"  she  said  quietly. 
"  As  any  servant  who  says  anything  to  my  discredit 
is  unworthy  of  belief,  no  doubt  the  judge  will  know 
how  to  deal  with  such  evidence." 

"  No  doubt." 

There  was  another  silence,  and  I  saw  that,  calm  as 
she  seemed  to  be,  she  was  really  less  at  ease  than  she 


276     THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER 

looked.  One  of  her  hands  was  fumbling  nervously 
with  the  trinkets  she  wears  dangling  on  a  long  chain. 

She  presently  turned,  with  an  abrupt  movement,  to 
Gerald. 

"  Who  is  it  that  you  have  bribed  to  speak  against 
me  ?  "  she  asked. 

He  did  not  answer.  Sir  John  stepped  forward 
quickly,  and  said  in  a  voice  full  of  suppressed  pas- 
sion: 

"  You  mustn't  insinuate  any  such  thing  as  bribery, 
Harriet.  You  know  better  than  to  think  either  Cal- 
stock  or  myself  capable  of  such  methods." 

She  shrugged  her  shoulders. 

"  I  know  that  there  is  no  one  in  the  world  able 
to  give  true  evidence  against  me,"  she  said  firmly. 
"  So  your  witnesses  must  be  bribed  by  somebody." 

"  It  is  false." 

"  It  is  true." 

Gerald  intervened. 

"  If  Lady  Usher  feels  confident  that  nothing  can 
be  proved,  there  is  no  more  to  be  said  —  at  present," 
said  he. 

Harriet  looked  at  him  out  of  the  corners  of  her 
eyes. 

"  Who  is  this  witness  of  yours  ?  "  she  asked  con- 
temptuously. 

"  Lady  Langbourne's  own  maid  is  one,  and  — 
there  are  two  others." 

Harriet  began  to  look  uncomfortable,  but  she  car- 
ried it  off  with  a  laugh. 

"  Very  well,"  she  said.  "  Then  all  I  have  to  de- 
mand is  that  I  may  be  confronted  with  these  three 
people,  and  allowed  to  ask  them  a  few  questions  — 
not  by  themselves,  but  in  your  presence,  Mr.  Calstock, 
and  in  the  presence  of  my  husband.  Not  one  of 


THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER     277 

them  will  dare  to  persist  in  these  falsehoods  when 
they  have  to  meet  me  to  my  face." 

Sir  John  was  again  walking  up  and  down,  looking 
anxious  and  undecided. 

"  What  do  you  think,  Calstock?  "  I  heard  him  mut- 
ter to  Gerald,  in  a  very  low  voice. 

Harriet  was  watching  Sir  John  intently,  though 
without  appearing  to  do  so.  She  had  drawn  down 
her  veil,  as  if  preparing  to  go,  but  I  could  see  her 
glittering  eyes  turning  to  follow  him  as  he  walked 
restlessly  up  and  down,  carefully  avoiding  that  meet- 
ing of  the  eyes  which  she  on  her  side  was  most  anxious 
to  bring  about. 

I,  on  my  side,  absorbed  in  this  drama  between  hus- 
band and  wife,  was  watching  it  as  if  I  myself  had 
not  been  involved.  Indeed,  I  think,  at  that  time,  I 
scarcely  realized  how  dangerous  and  difficult  my  own 
position  was,  and  how  much  my  own  future  depended 
upon  the  result  of  this  interview  between  Sir  John 
and  Harriet. 

All  I  felt  was  that  she  was  exerting  herself  to  the 
very  utmost  to  make  the  best  possible  use  of  this 
opportunity  that  she  had  gained  so  unexpectedly,  of 
exerting  her  personal  fascination  upon  the  incensed 
husband  who  had  successfully  kept  her  away  from 
him  for  so  long. 

I  could  see  how  much  she  hoped  and  feared:  just 
as  I  could  see  what  Sir  John  was  feeling.  But  Gerald 
remained  the  one  inscrutable  figure. 

"  I  think,"  he  said,  not  answering  Sir  John  in  the 
same  tone,  but  speaking  aloud,  "  that  Lady  Usher  is 
quite  justified  in  asking  to  be  confronted  with  these 
witnesses."  He  turned  to  Harriet.  "  Will  you  make 
an  appointment,  Lady  Usher,  to  meet  them  at  my 
office?" 


278     THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER 

She  hesitated  a  moment  and  then  said: 

"  I  should  like  to  meet  them  now,  and  to  get  it 
over."  She  turned  triumphantly  to  Sir  John :  "  Then 
you  will  see  how  absurd  your  suspicions  of  me  have 
been,  and  the  sort  of  evidence  they  were  founded  on." 

I  noticed  that  I  seemed  to  have  dropped  out  of  the 
matter  altogether,  just  as,  taking  advantage  of  the 
first  opportunity,  I  had  dropped  out  of  the  scene  that 
was  taking  place. 

I  had  gradually  withdrawn  to  the  window,  where 
I  sat  between  the  curtains,  very  still,  and  thankful 
that  they  all  seemed  to  have  forgotten  me. 

"  I'm  afraid  I  can't  summon  them  all  without  some 
sort  of  notice,"  said  Gerald. 

Harriet  laughed   scornfully. 

"  No.  I  should  imagine  it  must  be  necessary  to 
have  time  to  coach  them  all  up  in  their  parts,"  she 
said. 

Gerald  took  no  notice  of  the  sneer. 

Sir  John,  however,  was  not  so  patient. 

"  You  have  no  right  to  bring  such  accusations,"  he 
said. 

Harriet  turned  upon  him  quickly. 

"  You  have  brought  accusations  against  me,"  she 
said. 

They  were  standing  close  together,  and  I  saw  the 
look  of  eager  wistfulness  in  Sir  John's  eyes.  Harriet 
put  out  her  hand  and,  timidly  but  caressingly,  laid  it 
on  his  sleeve. 

"  Won't  you  hear  me  ?  Won't  you  listen  to  me  ?  " 
she  said. 

The  tension  was  growing  acute.  Gradually,  by 
Harriet's  contrivance,  no  doubt,  the  two  had  come 
together,  in  spite  of  Gerald's  careful  efforts  to  keep 
them  apart.  There  they  stood  side  by  side,  Sir  John 


THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER     279 

apparently  scarcely  conscious  of  anything  but  the 
near  presence  of  the  wife  who  was  so  unworthy  of 
him,  but  who  evidently  still  had  the  power  to  move 
him  strongly. 

Knowing  as  I  do  the  wickedness  of  which  Harriet 
is  capable,  the  recklessness  with  which  she  abandoned 
herself  to  her  own  passions,  the  callousness  with  which 
she  has  thrown  the  blame  of  her  own  guilt  upon  me, 
I  found  myself  hoping  with  all  my  heart,  not  only  for 
my  own  sake,  but  for  his,  that  Sir  John  would  not 
yield  to  the  impulse  I  saw  in  his  eyes,  and  take  her 
back  again. 

For  now  I  knew  her  too  well  not  to  be  sure  that  she 
would  treat  him  in  the  same  way  again. 

Sir  John  was  struggling  with  himself.  Harriet  was 
looking  tender,  imploring,  womanly,  most  seductive. 

I  held  my  breath  as  I  waited  for  the  result  of  an 
appeal  which  seemed  irresistible. 

Then,  only  just  in  time,  as  I  was  sure,  Gerald 
stepped  in. 

Speaking  in  a  sharp,  clear,  decided  voice  which 
seemed  to  drop  upon  their  emotional  state  like  cold 
water  upon  red-hot  steel,  he  said: 

"  I  must  remind  you,  Lady  Usher,  that  Sir  John 
has  listened  to  you  —  more  than  once.  He  has  now 
to  listen  to  other  people.  You  may  rely  upon  his 
giving  them  a  fair  hearing,  as  he  has  given  you." 

She  stepped  back  quickly,  and  so  did  Sir  John. 

I  heard  a  sort  of  hiss  from  her  lips,  and  I  saw  Sir 
John  shiver. 

Gerald  did  not  give  either  of  them  time  to  speak, 
for  he  crossed  the  room  rapidly,  and  touched  the 
button  of  the  bell. 

"  I  quite  understand  your  feelings,  Lady  Usher, 
and  that  you  are  anxious  to  have  this  suspense  ended. 


280     THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER, 

Would  you  like  to  go  with  me  to  see  one  of  these 
witnesses  at  once  ?  " 

Harriet  and  Sir  John  both  turned  and  looked  at 
him  in  surprise  at  the  suggestion,  while  I  wondered 
what  he  had  in  his  mind. 

Harriet  demurred  at  first,  but  suddenly  changing 
her  mind,  agreed  to  go  with  him. 

When  Jackson  came  to  answer  the  bell,  Gerald  told 
him  to  call  a  taxi,  and  then  turned  to  Harriet. 

But  she  drew  back  as  he  opened  the  door,  and  said 
quietly : 

"  I've  changed  my  mind,  Mr.  Calstock,  and  I  won't 
go  with  you  to  see  any  of  these  people.  They  must 
be  confronted  with  me  openly,  in  the  presence  of  Sir 
John,  and  you  must  make  an  appointment  for  that 
purpose.  Why  not  send  for  them  to  your  office  to- 
morrow ?  " 

"Very  well,"  said  he. 

She  turned  to  Sir  John,  and  said: 

"  You  will  soon  know  how  unjust  you  have  been 
to  me!" 

He  started,  and  turned  to  look  at  her,  as  she  held 
out  her  hand  imploringly.  He  tried  to  answer,  but 
could  not. 

"  Come,  Lady  Usher,"  said  Gerald.  "  The  cab  is 
here.  Will  you  have  it  ?  " 

She  frowned  at  him,  drawing  herself  up. 

"Yes,"  she  said.  "I  will  have  it."  She  turned 
once  more  to  Sir  John,  but  warned,  I  think,  by  a 
glance  from  Gerald,  he  had  gone  back  to  the  other 
end  of  the  room.  "  Good-by,"  she  said,  in  the  most 
caressing,  pleading  voice  imaginable. 

But  Sir  John  would  not  turn.  He  would  not  even 
answer.  Harriet  turned  away  with  an  impatient 
movement,  while  Gerald  waited  for  her  at  the  door, 


THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER 

Then,  after  one  more  moment's  hesitation,  she  glanced 
up  at  his  face,  and,  with  a  shrug  of  the  shoulders, 
went  out  with  him  into  the  hall,  paying  no  attention 
to  his  remarks  about  the  weather  as  he  escorted  her 
to  her  cab. 

I  think  Sir  John  did  not  notice  that  I  was  in  the 
room.  When  once  this  woman  whom  he  had  pas- 
sionately loved  had  gone  out,  he  could  see  no  one. 

Suddenly  he  threw  himself  into  a  chair  beside  the 
desk,  and  buried  his  head  in  his  hands. 

I  got  up  from  the  chair  where  I  was  hiding,  and 
came  into  the  middle  of  the  room.  I  think  for  a 
moment  I  forgot  the  light  in  which  he  regarded  me, 
and  that  I  was  anxious  only  to  comfort  him  if  I 
could.  I  was  so  sorry  for  him  that  my  heart  ached. 
But  before  I  could  think  of  anything  to  say  he  heard 
me  move,  I  suppose,  for  he  looked  up  quite  suddenly, 
and  then  his  face  changed  and  he  scowled  at  me  as  if 
I  had  been  an  evil  thing. 

The  shock  to  me  was  dreadful.  I  uttered  a  little 
cry,  and  went  quickly  out  of  the  room,  only  just  in 
time  to  save  myself  from  bursting  into  tears. 

The  front  door  was  still  open,  and  I  could  see  the 
taxicab  outside.  Harriet  was  already  seated  in  it, 
and  Gerald  was  standing  with  one  foot  on  the  step. 
They  were  talking  eagerly  and  earnestly,  and  again 
the  jealous  fears  that  I  had  had  about  them  came 
back  to  me  in  their  fullest  force.  I  could  see  that 
she  was  pleading  with  him,  speaking,  as  I  felt  sure, 
though  I  could  not  hear  them  —  in  her  most  caressing, 
gentle  voice,  that  voice  that  makes  fools  of  everybody. 

For  a  moment  I  stood  in  consternation.  I  almost 
felt  that  I  must  run  out  and  put  an  end  to  the  con- 
versation which  was  dealing  stabs  at  my  heart. 

But  of  course  I  dared  not. 


282     THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER 

I  went  upstairs,  very  slowly,  hoping  to  see  Gerald 
return,  so  that  I  might  be  able  to  exchange  just  half 
a  dozen  words  with  him  before  he  could  get  back  to 
the  study  where  his  client  was  still  waiting. 

But  linger  as  I  might,  it  was  of  no  use.  I  had  to 
go  back  to  the  drawing-room;  and  even  when  I  got 
to  the  window  and  looked  out,  it  seemed  quite  a  long 
time  before  he  shut  the  door  and  told  the  driver  to 
go  on. 

Then  I  flew  from  the  window  to  intercept  him  on 
his  way  to  the  study :  but  again  I  was  too  late ;  and  I 
had  to  content  myself  with  going  over  in  my  mind 
what  I  would  say  to  him  as  soon  as  Sir  John  had 
gone  away. 

Now  that  the  excitement  of  that  dreadful  scene 
in  the  study  was  over  and  I  had  time  to  think  about 
it  all,  the  sort  of  stupor  in  which  I  had  sat  and  listened 
gave  place  to  a  feeling  of  intense  uneasiness. 

I  was  mad  with  impatience  to  see  Gerald  by  him- 
self, and  to  learn  what  his  real  thoughts  and  feelings 
were. 

I  could  not  for  a  moment  think  that  he  would 
believe  the  awful  things  that  Harriet  had  said  of 
me.  It  seemed  too  preposterous  that  he,  who  had 
loved  me  and  known  me  so  well,  should  credit  such 
horrible  falsehoods  uttered  by  a  woman  whom  he 
knew  to  be  guilty,  reckless,  and  unprincipled. 

But  yet  I  could  not  feel  comfortable,  remembering 
how  quietly  he  had  let  her  speak,  and  then  how  con- 
fidentially he  had  appeared  to  converse  with  her  as 
soon  as  they  got  out  of  the  study. 

Had  she  succeeded  in  estranging  me  from  my  hus- 
band completely?  He  had  certainly  allowed  her  to 
say  the  most  infamous  things  about  me  without  the 
least  attempt  to  check  or  to  contradict  her. 


THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER     283 

At  the  time  I  had  been  willing  to  think  that  this 
was  part  of  his  policy,  and  that  he  meant  to  let  her 
go  on  confidently  until  she  ended  by  betraying  herself. 
But  nothing  of  the  sort  had  happened,  and  the  last 
glimpse  I  had  of  them  showed  them  to  be  appar- 
ently on  the  best  of  terms. 

It  was  about  ten  minutes  later  when  I  heard  sounds 
of  voices  and  footsteps,  and  the  opening  and  shutting 
of  doors  downstairs,  and  I  waited  eagerly  for  the 
moment  when,  his  client  disposed  of,  I  should  be  able 
to  have  that  long  talk  with  Gerald  which  was  to  make 
all  clear,  or  at  least  to  let  me  know  how  I  stood,  and 
whether  Harriet  had  really  alienated  his  affections 
from  me. 

I  heard  the  front  door  open  and  shut,  but  I  did  not 
hear  Gerald's  footsteps  in  the  hall,  or  coming  up  the 
stairs. 

With  a  sinking  heart  I  waited,  and  waited,  until  at 
last  I  went  downstairs,  unable  to  restrain  my  impa- 
tience any  longer.  Jackson  was  coming  out  of  the 
study  with  a  note  which  he  put  on  a  salver  and  brought 
to  me.  It  was  addressed  to  me  in  Gerald's  hand- 
writing, and  I  opened  it  with  a  fearful  foreboding. 

The  letter  was  very  short. 

"  My  dearest  Cecilia, 

"  I  shall  be  away  to-night,  on  business,  but  will 
try  to  be  back  in  time  for  dinner  to-morrow  evening. 
"  Your  affectionate  husband, 

"  G." 

It  was  one  of  the  most  cruel  blows  I  have  ever 
received.  In  the  dreadful  days  of  my  marriage  to 
Sir  Lionel  Eberhard  nothing  ever  stung  me  as  much 
as  these  things  do  now.  For  then  I  didn't  care  so 
much  as  I  do  now. 


284    THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER 

As  I  looked  at  the  letter  I  felt  as  if  I  had  been 
struck  dead;  there  is  no  other  word  which  can  de- 
scribe the  intense  horror  and  the  sort  of  numbness 
which  seized  me,  and  kept  me  rooted  to  the  floor. 

But  that  feeling  soon  passed  away,  and  for  the 
first  time  since  I  married  Gerald  I  felt  as  if  I  hated 
him. 

How  can  he  have  the  heart  to  treat  me  like  this, 
when  I  love  him  so,  and  when  he  pretends  that  he 
loves  me?  It  is  worse,  ever  so  much  worse,  than 
being  treated  badly  by  a  man  for  whom  one  doesn't 
care! 

If  he  must  go  away  "  on  business  "  why  not,  at 
least,  let  me  know  something  about  it?  I  would 
keep  his  secrets,  he  knows  me  well  enough  to  be  sure 
of  that.  But  to  leave  me  like  this,  when  he  must 
know  that,  after  the  awful  scene  I  went  through 
to-day,  I  am  mad  with  anxiety  to  talk  to  him  about 
it!  It  is  too  cruel,  too  maddening! 

When  husbands  treat  their  wives  like  this,  is  it 
surprising  when  they  find  them  flirting  with  other 
men?  This  letter  seems  to  have  turned  every  tender 
feeling  I  had  for  him  into  something  bitter  and  hard. 
I  don't  think  I  can  ever  feel  towards  him  again  as  I 
used  to  feel. 

To  leave  me  after  the  things  I  had  to  hear  Harriet 
say!  When  he  had  time,  too,  to  spare  to  chat  with 
her  at  the  cab  door!  With  her,  the  woman  who  had 
just  been  defaming  me  so  shamefully! 

I  did  not  cry:  I  did  not  ask  any  questions  of 
Jackson,  who  was  waiting  to  know  whether  I  had 
any  orders  to  give  him.  I  just  read  the  letter,  folded 
it  carefully  and  put  it  in  my  pocket  and  then  told  the 
man  that  neither  Mr.  Calstock  nor  I  would  dine  at 
home  to-night. 


THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER     285 

And  then  I  went  upstairs  and  rang  for  Lindsay,  and 
dressed  for  dinner. 

I  dressed  ever  so  carefully  too,  choosing  my  gown 
and  my  ornaments,  and  putting  on  my  prettiest  rings. 
Lindsay  was  watching  me  curiously  in  the  mirror  as 
she  did  my  hair,  and  then  I  noticed,  for  the  first  time, 
how  altered  I  looked.  My  lips  were  pinched  tightly 
together,  and  there  was  a  bright  red  spot,  as  if  I  had 
been  painted,  in  the  middle  of  each  of  my  cheeks. 
My  eyes,  too,  were  bright  and  burning,  and  altogether 
I  looked  absolutely  unlike  the  little  Cis  I  knew. 

Indeed  little  Cis  is  beginning  to  undergo  a  trans- 
formation, and  to  find  out  why  it  is  that  the  married 
women  she  knows  are  not  the  contented,  happy  crea- 
tures she  had  always  imagined  that  they  ought  to  be. 

If,  when  one  marries  the  man  of  one's  heart,  one 
is  rewarded  by  being  subjected  to  all  that  I  have 
suffered  during  the  past  few  weeks,  one  can't  help 
thinking  there  is  something,  after  all,  in  the  creed  of 
people  like  Lady  Langbourne,  the  people  one  had 
thought  oneself  able  to  despise! 

Presently  Lindsay  asked  me  if  I  was  going  to  dine 
with  Lady  Rushbury.  I  said  "  No,"  and  then  she 
went  on  brushing  my  hair  without  speaking,  but  I 
saw  in  the  glass  that  there  was  quite  a  frightened 
look  on  her  face. 

When  I  was  ready  I  called  for  my  pale  blue  cloak 
with  the  ermine  lining,  and  then  I  noticed  that  Lindsay 
fumbled  about  instead  of  bringing  it. 

"Make  haste.  Why  are  you  so  long?"  I  said 
sharply. 

She  opened  the  wardrobe  and  brought  the  cloak 
and  helped  me  on  with  it,  and  then  I  saw  that  she 
was  crying. 

"What's  the  matter,  Lindsay?"  I  said. 


286     THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER 

"  Nothing,  my  lady." 

"  There  is  something.  You  are  crying.  Have  you 
got  toothache  again  ?  " 

Lindsay  wiped  her  eyes. 

"  No,  my  lady.  If  I  must  tell  you,  I  can't  bear  to 
see  you  look  so." 

"  Look  how  ?  "  I  asked,  trying  not  to  show  that  I 
was  touched,  as  I  couldn't  help  being,  by  the  tone  of 
her  voice. 

"  My  lady,  I  wish  you  would  stay  at  home  to-night, 
and  let  me  wire  to  Lady  Rushbury  to  come  and  spend 
the  evening  with  you,"  she  said  suddenly. 

"Why?  "I  asked  sharply. 

She  hesitated  a  minute,  and  then  said: 

"  Because  I  don't  think  you're  well,  my  lady,  and 
because  I  think,  if  you  go  out  to-night,  you  may  very 
likely  —  catch  cold." 

Something  in  the  tone  of  her  voice  struck  me  with 
an  odd  sort  of  chill.  She  seemed  afraid  of  something, 
but  anxious  not  to  let  me  guess  what  it  was  that 
caused  her  fear.  I  laughed  at  her  suggestion,  and 
told  her  to  call  a  taxi  for  me. 

"  Won't  you  have  the  car,  my  lady  ?  "  said  she. 

But  I  didn't  want  the  car,  and  I  repeated  my  order, 
and  she  went  slowly  downstairs.  When  I  looked  at 
myself  again  in  the  cheval  glass  I  began  to  understand 
what  made  her  so  nervous.  There  was  a  look  in  my 
eyes  which  I  myself  had  never  seen  in  them  before. 
I  seemed  to  myself  to  look  mad. 

Lindsay  came  downstairs  with  me,  and  insisted  upon 
seeing  me  into  the  taxi  herself,  and  in  taking  the 
direction  to  the  driver. 

I  named  that  one  of  papa's  clubs  where  I  knew  I 
was  most  likely  to  find  him,  and  Lindsay  repeated  it. 


THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER     287 

Then  she  gave  me  a  long,  kind,  motherly  look  and 
stood  back  while  I  drove  away. 

Lindsay  is  a  woman  herself,  and  she  is  clever 
enough  to  know  when  there  is  something  wrong,  and 
good  enough  to  be  sorry ! 

And  that  look  of  hers  into  my  face  did  me  good. 

Oh,  God,  but  I  was  heartsore  and  miserable  beyond 
belief  as  I  stopped  at  the  club,  and  sent  in  word  to 
papa  that  I  was  waiting.  But  it  was  of  no  use.  The 
message  that  came  back  to  me,  when  I  had  waited 
what  seemed  a  long  time,  was  that  Lord  Rushbury  was 
not  there. 

Just  as  this  message  was  given  to  me,  I  saw  some 
one  stop  short,  coming  down  the  club  steps,  and  raise 
his  hat  to  me. 

It  was  Sir  Arnold  Banbury.  He  came  quickly  to 
the  cab  door. 

"  Lady  Cecilia,  I'm  most  awfully  glad  to  see  you. 
It  was  you,  I  suppose,  who  sent  in  to  inquire  for 
Lord  Rushbury?" 

"  Yes,"  said  I. 

"  What  a  shame  not  to  keep  his  appointment ! " 

"  I  had  no  appointment.  I  came  here  for  him  on 
the  chance.  Do  you,  by  any  chance,  know  where  he 
is?" 

"  I  fancy  he's  at  Newmarket.  But  if  you  don't 
mind  waiting  a  few  minutes  I'll  go  and  try  to  find 
out." 

"  Thank  you.     It's  very  good  of  you." 

He  ran  up  the  steps  again,  while  I  waited,  sitting 
back  in  the  cab,  not  quite  knowing  whether  I  was 
glad  to  have  met  some  one  who  would  not  mind  how 
much  trouble  he  took  on  my  account,  or  whether  I 
was  —  sorry. 


288     THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER 

It  was  quite  ten  minutes  before  he  came  out  again, 
and  then  he  was  full  of  apologies  for  having  kept  me 
waiting.  He  had  ransacked  the  club,  and  got  himself 
sworn  at  half  a  dozen  times,  he  told  me,  in  the  en- 
deavor to  procure  me  information.  But  the  news  he 
brought  was  disappointing :  Papa  was  at  Newmarket. 

I  thanked  him,  and  I  suppose  he  saw  that  I  was 
worried.  He  looked  at  me  very  eagerly,  and  said: 

"  Isn't  there  anything  I  can  do  for  you,  Lady 
Cecilia?" 

I  shook  my  head. 

But  he  persisted. 

"  Surely,  surely  there's  something  I  can  do !  What 
did  you  want  with  Lord  Rushbury?  Isn't  it  some- 
thing that  I  can  do  instead?" 

I  hesitated.  A  reckless  feeling  of  unrest  was  upon 
me,  which  made  me  feel  as  if  I  could  not  go  back 
alone  to  be  miserable  all  by  myself.  I  felt  a  strong 
resentment  against  Gerald,  who  had  deserted  me  like 
this,  without  a  word  of  explanation  or  kindness.  Why 
should  I  sit  at  home  torturing  myself,  while  he  was 
engaged  with  clients  who  seemed  to  him  so  much  more 
important  than  his  own  wife? 

"  I  wanted  him  to  —  to  take  me  out  to  dinner,"  I 
said,  with  a  sort  of  defiance  in  my  heart. 

Sir  Arnold  beamed  with  delight  and  eagerness. 

"  Won't  I  do  as  well  ?  Oh,  Lady  Cecilia,  do  let  me 
take  you  to  dine  somewhere!  Wherever  you  like! 
The  Carlton,  the  Savoy  —  Prince's — " 

"  I  don't  like  to  trouble  you,"  I  said. 

I  had  to  force  myself  to  say  it,  and  my  voice 
trembled  as  I  said  the  words.  I  was  quite  conscious 
of  what  I  was  doing,  but  I  felt  as  if  I  must  do  some- 
thing reckless,  silly,  unwise.  I  had  been  tortured  and 


THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER     289 

insulted,  without  a  word  being  said  in  my  defense. 
Knowing  as  I  did  that  what  I  was  now  contemplating 
was  the  very  worst  thing  in  the  world  to  do,  the 
thing  most  likely  to  make  people  believe  all  the  scan- 
dalous lies  Harriet  had  told  about  me,  I  felt  as  if  it  was 
the  only  relief  possible  to  the  tension  of  my  nerves. 

"  Trouble !  Oh,  Lady  Cecilia,  you  know  there's 
nothing  in  the  world  would  give  me  half  so  much 
pleasure." 

"  Oh,  I  assure  you  you  won't  find  any  pleasure  in 
it!  I've  been  teased  and  worried  all  day  long,  and 
I'm  so  cross  that  I  shall  be  the  dullest  and  most  dis- 
agreeable person  in  the  world !  " 

He  bent  his  head  to  look  into  my  face. 

"  Not  to  me,"  he  whispered.     "  Do  say  yes." 

I  had  practically  said  it  already,  and  he  jumped 
into  the  cab,  after  directing  the  driver  to  the  Savoy. 

I  suppose  that  any  one  who  saw  me  there  as  we 
sat  at  dinner  would  have  thought  I  was  enjoying 
myself  very  much;  for  I  talked  very  fast,  though  I 
don't  remember  a  word  I  said,  and  I  laughed  a  good 
deal,  and  I  let  Sir  Arnold  pay  me  a  great  many  stupid 
compliments,  which  I  derided  even  as  he  made  them. 

I  caught  sight  of  two  or  three  faces  I  knew,  and  I 
noted  that  curious  veiled  look  out  of  the  eyes  of  the 
men  which  showed  me  what  they  thought. 

But  I  did  not  care.  I  was  maddened  by  the  way  in 
which  I  had  been  treated,  and  nothing  seemed  to 
matter. 

If  Gerald  did  not  care  for  me  any  longer,  why 
should  I  trouble  my  head  about  men's  looks  or  any- 
thing else? 

I  was  conscious  all  the  time  of  a  feeling  of  horrible 
soreness  at  the  way  in  which  destiny  had  treated  me, 


290     THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER 

but  there  was  no  time  to  think,  and  so  I  just  talked, 
and  laughed,  with  a  pain  at  my  heart  which  was  like 
an  open  wound. 

Every  now  and  then,  in  a  pause  in  the  talk,  I  looked 
round  at  the  pretty  women  in  their  handsome  dresses, 
at  the  jewels  they  wore,  at  their  animated  faces,  and 
wondered  whether  any  of  them  were  feeling,  as  I 
was  feeling,  as  if  the  world  had  come  to  an  end  and 
nothing  mattered  any  more. 

It  seemed  so  strange  that  what  was  a  tragedy  to  me 
should  be  happening  in  this  pretty  room,  with  the 
sparkling  glass  and  silver,  and  the  softly  shaded  lights, 
and  amidst  all  the  hum  and  buzz  of  gay  talk  and 
laughter. 

What  was  it?     Tragedy?    Or  comedy? 

When  I  got  that  thought  into  my  head  the  words 
seemed  to  ring  in  my  head  to  a  tune:  Tragedy  — 
Comedy  —  Tragedy  —  Comedy,  so  that  I  could 
scarcely  hear  anything  else. 

And  then  I  wondered  how  it  was  that  a  sane  person, 
such  as  I  suppose  Sir  Arnold  must  be  considered, 
could  talk  to  me  for  an  hour  without  noticing  that 
anything  was  wrong. 

Or  did  he  notice  it,  and  have  the  sense  to  say 
nothing?  I  tried  to  think  this  out  even  while  I  ap- 
peared to  listen  to  the  things  he  was  saying,  and 
every  now  and  then  I  wondered  if  I  was  answering 
all  right.  And  sometimes  I  would  look  round  me, 
wondering  whether  I  had  laughed  loudly,  or  done 
anything  to  attract  attention.  For  it  seemed  impos- 
sible that  I  could  so  thoroughly  have  lost  consciousness 
of  what  was  going  on  around  me  without  giving  some 
sign  of  the  extraordinary  state  of  my  feelings. 

But  nobody  seemed  to  be  taking  any  notice  of  us, 
and  I  presently  began  to  feel  more  sure  of  myself, 


THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER     291 

and  to  leave  off  talking  to  listen,  or  pretend  to  listen, 
which  was  much  easier. 

I  think  the  very  first  thing  that  struck  me  strongly 
enough  for  me  to  remember  it  afterwards  was  when 
Sir  Arnold,  bending  forward  across  the  table,  said,  in 
a  low  voice: 

"  I  can't  bear  to  see  you  looking  so  sad,  Lady 
Cecilia." 

I  tried  to  smile. 

"Do  I  look  sad?"  I  said. 

"  Not  always,  but  you  do  now  and  then,"  he  said 
gently.  "  It  gives  one  a  sort  of  stab  to  see  you  look- 
ing anything  but  bright  and  happy,  you,  who  ought  to 
live  a  life  of  roses,  and  —  and  everything  that's  good 
and  beautiful  and  sweet." 

I  laughed  at  him,  but  I  was  soothed  by  his  sympathy, 
which  was  at  least  sincere. 

"If  that  is  what  I  ought  to  have,"  I  said,  "  I  have 
been  most  badly  treated,  for  certainly  my  experience 
has  been  anything  but  one  of  roses ! " 

He  looked  more  affectionate  than  ever,  and  said,  in 
a  low  voice: 

"  You  have  had  hard  luck.  But  the  luck  will  turn. 
Oh,  yes,  it  will.  I  can  promise  you  that." 

I  shook  my  head. 

"  It  has  given  no  sign,  at  present,  of  any  such  in- 
tention," I  said. 

"  Well,  you  may  take  my  word  for  it.  I  can  foretell 
your  future  better  than  anybody  else,"  said  he,  con- 
fidently. 

"  I  can  only  hope  you  are  a  better  prophet  than  I 
think  you,"  I  said. 

It  was  becoming  more  and  more  difficult  for  me  to 
keep  up  the  tone  of  levity  at  which  we  had  started. 
A  sudden  wave  of  depression  had  passed  over  me  in 


292     THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER 

the  midst  of  all  the  gay  hum  of  talk  and  laughter; 
the  lights  seemed  to  grow  dim,  and  there  darted  into 
my  mind  the  thought  of  what  the  room  would  look 
like  in  two  hours'  time,  when  the  lights  were  out  and 
the  people  all  gone.  I  tried  to  see  it  like  that,  with 
the  bare  tables,  and  the  silence,  and  it  occurred  to 
me  that  it  must  be  like  the  change  of  death. 

Suddenly  I  heard  Sir  Arnold's  voice  again,  and  I 
wondered  whether  he  had  been  talking  all  the  time 
without  my  hearing  him. 

"  Will  you  go  to  a  theater  ?  "  he  said.  "  Do  let  me 
take  you  to  see  one  of  the  musical  shows.  We  shall 
be  in  time  for  the  second  act  at  the  Gaiety  or  Daly's. 
An  awfully  good  show  at  Daly's.  Have  you  seen  it?  " 

But  I  shook  my  head.  It  was  no  instinct  of  discre- 
tion which  made  me  do  so ;  I  seemed  to  have  forgotten 
how  to  care  what  I  did.  But  I  felt  that  I  had  had 
enough  of  other  people's  gayety;  it  had  begun  to 
irritate  me  to  see  merry  faces  and  to  hear  laughter 
around  me. 

"I  think  my  head  aches,"  I  said.  "The  lights 
would  make  it  worse." 

Sir  Arnold  leaned  forward. 

"  Well,  let  us  get  into  a  taxi,"  said  he,  "  and  we 
will  go  a  little  way  —  through  the  parks  —  or  any- 
where to  get  a  breath  of  fresh  air.  The  night  is  quite 
fine,  and  it  isn't  cold." 

Even  then  I  never  gave  my  prudery,  or  my  dis- 
cretion a  thought.  But  I  hesitated.  Should  I  go  with 
him?  I  knew  what  I  was  doing.  I  knew,  too,  that 
I  was  glad  to  have  him  with  me.  He  was  affectionate, 
and  discreet,  and  his  presence  was  soothing.  I  felt 
so  safe  with  him;  it  was  so  unnecessary  to  try  to  be 
anything  but  what  I  chose.  He  was  satisfied  with 
that. 


THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER     293 

Why  can't  one's  own  husband  be  satisfied  too? 

I  was  hesitating,  and  he  pressed  the  point,  ever  so 
cleverly.  He  did  not  say  too  much,  or  too  little:  he 
merely  emphasized  the  fact  that  I  wanted  fresh  air, 
and  that  if  I  took  his  suggestion  I  should  have  it  with- 
out trouble. 

At  last  I  made  up  my  mind  suddenly : 

"  Yes,"  said  I.  "  Let  us  get  out  into  the  open 
air." 

We  rose  and  left  the  room  and  went  out  into  the 
street.  I  was  glad  to  have  got  out  of  the  hot  rooms 
and  to  be  where  I  could  feel  fresh  air  upon  my  face, 
even  if  it  was  rather  cold. 

The  next  moment  there  was  a  taxicab  in  front  of 
us,  the  door  was  being  held  open,  and  I  got  inside. 
It  was  closed. 

"  Tell  the  man  to  open  it,"  I  said. 

Sir  Arnold  hesitated. 

"  Won't  you  catch  cold  ?  "  he  ventured. 

"  No,"  said  I  sharply.  "  I  want  it  open,  open,  so 
that  I  can  have  air,  plenty  of  air." 

I  was  getting  frightened,  not  with  any  feeling  of 
prudence  or  discretion,  but  with  a  consciousness  that 
I  was  not  well,  and  a  fear,  new  to  me,  that  I  might 
faint  or  do  something  foolish  and  unusual  of  that 
kind. 

Sir  Arnold  had  the  cab  opened,  and  gave  the  man 
directions  in  a  voice  too  low  for  me  to  hear.  We 
started,  and  I  was  conscious  of  the  first  really  pleas- 
urable sensation  I  had  felt  that  evening,  as  I  watched 
that  fascinating  dazzling  picture,  of  London  at  night, 
flashing  past  us  as  we  drove  westward. 

Sir  Arnold  did  exactly  the  right  thing.  He  saw,  I 
suppose,  that  I  was  looking  tired  and  overwrought, 
and  he  kept  silence  till  we  had  got  into  Piccadilly, 


294     THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER 

where,  the  trend  of  the  traffic  being  all  the  other  way, 
we  could  go  fast. 

At  last  he  said: 

"  Shall  we  go  out  as  far  as  Richmond  ?  We  shall 
be  there  ih  no  time." 

"  Richmond !  " 

I  echoed  the  word,  with  a  sudden  remembrance  of 
what  this  escapade  would  mean  when  related  by  un- 
sympathetic tongues. 

I  sat  up  and  looked  round  at  him. 

"  No,"  I  said  quickly.  "  I  don't  want  to  go  as 
far  as  that.  We  can  drive  once  round  the  Park  and 
then  you  can  take  me  back  to  Curzon  Street." 

Sir  Arnold  said  nothing  for  a  moment,  but  in  the 
meantime  we  had  passed  the  park  gates  and  I  noticed, 
what  I  might  have  known,  that  they  were  shut,  so 
that  to  go  through  the  Park,  as  I  had  suggested,  was 
out  of  the  question. 

I  turned  to  him  quickly. 

"  We'd  better  go  straight  back  now,"  I  said. 

"  Why  ?  You  are  alone  this  evening,  aren't  you  ? 
If  you  go  back,  you  will  be  depressed  and  miserable. 
I  don't  mean  to  say  that  my  society  is  very  enlivening ; 
but  at  any  rate,  if  I  can  give  you  nothing  else,  I  can 
give  you  —  sympathy." 

He  dropped  his  voice,  and  inclined  his  head  a  little 
nearer  to  mine.  I  said  nothing,  and  I  did  not  move. 
I  saw  what  I  had  brought  upon  myself,  I  saw  the 
look  in  his  eyes  which  I  had  never  seen  in  them 
before,  and  I  was  frightened. 

"  Tell  the  driver  '  Curzon  Street,'  "  I  said  shortly. 

Sir  Arnold  shook  his  head. 

"  Not  yet,"  he  said  in  a  different  voice.  "If  there 
were  some  one  waiting  for  you  there,  some  one  who 
would  be  good  to  you,  I  would  take  you  back  at 


THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER     295 

once.  But  there  isn't,  you  know.  Lady  Cecilia,  you 
are  one  of  the  unhappy  army  of  charming  women 
who  are  what  the  French  call  '  fentmes  incomprises.' 
At  least,  you  think  so  —  you  have  a  right  to  think 
so.  But  have  you  never  considered  that  there  is  al- 
ways sympathy  in  the  world  for  a  beautiful  woman 
who  is  lonely  or  neglected  — " 

"  Neglected !  "  I  interrupted  sharply. 

He  answered  with  fire  which  I  had  not  expected 
in  him,  and  I  realized  the  difference  between  the  man 
who  is  at  your  mercy  and  the  same  man  when  you 
are  at  his. 

"  Yes,"  he  said.  "  I  know  your  secret.  Forgive 
me,  Lady  Cecilia,  for  I  will  keep  it.  You  know  you 
may  depend  upon  me.  I  know  you  have  been  unfairly 
treated,  that  you  have  given  your  heart  without  return. 
Oh,  why  should  we  talk  round  a  fact  which  is  common 
property  ?  " 

I  drew  back,  shuddering. 

"  Common  property ! "  I  echoed,  still  unable  to  col- 
lect my  thoughts. 

"  Well,  if  I  may  dare  to  say  so,  we  all  know  that 
you  are  not  treated  as  you  deserve  to  be  treated,  that 
you  are  not  understood,  not  happy ! " 

"  Who  says  such  things  ?  " 

"  Don't  be  angry.  There  is  no  denying  it,  is  there  ? 
Your  action  to-night  —  forgive  me  for  saying  so  — 
but  is  it  that  of  a  happily  mated  woman?  You  are 
driven  to  find  sympathy  and  kindness  from  your 
father.  That  is  clear.  You  have  been  wounded, 
thrown  back  on  yourself.  Ah,  Lady  Cecilia,  I  can 
read  you  like  a  book.  You  turn  instinctively  to  the 
quarter  where  you  know  you  will  get  admiration,  and 
sympathy,  and  devotion,  and  —  love." 

As  he  said  the  last  word,  the  little  wretch  dared 


296     THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER 

to  seize  my  left  hand,  and  to  hold  it  so  firmly  that  I 
could  not  get  it  away. 

It  seems  incredible  to  me,  now,  that  this  was  the 
very  first  moment  in  which  I  realized  the  folly  of 
what  I  was  doing.  Or  rather,  it  was  the  first  moment 
of  my  understanding  that,  after  all,  I  did  care. 

I  seemed  to  be  waking  suddenly  out  of  a  dream, 
and  to  find  the  reality  worse  than  the  nightmare  I 
was  roused  out  of. 

"  Don't,"  I  said  sharply.  "  Why  don't  you  see  that 
—  that  I'm  —  not  —  like  that  ?  " 

He  dropped  my  hand  and  looked  at  me. 

"  Then  I  don't  understand  you,"  he  said  shortly. 

I  took  courage  directly.  After  all,  I  wasn't  really 
afraid  of  him,  only  of  myself,  and  of  my  madness. 

"  Of  course  you  don't  understand  me,"  I  said.  "  I 
don't  understand  myself.  Why  am  I  behaving  like 
a  madwoman  to-night?  I  can't  tell  you.  Why  am 
I  doing  all  the  things  that  I  think  detestable  in  other 
women?  I  don't  know.  Why  am  I  a  fool?  I  can't 
answer." 

For  a  moment  he  said  nothing.  He  had  sat  back 
in  his  corner,  and  was  looking  at  me  as  if  I  had  been 
transformed  from  a  lamb  to  a  lion  before  his  eyes. 
And  yet  I  was  not  angry,  or  harsh,  or  loud;  I  was 
only  miserable,  and  quite  suddenly  ready  to  show 
him  how  miserable  I  was. 

"  Really,"  he  said  at  last,  "  it's  very,  very  difficult 
to  make  out  what  a  woman  means." 

I  bowed  my  head  in  assent. 

"  I  don't  see  how  it  can  be  anything  but  difficult," 
I  said,  "  when  she  doesn't  know  herself." 

He  relaxed  his  attitude  of  annoyance,  and  seemed 
to  become  simply  interested  and  puzzled. 


THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER     297 

"  I  wish,"  he  said,  "  even  if  it's  difficult,  Lady 
Cecilia,  that  you  would  try  to  explain,"  he  said. 

"  I  will.  I'm  so  miserable  that  I  don't  know  what 
to  do  with  myself,  so  miserable  that,  if  I'd  had  to 
pass  the  evening  by  myself,  I  think  I  should  have 
thrown  myself  out  of  window." 

"  You  have  quarreled  with  your  husband  ?  " 

"  Worse  than  that."  I  stopped :  I  couldn't  go  on. 
His  tone  became  suddenly  different,  kinder,  gentler. 

"Worse?" 

"  Yes.  I  can't  tell  you.  I  can't  explain.  But 
something  has  come  between  us  —  at  least  —  it's  a 
woman,  of  course  —  you  know  who  it  is,  I  think. 
She  has  —  she  has  spoilt  everything,  my  life  —  my 
husband.  Oh,  I  can't  talk  about  it.  I've  gone 
through  such  a  scene  this  afternoon  that  I  feel  broken, 
bruised,  I  feel  mad.  Do  you  see?  I  can't  tell  you 
more  about  it  than  that.  She  says  things  of  me  that 
are  not  true.  And  I  believe  she  has  made  him  believe 
them.  There.  Oh,  if  you  don't  know  all  about  it, 
I  believe  you  can  guess." 

I  had  let  myself  go,  and  spoken  simply  and  stupidly, 
like  a  child.  Somehow  I  felt  that  the  truth  was  so 
awful  that  I  had  only  to  speak  it  for  him  to  be  kind, 
to  be  sorry. 

And  so  he  was.  I  felt  I  loved  the  little  fellow  when 
he  suddenly  slapped  my  hand  quite  smartly,  and  said : 

"  Cheer  up !  We'll  see  what  we  can  do.  I've  been 
rather  let  in,  made  a  fool  of,  haven't  I?  But  I'm 
glad  you  met  me,  very  glad.  Look  here.  I  think  I 
can  help." 

"  Oh,  Sir  Arnold,  you  are  a  dear,"  I  said,  brokenly. 

Although  I  did  not  quite  believe  that  he  could  do 
any  good  for  me,  there  was  something  so  really  honest 


298     THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER 

and  good-natured,  30  just  right  in  the  way  he  was 
behaving,  that  I  felt  thoroughly  ashamed  of  myself 
and  grateful  to  him. 

"  There,"  said  he,  "  that's  worth  anything,  to  hear 
you  speak  like  that.  You're  the  loveliest  woman  in 
the  world,  Lady  Cecilia;  you  must  let  me  have  the 
satisfaction  of  saying  that,  and  if  I  can't  make  you 
happy  myself,  I  must  see  you  happy  somehow." 

Comforted  as  I  was  by  his  tone,  I  knew  that  he  was 
professing  to  have  powers  which  he  did  not  possess. 
But  I  tried  to  smile. 

"  It  has  done  me  good  already,"  I  said,  "  to  find 
you  so  nice.  Will  you  forgive  me  for  —  for  —  oh, 
for  being  such  a  foolish  creature  ?  " 

"  I  won't  make  it  up  with  you,"  he  said,  "  unless 
you  tell  me  something  more.  As  you  say,  I  can  guess 
something.  But  it  will  be  best  for  you  to  let  me  know 
a  little  more.  Will  you  trust  me  with  the  story  of 
this  dreadful  afternoon  ?  " 

I  nodded.  He  knew  enough  already  to  understand, 
with  surprisingly  few  words,  just  how  the  matter 
stood.  He  seemed  greatly  shocked  by  the  story,  and 
could,  I  think,  scarcely  believe  that  I  was  not  exag- 
gerating when  I  told  him  what  Harriet  had  said. 

"  How  could  she  dare  to  stand  up  to  them,"  he  said 
wonderingly,  "  when  all  the  world  knows  so  much  ?  " 

"  She's  going  to  '  bluff '  it,"  I  said,  sobbing. 

He  sat  back,  looking  amazed. 

"  She  has  wonderful  nerve,"  he  said.  "  But  really 
I  don't  think  she  can  hold  to  such  a  story.  And  as 
for  her  accusing  you  —  it's  incredible.  Surely  you 
don't  think  your  husband  believes  her ! " 

"  I  shouldn't  have  thought  it  possible,"  said  I,  with 
the  tears  running  down  my  cheeks,  "  but  I  heard 
her  with  my  own  ears,  and  —  my  husband  —  never 


THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER     299 

said  a  word,  never  contradicted  her.  And  —  and  he 
went  out  with  her,  and  saw  her  off,  and  then  he  drove 
off  with  Sir  John,  without  a  word  to  me,  without  a 
single  word." 

I  had  hard  work  to  control  myself,  and  he  sat 
gently  trying  to  encourage  me,  repeating  that  nobody 
could  believe  her  story  against  mine. 

But  I  stopped  him. 

"  You  are  wrong  there,"  I  said.  "  Among  the  peo- 
ple we  know  —  Lady  Langbourne  and  her  set  —  you 
know  that  she  will  be  believed  rather  than  me.  For 
they  look  upon  her  as  a  normal  person,  and  upon  me 
as  an  abnormal  one,  because  —  because  — "  I  stopped 
short,  rather  ashamed,  in  the  face  of  what  I  had  been 
doing,  to  take  to  myself  the  credit  of  being  different 
from  these  others. 

But  he  took  me  up  very  sweetly. 

"  Because  you  are  wholly  different  from  Lady 
Usher." 

It  was  comforting  to  hear  him  say  so,  though  I 
could  not  quite  feel,  at  the  moment,  that  I  deserved 
it.  I  dried  my  eyes,  however,  and  felt  a  little  soothed. 

Not  for  long,  though.  Now  that  I  was  being 
brought  back  to  myself,  I  began  to  realize  more  plainly 
than  before  what  it  was  that  I  had  done,  and  I  won- 
dered what  would  be  said,  and  how  many  people  had 
seen  me  at  the  Savoy  with  Sir  Arnold. 

"  It's  all  so  dreadful,"  I  said,  whimpering. 

"  By  Jove,  yes,  it's  jolly  hard  lines.  But  it's  not 
so  bad,  I'm  sure,  as  you  think.  Look  here,  Lady 
Cecilia,  I  see  that  you're  fond  of  your  husband,  and 
I'm  sure  it's  impossible  for  any  sane  man  to  have 
the  love  of  such  a  woman  as  you  are  without  appre- 
ciating it.  Listen.  Don't  give  way  as  you  have  done, 
but  wait,  and  hear  what  he  has  to  say  when  he  comes 


300     THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER 

back.  These  lawyer  chaps  are  not  quite  like  other 
men;  they  have  so  many  secrets  to  keep  for  other 
people  that  they  get  into  the  way  of  keeping  their  own, 
I  believe.  So  cheer  up;  and  don't  worry  yourself 
by  thinking  that  Calstock  will  believe  Lady  Usher's 
story  rather  than  yours." 

"  Ah !  "  I  cried.  "  That's  just  the  worst  of  it !  It's 
just  '  Lady  Cecilia's  story  against  Lady  Usher's  story.' 
Don't  you  see  ?  " 

"  But  in  the  one  case  there  are  proofs,"  said  he. 

And  then  I  fancy  he  checked  himself,  as  if  he 
were  on  the  point  of  saying  something  more,  and 
then  changed  his  mind  about  it. 

"  Well,"  said  I,  "  I  wish  I  knew  how  to  get  proofs." 

"  There  are  plenty  of  people  about  who  know  every- 
thing," said  Sir  Arnold. 

"  Oh,  yes,  I  dare  say  there  are,"  said  I.  "  But  they 
are  just  the  people  who  won't  tell." 

"  Why,  of  course.  It's  such  a  difficult  matter  to 
give  away  a  lady !  " 

I  looked  at  him  intently.  I  could  see  that  he  him- 
self must  know  something  important,  but  that  he 
would  not  say  what  it  was. 

I  sighed. 

"  Yes.  You  could  help  me  if  you  would,"  I  said 
plaintively. 

He  shook  his  head. 

"  It's  so  confoundedly  difficult,"  he  said  with  a  sort 
of  abashed  air. 

"Yes,"  said  I.  "It's  so  difficult  for  anybody  to 
tell  the  truth  about  her,  well  as  it  is  known,  that  I 
think  I  shall  find  myself  cut  by  everybody,  and  per- 
haps separated  from  my  own  husband,  just  because  I 
took  her  part  and  tried  to  keep  a  secret  which  it  seems 
everybody  knew  to  be  no  secret." 


THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER     301 

Sir  Arnold  looked  distressed. 

"  By  Jove,"  he  said,  "  we  mustn't  let  it  come  to 
that.  I  shouldn't  mind  so  much,  but  that  you  care 
so  deeply." 

"Of  course  I  do,"  I  said  resentfully.  "  I've  made 
the  great  mistake,  Sir  Arnold,  of  being  fond  of  my 
own  husband." 

"  Well,  that's  a  fault  you'll  soon  grow  out  of  if  he 
doesn't  treat  you  better." 

I  sat  back  again,  tired  out  and  depressed.  After  a 
short  silence,  he  asked : 

"  Can't  Calstock  find  out  how  matters  really  stand  ? 
It  seems  too  absurd  to  suppose  that  an  experienced  so- 
licitor shouldn't  be  able  to  find  tons  of  witnesses  to 
prove  what  everybody  knows." 

I  shook  my  head. 

"  It's  just  because  everybody  does  know  it  that  it's 
so  difficult  to  prove,"  I  said.  "  It's  become  a  sort 
of  society  secret,  and  everybody  is  in  the  conspiracy 
to  keep  it.  It  seems  to  me,"  I  said,  with  a  burst  of 
moral  indignation  which  must  have  sounded  rather 
odd  from  me,  considering  all  the  circumstances,  I 
afterwards  thought,  "  that  there's  a  great  deal  more 
sympathy  for  a  woman  who  is  fond  of  a  man  who 
isn't  her  husband  than  for  one  who  is  fond  of  the 
man  who  is." 

"  By  Jove,  you're  right,  I'm  afraid.  But  cheer  up, 
Lady  Cecilia.  We  may  be  rather  rocky  on  the  moral 
side,  but  we  can't  let  you  suffer  for  your  eccentricity 
in  caring  for  your  husband." 

"  Oh,  you  are  laughing  at  me,  of  course,"  I  whim- 
pered. 

"  On  my  honor  I'm  not.  I  never  felt  so  sorry  for 
any  one  before,  and  I'm  racking  my  brains  to  think 
of  a  way  out  of  this  impasse.  Unluckily,  brains  are 


302     THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER 

not  my  strong  point.  Look  here,  Lady  Cecilia,  you've 
got  a  brain  to  your  hand.  Why  don't  you  get  hold 
of  your  husband,  and  put  it  all  to  him,  from  first  to 
last,  not  hiding  anything?" 

I  began  to  cry  again. 

"  That's  just  what  I  should  have  done,"  I  said,  "  if 
I  had  been  able  to  see  him  to-day.  Now — " 

And  I  broke  down  again. 

Sir  Arnold  went  on  with  energy: 

"  Now,  there's  all  the  more  reason  why  you  should 
be  quite  frank  with  him.  Tell  him  every  blessed 
thing,  from  first  to  last.  And  look  here,  you  don't 
mind  my  advising  you,  do  you  ?  You  won't  think  I'm 
taking  an  infernal  liberty  ?  " 

"  No.     Of  course  I  shan't.     I'm  very  grateful." 

"  Well,  then,  don't  make  the  mistake  nearly  all 
ladies  make  when  they  go  to  a  lawyer  —  even  perhaps 
when  he  is  their  own  husband  —  of  keeping  something 
back.  Tell  him  everything,  everything,  from  first  to 
last." 

I  looked  at  him  shyly. 

"  I  shall  have  to  tell  him  about  you"  I  said. 

He  laughed. 

"  Well,  there  isn't  so  much  to  tell,  is  there  ?  "  And 
he  had  the  audacity  to  spoil  it  all  by  adding,  mis- 
chievously, under  his  breath,  "  Worse  luck !  " 

I  tried  to  look  dignified,  a  poor  attempt,  in  the  cir- 
cumstances. 

"  Thank  you  very  much  for  your  advice,"  I  said. 
"  I  know  it  is  good,  and  I  shall  follow  it." 

"  And  will  you  let  me  know  what  happens  ?  " 

I  hesitated,  and  began  to  feel  frightened  again. 

"  I'm  very  much  afraid,"  I  said,  "  that  nothing  wilt 
happen.  There  will  be  just  an  uneasy  feeling  that 
something  is  wrong,  and  instead  of  its  being  only 


THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER     303 

Sir  John  and  his  wife  who  suffer  from  it,  my  husband 
and  I  will  feel  it  too." 

He  said  nothing,  but  frowned  intently. 

"  You  see,"  I  said,  "  there's  only  one  way  for 
things  to  come  right  for  me;  it's  for  the  truth  to  be 
known  about  some  one  else."  He  nodded.  "  Well, 
the  people  who  would  be  believed  won't  speak,  and 
those  who  will  speak  won't  be  believed." 

"  Who  are  the  people  who  will  speak  ?  " 

"  Servants,"  I  said. 

He  nodded. 

"  Harriet  can  defy  and  deny  where  they  are  con- 
cerned," I  went  on,  "  and  she  will.  Now,  if  you 
please,  let  me  go  back  to  Curzon  Street." 

He  gave  the  direction  to  the  driver,  and  we  drove 
quickly  back,  saying  very  little  all  the  way.  I  had 
long  since  lost  all  that  frenzied  feeling  of  defiance  and 
despair  with  which  I  had  begun  the  evening.  I  was 
worn  out,  sick  at  heart,  and  desperately  alarmed  at 
the  situation  in  which  my  own  folly  had  placed  me. 

Sir  Arnold  saw  this,  and  was  very  kind,  in  the 
nicest  way,  too.  He  did  not  make  me  talk,  and  when 
I  reached  home,  he  was  anxious  to  disappear  before 
the  door  could  be  opened.  But  I  would  not  allow 
that.  I  had  made  up  my  mind  to  be  frank  with 
Gerald  from  first  to  last,  and  I  would  not  have  any 
small  mysteries.  So  I  bade  him  good-by,  and  came 
in,  and  went  straight  up  to  my  own  room. 

Lindsay  looked  horribly  alarmed  when  she  met  me, 
so  I  suppose  I  was  looking  a  wreck,  as  indeed  I  felt. 
But  I  was  so  tired  that,  in  spite  of  all  my  troubles,  I 
fell  asleep  almost  as  soon  as  I  laid  my  head  on  the 
pillow. 

But  this  morning  I  have  been  very,  very  miserable. 
I  was  hoping  I  might  get  a  note  or  a  wire  from 


304     THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER 

Gerald,  but  I  have  had  no  message,  and  I  don't  know 
what  to  think.  I  wish  he  would  come  back  early  and 
get  it  over.  The  suspense  I  am  in  is  dreadful  to  bear, 
and  I  am  afraid  that,  if  he  doesn't  come  back  soon, 
I  shall  lose  my  courage,  and  be  afraid  to  tell  him  every- 
thing. I  have  had  time  to  write  all  this,  and  it  is 
luncheon-time,  but  I  know  I  shan't  be  able  to  eat 
anything. 

What  will  Gerald  say  to  me  ?  When  he  hears  about 
Sir  Arnold  —  and  I  will  tell  him  —  I  must  —  will  he 
think  I  am  really  as  bad  as  Harriet  after  all?  And 
will  he  wonder  which  of  us  two  to  believe? 


CURZON  STREET, 

October 
IT  is  all  over. 

When  Gerald  came  back  last  night,  it  was  dinner- 
time, and  I  was  in  such  a  state  of  terror  and  anxiety 
that  when  I  found  him  grave,  and  stern,  and  abrupt, 
my  heart  failed  me  altogether,  and  I  began  to  think  I 
could  never  tell  him  everything,  as  I  had  intended 
to  do. 

He  said  nothing  to  me  of  any  importance  before 
dinner,  but  just  kissed  me  and  went  away  at  once  to 
dress.  When  I  got  downstairs,  I  found  him  already 
in  the  dining-room,  and  then  we  had  to  talk  about 
nothing  while  Jackson  was  going  in  and  out,  and 
afterwards  Gerald  went  straight  to  his  study. 

By  that  time  I  had  begun  to  feel  as  if  the  confession 
I  had  made  up  my  mind  to  was  too  hard  for  me. 
Gerald  looked  so  strangely  aloof,  and  grave,  and  self- 
absorbed,  that  I  felt  it  would  be  impossible  for  me  to 
tell  all  about  my  folly  of  last  night. 

Still,  I  could  not  make  out  what  he  believed  about 
me  and  Harriet,  but  yet  I  did  not  know  whether  I 
had  hoped  for  or  feared  the  interview  which  would 
have  to  be  got  through. 

Presently  I  heard  Jackson's  step  outside,  not 
Gerald's.  He  brought  a  message,  asking  if  I  would 
go  into  the  study. 

I  felt  as  if  I  could  scarcely  walk,  for  the  next  half- 
hour  would  decide  our  future.  If  it  was  Harriet  who 

305 


306     THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER 

had  got  hold  of  him,  and  estranged  him  from  me,  I 
should  know  the  truth  now. 

When  I  got  to  the  study  Gerald  was  standing  on 
the  hearthrug,  and  I  shut  the  door  and  remained 
standing  a  long  way  from  him. 

"  Sit  down,  Cecilia,"  he  began,  "  I  want  to  talk  to 
you." 

He  wheeled  an  arm-chair  round  so  that  when  I  sat 
down  I  was  face  to  face  with  him,  and  then  he  stood 
back  again,  with  his  hands  behind  him. 

For  a  few  moments,  he  said  nothing  more,  and  I 
could  feel  that  the  muscles  of  my  face  were  quivering, 
and  I  could  not  keep  my  fingers  still. 

"  I  feel,  Cecilia,"  he  began  at  last,  "  that  I  owe  you 
an  apology  for  the  way  in  which  I  had  to  run  away 
yesterday,  after  that  interview  with  Sir  John  and  his 
wife,  which  must  have  been  so  exceedingly  painful 
for  you." 

Though  these  words  sounded  rather  stiff  and  for- 
mal, the  tone  in  which  he  uttered  them  was  so  kind, 
so  affectionate,  that  I  was  suddenly  overcome  by  a 
sense  of  my  own  folly  in  behaving  as  I  had  done  since 
then,  and  by  the  feeling  that  I  had  perhaps  done  more 
to  estrange  him  from  me  than  anybody  else  had  suc- 
ceeded in  doing.  I  struggled  for  a  moment  with  my 
feelings,  and  I  tried  to  speak,  but  my  voice  failed  me, 
and  I  burst  into  a  passion  of  tears  and  sobs. 

Leaning  over  the  arm  of  the  chair  I  cried  as  if  my 
heart  would  break,  and  presently  I  felt  Gerald's  hand 
laid  tenderly  on  my  head. 

"  Don't  cry,  child,  don't  cry,"  said  he  gently.  "  It 
has  been  a  terrible  time  for  both  of  us,  and  unfortu- 
nately I  don't  see  my  way  clear,  even  now.  But  it 
has  been  worse  for  you  than  for  me,  though  I  couldn't 
help  myself.  Will  you  forgive  me,  Cis  ?  " 


THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER     307 

Gerald  so  seldom  calls  me  anything  but  "  Cecilia  " 
that  I  was  touched  by  his  use  of  my  pet  name,  and, 
suddenly  springing  up,  I  threw  myself  into  his  arms. 

"Oh,  Gerald,  Gerald,"  I  cried,  "don't  you  know, 
dear,  what  torture  you've  made  me  suffer?  Don't 
you  know  how  cruel  you've  been  to  me  ?  " 

To  my  surprise,  I  saw  his  face  change  and  a  look 
of  the  deepest  contrition  come  over  his  features. 

"  Yes,  Cis,  I'm  afraid  I  do  know  it,"  he  said.  And 
his  voice  trembled.  "  But  I  couldn't  help  myself. 
I've  had  to  do  the  most  difficult  thing  that  ever  came 
to  me  in  the  whole  course  of  my  professional  experi- 
ence, and  I'm  afraid  it  has  mastered  me  after  all." 

I  was  holding  his  arms,  and  staring  into  his  face. 

"  What  do  you  mean  ?  "  I  asked  in  a  very  hoarse 
voice. 

He  hesitated  a  moment,  and  then  shook  his  head. 

"  I'd  rather  you  didn't  ask  me,  dear,"  he  said  at  last. 

I  saw  his  face  contract,  as  it  were,  and  go  back  into 
the  old  lines,  and  I  knew  that  my  chance  of  learning 
the  truth  was  slipping  away.  But  I  would  not  let  him 
treat  me  like  that:  I  knew  that,  if  once  I  were  to  lose 
this  opportunity  of  learning  all  the  real  story,  just 
while  he  seemed  to  be  in  a  softened  and  indulgent 
mood,  I  should  never  get  it  again.  And,  realizing 
how  much  in  our  lives  depended  upon  what  we  did 
now,  I  held  him  the  more  tightly,  and  spoke  in  a  fierce 
tone,  energetically,  passionately. 

"  You  must  tell  me,  you  must,  you  must,"  I  said. 

But  he  shook  his  head. 

"  I  can't,  Cis,"  he  said.  "  It's  a  rule  with  me  never 
to  talk  about  the  affairs  of  my  clients." 

"  Very  well,  then,"  I  cried.  "If  you  won't  be 
human,  if  you  won't  be  kind,  if  you  prefer  doing  jus- 
tice to  your  clients  to  doing  justice  to  your  wife,  you 


308     THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER 

can't  be  surprised  if  she  has  her  own  secrets  from 
you." 

He  was  startled,  I  could  see.  I  tore  myself  out  of 
his  arms,  when  he  wanted  to  keep  me  firmly,  and 
I  got  behind  the  big  chair  I  had  been  sitting  in,  and  I 
said,  drawing  my  breath  so  sharply  between  the  words 
that  I  think  I  must  have  been  almost  unintelligible : 

"  You've  treated  me  very  badly,  Gerald.  You've  let 
another  woman  tell  the  most  shocking  stories  about 
me,  stories  which  you  knew  were  untrue,  without  con- 
tradicting her.  You  ran  away  from  me,  and  you  saw 
her  into  the  cab,  and  you  stood  talking  to  her,  after 
she'd  done  this,  after  it,  mind !  And  then  you  left  me 
without  one  word.  Well,  I  dare  say  you  are  right  in 
thinking  your  own  affairs,  and  those  of  your  clients, 
more  important  than  me.  But  you've  treated  me 
shockingly.  You've  nearly  broken  my  heart.  And  — 
and  when  —  when  they  tell  you  I've  been  seen  with 
somebody  else  —  with  another  man  —  dining  with  him 
—  driving  with  him  —  a  man  who  is  nice  to  me  and 
who  doesn't  expect  me  to  be  anything  but  a  human 
being  —  well,  you  will  know  it  was  your  treatment 
made  me  do  it !  " 

Gerald  had  seized  the  edge  of  the  writing-table  and 
was  leaning  upon  it,  his  face  like  yellow  wax.  I  was 
shocked  at  the  change  in  him.  He  looked  like  a  dead 
man,  and  when  he  spoke,  his  voice  was  quite  unlike  his. 

"  What  do  you  mean?  It's  not  true !  You !  You ! 
My  proud,  beautiful  Cecilia !  No.  It's  only  a  trick  to 
frighten  me.  God,  it's  only  a  trick,  a  lie!  Tell  me 
it's  a  lie." 

He  leaped  across  the  room,  and,  seizing  my  arm, 
swung  me  away  from  the  chair  and  into  the  middle 
of  the  floor.  But  I  was  not  frightened,  though  he 
looked  dreadful.  I  knew  that  my  chance  had  come 


THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER     309 

with  him:  I  knew  that  I  could  make  him  understand 
and  be  sorry,  once  and  for  all. 

"  Yes,  it's  true,"  I  said,  and  I  opened  my  eyes  wide 
and  looked  into  his.  "  I  went  to  the  club  to  find  papa 
last  night,  because  I  could  not  bear  to  be  alone  after 
the  way  you'd  treated  me.  And  he  wasn't  there,  but 
Sir  Arnold  Banbury  was." 

"  Sir  Arnold  Banbury !     Surely  you  never  — " 

"  Yes,  I  did,  I  did.  I  let  him  take  me  to  the  Savoy 
to  dinner,  and  then  — " 

Gerald  tried  to  ask  a  question,  but  he  could  not. 
His  face  worked  so  convulsively  that  I  thought  he 
would  fall  down  in  a  fit,  and  I  hurried  on : 

"  I  went  for  a  drive  with  him  —  down  Piccadilly 
and  —  and  nearly  as  far  as  Barnes.  And  oh,  Gerald, 
it  was  your  fault,  your  fault.  And  if  —  if  I'd  been  a 
Harriet,  it  would  have  served  you  right." 

He  threw  me  off  and  staggered  into  a  chair.  I 
would  not  be  rebuffed  now,  but  I  took  hold  of  the  arm 
of  the  chair  he  was  sitting  in,  and  I  said : 

"  It  was  your  own  fault,  your  own  fault.  No 
woman  could  suffer  what  I  did  yesterday,  and  —  and 
take  it  quietly.  No  woman  could,  no  woman." 

He  started  to  his  feet,  and  seized  my  arm. 

"  Cecilia,  do  you  mean  that  you  care  for  the  fel- 
low?" 

"  I  won't  answer  that,"  I  said  boldly.  "  I  won't  tell 
you  what  I  feel  for  him.  You  don't  deserve  it." 

He  was  staring  at  me,  right  into  my  eyes.  For  a 
few  moments  I  felt  anxious,  and  felt  that  my  fate  and 
his  were  trembling  in  the  balance.  Then,  suddenly, 
his  face  seemed  to  break  up,  and  he  stretched  out  his 
arms. 

"  God  bless  you,  child,  you  couldn't.  You  couldn't. 
But  you  gave  me  a  fright,  Cis,  indeed  you  did." 


310     THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER 

"And  don't  you  deserve  a  fright?    Oh,  Gerald!" 

"  I'm  afraid  I  do." 

He  tried  to  take  me  into  his  arms,  but  I  wouldn't 
let  him. 

"  No,"  I  said,  "  I  don't  want  to  be  kissed." 

"  Come,  yes,  you  do.     You  want  to  be  forgiven." 

"  No,  no,  I  don't.  I  won't  be  forgiven.  It's  I 
whose  forgiveness  has  to  be  asked,  and  listen,  Gerald, 
I  won't  give  it,  unless  you  tell  me  everything." 

"  My  dear,  professional  secrets  — " 

"  I  don't  care  whether  they're  professional  or  not. 
You  must  tell  me  why  you  went  away,  and  what  you 
did,  and  whether  you  believe  the  truth  about  Harriet. 
You  don't  suppose  I'm  going  to  be  satisfied  with  less, 
now,  do  you,  Gerald  ?  " 

He  was  surprised  at  the  firmness  I  showed,  and 
though  he  tried  to  coax  me,  and  to  soften  me  with 
affectionate  words,  and  attempted  caresses,  I  would 
have  none  of  them,  and  at  last  I  said : 

"  Gerald,  don't  you  think  you  owe  it  to  me  to  tell 
me  all  the  truth  as  you  know  it  ?  " 

He  looked  at  me  very  intently,  and  said : 

"  I  think  I  shall  have  to  make  a  compromise.  Will 
you  confess  that  it  was  you  who  began  this  by  keeping 
secrets  from  me  ?  " 

I  was  taken  aback,  for  under  the  sense  of  my  own 
grievances  I  had  forgotten  this. 

"  Ye  —  es,  I  suppose  I  did.  At  least  —  I  kept  one 
secret ;  I  couldn't  help  myself.  If  you'll  tell  me  what 
you  know,  I'll  tell  you  what  I  do." 

And  I  told  him  the  whole  story  of  the  adventure 
at  Cowes,  of  Harriet's  following  me.  to  Southsea,  and 
making  me  swear  not  to  betray  her,  and  of  my  agree- 
ing, on  condition  that  she  never  offended  again. 

Then,  Gerald  leading  me  on  by  a  question  here  and 


THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER     811 

there,  I  told  all  about  the  night  at  Fouroaks,  and  he 
listened  without  any  comment  at  all.  Then  I  asked 
him  for  his  confidence  in  return. 

And  he  gave  it,  at  last,  without  hesitation. 

"  Since  I  must  tell  you,  you  shall  know  everything 
without  reservation,"  said  he.  "  I  am,  as  you  know 
—  have  been  for  some  time  —  Sir  John  Usher's  prin- 
cipal legal  adviser,  and  it  was  not  only  to  my  interest, 
but  in  accordance  with  my  inclination  that  I  should  do 
my  very  best  to  solve  the  difficulty  he  has  been  in  with 
regard  to  his  wife." 

"  You  mean  —  he  wants  to  divorce  her?  "  I  said. 

"  No.  He  knows  he  has  a  right  to  suspect  her,  but 
he  hasn't  been  able  to  prove  anything  against  her. 
He  is  a  man  of  strong  affections,  but  not  one  of  those 
who  can  forgive  the  worst.  Even  if  he  could,  I  should 
be  sorry  to  see  him  do  so,  for  I  am  convinced  that 
Lady  Usher  is  not  a  woman  who  could  be  trusted, 
even  if  she  were  forgiven  and  taken  back." 

I  bowed  my  head  in  vigorous  assent. 

"  I  knew  when  you  came  back  from  Cowes  that  you 
could  help  me  if  you  would,  knew  that  you  were 
keeping  something  from  me  which  it  was  of  vital  im- 
portance for  me  to  know.  You  can  see  the  difficulty 
in  which  I  found  myself.  How  could  I  wrest  a  secret 
from  you,  when,  by  doing  so,  I  should  have  to  force 
you  to  become  a  witness  in  one  of  the  ugliest  scandals 
of  the  day?  If  you  could  have  proved  that  Sir  John's 
suspicions  of  his  wife  were  justified,  you  would  have 
had  to  give  evidence  in  the  divorce  court,  and  that  is 
an  ordeal  which  I  could  not  call  upon  you  to  face. 
So  I  had  to  try  other  methods.  But  the  worst  of  it 
was  that,  knowing  you  to  be  bound  by  your  promise 
or  oath  to  her,  I  dared  not  tell  you  the  business  upon 
which  I  was  engaged." 


THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER 

A  light  was  breaking  upon  me,  and  I  was  asking 
myself  now  why  this  view  had  never  occurred  to  me 
before.  He  went  on : 

"  I  had  to  avert  your  suspicions  of  what  I  was 
doing  by  every  means  in  my  power.  I  had  to  allow 
you  to  receive  Lady  Usher ;  I  had  to  suffer  her  to  try 
her  arts  upon  me,  and  in  the  course  of  this  process 
I  was  able  to  make  up  my  mind  about  her  in  the  most 
conclusive  manner.  Your  cousin  is,  I  am  sorry  to  say, 
one  of  the  most  depraved  and  nauseating  persons  it 
has  ever  been  my  lot  to  encounter." 

I  was  breathing  more  freely  already. 

"  I  thought  —  I  was  afraid  —  she  was  fascinating 
you !  "  I  gasped. 

"  And  I  had  to  let  you  think  so,  because  the  one 
thing  I  feared  was  that  you  might  get  an  inkling  of 
the  course  I  was  following,  and  that  the  artful  Lady 
Usher  should  worm  the  truth  out  of  you." 

"  Oh,  Gerald !  It's  horrid !  It  was  a  plot  on  your 
part !  And  against  a  woman !  " 

He  seemed  quite  unmoved. 

"  It  was  a  plot  to  rid  a  man  of  one  of  the  most 
worthless  wives  that  ever  brought  a  curse  instead  of 
a  blessing  into  a  man's  household,"  said  he  dryly. 
"  It  was  no  case  of  laying  a  trap  for  an  innocent 
woman.  It  was  for  me  to  hold  my  own  against  the 
wiles  of  a  most  artful  and  vile  creature,  unfit  for 
the  confidence  of  any  woman,  or  of  the  love  of  any 
decent  man." 

"Gerald!" 

He  nodded. 

"  That  is  nothing  but  the  truth." 

"  And  you  didn't  admire  her?  " 

"  In  a  sense  I  admired  her  very  much ;  and  I  under- 
stood the  attraction  she  had  for  poor  Sir  John.  But 


THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER     313 

the  more  I  saw  of  her,  the  more  I  disliked  her,  and 
when  she  tried  her  arts  upon  me,  visiting  me  at  my 
office,  sending  for  me  to  visit  her  at  her  cottage  up 
the  river — " 

"  Ah !  Why  didn't  you  let  me  know  you  visited 
her?" 

"  Because  you  would  have  been  curious,  and  I  could 
not  tell  you  the  truth.  I  had  to  let  her  think  I  was  on 
her  side,  while,  all  the  while,  I  was  acting  solely  in  the 
interests  of  my  client,  Sir  John." 

"  But  that  was  double-faced !  " 

"  Not  at  all.  She  knew  in  what  capacity  I  was  act- 
ing, and  it  was  at  her  own  risk  that  she  tried  to  divert 
me  from  my  duty  to  my  client." 

"  Gerald !     You  frighten  me.    You  are  too  clever !  " 

"  Not  at  all.  She's  too  clever  for  me.  I  got  nothing 
by  my  visits,  though  she  made  me  repeat  them,  always 
with  the  promise  held  out  that  she  would  make  me 
some  confession,  which  she  never  did.  Then  I  went 
down  to  Cowes,  by  Sir  John's  wish,  to  make  inquiries 
myself.  I  could  not  let  you  know  where  I  was,  and 
I  had  to  take  elaborate  precautions  against  your  find- 
ing out ;  for  the  same  reason  as  before." 

"  I  see.  Then  it  was  you  who  found  the  wit- 
nesses? " 

"  Yes." 

"  And  can  they  prove  anything  ?  " 

"  Oh,  yes.  Unfortunately,  however,  Lady  Usher 
has  again  outwitted  us.  She  met  these  people  to-day 
at  my  office,  in  the  presence  of  Sir  John  and  myself. 
But  she  questioned  them  so  cleverly,  she  rubbed  them 
up  the  wrong  way  so  artfully,  she  tripped  them  up 
with  so  much  astuteness,  that  I  believe,  if  we  were  to 
bring  them  into  the  witness  box,  to  swear  to  what  they 
saw,  her  counsel,  instructed  by  her,  would  cause  their 


THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER 

evidence  to  break  down,  or  to  appear  to  break  down, 
which  amounts  to  the  same  thing." 

"  And  what  will  happen  ?  " 

"  I  don't  quite  know  yet.  What  I  dread  the  most 
is  that  he  should  forgive  her;  for  she  is  totally  un- 
worthy of  his  generosity,  and  the  reckless  way  in 
which  she  tried  to  involve  you  in  order  to  shield  her- 
self puts  her  outside  the  pale  of  all  sympathy." 

"  What  does  Sir  John  believe  now  ?  " 

Gerald  frowned. 

"  I  am  sorry  to  say  he  is  inclined  to  believe  her 
against  everybody,  and  even  to  take  her  back." 

I  uttered  a  little  cry. 

"  But  in  that  case  it  means  that  he  must  believe  her 
story  about  me !  " 

"  That's  it  exactly,"  said  Gerald  with  a  frown. 
"  That  is  the  present  position.  Lady  Usher  worked 
upon  his  feelings  yesterday,  as  you  saw.  And,  if  I 
had  not  gone  away  with  him  as  I  did,  and  stayed  with 
him,  I  fancy  she  would  have  succeeded  in  getting  at 
him,  and  in  persuading  him  to  make  it  up.  At  the 
expense  of  a  blow  to  your  reputation  which  it  would 
never  have  recovered  from." 

I  uttered  a  little  cry. 

"  And  what  will  happen  now  ?  "  I  asked  quickly. 

"  I  don't  know.  She  is  guilty,  without  a  doubt : 
she  is  a  wicked,  dangerous  and  venomous  woman, 
unfit  to  be  Sir  John's  wife,  or  the  mother  of  her  own 
children.  But  how  to  bring  her  guilt  home  to  her, 
and  to  convince  Sir  John,  I  don't  for  the  moment 
know.  I  have  worked  hard,  and  at  present  without 
result." 

I  was  overwhelmed  at  the  thought  of  what  this 
would  mean  to  us  both.  I  could  see  the  ugly  scandal 
which  would  hang  over  me  for  ever  if  Harriet  were 


THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER     S15 

to  go  back  to  her  husband.  I  could  see  the  failure  of 
my  husband's  tireless  efforts  to  serve  his  client  in  the 
way  of  bringing  home  to  him  the  truth  about  the 
woman  he  had  married,  the  woman  who,  having 
deceived  him,  was  ready  to  deceive  him  again,  and  to 
blast  the  reputation  of  an  innocent  woman  to  save 
herself. 

We  sat  a  long  time  in  silence,  even  the  knowledge 
that  my  own  fears  about  my  husband  were  ground- 
less failing  to  make  me  happy,  in  the  face  of  his 
depression  and  anxiety. 

And  then,  when  we  were  still  sitting  in  the  study, 
talking  in  whispers  for  a  few  moments,  and  then  drop- 
ping into  silence  for  a  while,  the  unexpected  hap- 
pened. 

Jackson  came  in  with  a  large  envelope  on  a  salver. 
It  had  been  brought  by  a  district  messenger,  he  said, 
and  it  was  directed,  in  a  round,  boyish  handwriting, 
which  neither  of  us  knew,  to  Gerald. 

He  opened  it,  and  then  I  saw  him  stand  for  a  mo- 
ment very  still,  staring  at  something  which  he  had 
taken  out  of  it. 

Then  he  crossed  the  room  quickly,  sat  down  at  his 
desk,  and  began  to  read,  slowly  and  deliberately,  two 
or  three  sheets  of  closely  written  paper,  which  the 
envelope  contained. 

I  didn't  dare  to  speak,  but  something  made  me 
think  this  packet  was  connected  with  the  affair  of 
Sir  John  and  Harriet. 

At  last  he  called  me,  and  I  ran  across  to  his  side. 

"  Cis,"  said  he,  "  I  have  got  what  I  wanted." 

"  What  is  it?  "  I  asked  tremulously. 

"  Three  letters  from  Lady  Usher  to  Lord  Hugh 
Hawkhurst,  which  leave  no  doubt  as  to  their  relation- 
ship. And,  though  they  are  not  dated,  the  postmarks 


316     THE  INDISCRETION  OF  LADY  USHER 

supply  that  omission.  Your  character  will  be  cleared, 
my  child,  when  the  case  comes  on." 

I  looked  at  the  envelope. 

"  But  who  sent  you  the  letters  ?  "  I  asked. 

Gerald  shook  his  head. 

"  I  don't  know,  I'm  not  meant  to  know,  and  I  shall 
not  inquire,"  said  he. 

I  flung  my  arms  round  his  neck. 

By  one  of  those  instincts  which  men  laugh  at,  but 
by  which  we  women  know  things  which  they  have  to 
find  out,  I  was  sure  that,  whether  sent  by  him  or  not, 
the  letters  reached  Gerald's  hands  through  the  instru- 
mentality of  Sir  Arnold  Banbury. 

So  he  really  is  quite  a  dear  after  all,  for  he  has 
fulfilled  his  own  prophecy,  and  I  am  going  to  be  happy 
again ! 

I  thank  him  with  all  my  heart,  and  I  will  never, 
never  keep  a  secret  from  Gerald  again. 

Thank  God  it  is  all  right  between  us  once  more! 
Oh,  thank  God,  thank  God! 

Six  months  after  the  date  of  the  last  entry  in  the 
above  diary  the  case  of  Sir  John  Usher,  with  Lady 
Usher  as  respondent  and  Lord  Hugh  Hawkhurst  as 
co-respondent,  was  heard  in  the  divorce  court,  and 
the  petitioner  obtained  a  decree  nisi. 


THE  END 


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